Liz & John

 

Me again! So much for saying I wouldn't be on again over the weekend....

John has been setting up the new camera on the computer this evening and found that you could download pictures straight from the Fuji software to blogger. Here's the result. This was taken on Liz's birthday last Sunday.

I just have to learn how to do it now.

Last day at work...for I don't know how long!

I'm only working Saturdays at the moment as I don't tend to work during the school holidays unless a branch is really desperate. It was my last day for sometime now, though. I've already booked the next 3 Saturdays off as I'm not back from Ireland 'til late next Saturday evening and the following week we're off to a family wedding, and the week after that I'll be getting over the 'do' at John's firm. So it was with some trepidation that I told my line manager that I would be off for a few more weeks. But I needn't have worried as she was lovely about it. She knows I've had health issues over the years and is so happy that I've got the chance of getting it all sorted. So, I may not be back at work until the end of September at the best. Monies going to be a little short for the next couple of months - I'll have to get John to do a few more 8.00ams to midnights!!!!! (only joking, if you read this John!).

Everytime I walk through the doors of the office (ie. every Saturday morning) the girls comment anew about the amount of weight I've lost. Admittedly, they're not all in every week, so they don't see me all the time, but sometimes I don't know quite what to say so I just say 'thank you' and get on. This morning though it was also my hair. You see, on a whim I had it all cut off yesterday. It's a shortish bob(just above chin level) - I feel a bit ...bare...at the moment, but it'll be ok once I wash and style it myself.

I have a new camera that I bought a few weeks ago and was going through my memory cards so that I could clear them ready for the holiday and I came across a picture of John and myself in Cornwall last year. It will be a year next Sunday since the photo was taken and we both look .... quite a bit different. Next Sunday, so long as we remember we're going to put the same clothes on and get Lizzie to take a photo of the same pose of us. I'll then, if I'm brave enough, post it so we can all see the difference a year makes!

I'll say bye for now, as I'll be busy tomorrow getting ready for Monday (I must make sure the house is 'fit' for Mum to come and cat-sit!). I'll try and look in if I get a chance to use Carmel's computer, otherwise I'll speak to everyone when I get back. Have a good week, all.

It's coming out.......

......my gall bladder that is. The concensus of opinion is that this is the best option. The surgeon said that if it was just the adhesions he'd leave well alone but as the he suspects the gallstones are the main cause of my problems, and even if they were removed they could still reform in the gall bladder, he feels it would be prudent to remove the gall bladder and deal with the adhesions at the same time. He said the op could be done laparoscopally but it would be much safer to do open surgery. So, there you go! He's on holiday for the next 2 weeks and wanted to fit it in directly he got back on 6th September but I wrangled out of that one as it's only the day after Liz goes back to school and we also have a 'posh do' at John's company on the 7th which we didn't want to miss. So it looks as though I'll go in some time the following week.

I don't know, John's been on at me for ages and ages to get to the doctor's about health problems as he's got the private insurance and my comment to that has always been, 'Do you want me to get ill?' Well, he's getting his money's worth now!!!!

Ok, onto to the diet..... Mr Slater (my new consultant) asked if I needed any help with a fat-free diet. After I stopped laughing, I said, 'No, I think I'm OK on that score'. I'd already explained about how I'd put on all the weight, and how I'd lost it - LighterLife etc., and he was impressed that I'd lost so much weight (as of Wednesday morning.....2stone 10lb....38lb......so I'm getting nearer that 11stone something). He did ask that I not eat any chocolate before the operation - as if I would! And I'm to just have milk in drinks, so out goes my occasional glass of skimmed milk at bedtime - boohoo!

I told him that I was ashamed of having got to the weight I became and asked if I'd caused the gallstones by being overweight. His answer was a definite 'No!'. He said they could be hereditary and asked if any close family members suffered from them - my maternal grandmother (who wasn't overweight). Mum told me later that Dad also had them, but I didn't know about that as, a lot of what was wrong with him we (children), weren't told about - I only knew that what I thought was warts in the bladder was in fact cancer and that he wasn't going to pull through, just 2 weekls before he died.

We also discussed the gynae drug treatments I was on over the years and he said that it can be very, very hard to control your weight whilst taking these, just the same as for people on steroids. All this made me feel a lot less .....atogonistic (?) towards myself as even though I can't blame the drugs completely - I do neeed to take some of the blame, it's as I've suspected all along - total control was out of my hands. On the whole though, I don't feel it lets me off the hook over the amount of weight I've put on over the last 3 or 4 years. But in my defense, since the beginning of this century I've had a hysterectomy (well-known for weight gain afterwards - I know people who've gained 2 or 3 stone), lost my Dad, suffered depression, with the resultant Prosac prescription, and fought a losing battle (until now) with weight.

On the way home from the hospital John said he was going to give me something to read about getting into the right mindset for surgery. It was a piece he'd come across whilst doing research for a book he's writing. One of the comments was, 'Operations are fine, as long as you have the right attitude to them....just treat them as a great adventure.' The gist of this is that, rather than becoming stressed out about an upcoming operation, or procedure, look on it as a new begining. The writer said she couldn't wait to get on the operating table, that the problems she was experiencing were getting worse each day, and that the operation couldn't come quick enough. I think I'll try to keep this in mind. Maybe, by this time next year, I'll be a completely new woman. New weight, no pains, no bloated abdomen....new shape. Can't wait!!!

Put on a 1/2lb

Ok, I did say the other day that I'd be upset if I put on but, actually, I'm not worried about this tiny gain. I knew I definitely wouldn't lose. At my guess of 59 Syns for the 'fatty meal' and then 3 celebratory meals out, it's a wonder it was only 1/2lb. So I'm happy.

I'm not sure how well I'll do the next couple of weeks. I won't be going for weigh-in next Tuesday as we're off to Dublin on Monday to stay with friends for a few days. I shall continue with my 'conscious' eating and shall try to stick to the programme as much as I can but as we're staying at someone's house I don't want to make it awkward for her on the cooking front. Carmel has seen me do Slimming World before so she'll understand if I pick and choose with the food. It'll probably be easier when we eat out because I’ll have more choices to make. I would still like to lose at least 2lbs during the next 2 weeks: that 11stone something is still being elusive…….

Lizzie and I popped into work today to open a new account with her birthday money. She's had an account in the past but that was in my name for her, but she's now going to get her own cashcard, so she feels quite grown up. There you go, another step into independence - I'm getting redundant!

I’m off to the hospital this afternoon for the results of my ultrasound last Thursday. I’m quite nervous about it. I don’t know why really. It’s just that the medication I’ve been given doesn’t appear to be working and I’m not sure what else they can do. The blood test last week showed that my liver reading was a high (?) and that’s the reason the Consultant wanted to do the gall bladder function test. The only other reason the reading would be high would be through indulging in too much alcohol (which I don’t), so I’m not sure what the result will be. Well, only another hour until I find out.

....I found out.

Dr Ashraf recommends surgery. To remove the gall bladder and adhesions (of which my abdomen and bowel area are riddled with - mainly because of earlier gynae problems). I have another appointment tomorrow evening to see the surgeon. Blimey! - Quick, or what? John's coming with me this time as I need another ear and another brain to make the decision on whether to go ahead or not. I thought I'd finished with surgery, but it just goes to show what can happen when you have 'the three f's' - female, fat and forty, or in my case 'over forty'. I know I was classed as obese at 14stone 11lb and 5'5" in February, but I could have been a lot heavier. It just goes to show what can happen to your health when control of your weight gets out of hand. I will admit that Dr Ashraf hasn't actually blamed my weight as a contributory factor,bt of course I'm a lot lighter now. But I blame it and I feel rather ashamed that things have gone so far.

I'll update again once I see the doctor tomorrow. A great thing to have on my mind on holiday next week.....

Liz's birthday

We've had a lovely day today. Elizabeth was up before 7 this morning getting herself ready for HER day. I heard the shower running and thought it was Mum in there, but NO!, it was 'birthday girl'. So we were all up early.

She got 19 cards, £150.00, loads of pressies, and a stream of visitors. Quite a hectic day.

Then late afternoon we headed off to the restaurant for the meal. Once you're all eating again, I'd recommend Frankie and Benny's. The food was good (New York Italian - altho' I don't know how authentic!), the service fine, with polite cheerful staff. Actually, a couple of the waiters were 'an eye to behold'. I took a birthday cake with me and they placed balloons on the back of Elizabeth's chair then brought the cake out at the end of the meal and sang 'Happy Birthday' and 'Congratulations' - Elizabeth was very happy!

I was very good with my choices. No starter. Lamb shanks for main, with mashed potatoes and vegetables - rosemary and mint gravy on the side (hmmmmmm! -syn-ful, but scrummy). No dessert. Half a glass of white wine. A slither of birthday cake. You'd all be really proud of me!! So OK, the Syn count would definitely have been over 15, but I shouldn't think it would be too bad. The main thing is, I ate 'consciously'. I thought about what I was going to have; I knew the main course would have been 'syn-ful' - the fat in the gravy and the cream or butter in the potatoes, but I really wanted that dish, so I compensated for it. I think that's a lesson everyone should take on board. Know the damage that could be done to the diet, and limit it as much as possible, but also ENJOY!

I'm definitely trying to keep in the Slimming World zone. I don't expect to loose much, or anything, on Tuesday although I will admit I'll be upset if I put on. But I can't berate myself for not trying to keep on track with all that's been going on this week.

Hope everyone has a good week. I'm off to bed now. Night, night!

59 Syns!!!!!!

Yes, Mrs, in answer to your question, 59 Syns are a lot. On Slimming World you're allowed between 5 and 15 PER DAY, with most people trying to stick at around 10! Your famous Starbucks coffee lattes are as follows:

Skimmed milk - tall 6
grande 8
venti 10 1/2

Whole milk - tall 10
grande 13 1/2
venti 17

And that's the straight-forward caffe latte, no syrup. Does that put the Syn count into perspective for you?

I felt so nauseous when I got back to Mum's to pick Elzabeth up that I went and laid down while they were having their dinner. I got up to go to the bathroom and tried to make myself sick. I tried the fingers down the back of the throat trick. I've never done that before and I was on my knees in front of the loo trying to gag with the best of them. I wasn't doing something right as it didn't work. Maybe my fingers weren't long enough! Or maybe I was just worried I'd make myself sick!...LOL - I definitely wouldn't make a good bulimic!!

Anyway, I'm going to make up for it today. Before going to the hospital yesterday I picked up a load of fruit from Asda so I'm going to fill up on that all day and I'll also have a salad while we're out shopping. Providing I also have my a and b choices (my milk and cereal) I should be able to reduce some of the harm from yesterday. Well let's hope.

Have a good day, my dear. And go and get that kitchen finished!

I - Feel - Sick.........

It's nearly 4 hours since my apointment at the hospital but I still feel sick. I'm really sorry everyone but I'm going to have to put down here what happened. For all you abstainers, I apologise in advance, but I assure you, no way can you feel as bad as I did. I arrived and went straight in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder (I was having a gall bladder function test). It lasted for quite a while and I was absolutely covered in that awful jelly stuff.

When I came out of the examination room I was presented with a tray of food to eat and put on the stopwatch - I had 45 minutes. Well! I couldn't believe it! "Do I have to eat all that?", "Yes," replied the ultrasonographer. "What's in that glass?" I asked. "Cream," came the reply. A glass of cream! For someone who only drinks skimmed milk! I wanted to throw up straight away. The rest of the tray consisted of two rounds of egg mayonnaise sandwiches (Wholemeal bread, at least!), a bowl with two scoops of vanilla ice-cream, and to round it off, a 62.5g Mars Bar. (Mrs, you would have been in your element!). I managed to clear the tray in 30 mins and went back to the reception and sat down to await the next ultrasound. I think I must have looked rather green as one of the staff asked if I was OK. When I said I felt a little sick, he asked if I needed a bowl - I tried to laugh and say no thank you.

I then went back in for the second scan. We were almost at the end when my mobile started singing at me, "Can You Feel It?" - the Michael Jackson track - embarrassing to say the least. The doctor said for me to take the call, but I said it was only my husband and I'd speak to him later (I couldn't move anyway as I was covered with jelly again). John didn't get the message though and he rang twice more. It was funny though. The receptionist who was in the room with us as the chaperone laughed and said, "I bet you can feel it." And I could!

Once I left the hospital I sat outside with a glass of water. There was no way I could hit the rush hour traffic feeling as I did.

Anyway, back to see the Consultant next Wednesday afternoon for the results.

One thing though, I'm going to have to be really, really strict with the Syns over the next few days. I hate to think how many my 'fat' meal added up to. I'm not even going tp work it out..................Actually, I just have.....59 Syns!!!!!!

Shopping....again!

Elizabeth has a friend staying over today and they wanted to go shopping (!). I wouldn't mind but we've been to Lakeside twice in the last week and we're going with my sis on Friday, but off we went again. It was quite handy though as the girls didn't want me around with them, they wanted to go off and do their own thing. So off they went, with a little money in their pockets, whilst I wandered around on my own picking up a few pressies for Liz and friends we're off to stay with in Dublin the week after next. I arranged to meet the girls in a coffee shop so, half hour before they were due back, I bought the Evening Standard and settled down with a coffee and the paper - very civilised, and actually, quite relaxing.

It's been quite a relaxing evening all round. John's still at work (he's working until 10pm this evening) and the girls are up in Lizzie's room watching a DVD. It's normally a lot more hectic here. I haven't got just one child. John and Lizzie, when they get started are like two 5 year-olds!

While walking around the shops today I noticed quite a few pregnant woman and it's at this time each year that I always think back to my pregnancy and say a prayer of gratitude that I eventually managed to have a child. Elizabeth will be 13 on Sunday, and 14 or 15 years ago there's no way I could imagine that I would eventually have a teenager. I'd been through so much to get pregnant (numerous surgeries, masses of hormone treatments, and three attempts at IVF) that by this time in August 1994 I couldn't actually see past 12th August - the date set for the ceasarean. It's difficult to explain really, but it had taken so long to get to this point that in my mind, even though I had a big bump, I couldn't actually see us with a baby and a growing family. It seems silly, but I felt as though September 1994 wasn't going to arrive. Somehow the world was going to stop and it would prove my instinct true. Even when I was lying on the operating table outside theatre I told the surgeon to make sure that he didn't have to put me out as I needed to be awake. I felt that if I was asleep they could just have taken a baby off a shelf (!?!) and I needed proof that she'd come out of me! See, Mrs, I'm as mixed up as you.

Oh, aren't I silly one! And I haven't even been on the wine!

Yipee - yay!

2nd weigh-in this evening, and you can guess from the title of this post that things have gone better this week. I've felt for the last couple of days that I'd lost some weight, but was thrilled to find that it was 5lb (that's five pounds!). Way-hay! I feel so much more positive than I did last week. And I've stuck to mainly green again this week so it does work. I've not had a great deal of pasta, maybe if I had then the weight may not have been so great. Trust me though, I have to see some negative - if you can call it that. My negative was that I was only wearing a lightweight summer dress for my weighin; so next week when I'm back with a few more clothes, I might not be so lucky. But, a minor problem!

I wasn't able to stay at class tonight as I had to take Elizabeth to a karate seminar so I went along to an earlier class so I could get home for dinner before going out. Maureen, the class-leader, said that if I'd stayed I'd have been "Slimmer of the Week". I could have done with the sticker (yes, I am still mentally 5 years old) and the bag of fruit. Still, gives me the motivation to lose for next week, doesn't it. And I'd rather have the 5lb loss than a sticker and fruit.

Having missed class, I also missed the dreaded question: "Is there anything to stop you this week?" - We-ell, yes there is! I had to go back to the hospital yesterday evening. My medication ran out last Friday and I went to the GP surgery to ask if I could get some more as I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to continue on the tablets or not. I wasn't able to see my GP until today and as I've been suffering quite a bit of pain, I was advised to contact my Consultant's secretary. I rang her and the Consultant asked me to come straight away for some blood tests. I went back for the results yesterday (if only the NHS worked so swiftly!). It turns out there's a problem with my liver which could be caused by the gall bladder - although the Consultant is doubtful as I'd have other symptoms that weren't obvious. Anyhow, I have to go back on Thursday for another ultrsound scan. When I arrive I'll be given a menu to choose a fatty meal, then they'll do a scan. I then go off and eat my meal and they redo the scan. The thought of a 'fatty meal' was a bit daunting, but apparently it isn't as bad as it sounds and I can have cheese, or cream, or chocolate (!). All on doctor's orders, you understand!

My other possible downfall for this week is Lizzie's birthday. She's 13 on Sunday. A Teenager!!! Oh help! I've booked a table for 8 at Frankie and Benny's. I shall try very hard to be good, but how often am I going to be going out for meals? I'm driving so it'll be diet cokes all the way, so alcohol won't be beckoning to me. Good choices, I think (well, not too bad ones).

Oh, just remembered. Lizzie and I are going out with my sister to get her pressie on Friday and we've already decided to make a day of it, including lunch! Oh,well!

Comments noted!

I take on board what you say, Mrs & Lesley. I was a little worried about Lizzie 'going on diet' and wrestled with myself about talking to her about it. But, she's not happy being her weight. She's fine most of the time but when it comes to buying clothes is when we have problems (don't WE all know that feeling!). You should have seen the look on her face the other day when we bought the skirt and I managed to get it on. It's a size 14, and I said to her that if she didn't want to wear it after the wedding then maybe it would fit me. 'Try it on Mummy.' she said. And when I put it on and it did up easily and then I slipped on the size 10 top we'd bought to go with it (only a £5 boat neck t-shirt from M&S - and definitely not the size I should have been wearing, I hasten to add)I must say she looked rather stricken. I could almost see the 'I'm big' thought going through her head.

She doesn't get out of breathe and she has loads of energy - I only wish I could do the warm-up she does in karate! It's crippling! So she is healthy. I even spoke to her PE teacher at school at the parent/teacher meeting and she was pleased with Lizzie's progress. There are definitley no issues there.

Anyway, we're looking at Slimming World for her as more of a healthy eating programme rather than a diet plan. I'm using it as a way of educating her; to the benefits of fresh over processed; foods that may be eaten freely over those that have Syns and must be limited; the importance of Healthy Extras foe calcium and fibre. She's really taking on board the mentality needed to succeed and she's, basically, learning. If losing a few pounds comes as a side issue, all well and good.

Lizzie knows that she's loved (not always liked..lol) and I shall keep a very close eye on her.

A new week, a new start....

As I said yesterday, I'm not going to be de-motivated by a measly little 1/2lb. It was back on the diet first thing this morning. I actually think that by only having a tiny loss this first week has given me the incentive to keep right on track. It's shown me that I need to keep to the rules if I want to succeed....and I do!

I'm going to keep my syns as close to 5 each day for a few days to make up for last week. I'll also have a couple of red days and I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow night's dinner. It's one of John's favourites - steamed slamon with a mango and chilli dressing (actually a Weight Watchers recipe!)....hmmm

Lizzie and I have been to Lakeside today looking for an outfit for her for my god-daughter's wedding on 1st September. We bought a lovely off-white skirt with a black print band and bow belt from Autograph at M&S, a black top, and a pair of black pumps. She looks very grown up in them. I must say I was a little worried about whether we'd get anything as she's also a little on the big side and too big for children/teenage clothes, but ladies wear doesn't usually fit properly (no boobs to fill out tops and legs too short for normal length trousers).

I do worry about Elizabeth. She was 2 weeks early and 8lb 10oz at birth. She's always been bigger for her age. But she exercises. She does karate 2 or 3 times a week (4 times this week). She swims. She goes out on her bike. She uses the Pilates machine better than I do. It's her birthday next Sunday (12th) and she'll be 13 so her periods should be imminent. I'm hoping that once they arrive she'll slim down a bit.

We've spoken about Slimming World and how it's more a lifestyle change than a diet and I told her that there was a young boy in my class of about 12 years who's been doing the diet for about 3 months with hos mum and lost 1stone 7lbs. She said she'd like to do it, but doesn't want to go to a class. So, we'll have a weigh-in tomorrow morning and have a go and see how long she can last. We can only hope!!

First week over - that's all I can say really....

Amethyst! So glad to see you still looking in.

First weigh-in not too exciting, I'm afraid. As I said yesterday, I wasn't feeling any lighter. I wasn't feeling that first week of a diet feeling, you know, lighter and almost walking on air because you've suddenly lost a few pounds. Well, the reason I wasn't feeling like that was because I hadn't lost a few pounds, I'd only lost 1/2lb. To say I was disappointed wouldn't be an exaggeration. I wasn't devastated, but I definitely wasn't impressed! With myself really, Not the diet, as I know it works.

I was speaking to Maureen, the class leader, and said that I thought it could be for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'd done green days all week. I hadn't over-eaten but I have had potatoes or pasta everyday and I found when I did Slimming World in the past that if I had green days the couple of days before weighin then my weightloss was slower. Secondly, the fact that I've been dieting already, albeit rather haphazardly, meant that I wasn't making such a drastic change to the way I've been eating. Thirdly, I'd had my evening meal at 6pm, so maybe that made a difference as well. I also mentioned that I'd recently done LighterLife and I'd read that your metabolic state can be suppressed for some months after coming off the plan (I read that on the minimins forum - I think, apparently, said to someone by her doctor).

Initially, yesterday evening, I was ready to give up thinking what's the point of continuing on a diet for 1/2lb a week, but today I've had time to think annd adjust my mindset. I was going to do red days instead, but I can't keep to them, I'm afraid. I'm not a big meat eater (one reason I'd find Atkins difficult), so I shall do th occasional red day, probably near the end of my weigh week, to give myself as much chance as I can of getting rid of any 'held' water.

So not a good start, but I'm not totally down about it.

I will be talking food a bit more on my blog now so I hope I don't put off any abstainers. But it will be healthy eating, I hope I can be excused then.