I - Feel - Sick.........

It's nearly 4 hours since my apointment at the hospital but I still feel sick. I'm really sorry everyone but I'm going to have to put down here what happened. For all you abstainers, I apologise in advance, but I assure you, no way can you feel as bad as I did. I arrived and went straight in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder (I was having a gall bladder function test). It lasted for quite a while and I was absolutely covered in that awful jelly stuff.

When I came out of the examination room I was presented with a tray of food to eat and put on the stopwatch - I had 45 minutes. Well! I couldn't believe it! "Do I have to eat all that?", "Yes," replied the ultrasonographer. "What's in that glass?" I asked. "Cream," came the reply. A glass of cream! For someone who only drinks skimmed milk! I wanted to throw up straight away. The rest of the tray consisted of two rounds of egg mayonnaise sandwiches (Wholemeal bread, at least!), a bowl with two scoops of vanilla ice-cream, and to round it off, a 62.5g Mars Bar. (Mrs, you would have been in your element!). I managed to clear the tray in 30 mins and went back to the reception and sat down to await the next ultrasound. I think I must have looked rather green as one of the staff asked if I was OK. When I said I felt a little sick, he asked if I needed a bowl - I tried to laugh and say no thank you.

I then went back in for the second scan. We were almost at the end when my mobile started singing at me, "Can You Feel It?" - the Michael Jackson track - embarrassing to say the least. The doctor said for me to take the call, but I said it was only my husband and I'd speak to him later (I couldn't move anyway as I was covered with jelly again). John didn't get the message though and he rang twice more. It was funny though. The receptionist who was in the room with us as the chaperone laughed and said, "I bet you can feel it." And I could!

Once I left the hospital I sat outside with a glass of water. There was no way I could hit the rush hour traffic feeling as I did.

Anyway, back to see the Consultant next Wednesday afternoon for the results.

One thing though, I'm going to have to be really, really strict with the Syns over the next few days. I hate to think how many my 'fat' meal added up to. I'm not even going tp work it out..................Actually, I just have.....59 Syns!!!!!!

Shopping....again!

Elizabeth has a friend staying over today and they wanted to go shopping (!). I wouldn't mind but we've been to Lakeside twice in the last week and we're going with my sis on Friday, but off we went again. It was quite handy though as the girls didn't want me around with them, they wanted to go off and do their own thing. So off they went, with a little money in their pockets, whilst I wandered around on my own picking up a few pressies for Liz and friends we're off to stay with in Dublin the week after next. I arranged to meet the girls in a coffee shop so, half hour before they were due back, I bought the Evening Standard and settled down with a coffee and the paper - very civilised, and actually, quite relaxing.

It's been quite a relaxing evening all round. John's still at work (he's working until 10pm this evening) and the girls are up in Lizzie's room watching a DVD. It's normally a lot more hectic here. I haven't got just one child. John and Lizzie, when they get started are like two 5 year-olds!

While walking around the shops today I noticed quite a few pregnant woman and it's at this time each year that I always think back to my pregnancy and say a prayer of gratitude that I eventually managed to have a child. Elizabeth will be 13 on Sunday, and 14 or 15 years ago there's no way I could imagine that I would eventually have a teenager. I'd been through so much to get pregnant (numerous surgeries, masses of hormone treatments, and three attempts at IVF) that by this time in August 1994 I couldn't actually see past 12th August - the date set for the ceasarean. It's difficult to explain really, but it had taken so long to get to this point that in my mind, even though I had a big bump, I couldn't actually see us with a baby and a growing family. It seems silly, but I felt as though September 1994 wasn't going to arrive. Somehow the world was going to stop and it would prove my instinct true. Even when I was lying on the operating table outside theatre I told the surgeon to make sure that he didn't have to put me out as I needed to be awake. I felt that if I was asleep they could just have taken a baby off a shelf (!?!) and I needed proof that she'd come out of me! See, Mrs, I'm as mixed up as you.

Oh, aren't I silly one! And I haven't even been on the wine!

Yipee - yay!

2nd weigh-in this evening, and you can guess from the title of this post that things have gone better this week. I've felt for the last couple of days that I'd lost some weight, but was thrilled to find that it was 5lb (that's five pounds!). Way-hay! I feel so much more positive than I did last week. And I've stuck to mainly green again this week so it does work. I've not had a great deal of pasta, maybe if I had then the weight may not have been so great. Trust me though, I have to see some negative - if you can call it that. My negative was that I was only wearing a lightweight summer dress for my weighin; so next week when I'm back with a few more clothes, I might not be so lucky. But, a minor problem!

I wasn't able to stay at class tonight as I had to take Elizabeth to a karate seminar so I went along to an earlier class so I could get home for dinner before going out. Maureen, the class-leader, said that if I'd stayed I'd have been "Slimmer of the Week". I could have done with the sticker (yes, I am still mentally 5 years old) and the bag of fruit. Still, gives me the motivation to lose for next week, doesn't it. And I'd rather have the 5lb loss than a sticker and fruit.

Having missed class, I also missed the dreaded question: "Is there anything to stop you this week?" - We-ell, yes there is! I had to go back to the hospital yesterday evening. My medication ran out last Friday and I went to the GP surgery to ask if I could get some more as I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to continue on the tablets or not. I wasn't able to see my GP until today and as I've been suffering quite a bit of pain, I was advised to contact my Consultant's secretary. I rang her and the Consultant asked me to come straight away for some blood tests. I went back for the results yesterday (if only the NHS worked so swiftly!). It turns out there's a problem with my liver which could be caused by the gall bladder - although the Consultant is doubtful as I'd have other symptoms that weren't obvious. Anyhow, I have to go back on Thursday for another ultrsound scan. When I arrive I'll be given a menu to choose a fatty meal, then they'll do a scan. I then go off and eat my meal and they redo the scan. The thought of a 'fatty meal' was a bit daunting, but apparently it isn't as bad as it sounds and I can have cheese, or cream, or chocolate (!). All on doctor's orders, you understand!

My other possible downfall for this week is Lizzie's birthday. She's 13 on Sunday. A Teenager!!! Oh help! I've booked a table for 8 at Frankie and Benny's. I shall try very hard to be good, but how often am I going to be going out for meals? I'm driving so it'll be diet cokes all the way, so alcohol won't be beckoning to me. Good choices, I think (well, not too bad ones).

Oh, just remembered. Lizzie and I are going out with my sister to get her pressie on Friday and we've already decided to make a day of it, including lunch! Oh,well!

Comments noted!

I take on board what you say, Mrs & Lesley. I was a little worried about Lizzie 'going on diet' and wrestled with myself about talking to her about it. But, she's not happy being her weight. She's fine most of the time but when it comes to buying clothes is when we have problems (don't WE all know that feeling!). You should have seen the look on her face the other day when we bought the skirt and I managed to get it on. It's a size 14, and I said to her that if she didn't want to wear it after the wedding then maybe it would fit me. 'Try it on Mummy.' she said. And when I put it on and it did up easily and then I slipped on the size 10 top we'd bought to go with it (only a £5 boat neck t-shirt from M&S - and definitely not the size I should have been wearing, I hasten to add)I must say she looked rather stricken. I could almost see the 'I'm big' thought going through her head.

She doesn't get out of breathe and she has loads of energy - I only wish I could do the warm-up she does in karate! It's crippling! So she is healthy. I even spoke to her PE teacher at school at the parent/teacher meeting and she was pleased with Lizzie's progress. There are definitley no issues there.

Anyway, we're looking at Slimming World for her as more of a healthy eating programme rather than a diet plan. I'm using it as a way of educating her; to the benefits of fresh over processed; foods that may be eaten freely over those that have Syns and must be limited; the importance of Healthy Extras foe calcium and fibre. She's really taking on board the mentality needed to succeed and she's, basically, learning. If losing a few pounds comes as a side issue, all well and good.

Lizzie knows that she's loved (not always liked..lol) and I shall keep a very close eye on her.

A new week, a new start....

As I said yesterday, I'm not going to be de-motivated by a measly little 1/2lb. It was back on the diet first thing this morning. I actually think that by only having a tiny loss this first week has given me the incentive to keep right on track. It's shown me that I need to keep to the rules if I want to succeed....and I do!

I'm going to keep my syns as close to 5 each day for a few days to make up for last week. I'll also have a couple of red days and I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow night's dinner. It's one of John's favourites - steamed slamon with a mango and chilli dressing (actually a Weight Watchers recipe!)....hmmm

Lizzie and I have been to Lakeside today looking for an outfit for her for my god-daughter's wedding on 1st September. We bought a lovely off-white skirt with a black print band and bow belt from Autograph at M&S, a black top, and a pair of black pumps. She looks very grown up in them. I must say I was a little worried about whether we'd get anything as she's also a little on the big side and too big for children/teenage clothes, but ladies wear doesn't usually fit properly (no boobs to fill out tops and legs too short for normal length trousers).

I do worry about Elizabeth. She was 2 weeks early and 8lb 10oz at birth. She's always been bigger for her age. But she exercises. She does karate 2 or 3 times a week (4 times this week). She swims. She goes out on her bike. She uses the Pilates machine better than I do. It's her birthday next Sunday (12th) and she'll be 13 so her periods should be imminent. I'm hoping that once they arrive she'll slim down a bit.

We've spoken about Slimming World and how it's more a lifestyle change than a diet and I told her that there was a young boy in my class of about 12 years who's been doing the diet for about 3 months with hos mum and lost 1stone 7lbs. She said she'd like to do it, but doesn't want to go to a class. So, we'll have a weigh-in tomorrow morning and have a go and see how long she can last. We can only hope!!

First week over - that's all I can say really....

Amethyst! So glad to see you still looking in.

First weigh-in not too exciting, I'm afraid. As I said yesterday, I wasn't feeling any lighter. I wasn't feeling that first week of a diet feeling, you know, lighter and almost walking on air because you've suddenly lost a few pounds. Well, the reason I wasn't feeling like that was because I hadn't lost a few pounds, I'd only lost 1/2lb. To say I was disappointed wouldn't be an exaggeration. I wasn't devastated, but I definitely wasn't impressed! With myself really, Not the diet, as I know it works.

I was speaking to Maureen, the class leader, and said that I thought it could be for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'd done green days all week. I hadn't over-eaten but I have had potatoes or pasta everyday and I found when I did Slimming World in the past that if I had green days the couple of days before weighin then my weightloss was slower. Secondly, the fact that I've been dieting already, albeit rather haphazardly, meant that I wasn't making such a drastic change to the way I've been eating. Thirdly, I'd had my evening meal at 6pm, so maybe that made a difference as well. I also mentioned that I'd recently done LighterLife and I'd read that your metabolic state can be suppressed for some months after coming off the plan (I read that on the minimins forum - I think, apparently, said to someone by her doctor).

Initially, yesterday evening, I was ready to give up thinking what's the point of continuing on a diet for 1/2lb a week, but today I've had time to think annd adjust my mindset. I was going to do red days instead, but I can't keep to them, I'm afraid. I'm not a big meat eater (one reason I'd find Atkins difficult), so I shall do th occasional red day, probably near the end of my weigh week, to give myself as much chance as I can of getting rid of any 'held' water.

So not a good start, but I'm not totally down about it.

I will be talking food a bit more on my blog now so I hope I don't put off any abstainers. But it will be healthy eating, I hope I can be excused then.

Slimming World - Day 7

Well here we are - the end of the first week. I'll tell you one thing, this first week on Slimming World has gone a lot quicker than my first week on LighterLife! I think back to those days with the relief that I've not had to go through the agony of getting into full ketosis, and having to drink SO much water. I remember day 3 of LighterLife standing in the kitchen crying to John that I couldn't go on - I was so, so hungry; I felt I was drowning in all that water and feeling nauseous all the time because of it. But those days were over fairly quickly and I soon knuckled down to the diet proper. It's just SO, SO, SO, annoying that I wasn't able to stay the course, especially seeing how well everyone else has done. Just think, by now I would have lost AT LEAST 4 1/2 stone and been perfectly on target. I may even have been a lot lower, although Dad would have been back to haunt me about losing too much again!

But, heyho, that was not to be. As I said earlier, I hadn't wanted to go down the Slimming World route again, but at least this time I've gone in with prior knowledge of how the diet works, and there are now some changes that make the programme a lot more flexible than it used to be. You don't need to strictly keep to the red/green day format any longer - you can decide at each meal, so long as you're extra vigilant about free food choices throughout the day, ie. not all free food is 'free' on both days, so they need to be accounted for. This won't make sense to those who haven't done SW, I'm thinking Mrs here, and I haven't totally got my head around it yet either so I'm keeping to what I know at the moment and will probably experiment with the new-fangled features of the diet a little further down the line.

What I would say though is that it hasn't been half as bad as I thought it would be. I'm making 'old favourite' recipes that I found when I did the diet previously and both John and Elizabeth hae been appreciative of them so far. Even to John saying, 'Oh, you haven't made this for ages; I love it!'

As Lesley commented on my last post, I need to be aware of portion size and not take on board the old Slimming World adage that free food can be 'eaten freely'. It can, yes, and you can fill up on these low calorie foods and not feel deprived, but if you really want to not only lose weight but set a precedent for lifelong eating then moderation is the rule. I learnt a lot from LighterLife, maybe not from direct counselling as I was only able to attend 3 sessions, but I've avidly taken in everything that everyone has said here on these blogs and I'm carrying it all through to my new attack on Slimming World. I had a moment on Sunday when I felt out of control and the child took over. That was because I was with the family and Mum wanted us to go for lunch at the local Cypriot cafe. I thought of saying no, but I was only 25% of the vote so I kept quite and went along - then the moussaka beckoned....and the lemon sorbet (which turned out to be pineapple ice-cream, because the new waitress who only started that day had thought it was the lemon - and she put double chocolate in for some reason as well! I couldn't complain as I didn't want to upset her, she was trying, after all!). I will admit, I did feel I'd let myself down when I got home, but I decided not to beat myself up about it - that's what 'flexible syns' are for. But what I need to do is not be pressured by outside influences, be that only the family. I'd been 'good' all week before, and since, and I just needed to put one meal in perspective. That's something those of you who have the occasional 'binge' on a lettuce leaf, carrot stick, or slice of black forest gateau (lol) need to keep in mind....PERSPECTIVE!

This all sounds rather positive, doesn't it? Well, I am! I'm back doing something that I know has worked for me in the past, and I now know where I went wrong as well. I have a better grasp of the psychological 'pull' of food and how to combat it. I understand and accept that I will have the occasional lapse and I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't keep completely on track. I shall ensure I have my free food first and foremost, always have the Healthy Extras, for extra fibre, calcium and nutrients, and ensure that I always have my Syns. One of the reasons I failed with Slimming World in the past was that I didn't eat enough! Credit that!

Mrs mentioned that I might like to register on minimins, well I used to go on there a lot when I did Lighterlife and Cambridge, but I've only used it lately for palying the arcade (I love Word Eight and Solitaire). I've already decided that I'll take a look at the SW forum because, as we all know, the support gained from others in exactly the same position as you is worth so much that it can't be over-emphasised.

Positivity aside; it's my first weigh-in this evening. I don't actually feel as though I've lost weight. You know, that light feeling you get at the beginning of a diet because you've lost a lot of water. So fingers-crossed...XXX. The nearer I'll get to 7.30pm the more nervous I'll get. Can you lose weight on fear and adrenaline alone? I wish!!