Getting in early..

John's left for work, Lizzie's left for school, so I'm getting in with my blog early before I go off to work otherwise I won't stand a chance when we all get home.

Thanks for the lovely comments and hugs Ameythist, Lesley and Cath. I'll try not to get any further ailments, Lesley, Im fed up of sounding like a hypochondriac. John thought the doctor should have looked at carrying out tests, Cath, but, to be honest, I'mjust happy now if I can keep the eyes cleared up - we'll cross that bridge when and if I have any more problems.

I'm cheered up! The hydrocortisone cream has worked. I'm just back to having brownish shadows on my eyes which, as I said before, looks remarkably like a beige eyeshadow.

Seeing John's brother and wife yesterday was very nice. Although Jim and Jo only live in North London we really don't see much of them. We probably only catch up at Christmas and maybe 2 or 3 times during the year. Jo's also lost a lot of weight since I last saw her. She's been doing a low GI diet and has lost about 21/2stone (down to 9st 7lb or there abouts......grrr) and also doing some sort of dance class - NIA. I've never heard of it. I think it's some kind of free-movement class that isn't very widespread in the UK (came from the States, of course) and it sounds all rather hippy to me - just Jo's cup of tea. But I somehow don't think it would fit into the East End or Essex - hence no classes listed on the internet in this area.

I cooked a very nice low GI meal that fitted well into my new regime and had a fruit salad for dessert. I started incorporating fruit into my diet on Friday, mainly so that I could have breakfast! Everyone enjoyed the mea; and I enjoyed a glass of white wine - hmmm.

I had my weekly weigh-in this morning and checked my ketones. I'm still in ketosis and the pink registered on the 3rd one in (according to Heather - LLC- that was perfect for LighterLife, I just hope that's Ok now and it shouldn't be darker). And for the weight result........drumroll.......I've lost 3lbs - weyhey!



Well off to work now to see what the day brings (more of the same I suppose) and I'll try very hard to get on later to check in with everybody. Have a good week.

I'm a petunia...

I am a Petunia What Flower Are You?

Went to the doctors

I had an appointment at the doctor' this morning. I asat there explaining how and when the eye problem started but she wasn't interested. She told me I was over-analysing (me?) it and that it was eczema around the eye and we just had to get it cleared up. She wasn't intrested in the fact that I'd never suffered from eczema before and that it coincided with starting the packs. She said she was really proud of the way I had lost the weight and that I was keeping on - some consolation, I suppose.

So, I'm on Dermacort, a hydrocortisone cream, twice a day until it clears up. Great! Why it happened I don't know. It's really itchy and I feel like a pariah - I don't want to go out or see people. It's a good thing the sun was out this afternoon as I could go round to the newsagent with my sunspecs on. I still felt a little silly in the shop with them on though.

We have John's brother and wife coming for Sunday lunch. I'm not looking forward to the comments (not sarky, but just things like I should be doing this or that to lose weight, not the sort I've been doing, you now the thing).

Off to work in the morning. Out comes the war paint again.

Sorry, a little down at the moment. I'm tired and fed up with the eye problems and I also heard this afternoon of a death (hence the trip to the newsagent for a card) . She was an old lady and I think she died in her sleep but she was lovely. Lizzie had a little weep when I told her as she was always so nice to Liz.

Hope everyone has a good weeekend.

Haven't been on for 3 days!!!

I haven't been able to get on for 3 days as the other 2 have hogged the computer when I've been around, but I haven't been in much this week. So I haven't caught up on everyone else's yet - to be remedied soon! John had a hospital visit on Monday evening to check up on his MRI scan. Everything was fine. He has a problem with the 5th vertebrae in his back and there's a piece of gristle protruding from the spinal canal. Luckily, his spinal canal is quite wide, according to the consultant, which means that he shouldn't need an operation to remove it. He must just be aware, and he's off to physio and pilates for some help. So all good there in the end. I was at a parish finance meeting on Tuesday evening (yawn!) and then last night I went out with some ex-colleagues and did we laugh! It was so good to catch up. And I was very good - char-grilled salmon and steamed veggies and 1 glass of white wine...low on carbs white wine (if you want to know for the future - much lower than red).

I'm glad you liked the diet explanation, Sam. It's not Atkins, well similar, but without all the butter, double cream and fats. I'm taking fat off meat etc. and only using a little olive or sunflower oil. And I am in ketosis. I went along to my Cambridge counsellor on Monday evening, Mel, and picked up a box of ketostix (I couldn't face being cross-examined in the chemist), so I pre-empted your comment there. I checked yesterday morning and I was still in ketosis - so it looks as though I can get away with the occasional glass of vino - but I will be cautious. I was quite into the purple and Heather my LighterLife counsellor saifd that that shows you are dehydrated. Has anyone else noticed this when testing?.....note to self: Must Drink More Water!

Cath, thanks for the offer of sending some books through. I've actually got quite a few GI diet books and the Food Doctor Plan which is more or less based on GI but I just haven't found the TIME to get into them.....along with everything else these flipping blogs take up too much time!!!!! Only joking. I don't think I'd have got this far if it hadn't been for our mutual support. I have withdrawal symptoms at the moment and will be catching up with all yours once I've published this.

I think I'll contract Mel to be my personal menu planner. She seems to have so many ideas - and they're working! Ok, Mel, a few days menus in advance suit you? - mainly breakfst ideas as I get stuck there on this self-imposed regime....lol

Claire, I read in my comments that you've gone back to food. I'll catch up on your reasons when I read yours but I wish you all the luck in the world and am here to support you if needed - I'll just send you on Mel's menus....heehee. Thanks for your admiration of my stamina but I've made a promise to myself to lose this weight and if I can't keep a promise to myself then who can I keep it for? I shall perservere as long as I can and if I reach a plateau I'll just have to accept it and restart a couple of weeks later.

I went to work today with very swollen and red eyes again. Not as bad as they were at the beginning of the month but they're very itchy. Luckily, as we're into the hayfever season customers probably thought it was just hayfever...and there's no way I could cope without copious amounts of green base and foundation. As I'm not on packs any longer and it was last Saturday that I actually ate that dratted low carb bar, I've made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow....so we shall see.

Right now to catch up on everyone else's.

Finding ways to eat properly

I like your idea of breakfast, Lesley, and I have had a fried egg (in a little sunflower oil) and grilled bacon a few times - I'm not very good at poaching. That's great when you've got time in the mornings but normally I'm getting Lizzie out the door and then myself 20 mins later so it's not easy to cook in the morning. The reason, therefore, that I bought the low carb bars. But there you go. I shall try to adjust what I'm doing at the moment - I'm wondering whether I can introduce a little fruit - like the speedy ones on SW, raspberries, strawberries etc and still stay in ketosis??

I'm not sure whether I'm in ketosis now though. I'd actually put on 1lb this week but I shall weigh again in the morning to see what's happened. It's horrible now - at least on LighterLife you know you're going to lose each week if you're keeping to the Plan. I'm now back in that awful place where you have the moments of panic before stepping on the scales and then feel demotivated if there's a gain. Boohoohoo!

Mel, I really fancy that recipe you put on for me yesterday. I had been thinking of having stuffed peppers. Normally, that would be with a savoury mince and rice. But your recipe sounds so scrummy that I think I'll have a go at it. John and Liz could have rice or pasta with it. Thanks a lot.

The eyes have it...again!!!

Ahh, Lesley and Sam, such lovely comments. And Sam - we all care about how each one of us is doing and, I'm sure, will always give as much support as we possibly can, considering our limitations.

I'm trying to give a true account of how this revised (once again!) diet is going but am more than aware that nearly everyone who reads this (barring Mel) is abstaining or thinking of abstaining from food. Hence the apologies from mewhen I mention food. But I do want to keep this as a diary of my ups and downs and trials and tribulations and, of course now my diet regime has changed to one where I eat, then food has to be a part of the diary.

Have I actually said how I'm working the diet yet? I'm not sure I if I have so if I repeat myself, please excuse me.......As I was in ketosis when I stopped the Cambridge Diet foodpacks, I decided I didn't want to lose the fat burning benefits of ketosis so I did a little (well a lot, really) of research on the internet and came up with a way of eating that would hopefully keep the fat burning at a similar rate as on LghterLife and Cambridge. I know the Atkins Diet puts you in a ketosis state but I was really unsure about the high saturated fats that were allowed on his plan. So I have adapted ideas from several sources and come up with a plan of my own that appears to be working at the moment. I'm almost certain I'm still in ketosis although I haven't got any ketostix to check, but I'm keeping to foods that will hopefully keep me there, and I'm not feeling any of the hunger pangs that normally go hand-in-hand with dieting. I just get peckish occasionally.

I'm eating lean meats, poultry, fish, shellfish and eggs, supplemented with loads of vegetables (other than potatoes, peas, sweetcorn and any type of beans) and salads. I'm not eating any bread, pasta, rice or cereals. Basically, low-carbing. If you know Slimming World, then I'm doing the free foods on a red day. I shall only keep this up whilst still in ketosis and have a rethink later down the line. Maybe, then I could actually do Slimming World red days......?

Prior to LighterLife I always had breakfast - normally a muesli or porridge or Special K, so I'm missing having a meal at this time. Not through hunger really, but just psychologically. So on Friday I saw Tesco own-brand Carb Control Chocolate Chip breakfast bars which only contained 2.2g net of carbs and 142 cals so I thought I could easily incorporate those into the diet (other than the cost - £3.99 for 5 bars!). Anyway, I bought a box but couldn't wait 'til the morning to try them so had one Friday evening. It was scrummy and rather filling and I thought I'd hit gold. Until I woke for work yesterday morning, that is - there staring back at me from the mirror was a red mark on my left eyelid. I thought, "No! imagination, it's nothing". So I ignored it and hoped it would go away. We went to the theatre in the evening, I had my glass of wine, came home and I was feeling a little peckish (the theatre and wine does that to me, I'm afraid) so I thought I'd try another bar. WRONG!! I woke this morning with itchy red eyes and it's got worse as the day's worn on.

I've a few packs of LL and CDs left so I've sat comparing ingredients with the bars and the only ones all three contain are milk powder and soya. So where does that leave me? What's my problem? Before LighterLife I've eaten these ingredients - in fact you eat them without realising, as you can tell from reading contents labels.

I AM NOT A HYPOCHONDRIAC. I enjoy feeling well and in fact was only saying to Mum on Friday that I haven't felt so well in ages, and was sure that it was due to the way I was eating - along with the weightloss, of course. We were sitting down with a coffee and sandwich (well Mum had the sandwich) before doing the weekly shop and I was rabbiting away 19 to the dozen. I laughed and said it was almost as if I was on speed. Mum said I was looking really well and was definitely a lot more animated than I have been in a long time. I had got to the point that I was so down on myself that I couldn't even be bothered to hold a conversation. (I think the family relish those days now!!)

So no low carb bars for me now. I went to the library yesterday and took a few books out on low carbing and Atkins to get a few more ideas on how to continue and I'll be noting a few things here. You never know, it may help someone who decides to follow a similar route.

Onwards and downwards (weight-wise).........

Good day today

The compliments were flying today at work. As I only go into that Branch on a Saturday and not everyone is in every week the change is more obvious to them as it's probably 2 or 3 weeks since some of the have seen me. And one of the customers said, "Hello, Gorgeous" as he came over to me so all was well in the working front.....heeheehee.......pity he wasn't gorgeous though.

I managed to avoid Elizabeth most of yesterday evening. After I'd told her to get out of my sight she'd gone upstairs to her bedroom. About half hour later I went up to her thinking she was probably on her computer playing The Sims and to stop her. But she was undressed and in bed. At 5.0pm! So I left her there until dinner-time. She came down for her dinner and went straight back up again. So I let her. Then I was out for a while when I took Mum home. So that was it. I didn't see her before I went to work this morning as they were both still in their pits. Things got easier this afternoon. She apologised (with a little prompting) and we drove over to Mum's for her to stay the night as John and I were off to the theatre this evening. I haven't seen the offending cut strand properly today as she has stuck it back behind her ear - I think it'll probably be ther until it grows out!.

After the disappointment of my weighin, that I have 'officially' set for Monday mornings now - if you remember, only 3/4lb for the first week of eating- I didn't think I could wait until next week so I weighed on Thursday morning and I've lost another 21/4lb. So that's 3lbs in a week and a half and I don't think that's too bad at all considering I've been on liquids for such a long time and all of a sudden I'm introducing a higher amount of calories. I just hope I can continue in ketosis.

I even allowed myself a glass of white wine at the theatre as there aren't many carbs in it. Sorry, girls..............

Off to bed now. Night night

Oh, the support....

Everyone is so supportive. It's fantastic. Thanks for everyone's comments on my brush with indigestion. You all made me laugh. And hello to Amethyist and Kirsty. I'm not really a hypochondriac - but you may be forgiven for thinking I am. Thank you for the advice about the peppermint tea, Amethyist. I didn't know that drinking the tea would aggravate the condition; peppermint has always been a well-known remedy for heartburn and indigestion, hasn't it. I'm happy to report that I took one Pepcid 2 tablet and the pain went completely within about 20 mins - so definitely one for your medecine cabinets. And I haven't had any trouble since. As I thought it was probably just my body getting used to solid food again.

You lot are wicked. Fancy encouraging me to wake John when he was soundly asleep. How could you!

I wasn't at work today and what with everyone talking about the new clothes they'd been buying I thought I'd take a trip to Matalan (not wanting to buy anything expensive as yet) but couldn't find anything I liked - either too casual, and I have plenty of casual for now, or too officey, and I wear a I uniform for work so no use to me. So onto Tesco. I tried on 2 dresses, size 16 - didn't fit. I was disappointed until I told myself that they were only £15 so I should expect them to be skimped. But it didn't help my self-esteem too much. I know! 2 months ago I was looking at 18/20s so I should be happy, but it just seemed to emphasise the problem I have with clothes shopping. I hate it!

I've had problems today with Elizabeth. She's been on at me for weeks about having her hair layered. It was blunt cut to about 3 or 4 inches below her shoulders and was fine as she was able to tie it back for school and karate. I didn't think a 12yr old would be able to cope with layers so I've been trying to hold out but she wore me down. I made the apointment with my hairdresser but asked to cut it so that E could still put it up. So she had it cut and blow-dried yesterday, was really happy with it and came home from school to say that her frinds liked it and even her geography teacher had commented and said how good her hair looked. All fine you would think. NO! She decided to put it in a ponytail and bring forward a thin section which would hang down the side of her face. Any of you with a teenage daughter will probably know what I mean. On doing so she found a few stray strands that were a little longer than the rest of the part brought forward. She got the kitchen scissors and said she wanted to cut them. I told her to leave it and to let me see, but what does Mummy know? She wanted to do it herself and wouldn't let me anywhere near. The next thing I know she came out to the kitchen to show me what she'd done. She'd blunt cut about a 1inch wide strand of hair to the top of her cheek! So there we are with a newly layered style, graduated around the face, with a 'step' up the side. I went mad! Screamed at her, called her 'a stupid child', I'm afraid to say, and told her to get out of my sight. Maybe a little over the top, but if I'm honest, I could have hit her - and that's not something I do. She's grounded now, no youth club this evening and no Disney Channel (until I say so....this could go on for some time). I was shaking with anger and I was upset; her hair looked so good and now I'll have to take her back to have it 'repaired'.

What I was really upset about was that this is the second time she has taken the scissors to her hair. When she was 10 she decided that her fringe was too long and thought she would cut it. She stopped when she was within 1cm of her hairline. It took months and months to grow out. She knew how angry I was and promised never to do anything like it again. Oh, yeah!

The joys of parenthood, Lesley!

Side effects of eating?

Thank you Mrs for your comments. Yes, my eyes are clearing up nicely now that I'm off the packs. They just look slightly bruised now, and to be honest, it just looks as though I'm wearing a light brown eye-shadow. The red, dry itchy patches under my chin are taking longer to heal but as each day goes by it gets better. So all to the good.

Wouldn't you believe it, I think I've found a side effect to eating!!!. I woke up about 4.00am with a really awful indigestion type pain at the top of my stomach. I couldn't get back to sleep so got up to hunt for some antacids. Couldn't find them in the bathroom so thought they may have been in my bedside table drawer. So, rather than wake dear hubbie, I went searching with a torch - I'm sure he'd have nudged me awake if it was him looking, but there you go. Anyway, didn't find any so got up and made a peppermint tea and sat down in front of the telly (dozing). Went back to bed about 6.00am when John got up and he gave me a prescription drug the GP had given him for reflux. I didn't want to take it but I was desperate to get rid of the pain. It helped, but not much and I've had a rather uncomfortable day at work.

The pain in the middle of the night felt just like the pain after my hysterectomy when I had an obstructed bowel. But then I was on morphine to help - what I would have done for an intravenous drip last night! At that time I was on a drip for about 10 days, didn't eat a thing in that time and lost a stone. Great, but not the best way to lose weight.

It wasn't something I'd eaten as John and I had the same last night, so I think it's my digestive system reacting to the invasion of solid food after only having to cope with liquids for the last 7 or 8 weeks. So, be warned. Follow the maintenance plan to the letter.

I've been to the pharmacy and stocked up with antacids - so indigestion beware!

I shall get dehydrated.....

If I'm not careful I'm going to get dehydrated again. I've been really busy at work and only managed to drink less than 1/2 litre of water all day. I'm at home now trying to sling it down my neck - and feeling rather sick. I'm no good at drinking lots of water - that's why it was so good when I went over to Cambridge as you don't need to drink so much on their diet.

Even though I felt rather down at only losing 3/4lb last week, the girls at work said straight away that the losses were really showing. I hadn't seen Angela for 2 weeks and she said that I looked obviouly slimmer - ooh, I dooo like that girl!

I read an atrticle about being in ketosis on the Internet and the chap was saying that because you lose body fat and not muscle tissue, as in low fat diets, then your body shape actually changes and becomes more toned. On low fat diets or calorie restricted diets you lose muscle tissue and your shape doesn't actually change -if you had a beer belly then you still have a beer belly, albeit a little smaller and if you have a big butt you will have a smaller big butt.

Maybe this is why the weightloss is noticable over the last week or so even though I haven't actualy lost a lot on the scales. As I said before, you don't carry the scales around to show off your losses, it's so much better to see your figure conform to the shape you want. I put a short-sleeved top on last Tuesday and it was a little snug around the arms (so I kept my jacket on). 7 days on, the same top is more roomy around the arms (and it has been washed, so not stretched through wear). So only 3/4lbs loss on the scales, but so much more in the body. This showed at the few weighins I had on the Cambridge Diet. Each week Jackie not only weighed me but measured the wasist - I was averaging 1-11/2ins per week. Definitely something I will keep in mind if the weightloss is slower dieting as I now am.

John's birthday today

Elizabeth doesn't go back to school until tomorrow and it's John's birthday today so I decided to take them out for lunch - treat on me! We were going to drive out to the forest, park the car and walk throught the woods to the pub/restaurant but, all best laid plans and all that, we ended up driving direct to the pub. It's been some time since we've been there and it's changed hands. Much posher, with prices to match. You can always tell a place is going to be expensive just from the loos, can't you - you know, fancy sanitary ware and posh soap dipensers. But we had a lovely meal together and I even managed to low carb - didn't even have a taster of E's Chocolate Dirt Pie (mud pie to the rest of us) and drank fizzy water and black coffee. So good on me!

The music in the restaurant was really nice and laid back as well. I said to John it sounded as though they'd got hold of my ipod as most of the tracks they had on were on mine, or soon will be as I took a note of a few to download (sad, or what?)

After lunch we drove to the Hainault Country Park and had a nice wander around the children's farm and down to the lake. It was a beautiful day again and a real change for us to have an outing like this. We should do more of it.

The day didn't start off too well. I stood by my pledge not to weigh myself over the week so it was onto the scales directly I got up this morning (saying a little prayer that I wouldn't have gained as I've been totally off the packs since last Wednesday). Well, I didn't gain, but I've only lost 3/4lb and feel rather miffed that although I've keept to low-carbing, not cheated at all, carried on drinking the water, the loss is so low. I did a wee test which shows that I'm still in ketosis and that I'm doing much better on the dehydration front. The only thing I can think of is that because I haven't eaten anything solid whilst on LighterLife or Cambridge my body is just adjusting to the foods I'm now having. As the test shows that I'm still in ketosis, I'm hoping that next week things will even out and a loss will show. Anyone who has any experience of this, please advise......

It could be Summer...

What a lovely day it's been today. I've been out in the garden trying to make some sense of the wilderness out there. Well. I exaggerate with wilderness slightly, but there's quite a bit of work to be done and it's not to easy with John's back problems hence me doing the work. When he went to the hospital last week the consultant said he may need an operation. We'll find out next week when we go back for the results of his MRI scan.

So I've been in the garden most of the afternoon cutting shrubs. I like a nice garden but there's no way I'm a gardener. We've been in this house for 25 years now and early on when we did the garden we filled it with shrubs as they don't require a lot of care and mean that we don't have to weed all the time. This is true, but shrubs grow; and some of them have become a little out of hand. It's the same every Spring. I can see what needs doing but, of course, the shrubs are all coming into spring bloom and you can't cut many of them back at that time. I'm afraid I'm a fair weather gardener and don't get out there when it's cold and wet and probably the best time to do the housekeeping. They are all beginning to bloom now and the smell of the lilac will be absolutley beautiful in a week or so. The clematis is already in bloom and looks lovely winding its way through the other shrubs. The Mexican Orange Blossom will be next follwed by the hypericum. It's just a pity they've all got so big.

We were talking the other day and said we may employ a gardener, especially if John's back problem can't be sorted easily. We used to have someone in a few years back but then decided to go it alone. Maybe I'll phone round a few places during the week.

Onto diet matters: going along OK. We went to Mass yesterday evening instead of this morning so treated ourselves to a cooked breakfast at home - one of the benfits of low-carbing. Lizzie enjoyed helping, laid the table and made us sit down so that she could serve us. She's a lovely girl...at times. I can't believe that I could actually eat what I did and still be in ketosis (I hope I am). My sister came over this afternoon - she wasn't able to get any ketostix from the hospital for me yesterday, but maybe when she's in next time.

It's noticing.....

Just had to type a quick entry......

I haven't been into my Saturday Branch for 2 weeks, 'cos of my eyes last week, and of course they haven't seen me in full uniform ('cos it didn't fit until this week!); and was the weightloss noticed! Heehee! Yippee! Even Kom who's only a young lad (I could probably be his grannie at a stretch) said, "Looking good, Chrissie!"

Am I feeling chuffed? You're darn right I am!

Nearly lost my jeans!!!!

John's had a few days off this week and as it's half-term he had made overtures about going away for a few days. I wasn't too keen - therefore, no holiday. I didn't really fancy going anywhere when I was still trying to get into a new eating regime: and also I'd rather save the money for a summer break. So Wednesday we pottered about indoors and the yesterday we went to Lakeside, our local shopping centre. I wouldn't even look at clothes yet. I just don't want to buy anything new until I really have nothing else to wear (unless it's for something special, that is). So I treated myself to a new foundation from Virgin Vie and a lovely silver heart charm necklace from M&S - much better than a box of Thorntons!

Today, John and Elizabeth wanted to go down to Southend. It's only about 40 mins away on the train but I hate the place - a poor man's Blackpool, if you can have such a place. I decided to stay home and off they went about midday. I stuck some washing in the machine and had just put the kettle on for a cup of coffee when guilt set in and I thought I should have shown willing and gone with them. I rang John straight away and they had only just bought their train tickets so I said wait for me and I'd join them (when I got to the station John said E's eyes had lit up when he told her I was coming so I supose my guilt was well-placed). As it turned out, I really enjoyed the afternoon. We walked through the high street shops and then down to the front. E was eager to go to the amusements (which I can't stand) but we said we'd go for some lunch first and then for a walk before we went to the arcades. It was a lovely warm day and you could easily forget that we were still not halfway through April. We played a round of crazy golf, which John only just beat us at and then they both had an ice-cream whilst I had a peppermint tea. A half-hour or so in the amusements and then it was a walk back to the station and the slow train home. I even made the comment to J that I was enjoying the train journey as we normally go everywhere by car and I'm the driver - it made a change to be able to sit back and relax.

The only problem with day, but it was funy really, was that I was walking around all afternoon yanking my jeans up every few minutes. I'd found the jeans in the wardrobe this morning, put them on, and even though they were loose, they weren't as loose as my others. Not thinking when I decided to join the family at the station I just slipped on my jacket and left the house. It wasn't until I was running for the bus that I realised my jeans weren't staying up very well. By the time I got on the bus I was in danger of losing them completely and letting everyone on board into the secret of my underwear........

Still in ketosis - hooray!

Heather gave me a couple of ketosis sticks last Sunday. I was a little nervous about using them as I was afraid I wouldn't be in ketosis and that would mean I'd have to go along the old tried, but not truly trusted, route to losing this weight. I plucked up courage to 'wee on the stick' though this morning and am happy to report that I'm still in ketosis. I thought I must be as I've not been hungry, but it's the old lack of confidence rearing it's ugly head again that held me back. It's great to be in ketosis, but the reading did show that I'm quite dehydrated so it's back to knocking back 3-4 litres of water again, I suppose. Ugh! I'd got used to not having to drink so much on Cambridge but I must say it's a lot easier to drink in quantity than when I first started LighterLife. I'm sure everyone else feels the same.

The diet I'm following at the moment is based on the initial foods allowed once we start eating food on the Maintenance programmes in both LighterLife and Cambridge - protein (chicken, fish, cottage cheese, tofu, lean meats), salad leaves, green vegetables. I'm keeping the Atkins Diet in mind but avoiding any of the high fats eg. butter or cream.

I'm not eating any processed foods at all. Only drinking water, black decaf coffee and the odd peppermint tea.

Things are going well at the moment and long may it continue. I haven't weighed myself since Monday which is a little funny really as when I was on the CD or LL I was on the scales each morning without fail. I think that's because when I was on the packs I knew I was going to lose weight, I wasn't going to gain, and it was just a bit of a boost to see the scales change every few days. And the days they didn't change, that wasn't a problem as I knew it would happen, probably the following day. It was like a 'game' watching the change. But now, my weightloss is in my own hands - that's a lot more worrying. I don't want to take the chance of jumping on the scales and finding a gain one day or several days where there would be no change. That's the road to DISASTER!

I shall just continue as I have been over the last week. Night all!

Good, and Bad Days

Easter came and went with not much happening on this front. Mum stayed for the weekend and Janice, my sister came for Sunday lunch as her husband was working.

There were eggs in abundance but I wasn't tempted; and I even supervised Elizabeth whilst she made her long-awaited chocolate cake. She was a little upset that I didn't want a slice that evening so I had a small nibble just to keep her happy. It's funny, but yesterday evening I would have killed for some of that cake. There was still some left so I had a mouthful and that really put the chocolate demons to bed. It was just a taster but that was all I needed (and when I say 'needed' I mean 'needed' - just like a fix). When I was doing Slimming World the others in the class couldn't believe that I could eat one square of chocolate and that would be sufficient. It wouldn't be if I wasn't on a diet - then I wouldn't stop until the whole bar or box had gone, but if the mindset is there I can do it.

I had a surprise telephone call on Saturday evening from Heather, my LighterLife counsellor to say that she has still be reading my blog each day and had seen the photos of my eyes. She suggested I pop along to her office for a chat. So I went along on Sunday and we had a great chat, but I did realise what I was missing by not being at the sessions. Heather was very kind and said she would like to help me with my management and gave me a copy of the Blue Management Handbook and recipe books and the motivational CDs. This will all come to you in due course, girls, so I won't go into any details as it will be better to come as a surprise, but, very interesting! (NB: although 2 CDCs told me that Cambridge make the LighterLife packs, Heather told me that they no longer do - I just wanted to clarify that).

I was at work yesterday: and were we busy. We opened at 9.30 and had queues to the door all day long until we closed at 5.00. Was I exhausted when I got home! I'm not used to working all day any more. My boss was astounded with the change in me. I hadn't had my uniform on for a week and a half and in that time my body shape seems to have altered. When I ordered my uniform back at the beginning of last year I ordered size 16 as that's what I'd ordered for the new set 2 years before that (which was rather tight on me by then). I was in denial about the amount of weight I was gaining and also thought I would slim into it. -Heh! Grow out of it more's the case! I don't have an extensive uniform as I'm only contracted to work Saturdays but they gave me an allowance for a couple of extra tops because I often work during the week. Well, you've guessed it, I've never been able to wear one of the skirts or the jacket, and in fact I gave the skirt away to a colleague and purchased an elasticated one from BonMarche. Why I didn't just buy exchange the uniform skirt for a larger size, I don't know....that denial thing, eh? I'll admit now that I was an 18 to a small 20 by the time I started LighterLife - no way was a size 16 going to go anywhere near!

Surprise! Surprise! - the jacket fits, the skirt fits, some of the tops are getting too big!!!!!

Never have I been so chuffed to have to go and spend money on work clothes.

One customer (who I admit isn't quite fully 'there') asked if I was new to the Branch, and another said he nearly didn't recognise me and how different I looked in my uniform. Oh, the things we have to put up with on this diet lark......

Sorry, went on a bit didn't I?

I popped over to my friend Lisa's earlier today and sat with her daughter, another Christine, while she's in her first stages of labour. So another bundle of joy to cuddle -very soon.

The title of this post also says 'Bad Days'. Well today is a bad day. I don't exactly know why, but I'm feeling rather down at the moment. Lots of reasons, not all to do with diet, but it's not the best of days. I don't know what I want, but I want 'something', I just don't know what it is, or where to find it. I'm feeling let down, but not by anyone or anything in particular. I want to go and eat a nice meal in a nice restaurant, but I know I'd feel bad about it tomorrow. I'm tired!

.......a couple of hours later........ I'm actually feeling a little more positive. Liz is out swimming with a friend, John is cutting the grass (which I've been onto him about for ages - it's almost got to the point that if one of the cats walks down the garden you can only see the top of their tails. Well not really, but not far off). I've just sat here catching up on everyone's blogs and note that some of you others have had an off day or two - must be that something in the air again.

Oh, and I didn't say how much I lost when I weighed on Monday - another 3lbs (and that's with eating, but don't get rattled, girls. That wasn't eating much)



I've reconfigured my ticker to show a target weight of 10st 7lbs. At my height I'm begining to agree that the original 10st I set may be too low, and I feel much more motivated by a weight that I think will be easier to attain than a possible 'fail' weight. It's not so far to go either!

Thanks, Thanks and Thanks....

Lesley, Cath and Melanie, thank you so much for your lovely comments. You don't realise how much you cheered me up with your support. I could have put pictures up earlier to show the state of me (if I got round to learning how to do it) but I wasn't in that safe place where I would be able to leave myself open to possible ridicule (altho' I should have known I would get nothing but sympathy from all my 'friends'). I wil admit as well that it has only got this bad since last Sunday: it definitely wasn't as widespread when I had the problem on LighterLife.

Anyway, I didn't go to work today and I've just told John I probably won't go to Church in the morning. He wasn't too keen on that - he's a bit 'victorian' on attendance, particularly where Lizzie's concerned. He said I could just put some makeup on! Oh, yeah!! I think he just wants a lift there and back - well I can do that, but I'm NOT going in - I couldn't take it.

Today I've carried on drinking the water but I think I'll have to cut back a bit. Yesterday I drank my normal 2 to 3 litres and I lost count of the number of times I got up to go to the loo last night. It doesn't make sense, I hardly got up in the night when on the packs properly - maybe once a night.

It's funny, but I actually feel as though I've got a little more energy today. I really didn't feel the energy boost whilst doing the diet. I couldn't work out where you were all getting your vim from - Lesley with her runs over the hills, Mel on treks with Jacob, Cath at the gym, Claire with the salsa classes, Wendy out with the dogs. I could just about go to work and come home again in the evening. John said I should have a go at my DVDs (and I've got quite a few) which this time last year I was going at everyday (you can see they worked! - not!) but I just didn't have the moivation, let alone the energy. I've even got a step machine with resistance bands sitting in the corner of the living room which I couldn't be bothered to move to the centre of the room. This diet must have really sapped my strength. Well, I'm beginning to feel more able - so you never know, that stepper may get moved to the middle of the room....lol

Got the photos on at last! But they'll frighten you!!

At last! I've managed to get the photos on. It's taken a time and when I eventually sat down with John to do them, it was me who sorted it out!!




The first two were taken on 13th February, when I'd lost 7lbs after my first week on LIghterLife. I weighed in at 14st 11lbs whenI started - so that's me at 14st 4lbs...




















The bottom two were taken on 2nd April after my weighin at 12st 9lbs. So that's 30lbs off!!!
I have been beginning to not feel the loss. Do you remember the early days when nearly every pound you lost, you could actually 'feel' it gone?
Well, I haven't been feeling that lately, but seeing the photos together, I can see the difference. And it really is worth going on.......





Not the most flattering of tops, though. I think that's one for the charity box!

And you can just see the state of the eyes - they started getting inflamed again on Satuday, 31st March.







Well here are the eyes in all their glory. I've come to the end of the road, I'm afraid. That's the reason I haven't posted since Tuesday, altho' I've looked at everyone else's blogs and commented on them. As you can imagine, I'm in quite a lot of discomfort -not pain exactly, just itchiness and a burning tenderness. They are a lot worse than when I stopped Lighterlife. I really don't know how I managed to do 3 weeks of Cambridge and get away with it so long. Different make up of the packs maybe? (Although Cambridge make the packs for Lighterlife, so?)

As you can see the redness is also starting around my mouth and there's a nasty patch beneath my chin that can just be seen in the photo.

Yesterday I started taking a Zirtek tablet (for allergies and hayfever). It's a one a day. The swelling has gone down slightly but they're sytill so red and dry. I got up the other morning and my eyes would have looked better on an elephant or a rhino!. If they are no better in the morning I might take a walk down to the minor injuries or go to the hospital where my sister works in A&E (at least I'd get seen quicker)

I'm due at work tomorrow , but I'm calling in sick in the morning. If they don't like it they can take it as holiday leave. My dignity doesn't allow me to face the public looking like this. So how come I put it on here then?.......... We're all in this together. We share our highs and our lows. And won't I have a good picture to put up in the future!

I assure you I am NOT as UGLY as these pictures make out. I DO scrub up well for work and going out. But if they decided to make a UK version of Ugly Betty I'll be first in line for the auditions...lol.....they can call it Ugy Chrissie!

So...I'm off the packs. That's the reason I didn't post. I needed to get my head around it. But I've decided to continue. I shall be following a healthy eating plan from now on. I am still in ketosis at the moment, I think ('cos I'm not hungry). I'm still drinking the water and not taking milk in my coffee. I'm gradually introducing protein and certain vegetables, as per the Cambridge booklet. And I think I'll give my LighterLife counsellor a ring to get hold of a copy of the Maintenance Handbook - she said I could have a copy. I know I'll soon be out of ketosis, but hopefully, there won't be a dramtic weightgain from the glygogen levels suddenly going up.

MEL: I'M GOING TO NEED SOME HEALTHY MEAL ADVICE!!!!!

Did anyone see the diet campaign they did on 'Richard and Judy'? A number of families followed Ian Marber's Food Doctor plan and the weightlosses were quite impressive. Well, I've sent off for the books (through Amazon - a lot cheaper than through the tv prog) and that should keep me on track.

I shall keep up this blog, watch what everyone else is doing, and still follow my Foundation book (did you hear that, Lesley - still need your navel gazing!). I WILL GET THERE - SLOWER!!!

I finished a business mentorship programme last month and we had a motto:

"you're closer now than you've ever been"

HOW TRUE!!!

Happy Easter to all..........

Onwards......

What would I do without your support, girls?

I went for my weighin yesterday evening and another 4lbs. So that's 30lbs in 8 weeks (less 12 days). I don't need to reiterate why I don't want to give up on this. I was 14st 11lb two months ago and now I'm 12st 9lb.



There's no way I could lose this amount of weight on Slimming World or WeightWatchers. If I was a stone lighter I would probably (?) decide to give up Cambridge and try the more 'accepted' route. But I'm not in that safe place yet - as they say on LighterLife. As I said on my very first post, I know a lot of others have a much longer journey than me to reach their goals but it's all relevant to the individual and we all have our own demons to vanquish. So I will continue on Cambridge for as long as I can (it might mean hiding indoors so I don't frighten the natives though).

All but 2 of my packs are lactose free this week. I've bought 2 bars to try and I'll let you know what they taste like as they're supposed to be nicer than the LighterLife ones (more of a real chocolate taste apparently). I'll see how things go this week.

The redness and swelling is going to take a few days to go down as it did last time and I'm supposed to be at work on Thursday. I'll have to see how things are tomorrow and ring in if I don't think I'll be in a fit state to work in the front office. I wouldn't mind so much if I could hide in the back but the job isn't like that anymore - it's all customer-based.

As I said yesterday, I had to take John for a hospital appointment in the evening. He doesn't drive so I had to go with him. He wouldn't let me wait in the car so in I went with my head down. It didn't feel right because I'm normally a head up type of girl and I didn't feel true to myself (if you can understand that). I sat myself down with a book and let my hair fall forward whereas normally that would have bugged me and I'd be pushing it back out of the way. John went in for his appointment and where I was sitting I had my back to a large part of the waiting-room. When he came out he tapped me on the shoulder to say that he needed to go to x-ray. I got up to follow (head down of course) and suddenly I heard, "Christine!". I could have died! All the years we have been backwards and forwards to this hospital I have never seen anyone I know, why today of all days? I wouldn't mind, I couldn't even remember her name - I haven't seen her for years. I could remember where she lived and her children but not her name (Clare - I remembered when I went to bed), so there I was trying to hold a quick conversation with a complex and a bad memory!!!...lol.

I have another trial today. It's my sister's birthday and we're going to lunch at a local restaurant. So I'm just off upstairs to see what I can do with the war-paint and then I'll go along with a mushroom soup and ask if they can make that up for me. If not, then I'll have a bar which I shall take with 3 lactase enzyme capsules. A bottle of sparkiling water with St Clements and I'll be away. And hopefully the baby will be there so I can have a long cuddle while eveyone else is tucking in.

I'm not sure what to do now

Thanks Wendy, Sam, Cath and Sarah for your sympathetic comments. I must say I am feeling a little down this morning. Mum stayed the weekend and she gave me a little cuddle this morning and of course a few tears came. It stung! My left eye was actually almost closed when I woke up (!?). It's a good thing I'm not at work. I would definitely have frightened the customers away.

I wouldn't mind but I'm not an allergic type person. If this was my sister I could almost believe it as she's allergic to elastoplasts and her son suffers from hayfever. But me? Not a jot of an allergy (unless you count amoxycillin and septrin - antibiotics).

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm due to go for my weighin this evening. It's not as though I can get any help from the counsellor after all she's only 'one of us' who's now selling the stuff to other like-minded dieters. If I spoke to Cambridge HO they would probably only recommend that I came off the programme. Shall I go along to my CDC and try to get as many lactose free packs as I can? Shall I stop the diet for another week or so and restart again once the eyes have gone down? It makes no sense - I've had no problems with my bowels and GI tract. I've had no stomach cramps, diarrohea or constipation. I've had a little bloating, but that's something I've put up with for years so that seems the norm to me. Have I been misdiagnosing myself and it's not actually lactose intolerance at all? Could it be a reaction to the inulin? I only latched onto lactose because my doctor thought I had an intolerance to it a few years back (but I love a glass of cold milk and I can eat any foods with milk in it). Of course, I have always had a problem with my bowels. And then the US website I found gave a symptom of "black eyes" - swollen, bruised red eys....well that's me. But I haven't any of the other GI symptoms connected with lactose intolerance any more. In fact, my loo problems have more or less cleared up while on LL and CD ('praise be the lord!').

I'm going on a bit here, aren't I? It's just all the thoughts in my head going round and round and round. Now, if I was taking a recreational drug or those awful slimming tablets that we've probably all tried at some time in maybe the long distant past I could understand having side effects. BUT, NO! I'm using a diet programme that many doctors and dieticians swear by to help people who have a lot of weight to lose. Why is it that my body's letting me down? It lets me down by getting way too overweight and then it lets me down when I try to do something about it. If it wasn't that I had to live in my body......well I don't know what I'd do.

Well, I've got my frustrations out on paper (not exactly on paper, but you know what I mean) and I can't say I feel better, but I feel a little more......less seething. I was about to cancel this as it is rather rambling and, agressive, I suppose, but I've published it anyway as it is how I'm feeling today and that was the whole point in keeping a web diary in the first place - to keep a record of how my journey to lose weight progresses. That was before we all got together and became a group of 'friends' helping and supporting each other. So, if you've got this far, thank you for reading and I will cheer up soon, no matter what decision I make.

Have a good day everyone..........

It's getting worse.....

The bad eyes are back with a vengeance. Mum's been really supportive over this diet, but she's begining to make overtures about maybe it's time I kicked it into touch. I don't want to!!! I want to lose weight!! But the skin around my eyes is very sore and horrendously red. It's a good thing I don't need to go out anywhere today as there's no way I could cover them up with make-up. The redness has actually spread further than when I was on LighterLife. Oh well, c'est la vie!

On Cambridge you only have 3 packs a day; I've only had one son far today and have taken 3 capsules with it. I'll continue taking 3 and see if it makes any difference and try to get as many lactose free packs as I can tomorrow evening.

After my weighin tomorrow I've got to run John to the Rodings (our local private hospital) for an appointment. I'd better stay in the car with a good book when we get there or they might keep me in ..lol

NB: I'm not laughing really. It's just that if I don't laugh, I'll cry...........