I'm back! - sort of...

Hi all! Sorry I've been away so long but I'm afraid things didn't work out so well for me in hospital. There was a lot more wrong than was expected and this is the first time I've actually felt up to sitting down with the laptop.

As you know, I went in on the 11th September expecting to just have my gallbladder removed and home again 2 days later. It didn't go quite so smoothly though. I ended up having a lot more done than expected. The Consultant told me that he expected that a lot of my problems (pain, swelling etc) could also be down to adhesions/scar tissue and that he would sort that out during the operation, but apparently, when he opened a great deal more damage was found than was expected. In his own words: "I just wanted to walk away". So, after 5 and 1/2 hours on the operating table, I ended up with my gallbladder gone, hiatus hernia repaired, part of my bowel removed, and a small plastic bottle containing about 30 small gallstones.

John and Mum were really worried as I'd phoned John just before 3.30pm to say I was on my way to theatre any moment and he kept ringing the hospital all evening to be told I was still in recovery (which I wasn't; I was still in theatre) or that there was no news. He didn't receive a call to say that I was in the HDU (High Dependency Unit) until 11.15pm.

I was in hospital for 8 days and am only just begining to feel as though I'm rejoining the human race. I haven't been out anywhere other than a visit to the hospital as I can't drive (and John doesn't) and I'm too afraid to go out walking too far as if I need a toilet (and that's very likely) I need to get there straight away (so no change there!).

I went to the hospital one week after I came home to have the remainder of the 35 stitches removed and Mr Slater (my Consultant) said it would take some time to recover and that I'd been a 'walking time bomb'. My internal organs were all stuck together and I had an incisional hernia coming off from a previous gynae surgery (on the right hand side of my body coming up from a bikini-line scar). My bowel was pushing through the hernia and a portion of it was ischaemic, in other words, had died. This had to be removed.

Sorry to cme back with a bit of a 'downer' of a post, but at least I'm back. And one other good thing - I lost 10lbs in weight in as many days. I've put on about 3 or 4 lbs from just sitting around most the time but at least I reached those elusive 11stone somethings!!!!!

I'm going to look in to see if every one else is still around and 'thank you' Lesley and Mrs for popping in to see me whilst I was away.

Back from Hols......

We had a lovely time in Dublin. It's great when you can catch up with friends and you don't feel as though you've really been apart and can just slot back into the relationship you used to have. Our friends moved over to Ireland 4 years ago (she's Irish, he isn't) and even though Carmel came and stayed with us for a few days last year we hadn't seen Dave since they moved. And Elizabeth got on so well with the girls that we hardly saw them, they were out wandering most of the time (not a thing I would allow her to do here in London!). We did the open-top bus tour of the City - just like real tourists, but didn't 'do' the Guinness factory as we didn't think the girls would like it too much (so next time!). On the Wednesday evening I phoned home to speak to Mum and she said the weather had been cold, windy and extremely wet all day - I really hated to tell her that we had been sitting on a beach in the sun and that, unfortunately, I'd got rather burnt (stupid, I know). It seems as though we took the sun with us to the Emerald Isle.

We really didn't want to come home, and Jane, who's the same age as Liz, wanted us to miss our plane. Sweet!

But back home we came. We walked through the door at 8.30 in the evening, Mum started talking, and she didn't stop until we went to bed!!!!!!! I tell you, for a woman in her late 70's she has much more energy than me!

On Bank Holiday Monday we went to Colchester to visit Bridget and Colin, other friends who moved away about 3 years ago. I know they're only 50 miles away but it's not easy to keep up with people when we don't have many free weekends. Also when I was doing LighterLife and Cambridge earlier this year, I must admit, I became a bit of a recluse. I didn't want to go visting, or have anyone over, as I thought it would be too difficult what with not eating. And then of course, there were the eyes! And the illnesses!! But another successful visit and one we won't leave for another year. Bridget did't mention my weightloss and I had to say something to her in the end (flipping heck!). Her reply was that, yes, I had said that I'd lost weight, but to her, I looked the same as she had always known me (you see, she hadn't seen me at my largest).

I haven't been on here for a while as I haven't actually been using the computer much since we've been home. John has only been back at week for a few days and then there was getting Liz back to school followed on by the 'relief' of being at home alone again, so I've been catching up on other things!!! I've tried to catch up with what's been going on with everyone else, but there has been so much to read (Mrs!!!!) that in the end I had to give up. So, if anything momentous has happened to anyone, please let me know on here.

I'm off to hospital this morning for the gall bladder removal. I've had a few more painful episodes with it so I'll be glad when it's gone - although I'm dreading the operation later today.

I was reading a BUPA factsheet on the Internet about the symptoms of gallstones and it said that the onset can be caused by rapid weightloss......!!!!!?????!!!!!

Well, I'm off now. I hope everyone is doing well. I shall be home in a few days and I'll try to catch up. Don't forget though - if there's anything I've missed.....

Liz & John

 

Me again! So much for saying I wouldn't be on again over the weekend....

John has been setting up the new camera on the computer this evening and found that you could download pictures straight from the Fuji software to blogger. Here's the result. This was taken on Liz's birthday last Sunday.

I just have to learn how to do it now.

Last day at work...for I don't know how long!

I'm only working Saturdays at the moment as I don't tend to work during the school holidays unless a branch is really desperate. It was my last day for sometime now, though. I've already booked the next 3 Saturdays off as I'm not back from Ireland 'til late next Saturday evening and the following week we're off to a family wedding, and the week after that I'll be getting over the 'do' at John's firm. So it was with some trepidation that I told my line manager that I would be off for a few more weeks. But I needn't have worried as she was lovely about it. She knows I've had health issues over the years and is so happy that I've got the chance of getting it all sorted. So, I may not be back at work until the end of September at the best. Monies going to be a little short for the next couple of months - I'll have to get John to do a few more 8.00ams to midnights!!!!! (only joking, if you read this John!).

Everytime I walk through the doors of the office (ie. every Saturday morning) the girls comment anew about the amount of weight I've lost. Admittedly, they're not all in every week, so they don't see me all the time, but sometimes I don't know quite what to say so I just say 'thank you' and get on. This morning though it was also my hair. You see, on a whim I had it all cut off yesterday. It's a shortish bob(just above chin level) - I feel a bit ...bare...at the moment, but it'll be ok once I wash and style it myself.

I have a new camera that I bought a few weeks ago and was going through my memory cards so that I could clear them ready for the holiday and I came across a picture of John and myself in Cornwall last year. It will be a year next Sunday since the photo was taken and we both look .... quite a bit different. Next Sunday, so long as we remember we're going to put the same clothes on and get Lizzie to take a photo of the same pose of us. I'll then, if I'm brave enough, post it so we can all see the difference a year makes!

I'll say bye for now, as I'll be busy tomorrow getting ready for Monday (I must make sure the house is 'fit' for Mum to come and cat-sit!). I'll try and look in if I get a chance to use Carmel's computer, otherwise I'll speak to everyone when I get back. Have a good week, all.

It's coming out.......

......my gall bladder that is. The concensus of opinion is that this is the best option. The surgeon said that if it was just the adhesions he'd leave well alone but as the he suspects the gallstones are the main cause of my problems, and even if they were removed they could still reform in the gall bladder, he feels it would be prudent to remove the gall bladder and deal with the adhesions at the same time. He said the op could be done laparoscopally but it would be much safer to do open surgery. So, there you go! He's on holiday for the next 2 weeks and wanted to fit it in directly he got back on 6th September but I wrangled out of that one as it's only the day after Liz goes back to school and we also have a 'posh do' at John's company on the 7th which we didn't want to miss. So it looks as though I'll go in some time the following week.

I don't know, John's been on at me for ages and ages to get to the doctor's about health problems as he's got the private insurance and my comment to that has always been, 'Do you want me to get ill?' Well, he's getting his money's worth now!!!!

Ok, onto to the diet..... Mr Slater (my new consultant) asked if I needed any help with a fat-free diet. After I stopped laughing, I said, 'No, I think I'm OK on that score'. I'd already explained about how I'd put on all the weight, and how I'd lost it - LighterLife etc., and he was impressed that I'd lost so much weight (as of Wednesday morning.....2stone 10lb....38lb......so I'm getting nearer that 11stone something). He did ask that I not eat any chocolate before the operation - as if I would! And I'm to just have milk in drinks, so out goes my occasional glass of skimmed milk at bedtime - boohoo!

I told him that I was ashamed of having got to the weight I became and asked if I'd caused the gallstones by being overweight. His answer was a definite 'No!'. He said they could be hereditary and asked if any close family members suffered from them - my maternal grandmother (who wasn't overweight). Mum told me later that Dad also had them, but I didn't know about that as, a lot of what was wrong with him we (children), weren't told about - I only knew that what I thought was warts in the bladder was in fact cancer and that he wasn't going to pull through, just 2 weekls before he died.

We also discussed the gynae drug treatments I was on over the years and he said that it can be very, very hard to control your weight whilst taking these, just the same as for people on steroids. All this made me feel a lot less .....atogonistic (?) towards myself as even though I can't blame the drugs completely - I do neeed to take some of the blame, it's as I've suspected all along - total control was out of my hands. On the whole though, I don't feel it lets me off the hook over the amount of weight I've put on over the last 3 or 4 years. But in my defense, since the beginning of this century I've had a hysterectomy (well-known for weight gain afterwards - I know people who've gained 2 or 3 stone), lost my Dad, suffered depression, with the resultant Prosac prescription, and fought a losing battle (until now) with weight.

On the way home from the hospital John said he was going to give me something to read about getting into the right mindset for surgery. It was a piece he'd come across whilst doing research for a book he's writing. One of the comments was, 'Operations are fine, as long as you have the right attitude to them....just treat them as a great adventure.' The gist of this is that, rather than becoming stressed out about an upcoming operation, or procedure, look on it as a new begining. The writer said she couldn't wait to get on the operating table, that the problems she was experiencing were getting worse each day, and that the operation couldn't come quick enough. I think I'll try to keep this in mind. Maybe, by this time next year, I'll be a completely new woman. New weight, no pains, no bloated abdomen....new shape. Can't wait!!!

Put on a 1/2lb

Ok, I did say the other day that I'd be upset if I put on but, actually, I'm not worried about this tiny gain. I knew I definitely wouldn't lose. At my guess of 59 Syns for the 'fatty meal' and then 3 celebratory meals out, it's a wonder it was only 1/2lb. So I'm happy.

I'm not sure how well I'll do the next couple of weeks. I won't be going for weigh-in next Tuesday as we're off to Dublin on Monday to stay with friends for a few days. I shall continue with my 'conscious' eating and shall try to stick to the programme as much as I can but as we're staying at someone's house I don't want to make it awkward for her on the cooking front. Carmel has seen me do Slimming World before so she'll understand if I pick and choose with the food. It'll probably be easier when we eat out because I’ll have more choices to make. I would still like to lose at least 2lbs during the next 2 weeks: that 11stone something is still being elusive…….

Lizzie and I popped into work today to open a new account with her birthday money. She's had an account in the past but that was in my name for her, but she's now going to get her own cashcard, so she feels quite grown up. There you go, another step into independence - I'm getting redundant!

I’m off to the hospital this afternoon for the results of my ultrasound last Thursday. I’m quite nervous about it. I don’t know why really. It’s just that the medication I’ve been given doesn’t appear to be working and I’m not sure what else they can do. The blood test last week showed that my liver reading was a high (?) and that’s the reason the Consultant wanted to do the gall bladder function test. The only other reason the reading would be high would be through indulging in too much alcohol (which I don’t), so I’m not sure what the result will be. Well, only another hour until I find out.

....I found out.

Dr Ashraf recommends surgery. To remove the gall bladder and adhesions (of which my abdomen and bowel area are riddled with - mainly because of earlier gynae problems). I have another appointment tomorrow evening to see the surgeon. Blimey! - Quick, or what? John's coming with me this time as I need another ear and another brain to make the decision on whether to go ahead or not. I thought I'd finished with surgery, but it just goes to show what can happen when you have 'the three f's' - female, fat and forty, or in my case 'over forty'. I know I was classed as obese at 14stone 11lb and 5'5" in February, but I could have been a lot heavier. It just goes to show what can happen to your health when control of your weight gets out of hand. I will admit that Dr Ashraf hasn't actually blamed my weight as a contributory factor,bt of course I'm a lot lighter now. But I blame it and I feel rather ashamed that things have gone so far.

I'll update again once I see the doctor tomorrow. A great thing to have on my mind on holiday next week.....

Liz's birthday

We've had a lovely day today. Elizabeth was up before 7 this morning getting herself ready for HER day. I heard the shower running and thought it was Mum in there, but NO!, it was 'birthday girl'. So we were all up early.

She got 19 cards, £150.00, loads of pressies, and a stream of visitors. Quite a hectic day.

Then late afternoon we headed off to the restaurant for the meal. Once you're all eating again, I'd recommend Frankie and Benny's. The food was good (New York Italian - altho' I don't know how authentic!), the service fine, with polite cheerful staff. Actually, a couple of the waiters were 'an eye to behold'. I took a birthday cake with me and they placed balloons on the back of Elizabeth's chair then brought the cake out at the end of the meal and sang 'Happy Birthday' and 'Congratulations' - Elizabeth was very happy!

I was very good with my choices. No starter. Lamb shanks for main, with mashed potatoes and vegetables - rosemary and mint gravy on the side (hmmmmmm! -syn-ful, but scrummy). No dessert. Half a glass of white wine. A slither of birthday cake. You'd all be really proud of me!! So OK, the Syn count would definitely have been over 15, but I shouldn't think it would be too bad. The main thing is, I ate 'consciously'. I thought about what I was going to have; I knew the main course would have been 'syn-ful' - the fat in the gravy and the cream or butter in the potatoes, but I really wanted that dish, so I compensated for it. I think that's a lesson everyone should take on board. Know the damage that could be done to the diet, and limit it as much as possible, but also ENJOY!

I'm definitely trying to keep in the Slimming World zone. I don't expect to loose much, or anything, on Tuesday although I will admit I'll be upset if I put on. But I can't berate myself for not trying to keep on track with all that's been going on this week.

Hope everyone has a good week. I'm off to bed now. Night, night!

59 Syns!!!!!!

Yes, Mrs, in answer to your question, 59 Syns are a lot. On Slimming World you're allowed between 5 and 15 PER DAY, with most people trying to stick at around 10! Your famous Starbucks coffee lattes are as follows:

Skimmed milk - tall 6
grande 8
venti 10 1/2

Whole milk - tall 10
grande 13 1/2
venti 17

And that's the straight-forward caffe latte, no syrup. Does that put the Syn count into perspective for you?

I felt so nauseous when I got back to Mum's to pick Elzabeth up that I went and laid down while they were having their dinner. I got up to go to the bathroom and tried to make myself sick. I tried the fingers down the back of the throat trick. I've never done that before and I was on my knees in front of the loo trying to gag with the best of them. I wasn't doing something right as it didn't work. Maybe my fingers weren't long enough! Or maybe I was just worried I'd make myself sick!...LOL - I definitely wouldn't make a good bulimic!!

Anyway, I'm going to make up for it today. Before going to the hospital yesterday I picked up a load of fruit from Asda so I'm going to fill up on that all day and I'll also have a salad while we're out shopping. Providing I also have my a and b choices (my milk and cereal) I should be able to reduce some of the harm from yesterday. Well let's hope.

Have a good day, my dear. And go and get that kitchen finished!

I - Feel - Sick.........

It's nearly 4 hours since my apointment at the hospital but I still feel sick. I'm really sorry everyone but I'm going to have to put down here what happened. For all you abstainers, I apologise in advance, but I assure you, no way can you feel as bad as I did. I arrived and went straight in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder (I was having a gall bladder function test). It lasted for quite a while and I was absolutely covered in that awful jelly stuff.

When I came out of the examination room I was presented with a tray of food to eat and put on the stopwatch - I had 45 minutes. Well! I couldn't believe it! "Do I have to eat all that?", "Yes," replied the ultrasonographer. "What's in that glass?" I asked. "Cream," came the reply. A glass of cream! For someone who only drinks skimmed milk! I wanted to throw up straight away. The rest of the tray consisted of two rounds of egg mayonnaise sandwiches (Wholemeal bread, at least!), a bowl with two scoops of vanilla ice-cream, and to round it off, a 62.5g Mars Bar. (Mrs, you would have been in your element!). I managed to clear the tray in 30 mins and went back to the reception and sat down to await the next ultrasound. I think I must have looked rather green as one of the staff asked if I was OK. When I said I felt a little sick, he asked if I needed a bowl - I tried to laugh and say no thank you.

I then went back in for the second scan. We were almost at the end when my mobile started singing at me, "Can You Feel It?" - the Michael Jackson track - embarrassing to say the least. The doctor said for me to take the call, but I said it was only my husband and I'd speak to him later (I couldn't move anyway as I was covered with jelly again). John didn't get the message though and he rang twice more. It was funny though. The receptionist who was in the room with us as the chaperone laughed and said, "I bet you can feel it." And I could!

Once I left the hospital I sat outside with a glass of water. There was no way I could hit the rush hour traffic feeling as I did.

Anyway, back to see the Consultant next Wednesday afternoon for the results.

One thing though, I'm going to have to be really, really strict with the Syns over the next few days. I hate to think how many my 'fat' meal added up to. I'm not even going tp work it out..................Actually, I just have.....59 Syns!!!!!!

Shopping....again!

Elizabeth has a friend staying over today and they wanted to go shopping (!). I wouldn't mind but we've been to Lakeside twice in the last week and we're going with my sis on Friday, but off we went again. It was quite handy though as the girls didn't want me around with them, they wanted to go off and do their own thing. So off they went, with a little money in their pockets, whilst I wandered around on my own picking up a few pressies for Liz and friends we're off to stay with in Dublin the week after next. I arranged to meet the girls in a coffee shop so, half hour before they were due back, I bought the Evening Standard and settled down with a coffee and the paper - very civilised, and actually, quite relaxing.

It's been quite a relaxing evening all round. John's still at work (he's working until 10pm this evening) and the girls are up in Lizzie's room watching a DVD. It's normally a lot more hectic here. I haven't got just one child. John and Lizzie, when they get started are like two 5 year-olds!

While walking around the shops today I noticed quite a few pregnant woman and it's at this time each year that I always think back to my pregnancy and say a prayer of gratitude that I eventually managed to have a child. Elizabeth will be 13 on Sunday, and 14 or 15 years ago there's no way I could imagine that I would eventually have a teenager. I'd been through so much to get pregnant (numerous surgeries, masses of hormone treatments, and three attempts at IVF) that by this time in August 1994 I couldn't actually see past 12th August - the date set for the ceasarean. It's difficult to explain really, but it had taken so long to get to this point that in my mind, even though I had a big bump, I couldn't actually see us with a baby and a growing family. It seems silly, but I felt as though September 1994 wasn't going to arrive. Somehow the world was going to stop and it would prove my instinct true. Even when I was lying on the operating table outside theatre I told the surgeon to make sure that he didn't have to put me out as I needed to be awake. I felt that if I was asleep they could just have taken a baby off a shelf (!?!) and I needed proof that she'd come out of me! See, Mrs, I'm as mixed up as you.

Oh, aren't I silly one! And I haven't even been on the wine!

Yipee - yay!

2nd weigh-in this evening, and you can guess from the title of this post that things have gone better this week. I've felt for the last couple of days that I'd lost some weight, but was thrilled to find that it was 5lb (that's five pounds!). Way-hay! I feel so much more positive than I did last week. And I've stuck to mainly green again this week so it does work. I've not had a great deal of pasta, maybe if I had then the weight may not have been so great. Trust me though, I have to see some negative - if you can call it that. My negative was that I was only wearing a lightweight summer dress for my weighin; so next week when I'm back with a few more clothes, I might not be so lucky. But, a minor problem!

I wasn't able to stay at class tonight as I had to take Elizabeth to a karate seminar so I went along to an earlier class so I could get home for dinner before going out. Maureen, the class-leader, said that if I'd stayed I'd have been "Slimmer of the Week". I could have done with the sticker (yes, I am still mentally 5 years old) and the bag of fruit. Still, gives me the motivation to lose for next week, doesn't it. And I'd rather have the 5lb loss than a sticker and fruit.

Having missed class, I also missed the dreaded question: "Is there anything to stop you this week?" - We-ell, yes there is! I had to go back to the hospital yesterday evening. My medication ran out last Friday and I went to the GP surgery to ask if I could get some more as I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to continue on the tablets or not. I wasn't able to see my GP until today and as I've been suffering quite a bit of pain, I was advised to contact my Consultant's secretary. I rang her and the Consultant asked me to come straight away for some blood tests. I went back for the results yesterday (if only the NHS worked so swiftly!). It turns out there's a problem with my liver which could be caused by the gall bladder - although the Consultant is doubtful as I'd have other symptoms that weren't obvious. Anyhow, I have to go back on Thursday for another ultrsound scan. When I arrive I'll be given a menu to choose a fatty meal, then they'll do a scan. I then go off and eat my meal and they redo the scan. The thought of a 'fatty meal' was a bit daunting, but apparently it isn't as bad as it sounds and I can have cheese, or cream, or chocolate (!). All on doctor's orders, you understand!

My other possible downfall for this week is Lizzie's birthday. She's 13 on Sunday. A Teenager!!! Oh help! I've booked a table for 8 at Frankie and Benny's. I shall try very hard to be good, but how often am I going to be going out for meals? I'm driving so it'll be diet cokes all the way, so alcohol won't be beckoning to me. Good choices, I think (well, not too bad ones).

Oh, just remembered. Lizzie and I are going out with my sister to get her pressie on Friday and we've already decided to make a day of it, including lunch! Oh,well!

Comments noted!

I take on board what you say, Mrs & Lesley. I was a little worried about Lizzie 'going on diet' and wrestled with myself about talking to her about it. But, she's not happy being her weight. She's fine most of the time but when it comes to buying clothes is when we have problems (don't WE all know that feeling!). You should have seen the look on her face the other day when we bought the skirt and I managed to get it on. It's a size 14, and I said to her that if she didn't want to wear it after the wedding then maybe it would fit me. 'Try it on Mummy.' she said. And when I put it on and it did up easily and then I slipped on the size 10 top we'd bought to go with it (only a £5 boat neck t-shirt from M&S - and definitely not the size I should have been wearing, I hasten to add)I must say she looked rather stricken. I could almost see the 'I'm big' thought going through her head.

She doesn't get out of breathe and she has loads of energy - I only wish I could do the warm-up she does in karate! It's crippling! So she is healthy. I even spoke to her PE teacher at school at the parent/teacher meeting and she was pleased with Lizzie's progress. There are definitley no issues there.

Anyway, we're looking at Slimming World for her as more of a healthy eating programme rather than a diet plan. I'm using it as a way of educating her; to the benefits of fresh over processed; foods that may be eaten freely over those that have Syns and must be limited; the importance of Healthy Extras foe calcium and fibre. She's really taking on board the mentality needed to succeed and she's, basically, learning. If losing a few pounds comes as a side issue, all well and good.

Lizzie knows that she's loved (not always liked..lol) and I shall keep a very close eye on her.

A new week, a new start....

As I said yesterday, I'm not going to be de-motivated by a measly little 1/2lb. It was back on the diet first thing this morning. I actually think that by only having a tiny loss this first week has given me the incentive to keep right on track. It's shown me that I need to keep to the rules if I want to succeed....and I do!

I'm going to keep my syns as close to 5 each day for a few days to make up for last week. I'll also have a couple of red days and I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow night's dinner. It's one of John's favourites - steamed slamon with a mango and chilli dressing (actually a Weight Watchers recipe!)....hmmm

Lizzie and I have been to Lakeside today looking for an outfit for her for my god-daughter's wedding on 1st September. We bought a lovely off-white skirt with a black print band and bow belt from Autograph at M&S, a black top, and a pair of black pumps. She looks very grown up in them. I must say I was a little worried about whether we'd get anything as she's also a little on the big side and too big for children/teenage clothes, but ladies wear doesn't usually fit properly (no boobs to fill out tops and legs too short for normal length trousers).

I do worry about Elizabeth. She was 2 weeks early and 8lb 10oz at birth. She's always been bigger for her age. But she exercises. She does karate 2 or 3 times a week (4 times this week). She swims. She goes out on her bike. She uses the Pilates machine better than I do. It's her birthday next Sunday (12th) and she'll be 13 so her periods should be imminent. I'm hoping that once they arrive she'll slim down a bit.

We've spoken about Slimming World and how it's more a lifestyle change than a diet and I told her that there was a young boy in my class of about 12 years who's been doing the diet for about 3 months with hos mum and lost 1stone 7lbs. She said she'd like to do it, but doesn't want to go to a class. So, we'll have a weigh-in tomorrow morning and have a go and see how long she can last. We can only hope!!

First week over - that's all I can say really....

Amethyst! So glad to see you still looking in.

First weigh-in not too exciting, I'm afraid. As I said yesterday, I wasn't feeling any lighter. I wasn't feeling that first week of a diet feeling, you know, lighter and almost walking on air because you've suddenly lost a few pounds. Well, the reason I wasn't feeling like that was because I hadn't lost a few pounds, I'd only lost 1/2lb. To say I was disappointed wouldn't be an exaggeration. I wasn't devastated, but I definitely wasn't impressed! With myself really, Not the diet, as I know it works.

I was speaking to Maureen, the class leader, and said that I thought it could be for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'd done green days all week. I hadn't over-eaten but I have had potatoes or pasta everyday and I found when I did Slimming World in the past that if I had green days the couple of days before weighin then my weightloss was slower. Secondly, the fact that I've been dieting already, albeit rather haphazardly, meant that I wasn't making such a drastic change to the way I've been eating. Thirdly, I'd had my evening meal at 6pm, so maybe that made a difference as well. I also mentioned that I'd recently done LighterLife and I'd read that your metabolic state can be suppressed for some months after coming off the plan (I read that on the minimins forum - I think, apparently, said to someone by her doctor).

Initially, yesterday evening, I was ready to give up thinking what's the point of continuing on a diet for 1/2lb a week, but today I've had time to think annd adjust my mindset. I was going to do red days instead, but I can't keep to them, I'm afraid. I'm not a big meat eater (one reason I'd find Atkins difficult), so I shall do th occasional red day, probably near the end of my weigh week, to give myself as much chance as I can of getting rid of any 'held' water.

So not a good start, but I'm not totally down about it.

I will be talking food a bit more on my blog now so I hope I don't put off any abstainers. But it will be healthy eating, I hope I can be excused then.

Slimming World - Day 7

Well here we are - the end of the first week. I'll tell you one thing, this first week on Slimming World has gone a lot quicker than my first week on LighterLife! I think back to those days with the relief that I've not had to go through the agony of getting into full ketosis, and having to drink SO much water. I remember day 3 of LighterLife standing in the kitchen crying to John that I couldn't go on - I was so, so hungry; I felt I was drowning in all that water and feeling nauseous all the time because of it. But those days were over fairly quickly and I soon knuckled down to the diet proper. It's just SO, SO, SO, annoying that I wasn't able to stay the course, especially seeing how well everyone else has done. Just think, by now I would have lost AT LEAST 4 1/2 stone and been perfectly on target. I may even have been a lot lower, although Dad would have been back to haunt me about losing too much again!

But, heyho, that was not to be. As I said earlier, I hadn't wanted to go down the Slimming World route again, but at least this time I've gone in with prior knowledge of how the diet works, and there are now some changes that make the programme a lot more flexible than it used to be. You don't need to strictly keep to the red/green day format any longer - you can decide at each meal, so long as you're extra vigilant about free food choices throughout the day, ie. not all free food is 'free' on both days, so they need to be accounted for. This won't make sense to those who haven't done SW, I'm thinking Mrs here, and I haven't totally got my head around it yet either so I'm keeping to what I know at the moment and will probably experiment with the new-fangled features of the diet a little further down the line.

What I would say though is that it hasn't been half as bad as I thought it would be. I'm making 'old favourite' recipes that I found when I did the diet previously and both John and Elizabeth hae been appreciative of them so far. Even to John saying, 'Oh, you haven't made this for ages; I love it!'

As Lesley commented on my last post, I need to be aware of portion size and not take on board the old Slimming World adage that free food can be 'eaten freely'. It can, yes, and you can fill up on these low calorie foods and not feel deprived, but if you really want to not only lose weight but set a precedent for lifelong eating then moderation is the rule. I learnt a lot from LighterLife, maybe not from direct counselling as I was only able to attend 3 sessions, but I've avidly taken in everything that everyone has said here on these blogs and I'm carrying it all through to my new attack on Slimming World. I had a moment on Sunday when I felt out of control and the child took over. That was because I was with the family and Mum wanted us to go for lunch at the local Cypriot cafe. I thought of saying no, but I was only 25% of the vote so I kept quite and went along - then the moussaka beckoned....and the lemon sorbet (which turned out to be pineapple ice-cream, because the new waitress who only started that day had thought it was the lemon - and she put double chocolate in for some reason as well! I couldn't complain as I didn't want to upset her, she was trying, after all!). I will admit, I did feel I'd let myself down when I got home, but I decided not to beat myself up about it - that's what 'flexible syns' are for. But what I need to do is not be pressured by outside influences, be that only the family. I'd been 'good' all week before, and since, and I just needed to put one meal in perspective. That's something those of you who have the occasional 'binge' on a lettuce leaf, carrot stick, or slice of black forest gateau (lol) need to keep in mind....PERSPECTIVE!

This all sounds rather positive, doesn't it? Well, I am! I'm back doing something that I know has worked for me in the past, and I now know where I went wrong as well. I have a better grasp of the psychological 'pull' of food and how to combat it. I understand and accept that I will have the occasional lapse and I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't keep completely on track. I shall ensure I have my free food first and foremost, always have the Healthy Extras, for extra fibre, calcium and nutrients, and ensure that I always have my Syns. One of the reasons I failed with Slimming World in the past was that I didn't eat enough! Credit that!

Mrs mentioned that I might like to register on minimins, well I used to go on there a lot when I did Lighterlife and Cambridge, but I've only used it lately for palying the arcade (I love Word Eight and Solitaire). I've already decided that I'll take a look at the SW forum because, as we all know, the support gained from others in exactly the same position as you is worth so much that it can't be over-emphasised.

Positivity aside; it's my first weigh-in this evening. I don't actually feel as though I've lost weight. You know, that light feeling you get at the beginning of a diet because you've lost a lot of water. So fingers-crossed...XXX. The nearer I'll get to 7.30pm the more nervous I'll get. Can you lose weight on fear and adrenaline alone? I wish!!

Change to the diet plan

Hi everyone. I've been reading everyone else's blogs and commented on them but haven't felt able to write anything on mine recently. I think, mrs, that may have been in a way due to the large e-mail tomes we've exchanged lately - and I was 'written out'. Also, mrs, I'm quite behind with yours. You write so much that if I miss a few days there's a lot to go over. I shall be catching up again soon but that explains why there haven't been any comments from me lately.

I notice a lot of comments on Lesley and Mrs blogs from others who I don't actually comment on (eg. peridot, guinea, in search of me, cerulean - probably a few others I haven't put down here...sorry if I left you out). If you look in here, 'Hello'. I do occasionally look into your blogs, but it takes so long to read everyone's and to comment that I have kept to a just a few - those right from the beginning of our journeys. I shall try to comment a little more on others - so if you see an unfamiliar post.....

So, back to the diet. Or the new diet. I have been trying to go it alone since my unsuccessful brush with LighterLife, Cambridge, and even Slimfast. I was doing well for a time, but as we all know, it's not easy, and I didn't always have the incentive to keep going. I had stopped weighing myself as the scales 'fear' was back with a vengeance and when I eventually got on them it was often to find that I'd put on a few pounds. I just can't seem to get down to the 11s (stones, that is). I thought I'd try to get into ketosis with a vey low carb plan, then I thought I'd try low GI, then it was Ian Marber's Food Doctor, but what with working and just the daily routine of life, I found the whole process of organising menu plans too daunting. The whole diet lark was getting too airy-fairy for me to commit to any particular plan I couldn't work out the best route to take. That's whi I liked LighterLife. It's so black and white. There are no decisions to be made. You eat the shakes or soups and you drink the water. That's it! Nothing more to it. And when you get firmly into abstinence and ketosis the hunger pangs are kept at bay. It's so much harder when you have to plan and organise; and with my mindset I didn't really know whether I was coming or going.

This is where Slimming World comes into the equation. I first did it 9 years ago, and it worked! I went from 12st 4lbs to 10st 12lbs and Dad told me off for getting too skinny! Can you imagine it! I've been up to 14st 11lbs now, I know what it feels like, physically, emotionally, and aesthetically to be so overweight. I don't want to go there again. I've tried to diet on my own, but I need to be accountable. I need to have 'consequences' if I don't do too well one week. I don't like all the 'happy clappy' of Slimming World, but I'm willing to put up with it to reach my goal. So, off I trotted to the Methodist Hall last Tuesday and weighed in at 12st 9lbs (less 2lbs when I weighed at home), that's a few pounds gain on my lowest over the last couple of months, so it needs doing! Straight onto the plan on Wednesday. I know how it works, I just need the support to make it work.

Wish me luck....please. I will get there. Good so far, other than an ice cream out at lunch today. But it will not deter me. I'm back to drinking the water again as a help.I'm on course again!!!!!

Catching up...

I had a lovely time at the 'do' Saturday evening. Had a wine for everyone as promised, but stuck to white (not so many drinking that - so there was more in the bottle!!!). Slightly hungover Sunday but still managed to get to 9.00am Mass, so not too bad.

I finished my overtime work on Monday as the school holidays are looming and I don't go to work during the holidays, it's too much trouble sorting out childcare and I can't expect Mum to help out all the time. I'll still be working Saturday's and if the weekday branch gets really desperate and I can sort Elizabeth then I may go in for a day or two. I really hope they don't ring though as I could do with the break.

I went to a meeting at the secondary school I'm a governor at on Tuesday morning. This was to discuss a new government initiative known as BSF (Building Schools for the Future). There was a small contingent from the governing body, the Head and a number of Local Authority Education personnel. Luckily I was able to follow along quite well and I did make a few comments and ask a questions. The thing is, when I'm in this sort of situation, the non-school staff don't know me from Adam and only recognise me as a member of the governors' and as far as they're concerned I'm knowledgable about what they're talking about - and the jargon: they speak 'to' me as though I understand everything. A lot of the time I don't. I'm just a Mum at home who does an occasional part-time job in a building society.

The same thing's happened in other circumstances - each year I invigilate for a FE College (although I haven't this Summer because I've been at Nationwide) and I was promoted at a point where I thought, 'are they sure about this?'. Someone thought I knew more than I actually did.

I was at a Community Forum one evening, sitting quietly at the back, amid about 150 other people, looking at the paperwork, when I get a tap on my shoulder asking me if I'm Professor so-and-so from the University of East London, there to give a speech. Blimey! Well, I did used to work at UEL (I left when I was pregnant) but I was only an administrator in the Registry at the time. Maybe having worked at a University you get a certain 'look'? Mysterious?

I often think, I'm going to get found out one day. Someone will realise that it's all bluff.........that I don't fit in.....

Why am I writing all this? I don't know.... Although, in a way, I do know. I'm at a point in my life where I want to 'do' something. I was talking about it with the Chair of Governors on Saturday evening. I used to have a career (Branch Manager at Nationwide) but that all finished in 1989 when I took redundancy. There was a rationalisation programme because they needed to reduce the management levels. I'd had quite a bit of illness and been in and out of hospital, all related to gynae problems. Knowing I would need IVF to get pregnant, the redundancy money would come in handy; I knew I didn't want to work once I had the baby (if I should be blessed), so I left. I then worked at UEL for 5 years and left there to have Elizabeth (3rd attempt at IVF). I still knew people at Nationwide and they contacted me when Lizzie was 18 months old and asked if I wanted to help out Saturdays (great, I thought!) and the rest is history. Elizabeth's of an age where I'm not required so much - I don't need to do school runs any longer, so I could do something else now. I don't want to work full-time with the Society (oh, no!) but I don't know what else to do. I was looking around the room at the 'do' and felt really envious of the staff at School. They have 'vocations', and professional status. They are doing something worthwhile, although it helps to be in such a high-performing school. I had applications in for Teacher's Training College when I was in the 6th Form but...I didn't have the courage to go away from home. I'd also met John (I was 17, he was 22). So I didn't go. I've not had too many regrets, and I often wonder if I would have stuck to teaching, but at least I would have given it a chance. It's so true about youth being wasted on the young. I wish I knew and felt then what I do now!

I need to take stock I think. I need to find something for me; something that is going to fill a void that's beginning to open up somewhere within me. John and I need to talk (dinner somewhere I think, as it's impossible to have a proper conversation with Madam around).

We're going to have to get our heads together Mrs Lard......

LATER: -

I've already started doing something for me. I've just got back from the Adult Education Centre having enrolled for a Pilates course and an entry level French course. I wanted to do Italian but it's on a Thursday morning and because the Pilates is on a Tuesday afternoon that would mean that I wouldn't be able to work 2 days a week. So, French at 9.30am and then Pilates at 12.30pm. I also wanted to enrol for the Salsa class on Tuesday evening but the course has been closed due to staffing problems. But, oh well, I tried!

Importantly, this means that I won't be available for work on a Tuesday, which will make it so much easier to say, 'No!'.

Oh, he's such a charmer!

Saturday today, so it was off to work this morning. I really do feel more at home at this Branch. I'm only there for 3 - 4 hours a week but I've been there 11 years (the longest than anyone else) and I had been on the Management team there in the 1980's when i'd worked full-time, so it feels more like 'my branch'.

We were fairly quite this morning, I don't know where the customers were; they're normally queuing out the door! So we had time for a little banter between ourselves. Anyway, I was sitting minding my own business, when Kom, the newer young lad whispers, 'You're looking fit today, Chris!'. Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I laughed, told him he was 'naughty' and that I was old enough to be his mother. That didn't stop him though, he prefers the 'older woman' apparently. Cheered me up though!!

I'm off out to a dinner-dance tonight. It's the staff do for Liz's school, where I'm a Governor. So I'll have a glass of wine for each and everyone of you. Red or white?

Sorry about yesterday...

....I had a bad day. I'm not a lone bod, I'm afraid. If I have a project on the go or have lots to do then a little 'my time' is great, but I just don't do alone just for the sake of it. It doesn't help when the weather's unco-operative either. Maybe I had an attack of S.A.D.?

Thank you, Lesley and Mrs for your comments. Yesterday, Lesley, I did find it hard not 'picking' from the cupboard but I was rather choosy and kept to fruit and nuts and a couple of tea biscuits. It still makes me feel bad about myself though. Today has been better - I'm not picking and I'm into the water again. I just needed a little moral support to pull me through I think. So, thanks again to both of you. Although I am wondering what ideas Mrs has in store for me. I wait with bated breath!

Talking about water - there's a really interesting site I've read that gives the low-down on why we should drink the aqua vita. Have a read. It won't be a great revelation to followers of LighterLife and Cambridge as both regimes insist that water be part of the diet but it's worth looking at.

The web address is http://www.inch-aweigh.com/water.html

Hard going

At last I've managed to find the time to post. First, I couldn't get on the laptop and then I couldn't get onto Blogger. But, never mind, I didn't really have much to say.

I don't suppose I've really been 'dieting' at all this week. I feel a little down actually. I was at work on Monday but I'm not needed for a few days so I've been at home. No matter how much I'm beginning to dislike being at work I get horribly 'down' when I'm at home on my own. I can see how the depression could set in again. I popped into Town on Tuesday morning to meet 'the girls' for breakfast (only coffee and toast, but the waitress forgot the toast) and then off to Tesco's for the weekly shop, but since then I've been 'home alone'.

I thought of going to Lakeside but I don't have the money of the enthusiasm for that. There's nothing we really need for the home, I haven't done particularly well in buying bits for Lizzie recently(I can't seem to get the sizing right for her) and there isn't anything I'm desperate for for myself. I also find it rather soul-destroying just wandering the shops on my own, unless I'm there for a particular purpose.

I was reading Mrs Lard's post yesterday about her shopping trip with other members of her LighterLife group and I felt quite envious of her. She's had her own issues over acceptance of her changing body shape and that she's now smaller and able to fit into and buy clothes that in the past she thought were completely out of her league, which I'm sure everyone else following LighterLife and Cambridge or similar have had to face. I thought that by now I would be in a similar position. That I would have reached my target weight and the greatest worry I would have would be which pair of tousers/skirt/dress/top (delete as appropriate) I wanted to buy. But although I have lost 2 1/2 stone and now in a size 14 I'm beginning to not feel smaller anymore. My tummy feels bloated. I feel....bigger. I know I'm not; I weighed myself on Tuesday morning and I've lost 1lb since the last time I weighed. Still not down to that 11 something though. One of the things that came out of Mrs's post was that as a bigger woman you/I are/am so happy to find something that fits that you/I buy it just because it does fit and feel grateful (?) that there's actually something in the shops for you/me. Mrs said she was afraid of buying something because she was afraid she wouldn't fit into it next week. Well, maybe she won't, but that will be because she's lost more weight. With me it could be because I've put the weight back on.

I was walking along the road the other day in jeans and a tee-shirt and the husband of a friend was walking towards me. 'You've lost a lot of weight, Christine?' he said. So it is still noticeable. I suppose I've just got complacent. But I want more to come off; and I want it to come off quickly like on LighterLife. I thought I might get in touch with my Cambridge Counsellor again and purchase a few more packs (if she'll let me, because Cambridge also said I had to stop when she spoke to them) and then I thought I could have packs along with food on one of their menu programmes (can't remember the names of them at the mo, I'd have to get the books out). I'm not sure what to do. Yesterday I had a Slimfast bar for breakfast, today my eyes are 'pinker', and itchy. So I suppose I'd have the same problems if I started on Cambridge again.

Oh, s*d it, s*d it, s*d it!!!

Bad day again. Sorry! I'll work it out and be better soon.....

Meal out last night

Yesterday was the day out for my temp branch. They had all decided to have lay-ins then meet at 1pm to go bowling, then to the cinema to see Shrek 3 and then to Frankie & Benny's for a meal. I'd decided to only go to the meal in the evening so met everyone at the restaurant at 7pm.

We'd already pre-ordered our meals a few days ago and I thought I'd start with a Mushroom Alfredo (in a thick cheese sauce) which I'd had at another F&B chain before Christmas and it was really delicious and thinking I'd indulge myself again. How wrong could I be; it was revolting, badly presented and very liquidy - Ugh! The main course, lamb shank in a mint gravy with steamed veg and creamed potatoes was yummy though (I want the recipe!). Unfortunately though, I followed the pack, had a glass of red wine and then finished off the evening with an ice-cream sundae.

I haven't eaten so much since I started eating properly again and did I know it! I couldn't move, felt so bloated and uncomfortable. I hadn't gone mad and had seconds or anything like that, it's just that my stomach doesn't seem to like too much in one go any longer. I should listen to it in future as well as one of the hospital guidelines I have to follow is no large meals, and no eating 4 hours before going to bed. I wish I'd followed that last night. By the time I got home I felt awful. Even the wine had gone to my head (and sorry folks, but I was driving - I normally allow myself one glass and that's it).

I still felt uncomfortable when I got up this morning but it's worn off during the day. But note to self: no more 3 course meals, stick to starter and main, or main and dessert. Eyes are definitely bigger than tummy now.

To weigh or not to weigh....?

Since I had to give up on LighterLife and Cambridge...oh, and Slimfast, I've set my own personal weigh-in day to first thing Monday morning (you know, after the first wee, before I've drunk anything and before I've dressed - to be as low as possible!!). Well, sometimes it's gone well and sometimes not so well. I still can't get below 12stone. I'm up and down by 2 or 3 lbs and it's getting so annoying. So, this week I've deliberately not weighed myself. People are still commenting on the changes, especially the girls at work in my Saturday Branch, so much so that Karen said, 'You're not going to lose anymore though, are you Chris?' in a very concerned mannner. And that's coming from someone who's about the size of a matchstick!

I feel that by getting on the scales every week I'm not doing myself any favours. It's only a number, and I'd love the scales to say something like 9stone 7lb, but it's never going to happen (especially now I'm not doing a VLCD). Even if it did I'm sure I'd look like a skinny waif which would be great at 18, but not at over 30 years older than that! I was reading 'The Power: 11 Ways Women Gain Unhealthy Weight and How You Can Take Charge Of Them' by Sue Ellin Browder and she actually says it's healthier for a woman to carry a little weight as she gets older than to be too skinny - something to do with bone density if I remember. This is a fantastic book and one you can dip in and out of as not all chapters will be relevant, I'd recommend it, if only from the library. I'm keeping that in mind, what she says about holding a little weight as you get older as I've always thought too skinny women of a certain age always tend to look a lot older than their years. I will still try to get down, as my BMI is still at 28, and although BMI is NOT the be-all and end-all, I am fully aware that my health can only improve by losing another 1/2 to 1 stone. As an aside, I had my blood pressure taken when I was in hospital the other week and it read at 117/72. Absolutely brilliant! It's never been ultra high, even when I was pregnant, but before Christmas it was a lot higher than that and I'm sure the weight was a contributory factor.

I see comments on a number of the other blogs, or on minimins, where girls are trying to get into a size 10 or get down to as low a weight as they can. For a time I thought, Yes, I want to do that, but reality has set in. I don't have the luxury of ketosis any longer. I don't have the luxury of not eating and not needing to worry about food - and it is a luxury. You don't realise that when you're abstaining. You just notice what everybody else can eat, or what you can buy in the supermarket when shopping for the family. Yes, that's when it gets hard, but you know you can't have any of it and, if you're keeping to the diet wholeheartedly then you get over it. But, when you've been there and that option's been taken away from you, as in my case, it's a lot harder to keep to the straight and narrow.

The straight and narrow I will keep on though. I will weigh myself occasionally and if and when I have an 11 to report then you, dear reader, will be the first to know. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. If, on the 1st January, I'd known that 4 months later I would weigh 21/2stone lighter, that I'd be back in my size 14s, which I can't remember when I last wore, and that my uniform skirt, which I've had since April last year and never been able wear, would be back to front by the end of the day, I'd have gone, 'Oh, yeah?'. So I'm going with that and living for the moment.

Freedom from the scales!

Hospital results...

I went along to see my consultant on Wednesday and luckily it was good news - well as far as it goes, anyway. I have a hiatus hernia, gallstones, a weak sphincter (a muscle to the bowel) and constipation. All very lovely, I know! Why can't I have some 'romantic' disorder rather than something to do with my poo and digestive tract?....lol. He's keeping my file open in case I need to return but in the meantime h's given me a prescription for medication to ease the symptoms causing the pain (it isn't constant any longer so I'll just use the medication when I need to).

I say as far as it goes as I still haven't found what foodstuffs caused digestive the problems in the first place, and of course the skin problems with Lighterlife, Cambridge and Slimfast. I haven't used any Slimfast packs for about 10 days now but my eyes, although now not as bad, and also not as bad as on LL or CD, are still very dry and pink looking. The patch on my chin has also got bigger rather than smaller as well. I've decided to let things ride for a while now and if in a few months the symptoms return I'll go back to my GP and ask for the referral to a nutritionist, as I wanted in the first place. I've had enough of doctors and hospitals for the time being.

I will admit though that finding I have the hernia and gallstones has definitely motivated me to continue on the weightloss journey. Doctors recommend weightloss for both conditions, especially if weight is held around the abdomen (not really my problem, but it can't hurt to lose a bit more). One thing to make Lesley laugh though: it's suggested that frequent bending forward and any abdominal exercise like sit ups etc. which increase abdominal pressure may exacerbate symptoms, so is that an excuse not to do my Rosemary Connolly DVD or use the Pilates machine?...hee,hee.

Thank you for your comments on my last post, Mrs and Cath, and I admire your abilty to see, Mrs, that I'm being undervalued and have many skills (please tell me what they are - lol, I'd love to do something else other than work in a building society as it's changed so much over the years, and I'm rather 'old school' I'm afraid).

I saw Ted and Pat's daughter on Wednesday. She and the family are of the same opinion as me; that it was the best thing that could have happened, not that they were both gone, but that they were together again. The post-mortem showed that Ted had had a massive heart attack, so much so that he wouldn't have known anything about it and that he'd gone before he hit the floor. That was good to hear.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. We're going to see Charlie tomorrow. We haven't seen him for a few weeks and he'll probably have doubled in size, still I can still have a good old cuddle, that's if I get a look in with Lizzie around! Then on Sunday we're off to Gravesend to visit Stella - she's staying at her parent's house before going off to build that house in Cyprus, so she'll be around for sometime, just not next door...

Let's pray for better weather. I hope none of you lot from 'up north' have had any problems with flooding.

End of an era

We've just got in from having a goodbye drink with Stella, our neighbour next-door. She's moving, after having lived here since 3 weeks after Elizabeth was born. Feeling rather sad! But, she's moving to Cyprus soon and we'll be invited there for holidays with her and the dogs (2 border collies). I hope we don't lose contact.

I haven't been to work today as I've been to a funeral. Do you remember Pat who's funeral I went to a few weeks back? Well it was Ted's funeral today - her husband. He lasted 7 weeks from when she went. That's love for you. They'd been married for 56 years and he just didn't want to go on without her, so he didn't. He was a lovely man, a gentleman, in the true sense of the word. Death can sometimes be said to be a good thing, and I honestly think it was in this case. They're together again now.

Ted was found dead at home so there had to be a post-mortem and I only found out at Church on Sunday that the funeral was today. So I phoned the office yesterday and left a message to say I wouldn't be in (remember, I'm only covering - I don't actually work there). The manager phoned me back, gave me the third degree and even moaned about the fact that my mobile was turned off and that she'd had to get me on my home phone!?! Honestly, I've had enough. I don't need to work. I like the company, but I really don't know whether it's worth it. Anyway, I'm in tomorrow but I'm leaving at 2pm as I've got an appointment at the hospital to discuss the results of the procedures I've had recently.

I shall let you know how I get on.

Such a long time since I last posted....

It's a week since I last posted, and what a week! I really don't know where these days go. It doesn't help though if you lose days! I haven't been to work today and decided to pop to Romford shopping. I've been walking around all day thinking it's Friday. Yesterday evening, I was as a Governor's meeting at the secondary school I'm a governor at and when I got home was a little peeved I'd missed 'House' - duh! that's tonight!

I must remember tomorrow's Friday as I have an appointment at the hospital for a pelvic unltrasound at 12.30 (a full bladder and a 6 hour fast - marvellous!).

A good week in some respects, not so good in others. I had a little 'disagreement' with a member of the management team at the Branch I've been covering since November. Nothing drastic, just rather annoying and frustrating. John was all for going along to the office to sort it out (My Hero!) but the girl is well-known for not having good people skills (that's in the opinion of everyone she's forever verbally lashing out at, and I've worked with her in 3 different branches) so I said 'forget it'. I shall continue working there whilst it suits me - the money's not bad and I get car expenses, but at least I know that if I want to I can just go. I still have my Saturday Branch where I'm contracted to work and there will always be other branches that need the help. I just don't need the aggro.....

The week has panned out quite well on the diet front though. Not that I've lost anymore weight - the 11's still seem very elusive (but only 2lbs to go as of yesterday, it just keeps going up and down though). What has gone well is the positive comments I keep getting. Apparently, so I'm told, my legs are getting slimmer and slimmer. My chest, apparently, is now smaller than Lisa's, and, according to Maria, I'm 'half the woman I used to be'. And the girls at work (my Saturday office) can't believe I'm still not losing weight. There you go! And that's without a 'proper' diet - just being observant and taking notice of what I'm eating.

Hospital - never again

I went into hospital yesterday and had the procedures. So much for not feeling anything!!! Both the consultant and my husband (who famously had a colonoscopy carried out by the same consultant) told me I would have heavy sedation, would probably fall asleep and would neither feel nor remember anything. Heh! I knew everything that was going on. The gastroscopy wasn't too bad but when he came to do the colonscopy, I admit, I cried (not balled, but I did try to stop him doing it and the nurse had to hold my hand away) and they had to give me an extra dose of pethidin.

Anyway, the consultant came round to see me a while later with good news. The colonscopy showed no disease or problems of any kind, but he did find that I had a hiatus hernia. Not knowing exactly what it was I looked it up when I came home and fond that it happens when a piece of the stomach pokes out through the hiatus, an opening in the diaphragm normally occupied by the oesophagus. Often symptonless but sometimes leading to acid reflux. I did suffer from acid reflux some years ago (prior to being really overweight) but haven't had any problems with this for a very long time. Apparently, though, hiatus hernias are more common in obese people - so there you go!! That's cheered me up no end. I have an 'obese' medical condition!

I still have to go back to the hospital next Friday for a pelvic scan and then back to see Dr Ashraf and hopefully I can come away with a further explanation fpr the inflammation and pain. I still think it's down to the scar tissue and adhesions from the endometriosis and surgeries; and also probably a food intolerance.

I had vegetables with a chicken casserole and brown rice last night and got up this morning in pain. Answers?? Today, I've restarted the Slimfast and shall be cooking a chilli and rice for dinner this evening, so I bet I don't have any pain tomorrow.

I got on the scales on Tuesday morning ( I forgot on Monday) and was upset to see that I'd put on again. I'd gone up to 12stone 5 and a quarter, or 3quarters, i'm not sure (can't see that small without my specs!) - but then I thought, well I've been eating nothing but bread and chips and no salad or veg for the last 3 or 4 days, so no wonder. Anyway, I reweighed again this morning and I'm down to 12stone 2 lbs. Oh, happy days! But come on you 11s!

Prep for Wednesday starts here....

Well, from today I start the preparation for Wednesday's procedures. That's no veg, salad, fruit, cereals, anything with fibre in, ie. no wholemeal bread, pasta etc, etc. What's left? White bread and non-fruit jam? White toast and marmite, methinks (luv it!! - what's your take on marmite? love it , or hate it?)

Then on Tuesday I'm onto 'the purge' - oh happy days!

Yesterday after work I decided a little retail therapy was in order. We were going to a BBQ for my uncle's 70th birthday in the afternoon and I wanted something new to wear. Not wanting to spend fortunes I looked in Mark One. I haven't been there for ages (other than for Elizabeth), but, and I say this with utter surprise, things fitted me, and looked good. I started trying on, but as they only allow you to take 3 items into the changing-room, the assistant kept most of the things I'd picked up outside and said to call when I needed them. So there was me, standing in the changing-room in my bra and knickers, calling, "Hello, Hello". So much for that; I gave up. Came out into the shop again, walked round, picked up loads more bits and pieces (including a few teenage bits for Lizzie) and just went and paid - £171.00 worth of stuff. As I've said before, I'm the take-back queen. But do you know, after a massive fashion parade when I got home I'm keeping most of mine. And all the tops were size 14! Not so lucky with Liz, though, but we'll just go and change the sizes for her.

So off I went to the BBQ wearing a pair of smart white crop trousers and a very nice jersey low-slung crossover top, with a fitted vest and peplum waist (to cover any visible tummy bulge). I'd also had my hair cut on Friday, so I felt good! I haven't seen a number of the family since before LighterLife and the compliments were flying - on the hair, the clothes and the weight. Oh, it feels good when things come together doesn't it? Don't feel too good this morning, though - just a 'little' fragile (my cousin would keep filling my white wine glass up!)

I hope everyone has a good Sunday - looks as though it's going to be a bright day.

Not the eyes!!

Hi, girls. sorry to keep you in suspenders but I couldn't get onto the laptop. John's been hogging it the last couple of evenings. But I shall catch you up on the hospital visit in a mo.

I have a more pressing dilemma though:

Since I came out of ketosis about 6 weeks ago I've found it really difficult to lose anymore weight. I had managed to get down to 12stone but have found the holy grail of the 11s becoming more and more elusive. I thought of trying to get back into ketosis again by going along a high protein route but the thought of going on a severely restricted menu for the forseeable just gives me nightmares. I know when on LighterLife and Cambridge I wasn't eating any food and I managed fine, but the willpower and the 'counting calories' is doing my head in.

So, I thought I'd give Slimfast a go. I tried it quite a few years back with a little success, but this time within a few days of trying it this time..... you've got it!..... my eyes started itching! Out has come the green base foundation again. It's nowhere near as bad as before, but I can't believe it. I checked the ingredients and the vitamin and mineral composition and the are some similarities to LL and CD, but I honestly don't know what's affecting me.

Anyway, this morning I went to the GP to collect a form the GP had completed for the insurance company and Sue, one of the receptionists, said, "How are your eyes, Chris? Oh, I see they're still not cleared up.".....thanks, Sue.I then took the form onto the hospital for completion by the consultant before I go in next week. Yes...I need a 'procedure'.

I went back for the results of the blood tests on Monday evening. Dr Ashraf was pleased to note that there were no real 'horrors' revealed but he did say that there was evidence of inflammation which couldn't be traced without further investigation. This, along with the fact that the pain returned a couple of days after my 'purge', suggests that a colonoscopy and gastroscopy are in order. I'm going in next Wednesday as a daycase and need to do another 'purge' on Tuesday and a low-residue, low fibre diet from Sunday. Do you think I'll lose any weight next week? I hope so.... (LOL - with reservation!).

If nothing shows on the Wednesday (and he has a feeling that that will be the case) then my problems could be down to a hernia - because of the acute pains, and scar tissue and adhesions, due to my history of severe endometriosis and the number of surgeries I've had.

At last! Someone who agrees with me. I've said to two GPs that could this be the reason for my problems but they've just looked at me as though I was an idiot. Some idiot! Even an endocrinologist I was under at the Middlesex Hospital in London asked me, because I was so knowledgable of the condition, when he was writing a book with another consultant, to read and comment on a chapter he had written on endometriosis before publication. Yeah, some idiot!

OK! I'm putting this in writing so I MUST follow through. I will not weigh myself until Monday. Too demotivating when losses don't show.

Day off!!

Just remembered. Had to tell you this one.....

We drove back and got home at 8.45 Friday evening so that I could go to work on Saturday because, as you know, I hadn't been given the time off.

I walked into work on Saturday morning and the girls wondered why I was there. Then, Elaine, the Manager came in and said, "What are you doing here? I thought you were on holiday." Honestly, they hadn't bothered to let me know I could have the day off. Bliming typical!!

A lovely couple of days away....

Hi everyone. We had a great couple of days in Norfolk. The B&B was very nice. John and I had a room in the loft and the stairs were so steep to get up there that we had a rope to hang onto to help with the climb (that's along with the bannister). The B&B owner didn't ask if we were agile enough to get up there so my voice must have come over as 'youngish' when I made the booking....LOL

I wasn't looking forward to going away as, for one thing, the weather had been so bad at the beginning of last week, but literally as we got in the car on Wednesday afternoon the sun came out and it didn't stop shining all the time we were there. We went to family on Thursday and then on Friday we drove across the county to Great Yarmouth to see a house we own in the town and then on to meet a letting agent we've recently employed. We had trouble finding the house as quite a few of the roads didn't have visible road names and we'd never been there before (yes, we did buy a house we hadn't seen). We employed someone 2 years ago to purchase a house in the area for us to let out. A few people have made comments that we hadn't seen the house, but it wasn't something we were going to live in and I know myself only too well - I wouldn't have been unemotional about what I was choosing. My rather flip answer to people was that the Duke of Westminster (him of immense property) wouldn't have looked at every property he bought. And I trusted the purchaser and we, ofcourse, also had estate agents and surveyors, mortgage companies and solicitors working for us too. Well, we eventually found the house and, yes I was right, it wasn't a house I would like to live in, but we have tenants who want to live there and that's what we want.

All in all a worthwhile trip.

The only problem with the trip - I wasn't as good as I wanted to be with the food. I didn't have lots of 'bad' food or desserts, but I did have more than I 'should' have (sorry, someone put me right about not using the 'should' word). I shall probably be a little put out when I get on the scales tomorrow morning - but I'm prepared.

We're off to the hospital tomorrow eveing for the results of my blood tests. I wonder if I'll have another x-ray. Might not be a bad idea as I've been having quite a bit of stomach pain over the last few days again.

Hope you all have a good week coming up.

Night, night.

Satchets worked!!!

Thanks everyone for your wise and kind words of empathy over my visit to the hospital. I wish I didn't feel so overwhelmed over matters like this but I've been to so many different hospitals over the years and they always get to me, I'm afraid.
Anyway, I took my satchets of absolutely vile medecine yesterday morning and I've worn the carpet pile down on the stairs rushing up them every few minutes. And I've lost 3/4lb overnight, so something good, eh. The satchets still appear to be working this morning as well, which means I'm not going anywhere today. Lizzie and I can find a good film to watch this afternoon maybe?

I've not done very well with dieting over the last couple of weeks. It's very hard trying to diet 'normally' after having followed weeks of LighterLife and Cambridge. At least on those diets you KNOW the weight is going to come off if you follow the rules. With what I'm trying to do now it's so easy to fail. I've yo-yoed up and down with a 3lb margin since coming out of ketosis. After I stopped LL and CD I still managed to get down to 12stone but once I came out of ketosis I put on 3lbs more or less straight away. Then I lost a lb, then I put on 1/2, then I lost again. I haven't actually logged the changes on my ticker as the thought of 'seeing' the weight go up again on a chart would do nothing for my motivation. Yesterday morning (Monday) I weighed in at 12st 2lb, but then 12st 11/4lb this morning after the satchets from yesterday.

I had a really grotty day at work on Saturday. I'd asked for Saturday 2nd June off a couple of weeks ago as it's half-term and we'd thought of popping up to Norfolk for a few days. We have family up there and John and I own a property in Great Yarmouth that we thought we would check out. But would you believe it, the 'powers that be' hadn't decided whether I could have the time off!!! That along with a couple of miserable customers really riled me. We made up for it in the evening though. Lizzie stayed at Mum's for the night and we went off to the theatre to see 'A Slice of Saturday Night', a musical based in the Club-A-Go-Go in 1963 - very funny and very good entertainment.

Sunday and Monday were real washouts here, as I'm sure they were wherever everyone else was. Lizzie went to the cemetry with Mum and my sister, Janice, as it was my Dad's birthday and they wanted to put some flowers on his grave (well, on his rose bush). John and I decided to take advantage of the time on our own and went out for Sunday Lunch - nothing grand, just to the cafe around the corner, but nice all the same.

This morning I've been ringing hotels and B&Bs in Norfolk trying to book a couple of rooms for 2 nights. As work couldn't decide whether to give me the time and said they would let me know Tuesday (!?!) I told them they needn't bother and I'd make other arrangements (you'd think you lived to work, not the other way round sometimes). Anyway, I've booked 2 rooms for 2 nights from tomorrow, in a 15th Century Grade II listed timbered cottage in the heart of the Norfolk countryside. Looks very nice online. We'll drive up there once John gets in from work tomorrow (I've asked him to leave work early, but...?) and should get there in time to pop along to the local for a nice dinner. On Thursday we'll drive to Great Yarmouth to see our letting agent and have a look at the house whilst Mum takes Lizzie to the Model Village (haven't seen it for years, wonder whether it's still as good as it was then?).On Friday we'll spend the day with Mum's cousin who lives quite near to where we're staying. Then drive home and back to work on Saturday. All go, eh!

I shall try to be good on the food front whilst away. But then again, I don't really think it'll be ice-cream weather!

I've seen the Consultant....

I'm just back from my visit to the Consultant this morning. I've got tears in my eyes as I type this, not for any awful reason, just from the fact that I feel down. I was Ok before I went, other than having been up for 3 hours overnight with horrible, horrible indigestion type pains. The pain woke me at about 1.30 and in the end I decided to come downstairs. An antacid and 2 pints of water later, I went back to bed at 3.45 and then laid awake for ages before dropping off. Felt like death when I had to get up for Lizzie at 7.00.

I got into to see the Consultant and really had trouble explaining my problems, maninly because the condition is chronic (the exp dia)and goes back so many years that I can't say when it started or whether there's any catalyst. The acute symptoms (the pains)that have come since stopping LighterLife and Cambridge are a lot easier to explain, but of course once I mentioned the diets, he jumped on that straight away and definitely showed his anti feelings. I'm afraid I'm rather an emotional person and when something affects me as much as this the tears well up and I find it very hard to suppress them. That's when I begin to feel really stupid and annoyed with myself. I wish I could be detached - at least whilst I'm trying to explain what's been happening to me.

Anyway, I was sent off for an x-ray of my stomach and, would you believe it, I was found to be very constipated - definitely not a diagnosis I would have given! That, apparently, would partly explain the amount of pain I've been in. So, I've come home with a couple of sachets that I have to take with water (sounds familiar!) but, in this case, I need to stay VERY close to a loo. (Acually, he was a lot more sympathetic when he saw the x-ray)

I also had loads of bloodtests and have to go back to see him for the results on the 4th June. To be continued.....

Thought I'd cheer myself up with a bit of retail therapy after I left the hospital but all to no avail. I really don't like shopping for clothes. I only tried on a pair of cropped trousers in Next but even the 16 wouldn't go round my bloated tummy. So, into Starbucks for a skinny cappuchino, and home.

John's just got in and he wants to pop to Lakeside to buy some trousers, so off to the dreaded shops again. Catch up with you all later.

LATER: back from Lakeside. John's got his trousers and I bought a crocheted white cardigan from Wallis (it's lovely), so not a totally wasted shopping trip. Lizzie was hankering after a baby hamster from the pet shop but we didn't cave in. We honestly didn't believe that she'd clean him out!!! Oh, and 3 pairs of lacy knickers. My existing ones look a little too like the ones on 'How To Look Good Naked' (the before shots!).

John and I managed to have a good talk while we were having a cup of tea and Lizzie was deciding what to buy in the petshop. He understands why I feel so upset about today at the hospital - basically, because I've put up with everything for so long. He's going to make sure he comes with me on the 4th as I can never take in what's being said to me when I'm a little 'traumatised'.

Have a good weekend everyone.

It worked!

Great. I'm back in the Land of Blog.

Not much has happened over the last few days, so not much to say really. I'm not at work today and I'm really ashamed to admit that I've done nothing other than hang a couple of loads of washing on the line (in my newly pruned garden) and watch TV. There's loads I could be doing, and loads I should be doing, but I just don't have the energy or the motivation at the moment. It's always the same when I'm not at work - I get lonely and down. I never used to be like this. I used to do things, I used to have hobbies. It's almost as though I'm trying to capture the little time I have to myself and 'recuperate' but all I do is feel guilty about being at home. I'm not making sense, am I?

I went to the GP this morning to pick up the letter for the hospital on Friday. I had to have a peek (as you do) and it came as a shock to see her comments on my medical history, namely depression (actually no longer a problem -although you wouldn't think so from this post), hysterctomy (but she got the date wrong by 6 years) and obesity. To see the word obesity written down to describe me came as a blow. No wonder I feel down.

Don't know what happened to the last post..

Thanks everyone for your comments on my last post - I found them all on the days before or , from mrs, on Cath's (I think!). I don't know what happened to the 'comments' link. Hopefully everything will be ok this time. So I'm just about to post this to see if it works. Here goes......

Dieting together helps you lose weight......

I've just read an article about dieting in Prima magazine. It says that for a diet or exercise plan to be successful you should get a buddy to go along with you. Apparently, researchers at Tufts University in the US have found that regular support helped people stick with a weight-loss plan. See! I knew there was a pretty good reason for this blogging lark!!!!

I hope everyone is doing well. I've had quite a few positive comments this weekend about the change in my body shape. But I've also had another friend say that I look older. She suggested that I keep the weight off my body but put it back on in my face (I'd oblige if I could).

As to the teaser I posted on Lesley's blog: John and I went to one of his colleague's houses on Friday and we've bought a Pilates Performer from her. She didn't have a very large house and the family complained every time she left it up in the living room. I've looked at the machines on QVC over the months and John is due to start Pilates classes along with physio for his back so we decided to take a look. To buy from QVC the machine would have cost about £200, but we managed to get Sarah to take £40 off us and she was happy, so a win-win situation all round. We've yet to put the bed together so I can't say I've had a go yet but we'll get it sorted in the next few days hopefully.

I've also been doing the step machine. I haven't pulled it into the middle of the room though this time as I tend to loose balance, so I keep it in fromt of the french doors and keeping one finger on the door frame to keep me steady I can happily step away while looking over the garden. John doesn't beleive I've been using it as it hasn't been moved and he says it's a bit dusty (well that's just my lack of housekeeping showing up).

Talking of gardens (as I just was); we don't have an enormous garden (85ft x 24ft) but it's full of mature shrubs that have now become a little too overgrown. I'm ashamed to admit that we don't look after the garden as well as we used to - life has changed, daughter has grown up, we've got older, John's back, etc, etc. We used to have a gardener a few years back and decided maybe it was time to get another to prune shrubs correctly, rather than just hack and hope for the best (I have a weigela that John cut back just before it bloomed one year. It's taken about another 4 for it to come back to anywhere near how good it used to look). Anyway, I came home the other week and parked outside my house was a large gardener's van so I stuck a note under his windscreen for him to knock. He did, I booked him, and he came last Friday; and 31/2 hours and £100 later I have a garden with a 'new haircut'. I made the girls at work laugh about it as, when they kept forgetting and then asking me what I was doing with my day off, I reminded them that I was having Desperate Housewives day. (you remember - Gabrille Solis and her gardener,for fans of DH). I hasten to put the record straight - the DH day was all in my head. But the gardener was a bit of a hunk!

I've just been reading everyone's blogs and commented on something Lesley said about exercise and what the individual LighterLife counsellors feelings are on exercise and LighterLifing. We didn't get as far as discussing exercise as I only got to week 3 before I had to stop. I know Heather (my LLC) had been reading this, and if you still are and are willing to comment, then please email me with your views. Exercise seems to be a contentious point with some people. And if you are still reading Heather, sorry I haven't sent you that Lifeline we spoke about last time I saw you. I'm not going to make excuses (you'd just see straight through them!) and I really want to make time to do it. I read a lot on the blogs about the work you are all doing in class and really wish I had been able to continue taking part but another part of me finds it all quite scary. I don't find it easy to analyse myself and come to any worthwhile conclusions (hence probably the reason I haven't sent Heather the Lifeline). I do envy the self-knowledge that mrs, Lesley and Sam have got from the classes.

Hope you're all having a good Sunday and that the weather's fine wherever you all are. It's sunny here but a little windy, so chilly in the shade. Have a good week everyone.

Chris x (((hugs))) to all.

Made the BUPA appointment

All set for Friday, 25th May @ 10.45am. Need to pick up a referral letter from the GP

Just a few thoughts about eating....

I was responding to one of mrs' posts this morning and felt that I'd copy it here. I had mixed emotions about having to come off LighterLife and Cambridge and was really worried about how I would manage back on food. There must be others out there feeling the same, hence this post:

"Having been both on a VLCD and now trying to 'eat to lose weight' I can expand on your thoughts slightly. I was really nervous about starting to eat again, especially as I couldn't do a Management route where food was introduced gradually. Even though, before dieting, I didn't have a 'see food and had to eat it mentality', I still had a huge problem with my weight and I was petrified that once I started eating I wouldn't be able to stop, and the getting on for 3 stone that I've lost would all come straight back on again. This was especially a worry as one of the benefits of ketosis is a mild suppresion of hunger. I thought that once hunger was an option, that would be it.

This was one of the reasons I wanted to stay in ketosis for as long as I could, along with the fat-burning benefit. I'm more than happy to report though that I'm out of ketosis, I'm eating healthily (even allowing an occasional glass of wine) and the weight is going down - slowly, but now going the right way, after an slight increase (probably the glycogen being replaced).
And I have been too busy to eat - and I have stopped when I feel I've had enough. And I've found that my stomach has found the 'off-switch'.

So, I feel more in control than I have for a really long time."

Seen the doctor

I sat in the waiting room for half an hour before I got to see my GP. I was in two minds whether to stay or leave. I've been in pain today, but I wasn't when in the surgery. It's at the times when I have problems that I know I need to see the doctor, but when I'm Ok I feel I'd be wasting her time and I should just get on with life. Anyway, I sat there and eventually got in. She was lovely. She knows the problems I've had in the past. I explained about how my eyes reacted to the foodpacks, the return of the bowel problems, and the amount of pain I've had since starting back on food. To cut a long story short, she agreed to refer me to a dietician, but then she decided to check out my tummy. That changed everything. She noticed that my abdomen was very swollen, and more on one side than the other, so I am being referred firstly to a gastro-enterologist. I need to contact the local BUPA hospital to make an appointment and then she'll do a letter for the consultant. So here we go again! I just hope there's not another colonoscopy on the agenda.

Another goal met

I wasn't at work yesterday so I decided to have a relaxing afternoon. What better than a cup of tea, a good book and a hot bath (all together). What's so different about a bath, I hear you say. Well, a lot, if you haven't been able to have one for years. I've showered for about 3 years or so now, having been unable to pull myself up out of the bath and ending uo getting into a panic with the thought of needing help to get out. We changed our bathroom suite a few years back, from a cream suite with a 750cm bath with handles to a white 600cm steel bath, with no grips. At the time I thought a bath was a bath, was a bath. But, how wrong! With my weight gain, and admittedly, a lack of arm strength, I've found it increasingly difficult to use the bath. I thought I'd give it a go yesterday, and viola, Easy!! Sat forward, hands on side of bath, quick push, and I was up!

I was feeling so relaxed in the bath that my book almost ended up in the water - I kept dosing off. A nice feeling. Showers are great for what they're meant for, but you really can't beat a little bit of luxury, can you?

I did my self-imposed weighin yesterday morning and I've lost a pound. I'm noot back to the 12stone yet, but I've lost 1 of the 3lb I put on, so it's going in the right direction.

I'm off to the doctor's this afternoon to ask for a referral. The problems with the eyes have settled now; the redness has gone and the surrounding skin is just a little dry now. But I'm still having the bowel problems and the tummy pain. I don't want to go to see the GP as the symptoms aren't quite as bad this week but John will go mad if I don't keep the appointment, so I had better. I''let you know what happens.

Have a good day!

Flipping Internet Connections!!

I haven't posted for a few days, firstly because I've been busy and secondly because we lost the internet connection with Virgin. We've also had problems with the On Demand on the TV freezing up so I had to keep resetting the set-top box. I just wanted to throw the box through the window in the end. I spent time on Friday afternoon trying to sort out the TV and John spent most of yesterday sorting out the Internet connection.

I managed to look at a couple of blogs on Friday before it all crashed, and that was when I wrote the 'tome' to Lesley. Just as I was finishing the phone rang and it was my nephew, Lee (the new Dad to Charlie). He said that he had just left Nanny's and that I should get over there straight away as she was doubled up in pain. Quick phone call to John to divert him off the tube on the way home to meet me at Mum's; jump into the car and struggle through the rush hour traffic worrying all the way (Mum suffers from angina - 3 or 4 miles but seemed longer); should I drop Liz off at Lisa's (just in case)? What do I find when I get there? Mum sitting in the living room watching Countdown (or whatever). I didn't say why I was there; just said I'd popped over with her Avon order. So we started chatting and then the reason for the 'doubled-up in pain' was explained. She'd had a gippy tummy all day and had been running to the loo a lot. I could have killed Lee! I was glad Mum was OK but I could have done without my stress levels going through the roof. I phoned Lee's mobile to tell him that Nanny was fine and that she only had an upset tummy - his response? "I know, I just didn't want her to be on her own". It's a good thing I couldn't get hold of him at that moment. Did he think I had nothing better to do? His own mother only lives 5 minutes away from Mum, as well!

A little bit of background on Lee which I haven't written about, hoping it would all resolve itself. Him and Lisa have split up. Lee has been on secondment to a local Forces Recruitment office as part of his paternity leave whilst awaiting the birth of Charlie. They fell out before the baby was born. I tried to tell him that she was 9 months pregnant and her hormones would be reeling etc. They got back together again when Charlie arrived but it only lasted a couple of weeks. I don't know the full story, and I don't really want to, but Lee moved back into my Mum's house (where he stays when he's home on leave - he's in the Royal Navy). Anyway, we went over to see the baby at Mum's yesterday for the last time for possibly some time as Lee has him for a couple of hours each weekend. He's gone back to Plymouth this afternoon so we're going to have to see what happens in the future. Lee will be home on leave before he goes to sea in July but I'm not sure when or how often. I shall miss Charlie if we don't get to see him- he's such a sweet little thing and is just beginning to make eye-contact and gurgle and smile.

Diet matters! - won't weigh myself, but I'm feeling a little bloated so I've probably gained again.

I decided yesterday that I probably had to invest in a couple of new bras as the two I bought just before Christmas are now doing absolutely nothing for my 'assets'. Tracy, the owner of the lingerie shop I go to was really impressed with the amount I've lost. She measured me and said I'd gone down 2 band sizes and 3 cup sizes!! I came away with 2 bras and I also bought Lizzie her first 'real' bra. That was a true rite of passage, and I ended up in tears (silly cow!).

Had a good morning in my Saturday Branch. I was in the banking hall, rather than on the till, so that made a change. Once again, the young lad in the office was admiring, he said, 'Looking good, Chris!' Oh, was I happy? You bet I was!

Today, we've been back to Lakeside to do my take-back. I don't like going to the shops on a Sunday. All the world and his wife is always there, but I'm not going to be able to get there for a week or two so it had to be done. Then we went over to Mum's to pick her up and bring her back to ours as Lee left this afternoon and at least she wouldn't have to be on her own.

So here I am catching up on the blogs. So I shall say Bye, Bye now and read everyone else's.

Camera's on the blink

Sorry, everyone. No age-defying outfit photo, I'm afraid. My camera appears to have given up the ghost. I've no-one to blame but myself. I made the mistake of taking it onto a very sandy beach last summer. It's worked occasionally over the last months. I usually put rechargeable batteries in it and had thought the batteries were coming to the end of their natural life so we bought some more. The camera still didn't seem to work for long and John said maybe the problem was the recharger. So to check I tried the camera with ordinary AA Duracells, still no luck. It looks as though I'll have to invest in a new camera. So until that time, my hippy chick look will have to stay in the imagination!

Shopping in Lakeside....

I love all you girls! If one of us is a little down there's always someone out there to help pull you up and make you feel better. So, 'Thank You', Mel and Lesley.

Lesley, the scales I use are electronic and made by Salter. I've just looked in the Argos catalogue but they don't have the actual model I have but item 14 on page 949 (832/6009) or even item 15 (832/1839) both priced £29.99 are very similar. I use my sey on a vinyl floor and as the design is tiled I can always make sure they are placed in the same spot. The scales always agreed with the LighterLife scales and were always 2lbs lighter than the Cambridge ones.

And thank you Lesley for saying I'm not old....and am part of the furniture (hmm?)

As you were writing your post to me, Mel, I was doing just as you suggested. I was out shopping. I decided to take a trip to Lakeside Shopping Centre as BHS had a 20% off day. I managed to pick up quite a few bits for Lizzie in Tammy in BHS and a couple of bits for John and because I thought I just had to get something for myself I bought a pair of trousers, a dressy top and a knitted cardigan jacket. I didn't try any of them on, so they're all going back (my friend Lisa calls me the 'take-back queen'). I didn't actually enjoy being in BHS today. Normally I manage to pick up a few separates but the shop seemed more like a jumble sale today. There were loads and loads of tee-shirts on display, all in very garrish colours and un-coordinated. It was like an exlosion in a paint factory. Must definitely have been the window-dressers week off!

I then went along to H&M, not a shop I normally look for anything for me in, but managed to buy 2 great tops (in medium). I put them on at home and said that I was going all 'hippy chick' and they reminded me of something from the 70s. Lizzie made me laugh - she said I always say that if you wore them the first time round then you should never wear them the second time. From the mouths of babes, eh? Anyway, I tried the tops on with a pair of (cough, cough) size 14 straight leg jeans I found the other day at the back of the wardrobe and in the 250 years or so that they've been hiding there they seem to have stretched to fit! Lizzie decided, though, that I needed some help and dashed off to find a belt and some beads and then stuck my hair up in a high ponytail. If it hadn't been for the eyes I could have been 18 again!...LOL!! One good thing I noticed when I had my hair up was that I could see visible collarbones and my neck looked longer and slimmer - so one of my goals met. Yay!

Whilst I was out I felt a little peckish so I then had the dieter's dilemma of not knowing where or what to eat. I didn't want any obvious 'fast food' or a sandwich as I haven't eaten bread since January, so decided in the end to go up to the food hall for a Burger King flame-grilled chicken salad. I really didn't want this but thought it would be the best of many evils. But when I got upstairs I saw a new food bar - a salad bar!! Wow, something I could actually choose to eat. So I had a Greek Salad - 'expensive' leaves, cherry toms, cucumber, sweetcorn, olives and feta cheese all covered in oil - olive, so loads of Omega 3's going in. Very scrummy ......and a bottle of water. All for the princely sum of £5.46. I know where I'll be eating next time I go back.

I'm going to post this quick now as it's the second time I've written it as the internet connection lost it as I went to post last time. I now need to look quickly at everyone else's. So night, night all.