Hard going

At last I've managed to find the time to post. First, I couldn't get on the laptop and then I couldn't get onto Blogger. But, never mind, I didn't really have much to say.

I don't suppose I've really been 'dieting' at all this week. I feel a little down actually. I was at work on Monday but I'm not needed for a few days so I've been at home. No matter how much I'm beginning to dislike being at work I get horribly 'down' when I'm at home on my own. I can see how the depression could set in again. I popped into Town on Tuesday morning to meet 'the girls' for breakfast (only coffee and toast, but the waitress forgot the toast) and then off to Tesco's for the weekly shop, but since then I've been 'home alone'.

I thought of going to Lakeside but I don't have the money of the enthusiasm for that. There's nothing we really need for the home, I haven't done particularly well in buying bits for Lizzie recently(I can't seem to get the sizing right for her) and there isn't anything I'm desperate for for myself. I also find it rather soul-destroying just wandering the shops on my own, unless I'm there for a particular purpose.

I was reading Mrs Lard's post yesterday about her shopping trip with other members of her LighterLife group and I felt quite envious of her. She's had her own issues over acceptance of her changing body shape and that she's now smaller and able to fit into and buy clothes that in the past she thought were completely out of her league, which I'm sure everyone else following LighterLife and Cambridge or similar have had to face. I thought that by now I would be in a similar position. That I would have reached my target weight and the greatest worry I would have would be which pair of tousers/skirt/dress/top (delete as appropriate) I wanted to buy. But although I have lost 2 1/2 stone and now in a size 14 I'm beginning to not feel smaller anymore. My tummy feels bloated. I feel....bigger. I know I'm not; I weighed myself on Tuesday morning and I've lost 1lb since the last time I weighed. Still not down to that 11 something though. One of the things that came out of Mrs's post was that as a bigger woman you/I are/am so happy to find something that fits that you/I buy it just because it does fit and feel grateful (?) that there's actually something in the shops for you/me. Mrs said she was afraid of buying something because she was afraid she wouldn't fit into it next week. Well, maybe she won't, but that will be because she's lost more weight. With me it could be because I've put the weight back on.

I was walking along the road the other day in jeans and a tee-shirt and the husband of a friend was walking towards me. 'You've lost a lot of weight, Christine?' he said. So it is still noticeable. I suppose I've just got complacent. But I want more to come off; and I want it to come off quickly like on LighterLife. I thought I might get in touch with my Cambridge Counsellor again and purchase a few more packs (if she'll let me, because Cambridge also said I had to stop when she spoke to them) and then I thought I could have packs along with food on one of their menu programmes (can't remember the names of them at the mo, I'd have to get the books out). I'm not sure what to do. Yesterday I had a Slimfast bar for breakfast, today my eyes are 'pinker', and itchy. So I suppose I'd have the same problems if I started on Cambridge again.

Oh, s*d it, s*d it, s*d it!!!

Bad day again. Sorry! I'll work it out and be better soon.....