To weigh or not to weigh....?

Since I had to give up on LighterLife and Cambridge...oh, and Slimfast, I've set my own personal weigh-in day to first thing Monday morning (you know, after the first wee, before I've drunk anything and before I've dressed - to be as low as possible!!). Well, sometimes it's gone well and sometimes not so well. I still can't get below 12stone. I'm up and down by 2 or 3 lbs and it's getting so annoying. So, this week I've deliberately not weighed myself. People are still commenting on the changes, especially the girls at work in my Saturday Branch, so much so that Karen said, 'You're not going to lose anymore though, are you Chris?' in a very concerned mannner. And that's coming from someone who's about the size of a matchstick!

I feel that by getting on the scales every week I'm not doing myself any favours. It's only a number, and I'd love the scales to say something like 9stone 7lb, but it's never going to happen (especially now I'm not doing a VLCD). Even if it did I'm sure I'd look like a skinny waif which would be great at 18, but not at over 30 years older than that! I was reading 'The Power: 11 Ways Women Gain Unhealthy Weight and How You Can Take Charge Of Them' by Sue Ellin Browder and she actually says it's healthier for a woman to carry a little weight as she gets older than to be too skinny - something to do with bone density if I remember. This is a fantastic book and one you can dip in and out of as not all chapters will be relevant, I'd recommend it, if only from the library. I'm keeping that in mind, what she says about holding a little weight as you get older as I've always thought too skinny women of a certain age always tend to look a lot older than their years. I will still try to get down, as my BMI is still at 28, and although BMI is NOT the be-all and end-all, I am fully aware that my health can only improve by losing another 1/2 to 1 stone. As an aside, I had my blood pressure taken when I was in hospital the other week and it read at 117/72. Absolutely brilliant! It's never been ultra high, even when I was pregnant, but before Christmas it was a lot higher than that and I'm sure the weight was a contributory factor.

I see comments on a number of the other blogs, or on minimins, where girls are trying to get into a size 10 or get down to as low a weight as they can. For a time I thought, Yes, I want to do that, but reality has set in. I don't have the luxury of ketosis any longer. I don't have the luxury of not eating and not needing to worry about food - and it is a luxury. You don't realise that when you're abstaining. You just notice what everybody else can eat, or what you can buy in the supermarket when shopping for the family. Yes, that's when it gets hard, but you know you can't have any of it and, if you're keeping to the diet wholeheartedly then you get over it. But, when you've been there and that option's been taken away from you, as in my case, it's a lot harder to keep to the straight and narrow.

The straight and narrow I will keep on though. I will weigh myself occasionally and if and when I have an 11 to report then you, dear reader, will be the first to know. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. If, on the 1st January, I'd known that 4 months later I would weigh 21/2stone lighter, that I'd be back in my size 14s, which I can't remember when I last wore, and that my uniform skirt, which I've had since April last year and never been able wear, would be back to front by the end of the day, I'd have gone, 'Oh, yeah?'. So I'm going with that and living for the moment.

Freedom from the scales!

Hospital results...

I went along to see my consultant on Wednesday and luckily it was good news - well as far as it goes, anyway. I have a hiatus hernia, gallstones, a weak sphincter (a muscle to the bowel) and constipation. All very lovely, I know! Why can't I have some 'romantic' disorder rather than something to do with my poo and digestive tract?....lol. He's keeping my file open in case I need to return but in the meantime h's given me a prescription for medication to ease the symptoms causing the pain (it isn't constant any longer so I'll just use the medication when I need to).

I say as far as it goes as I still haven't found what foodstuffs caused digestive the problems in the first place, and of course the skin problems with Lighterlife, Cambridge and Slimfast. I haven't used any Slimfast packs for about 10 days now but my eyes, although now not as bad, and also not as bad as on LL or CD, are still very dry and pink looking. The patch on my chin has also got bigger rather than smaller as well. I've decided to let things ride for a while now and if in a few months the symptoms return I'll go back to my GP and ask for the referral to a nutritionist, as I wanted in the first place. I've had enough of doctors and hospitals for the time being.

I will admit though that finding I have the hernia and gallstones has definitely motivated me to continue on the weightloss journey. Doctors recommend weightloss for both conditions, especially if weight is held around the abdomen (not really my problem, but it can't hurt to lose a bit more). One thing to make Lesley laugh though: it's suggested that frequent bending forward and any abdominal exercise like sit ups etc. which increase abdominal pressure may exacerbate symptoms, so is that an excuse not to do my Rosemary Connolly DVD or use the Pilates machine?...hee,hee.

Thank you for your comments on my last post, Mrs and Cath, and I admire your abilty to see, Mrs, that I'm being undervalued and have many skills (please tell me what they are - lol, I'd love to do something else other than work in a building society as it's changed so much over the years, and I'm rather 'old school' I'm afraid).

I saw Ted and Pat's daughter on Wednesday. She and the family are of the same opinion as me; that it was the best thing that could have happened, not that they were both gone, but that they were together again. The post-mortem showed that Ted had had a massive heart attack, so much so that he wouldn't have known anything about it and that he'd gone before he hit the floor. That was good to hear.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. We're going to see Charlie tomorrow. We haven't seen him for a few weeks and he'll probably have doubled in size, still I can still have a good old cuddle, that's if I get a look in with Lizzie around! Then on Sunday we're off to Gravesend to visit Stella - she's staying at her parent's house before going off to build that house in Cyprus, so she'll be around for sometime, just not next door...

Let's pray for better weather. I hope none of you lot from 'up north' have had any problems with flooding.

End of an era

We've just got in from having a goodbye drink with Stella, our neighbour next-door. She's moving, after having lived here since 3 weeks after Elizabeth was born. Feeling rather sad! But, she's moving to Cyprus soon and we'll be invited there for holidays with her and the dogs (2 border collies). I hope we don't lose contact.

I haven't been to work today as I've been to a funeral. Do you remember Pat who's funeral I went to a few weeks back? Well it was Ted's funeral today - her husband. He lasted 7 weeks from when she went. That's love for you. They'd been married for 56 years and he just didn't want to go on without her, so he didn't. He was a lovely man, a gentleman, in the true sense of the word. Death can sometimes be said to be a good thing, and I honestly think it was in this case. They're together again now.

Ted was found dead at home so there had to be a post-mortem and I only found out at Church on Sunday that the funeral was today. So I phoned the office yesterday and left a message to say I wouldn't be in (remember, I'm only covering - I don't actually work there). The manager phoned me back, gave me the third degree and even moaned about the fact that my mobile was turned off and that she'd had to get me on my home phone!?! Honestly, I've had enough. I don't need to work. I like the company, but I really don't know whether it's worth it. Anyway, I'm in tomorrow but I'm leaving at 2pm as I've got an appointment at the hospital to discuss the results of the procedures I've had recently.

I shall let you know how I get on.

Such a long time since I last posted....

It's a week since I last posted, and what a week! I really don't know where these days go. It doesn't help though if you lose days! I haven't been to work today and decided to pop to Romford shopping. I've been walking around all day thinking it's Friday. Yesterday evening, I was as a Governor's meeting at the secondary school I'm a governor at and when I got home was a little peeved I'd missed 'House' - duh! that's tonight!

I must remember tomorrow's Friday as I have an appointment at the hospital for a pelvic unltrasound at 12.30 (a full bladder and a 6 hour fast - marvellous!).

A good week in some respects, not so good in others. I had a little 'disagreement' with a member of the management team at the Branch I've been covering since November. Nothing drastic, just rather annoying and frustrating. John was all for going along to the office to sort it out (My Hero!) but the girl is well-known for not having good people skills (that's in the opinion of everyone she's forever verbally lashing out at, and I've worked with her in 3 different branches) so I said 'forget it'. I shall continue working there whilst it suits me - the money's not bad and I get car expenses, but at least I know that if I want to I can just go. I still have my Saturday Branch where I'm contracted to work and there will always be other branches that need the help. I just don't need the aggro.....

The week has panned out quite well on the diet front though. Not that I've lost anymore weight - the 11's still seem very elusive (but only 2lbs to go as of yesterday, it just keeps going up and down though). What has gone well is the positive comments I keep getting. Apparently, so I'm told, my legs are getting slimmer and slimmer. My chest, apparently, is now smaller than Lisa's, and, according to Maria, I'm 'half the woman I used to be'. And the girls at work (my Saturday office) can't believe I'm still not losing weight. There you go! And that's without a 'proper' diet - just being observant and taking notice of what I'm eating.

Hospital - never again

I went into hospital yesterday and had the procedures. So much for not feeling anything!!! Both the consultant and my husband (who famously had a colonoscopy carried out by the same consultant) told me I would have heavy sedation, would probably fall asleep and would neither feel nor remember anything. Heh! I knew everything that was going on. The gastroscopy wasn't too bad but when he came to do the colonscopy, I admit, I cried (not balled, but I did try to stop him doing it and the nurse had to hold my hand away) and they had to give me an extra dose of pethidin.

Anyway, the consultant came round to see me a while later with good news. The colonscopy showed no disease or problems of any kind, but he did find that I had a hiatus hernia. Not knowing exactly what it was I looked it up when I came home and fond that it happens when a piece of the stomach pokes out through the hiatus, an opening in the diaphragm normally occupied by the oesophagus. Often symptonless but sometimes leading to acid reflux. I did suffer from acid reflux some years ago (prior to being really overweight) but haven't had any problems with this for a very long time. Apparently, though, hiatus hernias are more common in obese people - so there you go!! That's cheered me up no end. I have an 'obese' medical condition!

I still have to go back to the hospital next Friday for a pelvic scan and then back to see Dr Ashraf and hopefully I can come away with a further explanation fpr the inflammation and pain. I still think it's down to the scar tissue and adhesions from the endometriosis and surgeries; and also probably a food intolerance.

I had vegetables with a chicken casserole and brown rice last night and got up this morning in pain. Answers?? Today, I've restarted the Slimfast and shall be cooking a chilli and rice for dinner this evening, so I bet I don't have any pain tomorrow.

I got on the scales on Tuesday morning ( I forgot on Monday) and was upset to see that I'd put on again. I'd gone up to 12stone 5 and a quarter, or 3quarters, i'm not sure (can't see that small without my specs!) - but then I thought, well I've been eating nothing but bread and chips and no salad or veg for the last 3 or 4 days, so no wonder. Anyway, I reweighed again this morning and I'm down to 12stone 2 lbs. Oh, happy days! But come on you 11s!

Prep for Wednesday starts here....

Well, from today I start the preparation for Wednesday's procedures. That's no veg, salad, fruit, cereals, anything with fibre in, ie. no wholemeal bread, pasta etc, etc. What's left? White bread and non-fruit jam? White toast and marmite, methinks (luv it!! - what's your take on marmite? love it , or hate it?)

Then on Tuesday I'm onto 'the purge' - oh happy days!

Yesterday after work I decided a little retail therapy was in order. We were going to a BBQ for my uncle's 70th birthday in the afternoon and I wanted something new to wear. Not wanting to spend fortunes I looked in Mark One. I haven't been there for ages (other than for Elizabeth), but, and I say this with utter surprise, things fitted me, and looked good. I started trying on, but as they only allow you to take 3 items into the changing-room, the assistant kept most of the things I'd picked up outside and said to call when I needed them. So there was me, standing in the changing-room in my bra and knickers, calling, "Hello, Hello". So much for that; I gave up. Came out into the shop again, walked round, picked up loads more bits and pieces (including a few teenage bits for Lizzie) and just went and paid - £171.00 worth of stuff. As I've said before, I'm the take-back queen. But do you know, after a massive fashion parade when I got home I'm keeping most of mine. And all the tops were size 14! Not so lucky with Liz, though, but we'll just go and change the sizes for her.

So off I went to the BBQ wearing a pair of smart white crop trousers and a very nice jersey low-slung crossover top, with a fitted vest and peplum waist (to cover any visible tummy bulge). I'd also had my hair cut on Friday, so I felt good! I haven't seen a number of the family since before LighterLife and the compliments were flying - on the hair, the clothes and the weight. Oh, it feels good when things come together doesn't it? Don't feel too good this morning, though - just a 'little' fragile (my cousin would keep filling my white wine glass up!)

I hope everyone has a good Sunday - looks as though it's going to be a bright day.

Not the eyes!!

Hi, girls. sorry to keep you in suspenders but I couldn't get onto the laptop. John's been hogging it the last couple of evenings. But I shall catch you up on the hospital visit in a mo.

I have a more pressing dilemma though:

Since I came out of ketosis about 6 weeks ago I've found it really difficult to lose anymore weight. I had managed to get down to 12stone but have found the holy grail of the 11s becoming more and more elusive. I thought of trying to get back into ketosis again by going along a high protein route but the thought of going on a severely restricted menu for the forseeable just gives me nightmares. I know when on LighterLife and Cambridge I wasn't eating any food and I managed fine, but the willpower and the 'counting calories' is doing my head in.

So, I thought I'd give Slimfast a go. I tried it quite a few years back with a little success, but this time within a few days of trying it this time..... you've got it!..... my eyes started itching! Out has come the green base foundation again. It's nowhere near as bad as before, but I can't believe it. I checked the ingredients and the vitamin and mineral composition and the are some similarities to LL and CD, but I honestly don't know what's affecting me.

Anyway, this morning I went to the GP to collect a form the GP had completed for the insurance company and Sue, one of the receptionists, said, "How are your eyes, Chris? Oh, I see they're still not cleared up.".....thanks, Sue.I then took the form onto the hospital for completion by the consultant before I go in next week. Yes...I need a 'procedure'.

I went back for the results of the blood tests on Monday evening. Dr Ashraf was pleased to note that there were no real 'horrors' revealed but he did say that there was evidence of inflammation which couldn't be traced without further investigation. This, along with the fact that the pain returned a couple of days after my 'purge', suggests that a colonoscopy and gastroscopy are in order. I'm going in next Wednesday as a daycase and need to do another 'purge' on Tuesday and a low-residue, low fibre diet from Sunday. Do you think I'll lose any weight next week? I hope so.... (LOL - with reservation!).

If nothing shows on the Wednesday (and he has a feeling that that will be the case) then my problems could be down to a hernia - because of the acute pains, and scar tissue and adhesions, due to my history of severe endometriosis and the number of surgeries I've had.

At last! Someone who agrees with me. I've said to two GPs that could this be the reason for my problems but they've just looked at me as though I was an idiot. Some idiot! Even an endocrinologist I was under at the Middlesex Hospital in London asked me, because I was so knowledgable of the condition, when he was writing a book with another consultant, to read and comment on a chapter he had written on endometriosis before publication. Yeah, some idiot!

OK! I'm putting this in writing so I MUST follow through. I will not weigh myself until Monday. Too demotivating when losses don't show.