Hi all! Sorry I've been away so long but I'm afraid things didn't work out so well for me in hospital. There was a lot more wrong than was expected and this is the first time I've actually felt up to sitting down with the laptop.
As you know, I went in on the 11th September expecting to just have my gallbladder removed and home again 2 days later. It didn't go quite so smoothly though. I ended up having a lot more done than expected. The Consultant told me that he expected that a lot of my problems (pain, swelling etc) could also be down to adhesions/scar tissue and that he would sort that out during the operation, but apparently, when he opened a great deal more damage was found than was expected. In his own words: "I just wanted to walk away". So, after 5 and 1/2 hours on the operating table, I ended up with my gallbladder gone, hiatus hernia repaired, part of my bowel removed, and a small plastic bottle containing about 30 small gallstones.
John and Mum were really worried as I'd phoned John just before 3.30pm to say I was on my way to theatre any moment and he kept ringing the hospital all evening to be told I was still in recovery (which I wasn't; I was still in theatre) or that there was no news. He didn't receive a call to say that I was in the HDU (High Dependency Unit) until 11.15pm.
I was in hospital for 8 days and am only just begining to feel as though I'm rejoining the human race. I haven't been out anywhere other than a visit to the hospital as I can't drive (and John doesn't) and I'm too afraid to go out walking too far as if I need a toilet (and that's very likely) I need to get there straight away (so no change there!).
I went to the hospital one week after I came home to have the remainder of the 35 stitches removed and Mr Slater (my Consultant) said it would take some time to recover and that I'd been a 'walking time bomb'. My internal organs were all stuck together and I had an incisional hernia coming off from a previous gynae surgery (on the right hand side of my body coming up from a bikini-line scar). My bowel was pushing through the hernia and a portion of it was ischaemic, in other words, had died. This had to be removed.
Sorry to cme back with a bit of a 'downer' of a post, but at least I'm back. And one other good thing - I lost 10lbs in weight in as many days. I've put on about 3 or 4 lbs from just sitting around most the time but at least I reached those elusive 11stone somethings!!!!!
I'm going to look in to see if every one else is still around and 'thank you' Lesley and Mrs for popping in to see me whilst I was away.
Friday, 26 October 2007
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Back from Hols......
We had a lovely time in Dublin. It's great when you can catch up with friends and you don't feel as though you've really been apart and can just slot back into the relationship you used to have. Our friends moved over to Ireland 4 years ago (she's Irish, he isn't) and even though Carmel came and stayed with us for a few days last year we hadn't seen Dave since they moved. And Elizabeth got on so well with the girls that we hardly saw them, they were out wandering most of the time (not a thing I would allow her to do here in London!). We did the open-top bus tour of the City - just like real tourists, but didn't 'do' the Guinness factory as we didn't think the girls would like it too much (so next time!). On the Wednesday evening I phoned home to speak to Mum and she said the weather had been cold, windy and extremely wet all day - I really hated to tell her that we had been sitting on a beach in the sun and that, unfortunately, I'd got rather burnt (stupid, I know). It seems as though we took the sun with us to the Emerald Isle.
We really didn't want to come home, and Jane, who's the same age as Liz, wanted us to miss our plane. Sweet!
But back home we came. We walked through the door at 8.30 in the evening, Mum started talking, and she didn't stop until we went to bed!!!!!!! I tell you, for a woman in her late 70's she has much more energy than me!
On Bank Holiday Monday we went to Colchester to visit Bridget and Colin, other friends who moved away about 3 years ago. I know they're only 50 miles away but it's not easy to keep up with people when we don't have many free weekends. Also when I was doing LighterLife and Cambridge earlier this year, I must admit, I became a bit of a recluse. I didn't want to go visting, or have anyone over, as I thought it would be too difficult what with not eating. And then of course, there were the eyes! And the illnesses!! But another successful visit and one we won't leave for another year. Bridget did't mention my weightloss and I had to say something to her in the end (flipping heck!). Her reply was that, yes, I had said that I'd lost weight, but to her, I looked the same as she had always known me (you see, she hadn't seen me at my largest).
I haven't been on here for a while as I haven't actually been using the computer much since we've been home. John has only been back at week for a few days and then there was getting Liz back to school followed on by the 'relief' of being at home alone again, so I've been catching up on other things!!! I've tried to catch up with what's been going on with everyone else, but there has been so much to read (Mrs!!!!) that in the end I had to give up. So, if anything momentous has happened to anyone, please let me know on here.
I'm off to hospital this morning for the gall bladder removal. I've had a few more painful episodes with it so I'll be glad when it's gone - although I'm dreading the operation later today.
I was reading a BUPA factsheet on the Internet about the symptoms of gallstones and it said that the onset can be caused by rapid weightloss......!!!!!?????!!!!!
Well, I'm off now. I hope everyone is doing well. I shall be home in a few days and I'll try to catch up. Don't forget though - if there's anything I've missed.....
We really didn't want to come home, and Jane, who's the same age as Liz, wanted us to miss our plane. Sweet!
But back home we came. We walked through the door at 8.30 in the evening, Mum started talking, and she didn't stop until we went to bed!!!!!!! I tell you, for a woman in her late 70's she has much more energy than me!
On Bank Holiday Monday we went to Colchester to visit Bridget and Colin, other friends who moved away about 3 years ago. I know they're only 50 miles away but it's not easy to keep up with people when we don't have many free weekends. Also when I was doing LighterLife and Cambridge earlier this year, I must admit, I became a bit of a recluse. I didn't want to go visting, or have anyone over, as I thought it would be too difficult what with not eating. And then of course, there were the eyes! And the illnesses!! But another successful visit and one we won't leave for another year. Bridget did't mention my weightloss and I had to say something to her in the end (flipping heck!). Her reply was that, yes, I had said that I'd lost weight, but to her, I looked the same as she had always known me (you see, she hadn't seen me at my largest).
I haven't been on here for a while as I haven't actually been using the computer much since we've been home. John has only been back at week for a few days and then there was getting Liz back to school followed on by the 'relief' of being at home alone again, so I've been catching up on other things!!! I've tried to catch up with what's been going on with everyone else, but there has been so much to read (Mrs!!!!) that in the end I had to give up. So, if anything momentous has happened to anyone, please let me know on here.
I'm off to hospital this morning for the gall bladder removal. I've had a few more painful episodes with it so I'll be glad when it's gone - although I'm dreading the operation later today.
I was reading a BUPA factsheet on the Internet about the symptoms of gallstones and it said that the onset can be caused by rapid weightloss......!!!!!?????!!!!!
Well, I'm off now. I hope everyone is doing well. I shall be home in a few days and I'll try to catch up. Don't forget though - if there's anything I've missed.....
Saturday, 18 August 2007
Liz & John
Me again! So much for saying I wouldn't be on again over the weekend....
John has been setting up the new camera on the computer this evening and found that you could download pictures straight from the Fuji software to blogger. Here's the result. This was taken on Liz's birthday last Sunday.
I just have to learn how to do it now.
Last day at work...for I don't know how long!
I'm only working Saturdays at the moment as I don't tend to work during the school holidays unless a branch is really desperate. It was my last day for sometime now, though. I've already booked the next 3 Saturdays off as I'm not back from Ireland 'til late next Saturday evening and the following week we're off to a family wedding, and the week after that I'll be getting over the 'do' at John's firm. So it was with some trepidation that I told my line manager that I would be off for a few more weeks. But I needn't have worried as she was lovely about it. She knows I've had health issues over the years and is so happy that I've got the chance of getting it all sorted. So, I may not be back at work until the end of September at the best. Monies going to be a little short for the next couple of months - I'll have to get John to do a few more 8.00ams to midnights!!!!! (only joking, if you read this John!).
Everytime I walk through the doors of the office (ie. every Saturday morning) the girls comment anew about the amount of weight I've lost. Admittedly, they're not all in every week, so they don't see me all the time, but sometimes I don't know quite what to say so I just say 'thank you' and get on. This morning though it was also my hair. You see, on a whim I had it all cut off yesterday. It's a shortish bob(just above chin level) - I feel a bit ...bare...at the moment, but it'll be ok once I wash and style it myself.
I have a new camera that I bought a few weeks ago and was going through my memory cards so that I could clear them ready for the holiday and I came across a picture of John and myself in Cornwall last year. It will be a year next Sunday since the photo was taken and we both look .... quite a bit different. Next Sunday, so long as we remember we're going to put the same clothes on and get Lizzie to take a photo of the same pose of us. I'll then, if I'm brave enough, post it so we can all see the difference a year makes!
I'll say bye for now, as I'll be busy tomorrow getting ready for Monday (I must make sure the house is 'fit' for Mum to come and cat-sit!). I'll try and look in if I get a chance to use Carmel's computer, otherwise I'll speak to everyone when I get back. Have a good week, all.
Everytime I walk through the doors of the office (ie. every Saturday morning) the girls comment anew about the amount of weight I've lost. Admittedly, they're not all in every week, so they don't see me all the time, but sometimes I don't know quite what to say so I just say 'thank you' and get on. This morning though it was also my hair. You see, on a whim I had it all cut off yesterday. It's a shortish bob(just above chin level) - I feel a bit ...bare...at the moment, but it'll be ok once I wash and style it myself.
I have a new camera that I bought a few weeks ago and was going through my memory cards so that I could clear them ready for the holiday and I came across a picture of John and myself in Cornwall last year. It will be a year next Sunday since the photo was taken and we both look .... quite a bit different. Next Sunday, so long as we remember we're going to put the same clothes on and get Lizzie to take a photo of the same pose of us. I'll then, if I'm brave enough, post it so we can all see the difference a year makes!
I'll say bye for now, as I'll be busy tomorrow getting ready for Monday (I must make sure the house is 'fit' for Mum to come and cat-sit!). I'll try and look in if I get a chance to use Carmel's computer, otherwise I'll speak to everyone when I get back. Have a good week, all.
Friday, 17 August 2007
It's coming out.......
......my gall bladder that is. The concensus of opinion is that this is the best option. The surgeon said that if it was just the adhesions he'd leave well alone but as the he suspects the gallstones are the main cause of my problems, and even if they were removed they could still reform in the gall bladder, he feels it would be prudent to remove the gall bladder and deal with the adhesions at the same time. He said the op could be done laparoscopally but it would be much safer to do open surgery. So, there you go! He's on holiday for the next 2 weeks and wanted to fit it in directly he got back on 6th September but I wrangled out of that one as it's only the day after Liz goes back to school and we also have a 'posh do' at John's company on the 7th which we didn't want to miss. So it looks as though I'll go in some time the following week.
I don't know, John's been on at me for ages and ages to get to the doctor's about health problems as he's got the private insurance and my comment to that has always been, 'Do you want me to get ill?' Well, he's getting his money's worth now!!!!
Ok, onto to the diet..... Mr Slater (my new consultant) asked if I needed any help with a fat-free diet. After I stopped laughing, I said, 'No, I think I'm OK on that score'. I'd already explained about how I'd put on all the weight, and how I'd lost it - LighterLife etc., and he was impressed that I'd lost so much weight (as of Wednesday morning.....2stone 10lb....38lb......so I'm getting nearer that 11stone something). He did ask that I not eat any chocolate before the operation - as if I would! And I'm to just have milk in drinks, so out goes my occasional glass of skimmed milk at bedtime - boohoo!
I told him that I was ashamed of having got to the weight I became and asked if I'd caused the gallstones by being overweight. His answer was a definite 'No!'. He said they could be hereditary and asked if any close family members suffered from them - my maternal grandmother (who wasn't overweight). Mum told me later that Dad also had them, but I didn't know about that as, a lot of what was wrong with him we (children), weren't told about - I only knew that what I thought was warts in the bladder was in fact cancer and that he wasn't going to pull through, just 2 weekls before he died.
We also discussed the gynae drug treatments I was on over the years and he said that it can be very, very hard to control your weight whilst taking these, just the same as for people on steroids. All this made me feel a lot less .....atogonistic (?) towards myself as even though I can't blame the drugs completely - I do neeed to take some of the blame, it's as I've suspected all along - total control was out of my hands. On the whole though, I don't feel it lets me off the hook over the amount of weight I've put on over the last 3 or 4 years. But in my defense, since the beginning of this century I've had a hysterectomy (well-known for weight gain afterwards - I know people who've gained 2 or 3 stone), lost my Dad, suffered depression, with the resultant Prosac prescription, and fought a losing battle (until now) with weight.
On the way home from the hospital John said he was going to give me something to read about getting into the right mindset for surgery. It was a piece he'd come across whilst doing research for a book he's writing. One of the comments was, 'Operations are fine, as long as you have the right attitude to them....just treat them as a great adventure.' The gist of this is that, rather than becoming stressed out about an upcoming operation, or procedure, look on it as a new begining. The writer said she couldn't wait to get on the operating table, that the problems she was experiencing were getting worse each day, and that the operation couldn't come quick enough. I think I'll try to keep this in mind. Maybe, by this time next year, I'll be a completely new woman. New weight, no pains, no bloated abdomen....new shape. Can't wait!!!
I don't know, John's been on at me for ages and ages to get to the doctor's about health problems as he's got the private insurance and my comment to that has always been, 'Do you want me to get ill?' Well, he's getting his money's worth now!!!!
Ok, onto to the diet..... Mr Slater (my new consultant) asked if I needed any help with a fat-free diet. After I stopped laughing, I said, 'No, I think I'm OK on that score'. I'd already explained about how I'd put on all the weight, and how I'd lost it - LighterLife etc., and he was impressed that I'd lost so much weight (as of Wednesday morning.....2stone 10lb....38lb......so I'm getting nearer that 11stone something). He did ask that I not eat any chocolate before the operation - as if I would! And I'm to just have milk in drinks, so out goes my occasional glass of skimmed milk at bedtime - boohoo!
I told him that I was ashamed of having got to the weight I became and asked if I'd caused the gallstones by being overweight. His answer was a definite 'No!'. He said they could be hereditary and asked if any close family members suffered from them - my maternal grandmother (who wasn't overweight). Mum told me later that Dad also had them, but I didn't know about that as, a lot of what was wrong with him we (children), weren't told about - I only knew that what I thought was warts in the bladder was in fact cancer and that he wasn't going to pull through, just 2 weekls before he died.
We also discussed the gynae drug treatments I was on over the years and he said that it can be very, very hard to control your weight whilst taking these, just the same as for people on steroids. All this made me feel a lot less .....atogonistic (?) towards myself as even though I can't blame the drugs completely - I do neeed to take some of the blame, it's as I've suspected all along - total control was out of my hands. On the whole though, I don't feel it lets me off the hook over the amount of weight I've put on over the last 3 or 4 years. But in my defense, since the beginning of this century I've had a hysterectomy (well-known for weight gain afterwards - I know people who've gained 2 or 3 stone), lost my Dad, suffered depression, with the resultant Prosac prescription, and fought a losing battle (until now) with weight.
On the way home from the hospital John said he was going to give me something to read about getting into the right mindset for surgery. It was a piece he'd come across whilst doing research for a book he's writing. One of the comments was, 'Operations are fine, as long as you have the right attitude to them....just treat them as a great adventure.' The gist of this is that, rather than becoming stressed out about an upcoming operation, or procedure, look on it as a new begining. The writer said she couldn't wait to get on the operating table, that the problems she was experiencing were getting worse each day, and that the operation couldn't come quick enough. I think I'll try to keep this in mind. Maybe, by this time next year, I'll be a completely new woman. New weight, no pains, no bloated abdomen....new shape. Can't wait!!!
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Put on a 1/2lb
Ok, I did say the other day that I'd be upset if I put on but, actually, I'm not worried about this tiny gain. I knew I definitely wouldn't lose. At my guess of 59 Syns for the 'fatty meal' and then 3 celebratory meals out, it's a wonder it was only 1/2lb. So I'm happy.
I'm not sure how well I'll do the next couple of weeks. I won't be going for weigh-in next Tuesday as we're off to Dublin on Monday to stay with friends for a few days. I shall continue with my 'conscious' eating and shall try to stick to the programme as much as I can but as we're staying at someone's house I don't want to make it awkward for her on the cooking front. Carmel has seen me do Slimming World before so she'll understand if I pick and choose with the food. It'll probably be easier when we eat out because I’ll have more choices to make. I would still like to lose at least 2lbs during the next 2 weeks: that 11stone something is still being elusive…….
Lizzie and I popped into work today to open a new account with her birthday money. She's had an account in the past but that was in my name for her, but she's now going to get her own cashcard, so she feels quite grown up. There you go, another step into independence - I'm getting redundant!
I’m off to the hospital this afternoon for the results of my ultrasound last Thursday. I’m quite nervous about it. I don’t know why really. It’s just that the medication I’ve been given doesn’t appear to be working and I’m not sure what else they can do. The blood test last week showed that my liver reading was a high (?) and that’s the reason the Consultant wanted to do the gall bladder function test. The only other reason the reading would be high would be through indulging in too much alcohol (which I don’t), so I’m not sure what the result will be. Well, only another hour until I find out.
....I found out.
Dr Ashraf recommends surgery. To remove the gall bladder and adhesions (of which my abdomen and bowel area are riddled with - mainly because of earlier gynae problems). I have another appointment tomorrow evening to see the surgeon. Blimey! - Quick, or what? John's coming with me this time as I need another ear and another brain to make the decision on whether to go ahead or not. I thought I'd finished with surgery, but it just goes to show what can happen when you have 'the three f's' - female, fat and forty, or in my case 'over forty'. I know I was classed as obese at 14stone 11lb and 5'5" in February, but I could have been a lot heavier. It just goes to show what can happen to your health when control of your weight gets out of hand. I will admit that Dr Ashraf hasn't actually blamed my weight as a contributory factor,bt of course I'm a lot lighter now. But I blame it and I feel rather ashamed that things have gone so far.
I'll update again once I see the doctor tomorrow. A great thing to have on my mind on holiday next week.....
I'm not sure how well I'll do the next couple of weeks. I won't be going for weigh-in next Tuesday as we're off to Dublin on Monday to stay with friends for a few days. I shall continue with my 'conscious' eating and shall try to stick to the programme as much as I can but as we're staying at someone's house I don't want to make it awkward for her on the cooking front. Carmel has seen me do Slimming World before so she'll understand if I pick and choose with the food. It'll probably be easier when we eat out because I’ll have more choices to make. I would still like to lose at least 2lbs during the next 2 weeks: that 11stone something is still being elusive…….
Lizzie and I popped into work today to open a new account with her birthday money. She's had an account in the past but that was in my name for her, but she's now going to get her own cashcard, so she feels quite grown up. There you go, another step into independence - I'm getting redundant!
I’m off to the hospital this afternoon for the results of my ultrasound last Thursday. I’m quite nervous about it. I don’t know why really. It’s just that the medication I’ve been given doesn’t appear to be working and I’m not sure what else they can do. The blood test last week showed that my liver reading was a high (?) and that’s the reason the Consultant wanted to do the gall bladder function test. The only other reason the reading would be high would be through indulging in too much alcohol (which I don’t), so I’m not sure what the result will be. Well, only another hour until I find out.
....I found out.
Dr Ashraf recommends surgery. To remove the gall bladder and adhesions (of which my abdomen and bowel area are riddled with - mainly because of earlier gynae problems). I have another appointment tomorrow evening to see the surgeon. Blimey! - Quick, or what? John's coming with me this time as I need another ear and another brain to make the decision on whether to go ahead or not. I thought I'd finished with surgery, but it just goes to show what can happen when you have 'the three f's' - female, fat and forty, or in my case 'over forty'. I know I was classed as obese at 14stone 11lb and 5'5" in February, but I could have been a lot heavier. It just goes to show what can happen to your health when control of your weight gets out of hand. I will admit that Dr Ashraf hasn't actually blamed my weight as a contributory factor,bt of course I'm a lot lighter now. But I blame it and I feel rather ashamed that things have gone so far.
I'll update again once I see the doctor tomorrow. A great thing to have on my mind on holiday next week.....
Sunday, 12 August 2007
Liz's birthday
We've had a lovely day today. Elizabeth was up before 7 this morning getting herself ready for HER day. I heard the shower running and thought it was Mum in there, but NO!, it was 'birthday girl'. So we were all up early.
She got 19 cards, £150.00, loads of pressies, and a stream of visitors. Quite a hectic day.
Then late afternoon we headed off to the restaurant for the meal. Once you're all eating again, I'd recommend Frankie and Benny's. The food was good (New York Italian - altho' I don't know how authentic!), the service fine, with polite cheerful staff. Actually, a couple of the waiters were 'an eye to behold'. I took a birthday cake with me and they placed balloons on the back of Elizabeth's chair then brought the cake out at the end of the meal and sang 'Happy Birthday' and 'Congratulations' - Elizabeth was very happy!
I was very good with my choices. No starter. Lamb shanks for main, with mashed potatoes and vegetables - rosemary and mint gravy on the side (hmmmmmm! -syn-ful, but scrummy). No dessert. Half a glass of white wine. A slither of birthday cake. You'd all be really proud of me!! So OK, the Syn count would definitely have been over 15, but I shouldn't think it would be too bad. The main thing is, I ate 'consciously'. I thought about what I was going to have; I knew the main course would have been 'syn-ful' - the fat in the gravy and the cream or butter in the potatoes, but I really wanted that dish, so I compensated for it. I think that's a lesson everyone should take on board. Know the damage that could be done to the diet, and limit it as much as possible, but also ENJOY!
I'm definitely trying to keep in the Slimming World zone. I don't expect to loose much, or anything, on Tuesday although I will admit I'll be upset if I put on. But I can't berate myself for not trying to keep on track with all that's been going on this week.
Hope everyone has a good week. I'm off to bed now. Night, night!
She got 19 cards, £150.00, loads of pressies, and a stream of visitors. Quite a hectic day.
Then late afternoon we headed off to the restaurant for the meal. Once you're all eating again, I'd recommend Frankie and Benny's. The food was good (New York Italian - altho' I don't know how authentic!), the service fine, with polite cheerful staff. Actually, a couple of the waiters were 'an eye to behold'. I took a birthday cake with me and they placed balloons on the back of Elizabeth's chair then brought the cake out at the end of the meal and sang 'Happy Birthday' and 'Congratulations' - Elizabeth was very happy!
I was very good with my choices. No starter. Lamb shanks for main, with mashed potatoes and vegetables - rosemary and mint gravy on the side (hmmmmmm! -syn-ful, but scrummy). No dessert. Half a glass of white wine. A slither of birthday cake. You'd all be really proud of me!! So OK, the Syn count would definitely have been over 15, but I shouldn't think it would be too bad. The main thing is, I ate 'consciously'. I thought about what I was going to have; I knew the main course would have been 'syn-ful' - the fat in the gravy and the cream or butter in the potatoes, but I really wanted that dish, so I compensated for it. I think that's a lesson everyone should take on board. Know the damage that could be done to the diet, and limit it as much as possible, but also ENJOY!
I'm definitely trying to keep in the Slimming World zone. I don't expect to loose much, or anything, on Tuesday although I will admit I'll be upset if I put on. But I can't berate myself for not trying to keep on track with all that's been going on this week.
Hope everyone has a good week. I'm off to bed now. Night, night!
Friday, 10 August 2007
59 Syns!!!!!!
Yes, Mrs, in answer to your question, 59 Syns are a lot. On Slimming World you're allowed between 5 and 15 PER DAY, with most people trying to stick at around 10! Your famous Starbucks coffee lattes are as follows:
Skimmed milk - tall 6
grande 8
venti 10 1/2
Whole milk - tall 10
grande 13 1/2
venti 17
And that's the straight-forward caffe latte, no syrup. Does that put the Syn count into perspective for you?
I felt so nauseous when I got back to Mum's to pick Elzabeth up that I went and laid down while they were having their dinner. I got up to go to the bathroom and tried to make myself sick. I tried the fingers down the back of the throat trick. I've never done that before and I was on my knees in front of the loo trying to gag with the best of them. I wasn't doing something right as it didn't work. Maybe my fingers weren't long enough! Or maybe I was just worried I'd make myself sick!...LOL - I definitely wouldn't make a good bulimic!!
Anyway, I'm going to make up for it today. Before going to the hospital yesterday I picked up a load of fruit from Asda so I'm going to fill up on that all day and I'll also have a salad while we're out shopping. Providing I also have my a and b choices (my milk and cereal) I should be able to reduce some of the harm from yesterday. Well let's hope.
Have a good day, my dear. And go and get that kitchen finished!
Skimmed milk - tall 6
grande 8
venti 10 1/2
Whole milk - tall 10
grande 13 1/2
venti 17
And that's the straight-forward caffe latte, no syrup. Does that put the Syn count into perspective for you?
I felt so nauseous when I got back to Mum's to pick Elzabeth up that I went and laid down while they were having their dinner. I got up to go to the bathroom and tried to make myself sick. I tried the fingers down the back of the throat trick. I've never done that before and I was on my knees in front of the loo trying to gag with the best of them. I wasn't doing something right as it didn't work. Maybe my fingers weren't long enough! Or maybe I was just worried I'd make myself sick!...LOL - I definitely wouldn't make a good bulimic!!
Anyway, I'm going to make up for it today. Before going to the hospital yesterday I picked up a load of fruit from Asda so I'm going to fill up on that all day and I'll also have a salad while we're out shopping. Providing I also have my a and b choices (my milk and cereal) I should be able to reduce some of the harm from yesterday. Well let's hope.
Have a good day, my dear. And go and get that kitchen finished!
Thursday, 9 August 2007
I - Feel - Sick.........
It's nearly 4 hours since my apointment at the hospital but I still feel sick. I'm really sorry everyone but I'm going to have to put down here what happened. For all you abstainers, I apologise in advance, but I assure you, no way can you feel as bad as I did. I arrived and went straight in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder (I was having a gall bladder function test). It lasted for quite a while and I was absolutely covered in that awful jelly stuff.
When I came out of the examination room I was presented with a tray of food to eat and put on the stopwatch - I had 45 minutes. Well! I couldn't believe it! "Do I have to eat all that?", "Yes," replied the ultrasonographer. "What's in that glass?" I asked. "Cream," came the reply. A glass of cream! For someone who only drinks skimmed milk! I wanted to throw up straight away. The rest of the tray consisted of two rounds of egg mayonnaise sandwiches (Wholemeal bread, at least!), a bowl with two scoops of vanilla ice-cream, and to round it off, a 62.5g Mars Bar. (Mrs, you would have been in your element!). I managed to clear the tray in 30 mins and went back to the reception and sat down to await the next ultrasound. I think I must have looked rather green as one of the staff asked if I was OK. When I said I felt a little sick, he asked if I needed a bowl - I tried to laugh and say no thank you.
I then went back in for the second scan. We were almost at the end when my mobile started singing at me, "Can You Feel It?" - the Michael Jackson track - embarrassing to say the least. The doctor said for me to take the call, but I said it was only my husband and I'd speak to him later (I couldn't move anyway as I was covered with jelly again). John didn't get the message though and he rang twice more. It was funny though. The receptionist who was in the room with us as the chaperone laughed and said, "I bet you can feel it." And I could!
Once I left the hospital I sat outside with a glass of water. There was no way I could hit the rush hour traffic feeling as I did.
Anyway, back to see the Consultant next Wednesday afternoon for the results.
One thing though, I'm going to have to be really, really strict with the Syns over the next few days. I hate to think how many my 'fat' meal added up to. I'm not even going tp work it out..................Actually, I just have.....59 Syns!!!!!!
When I came out of the examination room I was presented with a tray of food to eat and put on the stopwatch - I had 45 minutes. Well! I couldn't believe it! "Do I have to eat all that?", "Yes," replied the ultrasonographer. "What's in that glass?" I asked. "Cream," came the reply. A glass of cream! For someone who only drinks skimmed milk! I wanted to throw up straight away. The rest of the tray consisted of two rounds of egg mayonnaise sandwiches (Wholemeal bread, at least!), a bowl with two scoops of vanilla ice-cream, and to round it off, a 62.5g Mars Bar. (Mrs, you would have been in your element!). I managed to clear the tray in 30 mins and went back to the reception and sat down to await the next ultrasound. I think I must have looked rather green as one of the staff asked if I was OK. When I said I felt a little sick, he asked if I needed a bowl - I tried to laugh and say no thank you.
I then went back in for the second scan. We were almost at the end when my mobile started singing at me, "Can You Feel It?" - the Michael Jackson track - embarrassing to say the least. The doctor said for me to take the call, but I said it was only my husband and I'd speak to him later (I couldn't move anyway as I was covered with jelly again). John didn't get the message though and he rang twice more. It was funny though. The receptionist who was in the room with us as the chaperone laughed and said, "I bet you can feel it." And I could!
Once I left the hospital I sat outside with a glass of water. There was no way I could hit the rush hour traffic feeling as I did.
Anyway, back to see the Consultant next Wednesday afternoon for the results.
One thing though, I'm going to have to be really, really strict with the Syns over the next few days. I hate to think how many my 'fat' meal added up to. I'm not even going tp work it out..................Actually, I just have.....59 Syns!!!!!!
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Shopping....again!
Elizabeth has a friend staying over today and they wanted to go shopping (!). I wouldn't mind but we've been to Lakeside twice in the last week and we're going with my sis on Friday, but off we went again. It was quite handy though as the girls didn't want me around with them, they wanted to go off and do their own thing. So off they went, with a little money in their pockets, whilst I wandered around on my own picking up a few pressies for Liz and friends we're off to stay with in Dublin the week after next. I arranged to meet the girls in a coffee shop so, half hour before they were due back, I bought the Evening Standard and settled down with a coffee and the paper - very civilised, and actually, quite relaxing.
It's been quite a relaxing evening all round. John's still at work (he's working until 10pm this evening) and the girls are up in Lizzie's room watching a DVD. It's normally a lot more hectic here. I haven't got just one child. John and Lizzie, when they get started are like two 5 year-olds!
While walking around the shops today I noticed quite a few pregnant woman and it's at this time each year that I always think back to my pregnancy and say a prayer of gratitude that I eventually managed to have a child. Elizabeth will be 13 on Sunday, and 14 or 15 years ago there's no way I could imagine that I would eventually have a teenager. I'd been through so much to get pregnant (numerous surgeries, masses of hormone treatments, and three attempts at IVF) that by this time in August 1994 I couldn't actually see past 12th August - the date set for the ceasarean. It's difficult to explain really, but it had taken so long to get to this point that in my mind, even though I had a big bump, I couldn't actually see us with a baby and a growing family. It seems silly, but I felt as though September 1994 wasn't going to arrive. Somehow the world was going to stop and it would prove my instinct true. Even when I was lying on the operating table outside theatre I told the surgeon to make sure that he didn't have to put me out as I needed to be awake. I felt that if I was asleep they could just have taken a baby off a shelf (!?!) and I needed proof that she'd come out of me! See, Mrs, I'm as mixed up as you.
Oh, aren't I silly one! And I haven't even been on the wine!
It's been quite a relaxing evening all round. John's still at work (he's working until 10pm this evening) and the girls are up in Lizzie's room watching a DVD. It's normally a lot more hectic here. I haven't got just one child. John and Lizzie, when they get started are like two 5 year-olds!
While walking around the shops today I noticed quite a few pregnant woman and it's at this time each year that I always think back to my pregnancy and say a prayer of gratitude that I eventually managed to have a child. Elizabeth will be 13 on Sunday, and 14 or 15 years ago there's no way I could imagine that I would eventually have a teenager. I'd been through so much to get pregnant (numerous surgeries, masses of hormone treatments, and three attempts at IVF) that by this time in August 1994 I couldn't actually see past 12th August - the date set for the ceasarean. It's difficult to explain really, but it had taken so long to get to this point that in my mind, even though I had a big bump, I couldn't actually see us with a baby and a growing family. It seems silly, but I felt as though September 1994 wasn't going to arrive. Somehow the world was going to stop and it would prove my instinct true. Even when I was lying on the operating table outside theatre I told the surgeon to make sure that he didn't have to put me out as I needed to be awake. I felt that if I was asleep they could just have taken a baby off a shelf (!?!) and I needed proof that she'd come out of me! See, Mrs, I'm as mixed up as you.
Oh, aren't I silly one! And I haven't even been on the wine!
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
Yipee - yay!
2nd weigh-in this evening, and you can guess from the title of this post that things have gone better this week. I've felt for the last couple of days that I'd lost some weight, but was thrilled to find that it was 5lb (that's five pounds!). Way-hay! I feel so much more positive than I did last week. And I've stuck to mainly green again this week so it does work. I've not had a great deal of pasta, maybe if I had then the weight may not have been so great. Trust me though, I have to see some negative - if you can call it that. My negative was that I was only wearing a lightweight summer dress for my weighin; so next week when I'm back with a few more clothes, I might not be so lucky. But, a minor problem!
I wasn't able to stay at class tonight as I had to take Elizabeth to a karate seminar so I went along to an earlier class so I could get home for dinner before going out. Maureen, the class-leader, said that if I'd stayed I'd have been "Slimmer of the Week". I could have done with the sticker (yes, I am still mentally 5 years old) and the bag of fruit. Still, gives me the motivation to lose for next week, doesn't it. And I'd rather have the 5lb loss than a sticker and fruit.
Having missed class, I also missed the dreaded question: "Is there anything to stop you this week?" - We-ell, yes there is! I had to go back to the hospital yesterday evening. My medication ran out last Friday and I went to the GP surgery to ask if I could get some more as I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to continue on the tablets or not. I wasn't able to see my GP until today and as I've been suffering quite a bit of pain, I was advised to contact my Consultant's secretary. I rang her and the Consultant asked me to come straight away for some blood tests. I went back for the results yesterday (if only the NHS worked so swiftly!). It turns out there's a problem with my liver which could be caused by the gall bladder - although the Consultant is doubtful as I'd have other symptoms that weren't obvious. Anyhow, I have to go back on Thursday for another ultrsound scan. When I arrive I'll be given a menu to choose a fatty meal, then they'll do a scan. I then go off and eat my meal and they redo the scan. The thought of a 'fatty meal' was a bit daunting, but apparently it isn't as bad as it sounds and I can have cheese, or cream, or chocolate (!). All on doctor's orders, you understand!
My other possible downfall for this week is Lizzie's birthday. She's 13 on Sunday. A Teenager!!! Oh help! I've booked a table for 8 at Frankie and Benny's. I shall try very hard to be good, but how often am I going to be going out for meals? I'm driving so it'll be diet cokes all the way, so alcohol won't be beckoning to me. Good choices, I think (well, not too bad ones).
Oh, just remembered. Lizzie and I are going out with my sister to get her pressie on Friday and we've already decided to make a day of it, including lunch! Oh,well!
I wasn't able to stay at class tonight as I had to take Elizabeth to a karate seminar so I went along to an earlier class so I could get home for dinner before going out. Maureen, the class-leader, said that if I'd stayed I'd have been "Slimmer of the Week". I could have done with the sticker (yes, I am still mentally 5 years old) and the bag of fruit. Still, gives me the motivation to lose for next week, doesn't it. And I'd rather have the 5lb loss than a sticker and fruit.
Having missed class, I also missed the dreaded question: "Is there anything to stop you this week?" - We-ell, yes there is! I had to go back to the hospital yesterday evening. My medication ran out last Friday and I went to the GP surgery to ask if I could get some more as I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to continue on the tablets or not. I wasn't able to see my GP until today and as I've been suffering quite a bit of pain, I was advised to contact my Consultant's secretary. I rang her and the Consultant asked me to come straight away for some blood tests. I went back for the results yesterday (if only the NHS worked so swiftly!). It turns out there's a problem with my liver which could be caused by the gall bladder - although the Consultant is doubtful as I'd have other symptoms that weren't obvious. Anyhow, I have to go back on Thursday for another ultrsound scan. When I arrive I'll be given a menu to choose a fatty meal, then they'll do a scan. I then go off and eat my meal and they redo the scan. The thought of a 'fatty meal' was a bit daunting, but apparently it isn't as bad as it sounds and I can have cheese, or cream, or chocolate (!). All on doctor's orders, you understand!
My other possible downfall for this week is Lizzie's birthday. She's 13 on Sunday. A Teenager!!! Oh help! I've booked a table for 8 at Frankie and Benny's. I shall try very hard to be good, but how often am I going to be going out for meals? I'm driving so it'll be diet cokes all the way, so alcohol won't be beckoning to me. Good choices, I think (well, not too bad ones).
Oh, just remembered. Lizzie and I are going out with my sister to get her pressie on Friday and we've already decided to make a day of it, including lunch! Oh,well!
Saturday, 4 August 2007
Comments noted!
I take on board what you say, Mrs & Lesley. I was a little worried about Lizzie 'going on diet' and wrestled with myself about talking to her about it. But, she's not happy being her weight. She's fine most of the time but when it comes to buying clothes is when we have problems (don't WE all know that feeling!). You should have seen the look on her face the other day when we bought the skirt and I managed to get it on. It's a size 14, and I said to her that if she didn't want to wear it after the wedding then maybe it would fit me. 'Try it on Mummy.' she said. And when I put it on and it did up easily and then I slipped on the size 10 top we'd bought to go with it (only a £5 boat neck t-shirt from M&S - and definitely not the size I should have been wearing, I hasten to add)I must say she looked rather stricken. I could almost see the 'I'm big' thought going through her head.
She doesn't get out of breathe and she has loads of energy - I only wish I could do the warm-up she does in karate! It's crippling! So she is healthy. I even spoke to her PE teacher at school at the parent/teacher meeting and she was pleased with Lizzie's progress. There are definitley no issues there.
Anyway, we're looking at Slimming World for her as more of a healthy eating programme rather than a diet plan. I'm using it as a way of educating her; to the benefits of fresh over processed; foods that may be eaten freely over those that have Syns and must be limited; the importance of Healthy Extras foe calcium and fibre. She's really taking on board the mentality needed to succeed and she's, basically, learning. If losing a few pounds comes as a side issue, all well and good.
Lizzie knows that she's loved (not always liked..lol) and I shall keep a very close eye on her.
She doesn't get out of breathe and she has loads of energy - I only wish I could do the warm-up she does in karate! It's crippling! So she is healthy. I even spoke to her PE teacher at school at the parent/teacher meeting and she was pleased with Lizzie's progress. There are definitley no issues there.
Anyway, we're looking at Slimming World for her as more of a healthy eating programme rather than a diet plan. I'm using it as a way of educating her; to the benefits of fresh over processed; foods that may be eaten freely over those that have Syns and must be limited; the importance of Healthy Extras foe calcium and fibre. She's really taking on board the mentality needed to succeed and she's, basically, learning. If losing a few pounds comes as a side issue, all well and good.
Lizzie knows that she's loved (not always liked..lol) and I shall keep a very close eye on her.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
A new week, a new start....
As I said yesterday, I'm not going to be de-motivated by a measly little 1/2lb. It was back on the diet first thing this morning. I actually think that by only having a tiny loss this first week has given me the incentive to keep right on track. It's shown me that I need to keep to the rules if I want to succeed....and I do!
I'm going to keep my syns as close to 5 each day for a few days to make up for last week. I'll also have a couple of red days and I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow night's dinner. It's one of John's favourites - steamed slamon with a mango and chilli dressing (actually a Weight Watchers recipe!)....hmmm
Lizzie and I have been to Lakeside today looking for an outfit for her for my god-daughter's wedding on 1st September. We bought a lovely off-white skirt with a black print band and bow belt from Autograph at M&S, a black top, and a pair of black pumps. She looks very grown up in them. I must say I was a little worried about whether we'd get anything as she's also a little on the big side and too big for children/teenage clothes, but ladies wear doesn't usually fit properly (no boobs to fill out tops and legs too short for normal length trousers).
I do worry about Elizabeth. She was 2 weeks early and 8lb 10oz at birth. She's always been bigger for her age. But she exercises. She does karate 2 or 3 times a week (4 times this week). She swims. She goes out on her bike. She uses the Pilates machine better than I do. It's her birthday next Sunday (12th) and she'll be 13 so her periods should be imminent. I'm hoping that once they arrive she'll slim down a bit.
We've spoken about Slimming World and how it's more a lifestyle change than a diet and I told her that there was a young boy in my class of about 12 years who's been doing the diet for about 3 months with hos mum and lost 1stone 7lbs. She said she'd like to do it, but doesn't want to go to a class. So, we'll have a weigh-in tomorrow morning and have a go and see how long she can last. We can only hope!!
I'm going to keep my syns as close to 5 each day for a few days to make up for last week. I'll also have a couple of red days and I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow night's dinner. It's one of John's favourites - steamed slamon with a mango and chilli dressing (actually a Weight Watchers recipe!)....hmmm
Lizzie and I have been to Lakeside today looking for an outfit for her for my god-daughter's wedding on 1st September. We bought a lovely off-white skirt with a black print band and bow belt from Autograph at M&S, a black top, and a pair of black pumps. She looks very grown up in them. I must say I was a little worried about whether we'd get anything as she's also a little on the big side and too big for children/teenage clothes, but ladies wear doesn't usually fit properly (no boobs to fill out tops and legs too short for normal length trousers).
I do worry about Elizabeth. She was 2 weeks early and 8lb 10oz at birth. She's always been bigger for her age. But she exercises. She does karate 2 or 3 times a week (4 times this week). She swims. She goes out on her bike. She uses the Pilates machine better than I do. It's her birthday next Sunday (12th) and she'll be 13 so her periods should be imminent. I'm hoping that once they arrive she'll slim down a bit.
We've spoken about Slimming World and how it's more a lifestyle change than a diet and I told her that there was a young boy in my class of about 12 years who's been doing the diet for about 3 months with hos mum and lost 1stone 7lbs. She said she'd like to do it, but doesn't want to go to a class. So, we'll have a weigh-in tomorrow morning and have a go and see how long she can last. We can only hope!!
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
First week over - that's all I can say really....
Amethyst! So glad to see you still looking in.
First weigh-in not too exciting, I'm afraid. As I said yesterday, I wasn't feeling any lighter. I wasn't feeling that first week of a diet feeling, you know, lighter and almost walking on air because you've suddenly lost a few pounds. Well, the reason I wasn't feeling like that was because I hadn't lost a few pounds, I'd only lost 1/2lb. To say I was disappointed wouldn't be an exaggeration. I wasn't devastated, but I definitely wasn't impressed! With myself really, Not the diet, as I know it works.
I was speaking to Maureen, the class leader, and said that I thought it could be for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'd done green days all week. I hadn't over-eaten but I have had potatoes or pasta everyday and I found when I did Slimming World in the past that if I had green days the couple of days before weighin then my weightloss was slower. Secondly, the fact that I've been dieting already, albeit rather haphazardly, meant that I wasn't making such a drastic change to the way I've been eating. Thirdly, I'd had my evening meal at 6pm, so maybe that made a difference as well. I also mentioned that I'd recently done LighterLife and I'd read that your metabolic state can be suppressed for some months after coming off the plan (I read that on the minimins forum - I think, apparently, said to someone by her doctor).
Initially, yesterday evening, I was ready to give up thinking what's the point of continuing on a diet for 1/2lb a week, but today I've had time to think annd adjust my mindset. I was going to do red days instead, but I can't keep to them, I'm afraid. I'm not a big meat eater (one reason I'd find Atkins difficult), so I shall do th occasional red day, probably near the end of my weigh week, to give myself as much chance as I can of getting rid of any 'held' water.
So not a good start, but I'm not totally down about it.
I will be talking food a bit more on my blog now so I hope I don't put off any abstainers. But it will be healthy eating, I hope I can be excused then.
First weigh-in not too exciting, I'm afraid. As I said yesterday, I wasn't feeling any lighter. I wasn't feeling that first week of a diet feeling, you know, lighter and almost walking on air because you've suddenly lost a few pounds. Well, the reason I wasn't feeling like that was because I hadn't lost a few pounds, I'd only lost 1/2lb. To say I was disappointed wouldn't be an exaggeration. I wasn't devastated, but I definitely wasn't impressed! With myself really, Not the diet, as I know it works.
I was speaking to Maureen, the class leader, and said that I thought it could be for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'd done green days all week. I hadn't over-eaten but I have had potatoes or pasta everyday and I found when I did Slimming World in the past that if I had green days the couple of days before weighin then my weightloss was slower. Secondly, the fact that I've been dieting already, albeit rather haphazardly, meant that I wasn't making such a drastic change to the way I've been eating. Thirdly, I'd had my evening meal at 6pm, so maybe that made a difference as well. I also mentioned that I'd recently done LighterLife and I'd read that your metabolic state can be suppressed for some months after coming off the plan (I read that on the minimins forum - I think, apparently, said to someone by her doctor).
Initially, yesterday evening, I was ready to give up thinking what's the point of continuing on a diet for 1/2lb a week, but today I've had time to think annd adjust my mindset. I was going to do red days instead, but I can't keep to them, I'm afraid. I'm not a big meat eater (one reason I'd find Atkins difficult), so I shall do th occasional red day, probably near the end of my weigh week, to give myself as much chance as I can of getting rid of any 'held' water.
So not a good start, but I'm not totally down about it.
I will be talking food a bit more on my blog now so I hope I don't put off any abstainers. But it will be healthy eating, I hope I can be excused then.
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Slimming World - Day 7
Well here we are - the end of the first week. I'll tell you one thing, this first week on Slimming World has gone a lot quicker than my first week on LighterLife! I think back to those days with the relief that I've not had to go through the agony of getting into full ketosis, and having to drink SO much water. I remember day 3 of LighterLife standing in the kitchen crying to John that I couldn't go on - I was so, so hungry; I felt I was drowning in all that water and feeling nauseous all the time because of it. But those days were over fairly quickly and I soon knuckled down to the diet proper. It's just SO, SO, SO, annoying that I wasn't able to stay the course, especially seeing how well everyone else has done. Just think, by now I would have lost AT LEAST 4 1/2 stone and been perfectly on target. I may even have been a lot lower, although Dad would have been back to haunt me about losing too much again!
But, heyho, that was not to be. As I said earlier, I hadn't wanted to go down the Slimming World route again, but at least this time I've gone in with prior knowledge of how the diet works, and there are now some changes that make the programme a lot more flexible than it used to be. You don't need to strictly keep to the red/green day format any longer - you can decide at each meal, so long as you're extra vigilant about free food choices throughout the day, ie. not all free food is 'free' on both days, so they need to be accounted for. This won't make sense to those who haven't done SW, I'm thinking Mrs here, and I haven't totally got my head around it yet either so I'm keeping to what I know at the moment and will probably experiment with the new-fangled features of the diet a little further down the line.
What I would say though is that it hasn't been half as bad as I thought it would be. I'm making 'old favourite' recipes that I found when I did the diet previously and both John and Elizabeth hae been appreciative of them so far. Even to John saying, 'Oh, you haven't made this for ages; I love it!'
As Lesley commented on my last post, I need to be aware of portion size and not take on board the old Slimming World adage that free food can be 'eaten freely'. It can, yes, and you can fill up on these low calorie foods and not feel deprived, but if you really want to not only lose weight but set a precedent for lifelong eating then moderation is the rule. I learnt a lot from LighterLife, maybe not from direct counselling as I was only able to attend 3 sessions, but I've avidly taken in everything that everyone has said here on these blogs and I'm carrying it all through to my new attack on Slimming World. I had a moment on Sunday when I felt out of control and the child took over. That was because I was with the family and Mum wanted us to go for lunch at the local Cypriot cafe. I thought of saying no, but I was only 25% of the vote so I kept quite and went along - then the moussaka beckoned....and the lemon sorbet (which turned out to be pineapple ice-cream, because the new waitress who only started that day had thought it was the lemon - and she put double chocolate in for some reason as well! I couldn't complain as I didn't want to upset her, she was trying, after all!). I will admit, I did feel I'd let myself down when I got home, but I decided not to beat myself up about it - that's what 'flexible syns' are for. But what I need to do is not be pressured by outside influences, be that only the family. I'd been 'good' all week before, and since, and I just needed to put one meal in perspective. That's something those of you who have the occasional 'binge' on a lettuce leaf, carrot stick, or slice of black forest gateau (lol) need to keep in mind....PERSPECTIVE!
This all sounds rather positive, doesn't it? Well, I am! I'm back doing something that I know has worked for me in the past, and I now know where I went wrong as well. I have a better grasp of the psychological 'pull' of food and how to combat it. I understand and accept that I will have the occasional lapse and I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't keep completely on track. I shall ensure I have my free food first and foremost, always have the Healthy Extras, for extra fibre, calcium and nutrients, and ensure that I always have my Syns. One of the reasons I failed with Slimming World in the past was that I didn't eat enough! Credit that!
Mrs mentioned that I might like to register on minimins, well I used to go on there a lot when I did Lighterlife and Cambridge, but I've only used it lately for palying the arcade (I love Word Eight and Solitaire). I've already decided that I'll take a look at the SW forum because, as we all know, the support gained from others in exactly the same position as you is worth so much that it can't be over-emphasised.
Positivity aside; it's my first weigh-in this evening. I don't actually feel as though I've lost weight. You know, that light feeling you get at the beginning of a diet because you've lost a lot of water. So fingers-crossed...XXX. The nearer I'll get to 7.30pm the more nervous I'll get. Can you lose weight on fear and adrenaline alone? I wish!!
But, heyho, that was not to be. As I said earlier, I hadn't wanted to go down the Slimming World route again, but at least this time I've gone in with prior knowledge of how the diet works, and there are now some changes that make the programme a lot more flexible than it used to be. You don't need to strictly keep to the red/green day format any longer - you can decide at each meal, so long as you're extra vigilant about free food choices throughout the day, ie. not all free food is 'free' on both days, so they need to be accounted for. This won't make sense to those who haven't done SW, I'm thinking Mrs here, and I haven't totally got my head around it yet either so I'm keeping to what I know at the moment and will probably experiment with the new-fangled features of the diet a little further down the line.
What I would say though is that it hasn't been half as bad as I thought it would be. I'm making 'old favourite' recipes that I found when I did the diet previously and both John and Elizabeth hae been appreciative of them so far. Even to John saying, 'Oh, you haven't made this for ages; I love it!'
As Lesley commented on my last post, I need to be aware of portion size and not take on board the old Slimming World adage that free food can be 'eaten freely'. It can, yes, and you can fill up on these low calorie foods and not feel deprived, but if you really want to not only lose weight but set a precedent for lifelong eating then moderation is the rule. I learnt a lot from LighterLife, maybe not from direct counselling as I was only able to attend 3 sessions, but I've avidly taken in everything that everyone has said here on these blogs and I'm carrying it all through to my new attack on Slimming World. I had a moment on Sunday when I felt out of control and the child took over. That was because I was with the family and Mum wanted us to go for lunch at the local Cypriot cafe. I thought of saying no, but I was only 25% of the vote so I kept quite and went along - then the moussaka beckoned....and the lemon sorbet (which turned out to be pineapple ice-cream, because the new waitress who only started that day had thought it was the lemon - and she put double chocolate in for some reason as well! I couldn't complain as I didn't want to upset her, she was trying, after all!). I will admit, I did feel I'd let myself down when I got home, but I decided not to beat myself up about it - that's what 'flexible syns' are for. But what I need to do is not be pressured by outside influences, be that only the family. I'd been 'good' all week before, and since, and I just needed to put one meal in perspective. That's something those of you who have the occasional 'binge' on a lettuce leaf, carrot stick, or slice of black forest gateau (lol) need to keep in mind....PERSPECTIVE!
This all sounds rather positive, doesn't it? Well, I am! I'm back doing something that I know has worked for me in the past, and I now know where I went wrong as well. I have a better grasp of the psychological 'pull' of food and how to combat it. I understand and accept that I will have the occasional lapse and I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't keep completely on track. I shall ensure I have my free food first and foremost, always have the Healthy Extras, for extra fibre, calcium and nutrients, and ensure that I always have my Syns. One of the reasons I failed with Slimming World in the past was that I didn't eat enough! Credit that!
Mrs mentioned that I might like to register on minimins, well I used to go on there a lot when I did Lighterlife and Cambridge, but I've only used it lately for palying the arcade (I love Word Eight and Solitaire). I've already decided that I'll take a look at the SW forum because, as we all know, the support gained from others in exactly the same position as you is worth so much that it can't be over-emphasised.
Positivity aside; it's my first weigh-in this evening. I don't actually feel as though I've lost weight. You know, that light feeling you get at the beginning of a diet because you've lost a lot of water. So fingers-crossed...XXX. The nearer I'll get to 7.30pm the more nervous I'll get. Can you lose weight on fear and adrenaline alone? I wish!!
Sunday, 29 July 2007
Change to the diet plan
Hi everyone. I've been reading everyone else's blogs and commented on them but haven't felt able to write anything on mine recently. I think, mrs, that may have been in a way due to the large e-mail tomes we've exchanged lately - and I was 'written out'. Also, mrs, I'm quite behind with yours. You write so much that if I miss a few days there's a lot to go over. I shall be catching up again soon but that explains why there haven't been any comments from me lately.
I notice a lot of comments on Lesley and Mrs blogs from others who I don't actually comment on (eg. peridot, guinea, in search of me, cerulean - probably a few others I haven't put down here...sorry if I left you out). If you look in here, 'Hello'. I do occasionally look into your blogs, but it takes so long to read everyone's and to comment that I have kept to a just a few - those right from the beginning of our journeys. I shall try to comment a little more on others - so if you see an unfamiliar post.....
So, back to the diet. Or the new diet. I have been trying to go it alone since my unsuccessful brush with LighterLife, Cambridge, and even Slimfast. I was doing well for a time, but as we all know, it's not easy, and I didn't always have the incentive to keep going. I had stopped weighing myself as the scales 'fear' was back with a vengeance and when I eventually got on them it was often to find that I'd put on a few pounds. I just can't seem to get down to the 11s (stones, that is). I thought I'd try to get into ketosis with a vey low carb plan, then I thought I'd try low GI, then it was Ian Marber's Food Doctor, but what with working and just the daily routine of life, I found the whole process of organising menu plans too daunting. The whole diet lark was getting too airy-fairy for me to commit to any particular plan I couldn't work out the best route to take. That's whi I liked LighterLife. It's so black and white. There are no decisions to be made. You eat the shakes or soups and you drink the water. That's it! Nothing more to it. And when you get firmly into abstinence and ketosis the hunger pangs are kept at bay. It's so much harder when you have to plan and organise; and with my mindset I didn't really know whether I was coming or going.
This is where Slimming World comes into the equation. I first did it 9 years ago, and it worked! I went from 12st 4lbs to 10st 12lbs and Dad told me off for getting too skinny! Can you imagine it! I've been up to 14st 11lbs now, I know what it feels like, physically, emotionally, and aesthetically to be so overweight. I don't want to go there again. I've tried to diet on my own, but I need to be accountable. I need to have 'consequences' if I don't do too well one week. I don't like all the 'happy clappy' of Slimming World, but I'm willing to put up with it to reach my goal. So, off I trotted to the Methodist Hall last Tuesday and weighed in at 12st 9lbs (less 2lbs when I weighed at home), that's a few pounds gain on my lowest over the last couple of months, so it needs doing! Straight onto the plan on Wednesday. I know how it works, I just need the support to make it work.
Wish me luck....please. I will get there. Good so far, other than an ice cream out at lunch today. But it will not deter me. I'm back to drinking the water again as a help.I'm on course again!!!!!
I notice a lot of comments on Lesley and Mrs blogs from others who I don't actually comment on (eg. peridot, guinea, in search of me, cerulean - probably a few others I haven't put down here...sorry if I left you out). If you look in here, 'Hello'. I do occasionally look into your blogs, but it takes so long to read everyone's and to comment that I have kept to a just a few - those right from the beginning of our journeys. I shall try to comment a little more on others - so if you see an unfamiliar post.....
So, back to the diet. Or the new diet. I have been trying to go it alone since my unsuccessful brush with LighterLife, Cambridge, and even Slimfast. I was doing well for a time, but as we all know, it's not easy, and I didn't always have the incentive to keep going. I had stopped weighing myself as the scales 'fear' was back with a vengeance and when I eventually got on them it was often to find that I'd put on a few pounds. I just can't seem to get down to the 11s (stones, that is). I thought I'd try to get into ketosis with a vey low carb plan, then I thought I'd try low GI, then it was Ian Marber's Food Doctor, but what with working and just the daily routine of life, I found the whole process of organising menu plans too daunting. The whole diet lark was getting too airy-fairy for me to commit to any particular plan I couldn't work out the best route to take. That's whi I liked LighterLife. It's so black and white. There are no decisions to be made. You eat the shakes or soups and you drink the water. That's it! Nothing more to it. And when you get firmly into abstinence and ketosis the hunger pangs are kept at bay. It's so much harder when you have to plan and organise; and with my mindset I didn't really know whether I was coming or going.
This is where Slimming World comes into the equation. I first did it 9 years ago, and it worked! I went from 12st 4lbs to 10st 12lbs and Dad told me off for getting too skinny! Can you imagine it! I've been up to 14st 11lbs now, I know what it feels like, physically, emotionally, and aesthetically to be so overweight. I don't want to go there again. I've tried to diet on my own, but I need to be accountable. I need to have 'consequences' if I don't do too well one week. I don't like all the 'happy clappy' of Slimming World, but I'm willing to put up with it to reach my goal. So, off I trotted to the Methodist Hall last Tuesday and weighed in at 12st 9lbs (less 2lbs when I weighed at home), that's a few pounds gain on my lowest over the last couple of months, so it needs doing! Straight onto the plan on Wednesday. I know how it works, I just need the support to make it work.
Wish me luck....please. I will get there. Good so far, other than an ice cream out at lunch today. But it will not deter me. I'm back to drinking the water again as a help.I'm on course again!!!!!
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Catching up...
I had a lovely time at the 'do' Saturday evening. Had a wine for everyone as promised, but stuck to white (not so many drinking that - so there was more in the bottle!!!). Slightly hungover Sunday but still managed to get to 9.00am Mass, so not too bad.
I finished my overtime work on Monday as the school holidays are looming and I don't go to work during the holidays, it's too much trouble sorting out childcare and I can't expect Mum to help out all the time. I'll still be working Saturday's and if the weekday branch gets really desperate and I can sort Elizabeth then I may go in for a day or two. I really hope they don't ring though as I could do with the break.
I went to a meeting at the secondary school I'm a governor at on Tuesday morning. This was to discuss a new government initiative known as BSF (Building Schools for the Future). There was a small contingent from the governing body, the Head and a number of Local Authority Education personnel. Luckily I was able to follow along quite well and I did make a few comments and ask a questions. The thing is, when I'm in this sort of situation, the non-school staff don't know me from Adam and only recognise me as a member of the governors' and as far as they're concerned I'm knowledgable about what they're talking about - and the jargon: they speak 'to' me as though I understand everything. A lot of the time I don't. I'm just a Mum at home who does an occasional part-time job in a building society.
The same thing's happened in other circumstances - each year I invigilate for a FE College (although I haven't this Summer because I've been at Nationwide) and I was promoted at a point where I thought, 'are they sure about this?'. Someone thought I knew more than I actually did.
I was at a Community Forum one evening, sitting quietly at the back, amid about 150 other people, looking at the paperwork, when I get a tap on my shoulder asking me if I'm Professor so-and-so from the University of East London, there to give a speech. Blimey! Well, I did used to work at UEL (I left when I was pregnant) but I was only an administrator in the Registry at the time. Maybe having worked at a University you get a certain 'look'? Mysterious?
I often think, I'm going to get found out one day. Someone will realise that it's all bluff.........that I don't fit in.....
Why am I writing all this? I don't know.... Although, in a way, I do know. I'm at a point in my life where I want to 'do' something. I was talking about it with the Chair of Governors on Saturday evening. I used to have a career (Branch Manager at Nationwide) but that all finished in 1989 when I took redundancy. There was a rationalisation programme because they needed to reduce the management levels. I'd had quite a bit of illness and been in and out of hospital, all related to gynae problems. Knowing I would need IVF to get pregnant, the redundancy money would come in handy; I knew I didn't want to work once I had the baby (if I should be blessed), so I left. I then worked at UEL for 5 years and left there to have Elizabeth (3rd attempt at IVF). I still knew people at Nationwide and they contacted me when Lizzie was 18 months old and asked if I wanted to help out Saturdays (great, I thought!) and the rest is history. Elizabeth's of an age where I'm not required so much - I don't need to do school runs any longer, so I could do something else now. I don't want to work full-time with the Society (oh, no!) but I don't know what else to do. I was looking around the room at the 'do' and felt really envious of the staff at School. They have 'vocations', and professional status. They are doing something worthwhile, although it helps to be in such a high-performing school. I had applications in for Teacher's Training College when I was in the 6th Form but...I didn't have the courage to go away from home. I'd also met John (I was 17, he was 22). So I didn't go. I've not had too many regrets, and I often wonder if I would have stuck to teaching, but at least I would have given it a chance. It's so true about youth being wasted on the young. I wish I knew and felt then what I do now!
I need to take stock I think. I need to find something for me; something that is going to fill a void that's beginning to open up somewhere within me. John and I need to talk (dinner somewhere I think, as it's impossible to have a proper conversation with Madam around).
We're going to have to get our heads together Mrs Lard......
LATER: -
I've already started doing something for me. I've just got back from the Adult Education Centre having enrolled for a Pilates course and an entry level French course. I wanted to do Italian but it's on a Thursday morning and because the Pilates is on a Tuesday afternoon that would mean that I wouldn't be able to work 2 days a week. So, French at 9.30am and then Pilates at 12.30pm. I also wanted to enrol for the Salsa class on Tuesday evening but the course has been closed due to staffing problems. But, oh well, I tried!
Importantly, this means that I won't be available for work on a Tuesday, which will make it so much easier to say, 'No!'.
I finished my overtime work on Monday as the school holidays are looming and I don't go to work during the holidays, it's too much trouble sorting out childcare and I can't expect Mum to help out all the time. I'll still be working Saturday's and if the weekday branch gets really desperate and I can sort Elizabeth then I may go in for a day or two. I really hope they don't ring though as I could do with the break.
I went to a meeting at the secondary school I'm a governor at on Tuesday morning. This was to discuss a new government initiative known as BSF (Building Schools for the Future). There was a small contingent from the governing body, the Head and a number of Local Authority Education personnel. Luckily I was able to follow along quite well and I did make a few comments and ask a questions. The thing is, when I'm in this sort of situation, the non-school staff don't know me from Adam and only recognise me as a member of the governors' and as far as they're concerned I'm knowledgable about what they're talking about - and the jargon: they speak 'to' me as though I understand everything. A lot of the time I don't. I'm just a Mum at home who does an occasional part-time job in a building society.
The same thing's happened in other circumstances - each year I invigilate for a FE College (although I haven't this Summer because I've been at Nationwide) and I was promoted at a point where I thought, 'are they sure about this?'. Someone thought I knew more than I actually did.
I was at a Community Forum one evening, sitting quietly at the back, amid about 150 other people, looking at the paperwork, when I get a tap on my shoulder asking me if I'm Professor so-and-so from the University of East London, there to give a speech. Blimey! Well, I did used to work at UEL (I left when I was pregnant) but I was only an administrator in the Registry at the time. Maybe having worked at a University you get a certain 'look'? Mysterious?
I often think, I'm going to get found out one day. Someone will realise that it's all bluff.........that I don't fit in.....
Why am I writing all this? I don't know.... Although, in a way, I do know. I'm at a point in my life where I want to 'do' something. I was talking about it with the Chair of Governors on Saturday evening. I used to have a career (Branch Manager at Nationwide) but that all finished in 1989 when I took redundancy. There was a rationalisation programme because they needed to reduce the management levels. I'd had quite a bit of illness and been in and out of hospital, all related to gynae problems. Knowing I would need IVF to get pregnant, the redundancy money would come in handy; I knew I didn't want to work once I had the baby (if I should be blessed), so I left. I then worked at UEL for 5 years and left there to have Elizabeth (3rd attempt at IVF). I still knew people at Nationwide and they contacted me when Lizzie was 18 months old and asked if I wanted to help out Saturdays (great, I thought!) and the rest is history. Elizabeth's of an age where I'm not required so much - I don't need to do school runs any longer, so I could do something else now. I don't want to work full-time with the Society (oh, no!) but I don't know what else to do. I was looking around the room at the 'do' and felt really envious of the staff at School. They have 'vocations', and professional status. They are doing something worthwhile, although it helps to be in such a high-performing school. I had applications in for Teacher's Training College when I was in the 6th Form but...I didn't have the courage to go away from home. I'd also met John (I was 17, he was 22). So I didn't go. I've not had too many regrets, and I often wonder if I would have stuck to teaching, but at least I would have given it a chance. It's so true about youth being wasted on the young. I wish I knew and felt then what I do now!
I need to take stock I think. I need to find something for me; something that is going to fill a void that's beginning to open up somewhere within me. John and I need to talk (dinner somewhere I think, as it's impossible to have a proper conversation with Madam around).
We're going to have to get our heads together Mrs Lard......
LATER: -
I've already started doing something for me. I've just got back from the Adult Education Centre having enrolled for a Pilates course and an entry level French course. I wanted to do Italian but it's on a Thursday morning and because the Pilates is on a Tuesday afternoon that would mean that I wouldn't be able to work 2 days a week. So, French at 9.30am and then Pilates at 12.30pm. I also wanted to enrol for the Salsa class on Tuesday evening but the course has been closed due to staffing problems. But, oh well, I tried!
Importantly, this means that I won't be available for work on a Tuesday, which will make it so much easier to say, 'No!'.
Saturday, 14 July 2007
Oh, he's such a charmer!
Saturday today, so it was off to work this morning. I really do feel more at home at this Branch. I'm only there for 3 - 4 hours a week but I've been there 11 years (the longest than anyone else) and I had been on the Management team there in the 1980's when i'd worked full-time, so it feels more like 'my branch'.
We were fairly quite this morning, I don't know where the customers were; they're normally queuing out the door! So we had time for a little banter between ourselves. Anyway, I was sitting minding my own business, when Kom, the newer young lad whispers, 'You're looking fit today, Chris!'. Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I laughed, told him he was 'naughty' and that I was old enough to be his mother. That didn't stop him though, he prefers the 'older woman' apparently. Cheered me up though!!
I'm off out to a dinner-dance tonight. It's the staff do for Liz's school, where I'm a Governor. So I'll have a glass of wine for each and everyone of you. Red or white?
We were fairly quite this morning, I don't know where the customers were; they're normally queuing out the door! So we had time for a little banter between ourselves. Anyway, I was sitting minding my own business, when Kom, the newer young lad whispers, 'You're looking fit today, Chris!'. Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I laughed, told him he was 'naughty' and that I was old enough to be his mother. That didn't stop him though, he prefers the 'older woman' apparently. Cheered me up though!!
I'm off out to a dinner-dance tonight. It's the staff do for Liz's school, where I'm a Governor. So I'll have a glass of wine for each and everyone of you. Red or white?
Friday, 13 July 2007
Sorry about yesterday...
....I had a bad day. I'm not a lone bod, I'm afraid. If I have a project on the go or have lots to do then a little 'my time' is great, but I just don't do alone just for the sake of it. It doesn't help when the weather's unco-operative either. Maybe I had an attack of S.A.D.?
Thank you, Lesley and Mrs for your comments. Yesterday, Lesley, I did find it hard not 'picking' from the cupboard but I was rather choosy and kept to fruit and nuts and a couple of tea biscuits. It still makes me feel bad about myself though. Today has been better - I'm not picking and I'm into the water again. I just needed a little moral support to pull me through I think. So, thanks again to both of you. Although I am wondering what ideas Mrs has in store for me. I wait with bated breath!
Talking about water - there's a really interesting site I've read that gives the low-down on why we should drink the aqua vita. Have a read. It won't be a great revelation to followers of LighterLife and Cambridge as both regimes insist that water be part of the diet but it's worth looking at.
The web address is http://www.inch-aweigh.com/water.html
Thank you, Lesley and Mrs for your comments. Yesterday, Lesley, I did find it hard not 'picking' from the cupboard but I was rather choosy and kept to fruit and nuts and a couple of tea biscuits. It still makes me feel bad about myself though. Today has been better - I'm not picking and I'm into the water again. I just needed a little moral support to pull me through I think. So, thanks again to both of you. Although I am wondering what ideas Mrs has in store for me. I wait with bated breath!
Talking about water - there's a really interesting site I've read that gives the low-down on why we should drink the aqua vita. Have a read. It won't be a great revelation to followers of LighterLife and Cambridge as both regimes insist that water be part of the diet but it's worth looking at.
The web address is http://www.inch-aweigh.com/water.html
Thursday, 12 July 2007
Hard going
At last I've managed to find the time to post. First, I couldn't get on the laptop and then I couldn't get onto Blogger. But, never mind, I didn't really have much to say.
I don't suppose I've really been 'dieting' at all this week. I feel a little down actually. I was at work on Monday but I'm not needed for a few days so I've been at home. No matter how much I'm beginning to dislike being at work I get horribly 'down' when I'm at home on my own. I can see how the depression could set in again. I popped into Town on Tuesday morning to meet 'the girls' for breakfast (only coffee and toast, but the waitress forgot the toast) and then off to Tesco's for the weekly shop, but since then I've been 'home alone'.
I thought of going to Lakeside but I don't have the money of the enthusiasm for that. There's nothing we really need for the home, I haven't done particularly well in buying bits for Lizzie recently(I can't seem to get the sizing right for her) and there isn't anything I'm desperate for for myself. I also find it rather soul-destroying just wandering the shops on my own, unless I'm there for a particular purpose.
I was reading Mrs Lard's post yesterday about her shopping trip with other members of her LighterLife group and I felt quite envious of her. She's had her own issues over acceptance of her changing body shape and that she's now smaller and able to fit into and buy clothes that in the past she thought were completely out of her league, which I'm sure everyone else following LighterLife and Cambridge or similar have had to face. I thought that by now I would be in a similar position. That I would have reached my target weight and the greatest worry I would have would be which pair of tousers/skirt/dress/top (delete as appropriate) I wanted to buy. But although I have lost 2 1/2 stone and now in a size 14 I'm beginning to not feel smaller anymore. My tummy feels bloated. I feel....bigger. I know I'm not; I weighed myself on Tuesday morning and I've lost 1lb since the last time I weighed. Still not down to that 11 something though. One of the things that came out of Mrs's post was that as a bigger woman you/I are/am so happy to find something that fits that you/I buy it just because it does fit and feel grateful (?) that there's actually something in the shops for you/me. Mrs said she was afraid of buying something because she was afraid she wouldn't fit into it next week. Well, maybe she won't, but that will be because she's lost more weight. With me it could be because I've put the weight back on.
I was walking along the road the other day in jeans and a tee-shirt and the husband of a friend was walking towards me. 'You've lost a lot of weight, Christine?' he said. So it is still noticeable. I suppose I've just got complacent. But I want more to come off; and I want it to come off quickly like on LighterLife. I thought I might get in touch with my Cambridge Counsellor again and purchase a few more packs (if she'll let me, because Cambridge also said I had to stop when she spoke to them) and then I thought I could have packs along with food on one of their menu programmes (can't remember the names of them at the mo, I'd have to get the books out). I'm not sure what to do. Yesterday I had a Slimfast bar for breakfast, today my eyes are 'pinker', and itchy. So I suppose I'd have the same problems if I started on Cambridge again.
Oh, s*d it, s*d it, s*d it!!!
Bad day again. Sorry! I'll work it out and be better soon.....
I don't suppose I've really been 'dieting' at all this week. I feel a little down actually. I was at work on Monday but I'm not needed for a few days so I've been at home. No matter how much I'm beginning to dislike being at work I get horribly 'down' when I'm at home on my own. I can see how the depression could set in again. I popped into Town on Tuesday morning to meet 'the girls' for breakfast (only coffee and toast, but the waitress forgot the toast) and then off to Tesco's for the weekly shop, but since then I've been 'home alone'.
I thought of going to Lakeside but I don't have the money of the enthusiasm for that. There's nothing we really need for the home, I haven't done particularly well in buying bits for Lizzie recently(I can't seem to get the sizing right for her) and there isn't anything I'm desperate for for myself. I also find it rather soul-destroying just wandering the shops on my own, unless I'm there for a particular purpose.
I was reading Mrs Lard's post yesterday about her shopping trip with other members of her LighterLife group and I felt quite envious of her. She's had her own issues over acceptance of her changing body shape and that she's now smaller and able to fit into and buy clothes that in the past she thought were completely out of her league, which I'm sure everyone else following LighterLife and Cambridge or similar have had to face. I thought that by now I would be in a similar position. That I would have reached my target weight and the greatest worry I would have would be which pair of tousers/skirt/dress/top (delete as appropriate) I wanted to buy. But although I have lost 2 1/2 stone and now in a size 14 I'm beginning to not feel smaller anymore. My tummy feels bloated. I feel....bigger. I know I'm not; I weighed myself on Tuesday morning and I've lost 1lb since the last time I weighed. Still not down to that 11 something though. One of the things that came out of Mrs's post was that as a bigger woman you/I are/am so happy to find something that fits that you/I buy it just because it does fit and feel grateful (?) that there's actually something in the shops for you/me. Mrs said she was afraid of buying something because she was afraid she wouldn't fit into it next week. Well, maybe she won't, but that will be because she's lost more weight. With me it could be because I've put the weight back on.
I was walking along the road the other day in jeans and a tee-shirt and the husband of a friend was walking towards me. 'You've lost a lot of weight, Christine?' he said. So it is still noticeable. I suppose I've just got complacent. But I want more to come off; and I want it to come off quickly like on LighterLife. I thought I might get in touch with my Cambridge Counsellor again and purchase a few more packs (if she'll let me, because Cambridge also said I had to stop when she spoke to them) and then I thought I could have packs along with food on one of their menu programmes (can't remember the names of them at the mo, I'd have to get the books out). I'm not sure what to do. Yesterday I had a Slimfast bar for breakfast, today my eyes are 'pinker', and itchy. So I suppose I'd have the same problems if I started on Cambridge again.
Oh, s*d it, s*d it, s*d it!!!
Bad day again. Sorry! I'll work it out and be better soon.....
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