livelifelighter

I'm back! - sort of...

2007-10-26T09:42:00.001Z

Hi all! Sorry I've been away so long but I'm afraid things didn't work out so well for me in hospital. There was a lot more wrong than was expected and this is the first time I've actually felt up to sitting down with the laptop.

As you know, I went in on the 11th September expecting to just have my gallbladder removed and home again 2 days later. It didn't go quite so smoothly though. I ended up having a lot more done than expected. The Consultant told me that he expected that a lot of my problems (pain, swelling etc) could also be down to adhesions/scar tissue and that he would sort that out during the operation, but apparently, when he opened a great deal more damage was found than was expected. In his own words: "I just wanted to walk away". So, after 5 and 1/2 hours on the operating table, I ended up with my gallbladder gone, hiatus hernia repaired, part of my bowel removed, and a small plastic bottle containing about 30 small gallstones.

John and Mum were really worried as I'd phoned John just before 3.30pm to say I was on my way to theatre any moment and he kept ringing the hospital all evening to be told I was still in recovery (which I wasn't; I was still in theatre) or that there was no news. He didn't receive a call to say that I was in the HDU (High Dependency Unit) until 11.15pm.

I was in hospital for 8 days and am only just begining to feel as though I'm rejoining the human race. I haven't been out anywhere other than a visit to the hospital as I can't drive (and John doesn't) and I'm too afraid to go out walking too far as if I need a toilet (and that's very likely) I need to get there straight away (so no change there!).

I went to the hospital one week after I came home to have the remainder of the 35 stitches removed and Mr Slater (my Consultant) said it would take some time to recover and that I'd been a 'walking time bomb'. My internal organs were all stuck together and I had an incisional hernia coming off from a previous gynae surgery (on the right hand side of my body coming up from a bikini-line scar). My bowel was pushing through the hernia and a portion of it was ischaemic, in other words, had died. This had to be removed.

Sorry to cme back with a bit of a 'downer' of a post, but at least I'm back. And one other good thing - I lost 10lbs in weight in as many days. I've put on about 3 or 4 lbs from just sitting around most the time but at least I reached those elusive 11stone somethings!!!!!

I'm going to look in to see if every one else is still around and 'thank you' Lesley and Mrs for popping in to see me whilst I was away.

Back from Hols......

2007-09-04T09:35:00.000Z

We had a lovely time in Dublin. It's great when you can catch up with friends and you don't feel as though you've really been apart and can just slot back into the relationship you used to have. Our friends moved over to Ireland 4 years ago (she's Irish, he isn't) and even though Carmel came and stayed with us for a few days last year we hadn't seen Dave since they moved. And Elizabeth got on so well with the girls that we hardly saw them, they were out wandering most of the time (not a thing I would allow her to do here in London!). We did the open-top bus tour of the City - just like real tourists, but didn't 'do' the Guinness factory as we didn't think the girls would like it too much (so next time!). On the Wednesday evening I phoned home to speak to Mum and she said the weather had been cold, windy and extremely wet all day - I really hated to tell her that we had been sitting on a beach in the sun and that, unfortunately, I'd got rather burnt (stupid, I know). It seems as though we took the sun with us to the Emerald Isle.

We really didn't want to come home, and Jane, who's the same age as Liz, wanted us to miss our plane. Sweet!

But back home we came. We walked through the door at 8.30 in the evening, Mum started talking, and she didn't stop until we went to bed!!!!!!! I tell you, for a woman in her late 70's she has much more energy than me!

On Bank Holiday Monday we went to Colchester to visit Bridget and Colin, other friends who moved away about 3 years ago. I know they're only 50 miles away but it's not easy to keep up with people when we don't have many free weekends. Also when I was doing LighterLife and Cambridge earlier this year, I must admit, I became a bit of a recluse. I didn't want to go visting, or have anyone over, as I thought it would be too difficult what with not eating. And then of course, there were the eyes! And the illnesses!! But another successful visit and one we won't leave for another year. Bridget did't mention my weightloss and I had to say something to her in the end (flipping heck!). Her reply was that, yes, I had said that I'd lost weight, but to her, I looked the same as she had always known me (you see, she hadn't seen me at my largest).

I haven't been on here for a while as I haven't actually been using the computer much since we've been home. John has only been back at week for a few days and then there was getting Liz back to school followed on by the 'relief' of being at home alone again, so I've been catching up on other things!!! I've tried to catch up with what's been going on with everyone else, but there has been so much to read (Mrs!!!!) that in the end I had to give up. So, if anything momentous has happened to anyone, please let me know on here.

I'm off to hospital this morning for the gall bladder removal. I've had a few more painful episodes with it so I'll be glad when it's gone - although I'm dreading the operation later today.

I was reading a BUPA factsheet on the Internet about the symptoms of gallstones and it said that the onset can be caused by rapid weightloss......!!!!!?????!!!!!

Well, I'm off now. I hope everyone is doing well. I shall be home in a few days and I'll try to catch up. Don't forget though - if there's anything I've missed.....

Liz & John

2007-08-18T20:16:00.000Z

Me again! So much for saying I wouldn't be on again over the weekend....

John has been setting up the new camera on the computer this evening and found that you could download pictures straight from the Fuji software to blogger. Here's the result. This was taken on Liz's birthday last Sunday.

I just have to learn how to do it now.

Last day at work...for I don't know how long!

2007-08-18T18:22:00.000Z

I'm only working Saturdays at the moment as I don't tend to work during the school holidays unless a branch is really desperate. It was my last day for sometime now, though. I've already booked the next 3 Saturdays off as I'm not back from Ireland 'til late next Saturday evening and the following week we're off to a family wedding, and the week after that I'll be getting over the 'do' at John's firm. So it was with some trepidation that I told my line manager that I would be off for a few more weeks. But I needn't have worried as she was lovely about it. She knows I've had health issues over the years and is so happy that I've got the chance of getting it all sorted. So, I may not be back at work until the end of September at the best. Monies going to be a little short for the next couple of months - I'll have to get John to do a few more 8.00ams to midnights!!!!! (only joking, if you read this John!).

Everytime I walk through the doors of the office (ie. every Saturday morning) the girls comment anew about the amount of weight I've lost. Admittedly, they're not all in every week, so they don't see me all the time, but sometimes I don't know quite what to say so I just say 'thank you' and get on. This morning though it was also my hair. You see, on a whim I had it all cut off yesterday. It's a shortish bob(just above chin level) - I feel a bit ...bare...at the moment, but it'll be ok once I wash and style it myself.

I have a new camera that I bought a few weeks ago and was going through my memory cards so that I could clear them ready for the holiday and I came across a picture of John and myself in Cornwall last year. It will be a year next Sunday since the photo was taken and we both look .... quite a bit different. Next Sunday, so long as we remember we're going to put the same clothes on and get Lizzie to take a photo of the same pose of us. I'll then, if I'm brave enough, post it so we can all see the difference a year makes!

I'll say bye for now, as I'll be busy tomorrow getting ready for Monday (I must make sure the house is 'fit' for Mum to come and cat-sit!). I'll try and look in if I get a chance to use Carmel's computer, otherwise I'll speak to everyone when I get back. Have a good week, all.

It's coming out.......

2007-08-17T08:42:00.000Z

......my gall bladder that is. The concensus of opinion is that this is the best option. The surgeon said that if it was just the adhesions he'd leave well alone but as the he suspects the gallstones are the main cause of my problems, and even if they were removed they could still reform in the gall bladder, he feels it would be prudent to remove the gall bladder and deal with the adhesions at the same time. He said the op could be done laparoscopally but it would be much safer to do open surgery. So, there you go! He's on holiday for the next 2 weeks and wanted to fit it in directly he got back on 6th September but I wrangled out of that one as it's only the day after Liz goes back to school and we also have a 'posh do' at John's company on the 7th which we didn't want to miss. So it looks as though I'll go in some time the following week.

I don't know, John's been on at me for ages and ages to get to the doctor's about health problems as he's got the private insurance and my comment to that has always been, 'Do you want me to get ill?' Well, he's getting his money's worth now!!!!

Ok, onto to the diet..... Mr Slater (my new consultant) asked if I needed any help with a fat-free diet. After I stopped laughing, I said, 'No, I think I'm OK on that score'. I'd already explained about how I'd put on all the weight, and how I'd lost it - LighterLife etc., and he was impressed that I'd lost so much weight (as of Wednesday morning.....2stone 10lb....38lb......so I'm getting nearer that 11stone something). He did ask that I not eat any chocolate before the operation - as if I would! And I'm to just have milk in drinks, so out goes my occasional glass of skimmed milk at bedtime - boohoo!

I told him that I was ashamed of having got to the weight I became and asked if I'd caused the gallstones by being overweight. His answer was a definite 'No!'. He said they could be hereditary and asked if any close family members suffered from them - my maternal grandmother (who wasn't overweight). Mum told me later that Dad also had them, but I didn't know about that as, a lot of what was wrong with him we (children), weren't told about - I only knew that what I thought was warts in the bladder was in fact cancer and that he wasn't going to pull through, just 2 weekls before he died.

We also discussed the gynae drug treatments I was on over the years and he said that it can be very, very hard to control your weight whilst taking these, just the same as for people on steroids. All this made me feel a lot less .....atogonistic (?) towards myself as even though I can't blame the drugs completely - I do neeed to take some of the blame, it's as I've suspected all along - total control was out of my hands. On the whole though, I don't feel it lets me off the hook over the amount of weight I've put on over the last 3 or 4 years. But in my defense, since the beginning of this century I've had a hysterectomy (well-known for weight gain afterwards - I know people who've gained 2 or 3 stone), lost my Dad, suffered depression, with the resultant Prosac prescription, and fought a losing battle (until now) with weight.

On the way home from the hospital John said he was going to give me something to read about getting into the right mindset for surgery. It was a piece he'd come across whilst doing research for a book he's writing. One of the comments was, 'Operations are fine, as long as you have the right attitude to them....just treat them as a great adventure.' The gist of this is that, rather than becoming stressed out about an upcoming operation, or procedure, look on it as a new begining. The writer said she couldn't wait to get on the operating table, that the problems she was experiencing were getting worse each day, and that the operation couldn't come quick enough. I think I'll try to keep this in mind. Maybe, by this time next year, I'll be a completely new woman. New weight, no pains, no bloated abdomen....new shape. Can't wait!!!

Put on a 1/2lb

2007-08-15T11:59:00.000Z

Ok, I did say the other day that I'd be upset if I put on but, actually, I'm not worried about this tiny gain. I knew I definitely wouldn't lose. At my guess of 59 Syns for the 'fatty meal' and then 3 celebratory meals out, it's a wonder it was only 1/2lb. So I'm happy.

I'm not sure how well I'll do the next couple of weeks. I won't be going for weigh-in next Tuesday as we're off to Dublin on Monday to stay with friends for a few days. I shall continue with my 'conscious' eating and shall try to stick to the programme as much as I can but as we're staying at someone's house I don't want to make it awkward for her on the cooking front. Carmel has seen me do Slimming World before so she'll understand if I pick and choose with the food. It'll probably be easier when we eat out because I’ll have more choices to make. I would still like to lose at least 2lbs during the next 2 weeks: that 11stone something is still being elusive…….

Lizzie and I popped into work today to open a new account with her birthday money. She's had an account in the past but that was in my name for her, but she's now going to get her own cashcard, so she feels quite grown up. There you go, another step into independence - I'm getting redundant!

I’m off to the hospital this afternoon for the results of my ultrasound last Thursday. I’m quite nervous about it. I don’t know why really. It’s just that the medication I’ve been given doesn’t appear to be working and I’m not sure what else they can do. The blood test last week showed that my liver reading was a high (?) and that’s the reason the Consultant wanted to do the gall bladder function test. The only other reason the reading would be high would be through indulging in too much alcohol (which I don’t), so I’m not sure what the result will be. Well, only another hour until I find out.

....I found out.

Dr Ashraf recommends surgery. To remove the gall bladder and adhesions (of which my abdomen and bowel area are riddled with - mainly because of earlier gynae problems). I have another appointment tomorrow evening to see the surgeon. Blimey! - Quick, or what? John's coming with me this time as I need another ear and another brain to make the decision on whether to go ahead or not. I thought I'd finished with surgery, but it just goes to show what can happen when you have 'the three f's' - female, fat and forty, or in my case 'over forty'. I know I was classed as obese at 14stone 11lb and 5'5" in February, but I could have been a lot heavier. It just goes to show what can happen to your health when control of your weight gets out of hand. I will admit that Dr Ashraf hasn't actually blamed my weight as a contributory factor,bt of course I'm a lot lighter now. But I blame it and I feel rather ashamed that things have gone so far.

I'll update again once I see the doctor tomorrow. A great thing to have on my mind on holiday next week.....

Liz's birthday

2007-08-12T22:02:00.000Z

We've had a lovely day today. Elizabeth was up before 7 this morning getting herself ready for HER day. I heard the shower running and thought it was Mum in there, but NO!, it was 'birthday girl'. So we were all up early.

She got 19 cards, £150.00, loads of pressies, and a stream of visitors. Quite a hectic day.

Then late afternoon we headed off to the restaurant for the meal. Once you're all eating again, I'd recommend Frankie and Benny's. The food was good (New York Italian - altho' I don't know how authentic!), the service fine, with polite cheerful staff. Actually, a couple of the waiters were 'an eye to behold'. I took a birthday cake with me and they placed balloons on the back of Elizabeth's chair then brought the cake out at the end of the meal and sang 'Happy Birthday' and 'Congratulations' - Elizabeth was very happy!

I was very good with my choices. No starter. Lamb shanks for main, with mashed potatoes and vegetables - rosemary and mint gravy on the side (hmmmmmm! -syn-ful, but scrummy). No dessert. Half a glass of white wine. A slither of birthday cake. You'd all be really proud of me!! So OK, the Syn count would definitely have been over 15, but I shouldn't think it would be too bad. The main thing is, I ate 'consciously'. I thought about what I was going to have; I knew the main course would have been 'syn-ful' - the fat in the gravy and the cream or butter in the potatoes, but I really wanted that dish, so I compensated for it. I think that's a lesson everyone should take on board. Know the damage that could be done to the diet, and limit it as much as possible, but also ENJOY!

I'm definitely trying to keep in the Slimming World zone. I don't expect to loose much, or anything, on Tuesday although I will admit I'll be upset if I put on. But I can't berate myself for not trying to keep on track with all that's been going on this week.

Hope everyone has a good week. I'm off to bed now. Night, night!

59 Syns!!!!!!

2007-08-10T07:31:00.000Z

Yes, Mrs, in answer to your question, 59 Syns are a lot. On Slimming World you're allowed between 5 and 15 PER DAY, with most people trying to stick at around 10! Your famous Starbucks coffee lattes are as follows:

Skimmed milk - tall 6
grande 8
venti 10 1/2

Whole milk - tall 10
grande 13 1/2
venti 17

And that's the straight-forward caffe latte, no syrup. Does that put the Syn count into perspective for you?

I felt so nauseous when I got back to Mum's to pick Elzabeth up that I went and laid down while they were having their dinner. I got up to go to the bathroom and tried to make myself sick. I tried the fingers down the back of the throat trick. I've never done that before and I was on my knees in front of the loo trying to gag with the best of them. I wasn't doing something right as it didn't work. Maybe my fingers weren't long enough! Or maybe I was just worried I'd make myself sick!...LOL - I definitely wouldn't make a good bulimic!!

Anyway, I'm going to make up for it today. Before going to the hospital yesterday I picked up a load of fruit from Asda so I'm going to fill up on that all day and I'll also have a salad while we're out shopping. Providing I also have my a and b choices (my milk and cereal) I should be able to reduce some of the harm from yesterday. Well let's hope.

Have a good day, my dear. And go and get that kitchen finished!

I - Feel - Sick.........

2007-08-09T18:43:00.000Z

It's nearly 4 hours since my apointment at the hospital but I still feel sick. I'm really sorry everyone but I'm going to have to put down here what happened. For all you abstainers, I apologise in advance, but I assure you, no way can you feel as bad as I did. I arrived and went straight in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder (I was having a gall bladder function test). It lasted for quite a while and I was absolutely covered in that awful jelly stuff.

When I came out of the examination room I was presented with a tray of food to eat and put on the stopwatch - I had 45 minutes. Well! I couldn't believe it! "Do I have to eat all that?", "Yes," replied the ultrasonographer. "What's in that glass?" I asked. "Cream," came the reply. A glass of cream! For someone who only drinks skimmed milk! I wanted to throw up straight away. The rest of the tray consisted of two rounds of egg mayonnaise sandwiches (Wholemeal bread, at least!), a bowl with two scoops of vanilla ice-cream, and to round it off, a 62.5g Mars Bar. (Mrs, you would have been in your element!). I managed to clear the tray in 30 mins and went back to the reception and sat down to await the next ultrasound. I think I must have looked rather green as one of the staff asked if I was OK. When I said I felt a little sick, he asked if I needed a bowl - I tried to laugh and say no thank you.

I then went back in for the second scan. We were almost at the end when my mobile started singing at me, "Can You Feel It?" - the Michael Jackson track - embarrassing to say the least. The doctor said for me to take the call, but I said it was only my husband and I'd speak to him later (I couldn't move anyway as I was covered with jelly again). John didn't get the message though and he rang twice more. It was funny though. The receptionist who was in the room with us as the chaperone laughed and said, "I bet you can feel it." And I could!

Once I left the hospital I sat outside with a glass of water. There was no way I could hit the rush hour traffic feeling as I did.

Anyway, back to see the Consultant next Wednesday afternoon for the results.

One thing though, I'm going to have to be really, really strict with the Syns over the next few days. I hate to think how many my 'fat' meal added up to. I'm not even going tp work it out..................Actually, I just have.....59 Syns!!!!!!

Shopping....again!

2007-08-08T20:57:00.001Z

Elizabeth has a friend staying over today and they wanted to go shopping (!). I wouldn't mind but we've been to Lakeside twice in the last week and we're going with my sis on Friday, but off we went again. It was quite handy though as the girls didn't want me around with them, they wanted to go off and do their own thing. So off they went, with a little money in their pockets, whilst I wandered around on my own picking up a few pressies for Liz and friends we're off to stay with in Dublin the week after next. I arranged to meet the girls in a coffee shop so, half hour before they were due back, I bought the Evening Standard and settled down with a coffee and the paper - very civilised, and actually, quite relaxing.

It's been quite a relaxing evening all round. John's still at work (he's working until 10pm this evening) and the girls are up in Lizzie's room watching a DVD. It's normally a lot more hectic here. I haven't got just one child. John and Lizzie, when they get started are like two 5 year-olds!

While walking around the shops today I noticed quite a few pregnant woman and it's at this time each year that I always think back to my pregnancy and say a prayer of gratitude that I eventually managed to have a child. Elizabeth will be 13 on Sunday, and 14 or 15 years ago there's no way I could imagine that I would eventually have a teenager. I'd been through so much to get pregnant (numerous surgeries, masses of hormone treatments, and three attempts at IVF) that by this time in August 1994 I couldn't actually see past 12th August - the date set for the ceasarean. It's difficult to explain really, but it had taken so long to get to this point that in my mind, even though I had a big bump, I couldn't actually see us with a baby and a growing family. It seems silly, but I felt as though September 1994 wasn't going to arrive. Somehow the world was going to stop and it would prove my instinct true. Even when I was lying on the operating table outside theatre I told the surgeon to make sure that he didn't have to put me out as I needed to be awake. I felt that if I was asleep they could just have taken a baby off a shelf (!?!) and I needed proof that she'd come out of me! See, Mrs, I'm as mixed up as you.

Oh, aren't I silly one! And I haven't even been on the wine!

Yipee - yay!

2007-08-07T20:48:00.000Z

2nd weigh-in this evening, and you can guess from the title of this post that things have gone better this week. I've felt for the last couple of days that I'd lost some weight, but was thrilled to find that it was 5lb (that's five pounds!). Way-hay! I feel so much more positive than I did last week. And I've stuck to mainly green again this week so it does work. I've not had a great deal of pasta, maybe if I had then the weight may not have been so great. Trust me though, I have to see some negative - if you can call it that. My negative was that I was only wearing a lightweight summer dress for my weighin; so next week when I'm back with a few more clothes, I might not be so lucky. But, a minor problem!

I wasn't able to stay at class tonight as I had to take Elizabeth to a karate seminar so I went along to an earlier class so I could get home for dinner before going out. Maureen, the class-leader, said that if I'd stayed I'd have been "Slimmer of the Week". I could have done with the sticker (yes, I am still mentally 5 years old) and the bag of fruit. Still, gives me the motivation to lose for next week, doesn't it. And I'd rather have the 5lb loss than a sticker and fruit.

Having missed class, I also missed the dreaded question: "Is there anything to stop you this week?" - We-ell, yes there is! I had to go back to the hospital yesterday evening. My medication ran out last Friday and I went to the GP surgery to ask if I could get some more as I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to continue on the tablets or not. I wasn't able to see my GP until today and as I've been suffering quite a bit of pain, I was advised to contact my Consultant's secretary. I rang her and the Consultant asked me to come straight away for some blood tests. I went back for the results yesterday (if only the NHS worked so swiftly!). It turns out there's a problem with my liver which could be caused by the gall bladder - although the Consultant is doubtful as I'd have other symptoms that weren't obvious. Anyhow, I have to go back on Thursday for another ultrsound scan. When I arrive I'll be given a menu to choose a fatty meal, then they'll do a scan. I then go off and eat my meal and they redo the scan. The thought of a 'fatty meal' was a bit daunting, but apparently it isn't as bad as it sounds and I can have cheese, or cream, or chocolate (!). All on doctor's orders, you understand!

My other possible downfall for this week is Lizzie's birthday. She's 13 on Sunday. A Teenager!!! Oh help! I've booked a table for 8 at Frankie and Benny's. I shall try very hard to be good, but how often am I going to be going out for meals? I'm driving so it'll be diet cokes all the way, so alcohol won't be beckoning to me. Good choices, I think (well, not too bad ones).

Oh, just remembered. Lizzie and I are going out with my sister to get her pressie on Friday and we've already decided to make a day of it, including lunch! Oh,well!

Comments noted!

2007-08-04T14:35:00.000Z

I take on board what you say, Mrs & Lesley. I was a little worried about Lizzie 'going on diet' and wrestled with myself about talking to her about it. But, she's not happy being her weight. She's fine most of the time but when it comes to buying clothes is when we have problems (don't WE all know that feeling!). You should have seen the look on her face the other day when we bought the skirt and I managed to get it on. It's a size 14, and I said to her that if she didn't want to wear it after the wedding then maybe it would fit me. 'Try it on Mummy.' she said. And when I put it on and it did up easily and then I slipped on the size 10 top we'd bought to go with it (only a £5 boat neck t-shirt from M&S - and definitely not the size I should have been wearing, I hasten to add)I must say she looked rather stricken. I could almost see the 'I'm big' thought going through her head.

She doesn't get out of breathe and she has loads of energy - I only wish I could do the warm-up she does in karate! It's crippling! So she is healthy. I even spoke to her PE teacher at school at the parent/teacher meeting and she was pleased with Lizzie's progress. There are definitley no issues there.

Anyway, we're looking at Slimming World for her as more of a healthy eating programme rather than a diet plan. I'm using it as a way of educating her; to the benefits of fresh over processed; foods that may be eaten freely over those that have Syns and must be limited; the importance of Healthy Extras foe calcium and fibre. She's really taking on board the mentality needed to succeed and she's, basically, learning. If losing a few pounds comes as a side issue, all well and good.

Lizzie knows that she's loved (not always liked..lol) and I shall keep a very close eye on her.

A new week, a new start....

2007-08-02T21:17:00.001Z

As I said yesterday, I'm not going to be de-motivated by a measly little 1/2lb. It was back on the diet first thing this morning. I actually think that by only having a tiny loss this first week has given me the incentive to keep right on track. It's shown me that I need to keep to the rules if I want to succeed....and I do!

I'm going to keep my syns as close to 5 each day for a few days to make up for last week. I'll also have a couple of red days and I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow night's dinner. It's one of John's favourites - steamed slamon with a mango and chilli dressing (actually a Weight Watchers recipe!)....hmmm

Lizzie and I have been to Lakeside today looking for an outfit for her for my god-daughter's wedding on 1st September. We bought a lovely off-white skirt with a black print band and bow belt from Autograph at M&S, a black top, and a pair of black pumps. She looks very grown up in them. I must say I was a little worried about whether we'd get anything as she's also a little on the big side and too big for children/teenage clothes, but ladies wear doesn't usually fit properly (no boobs to fill out tops and legs too short for normal length trousers).

I do worry about Elizabeth. She was 2 weeks early and 8lb 10oz at birth. She's always been bigger for her age. But she exercises. She does karate 2 or 3 times a week (4 times this week). She swims. She goes out on her bike. She uses the Pilates machine better than I do. It's her birthday next Sunday (12th) and she'll be 13 so her periods should be imminent. I'm hoping that once they arrive she'll slim down a bit.

We've spoken about Slimming World and how it's more a lifestyle change than a diet and I told her that there was a young boy in my class of about 12 years who's been doing the diet for about 3 months with hos mum and lost 1stone 7lbs. She said she'd like to do it, but doesn't want to go to a class. So, we'll have a weigh-in tomorrow morning and have a go and see how long she can last. We can only hope!!

First week over - that's all I can say really....

2007-08-01T18:49:00.000Z

Amethyst! So glad to see you still looking in.

First weigh-in not too exciting, I'm afraid. As I said yesterday, I wasn't feeling any lighter. I wasn't feeling that first week of a diet feeling, you know, lighter and almost walking on air because you've suddenly lost a few pounds. Well, the reason I wasn't feeling like that was because I hadn't lost a few pounds, I'd only lost 1/2lb. To say I was disappointed wouldn't be an exaggeration. I wasn't devastated, but I definitely wasn't impressed! With myself really, Not the diet, as I know it works.

I was speaking to Maureen, the class leader, and said that I thought it could be for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'd done green days all week. I hadn't over-eaten but I have had potatoes or pasta everyday and I found when I did Slimming World in the past that if I had green days the couple of days before weighin then my weightloss was slower. Secondly, the fact that I've been dieting already, albeit rather haphazardly, meant that I wasn't making such a drastic change to the way I've been eating. Thirdly, I'd had my evening meal at 6pm, so maybe that made a difference as well. I also mentioned that I'd recently done LighterLife and I'd read that your metabolic state can be suppressed for some months after coming off the plan (I read that on the minimins forum - I think, apparently, said to someone by her doctor).

Initially, yesterday evening, I was ready to give up thinking what's the point of continuing on a diet for 1/2lb a week, but today I've had time to think annd adjust my mindset. I was going to do red days instead, but I can't keep to them, I'm afraid. I'm not a big meat eater (one reason I'd find Atkins difficult), so I shall do th occasional red day, probably near the end of my weigh week, to give myself as much chance as I can of getting rid of any 'held' water.

So not a good start, but I'm not totally down about it.

I will be talking food a bit more on my blog now so I hope I don't put off any abstainers. But it will be healthy eating, I hope I can be excused then.

Slimming World - Day 7

2007-07-31T08:31:00.000Z

Well here we are - the end of the first week. I'll tell you one thing, this first week on Slimming World has gone a lot quicker than my first week on LighterLife! I think back to those days with the relief that I've not had to go through the agony of getting into full ketosis, and having to drink SO much water. I remember day 3 of LighterLife standing in the kitchen crying to John that I couldn't go on - I was so, so hungry; I felt I was drowning in all that water and feeling nauseous all the time because of it. But those days were over fairly quickly and I soon knuckled down to the diet proper. It's just SO, SO, SO, annoying that I wasn't able to stay the course, especially seeing how well everyone else has done. Just think, by now I would have lost AT LEAST 4 1/2 stone and been perfectly on target. I may even have been a lot lower, although Dad would have been back to haunt me about losing too much again!

But, heyho, that was not to be. As I said earlier, I hadn't wanted to go down the Slimming World route again, but at least this time I've gone in with prior knowledge of how the diet works, and there are now some changes that make the programme a lot more flexible than it used to be. You don't need to strictly keep to the red/green day format any longer - you can decide at each meal, so long as you're extra vigilant about free food choices throughout the day, ie. not all free food is 'free' on both days, so they need to be accounted for. This won't make sense to those who haven't done SW, I'm thinking Mrs here, and I haven't totally got my head around it yet either so I'm keeping to what I know at the moment and will probably experiment with the new-fangled features of the diet a little further down the line.

What I would say though is that it hasn't been half as bad as I thought it would be. I'm making 'old favourite' recipes that I found when I did the diet previously and both John and Elizabeth hae been appreciative of them so far. Even to John saying, 'Oh, you haven't made this for ages; I love it!'

As Lesley commented on my last post, I need to be aware of portion size and not take on board the old Slimming World adage that free food can be 'eaten freely'. It can, yes, and you can fill up on these low calorie foods and not feel deprived, but if you really want to not only lose weight but set a precedent for lifelong eating then moderation is the rule. I learnt a lot from LighterLife, maybe not from direct counselling as I was only able to attend 3 sessions, but I've avidly taken in everything that everyone has said here on these blogs and I'm carrying it all through to my new attack on Slimming World. I had a moment on Sunday when I felt out of control and the child took over. That was because I was with the family and Mum wanted us to go for lunch at the local Cypriot cafe. I thought of saying no, but I was only 25% of the vote so I kept quite and went along - then the moussaka beckoned....and the lemon sorbet (which turned out to be pineapple ice-cream, because the new waitress who only started that day had thought it was the lemon - and she put double chocolate in for some reason as well! I couldn't complain as I didn't want to upset her, she was trying, after all!). I will admit, I did feel I'd let myself down when I got home, but I decided not to beat myself up about it - that's what 'flexible syns' are for. But what I need to do is not be pressured by outside influences, be that only the family. I'd been 'good' all week before, and since, and I just needed to put one meal in perspective. That's something those of you who have the occasional 'binge' on a lettuce leaf, carrot stick, or slice of black forest gateau (lol) need to keep in mind....PERSPECTIVE!

This all sounds rather positive, doesn't it? Well, I am! I'm back doing something that I know has worked for me in the past, and I now know where I went wrong as well. I have a better grasp of the psychological 'pull' of food and how to combat it. I understand and accept that I will have the occasional lapse and I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't keep completely on track. I shall ensure I have my free food first and foremost, always have the Healthy Extras, for extra fibre, calcium and nutrients, and ensure that I always have my Syns. One of the reasons I failed with Slimming World in the past was that I didn't eat enough! Credit that!

Mrs mentioned that I might like to register on minimins, well I used to go on there a lot when I did Lighterlife and Cambridge, but I've only used it lately for palying the arcade (I love Word Eight and Solitaire). I've already decided that I'll take a look at the SW forum because, as we all know, the support gained from others in exactly the same position as you is worth so much that it can't be over-emphasised.

Positivity aside; it's my first weigh-in this evening. I don't actually feel as though I've lost weight. You know, that light feeling you get at the beginning of a diet because you've lost a lot of water. So fingers-crossed...XXX. The nearer I'll get to 7.30pm the more nervous I'll get. Can you lose weight on fear and adrenaline alone? I wish!!

Change to the diet plan

2007-07-29T15:23:00.000Z

Hi everyone. I've been reading everyone else's blogs and commented on them but haven't felt able to write anything on mine recently. I think, mrs, that may have been in a way due to the large e-mail tomes we've exchanged lately - and I was 'written out'. Also, mrs, I'm quite behind with yours. You write so much that if I miss a few days there's a lot to go over. I shall be catching up again soon but that explains why there haven't been any comments from me lately.

I notice a lot of comments on Lesley and Mrs blogs from others who I don't actually comment on (eg. peridot, guinea, in search of me, cerulean - probably a few others I haven't put down here...sorry if I left you out). If you look in here, 'Hello'. I do occasionally look into your blogs, but it takes so long to read everyone's and to comment that I have kept to a just a few - those right from the beginning of our journeys. I shall try to comment a little more on others - so if you see an unfamiliar post.....

So, back to the diet. Or the new diet. I have been trying to go it alone since my unsuccessful brush with LighterLife, Cambridge, and even Slimfast. I was doing well for a time, but as we all know, it's not easy, and I didn't always have the incentive to keep going. I had stopped weighing myself as the scales 'fear' was back with a vengeance and when I eventually got on them it was often to find that I'd put on a few pounds. I just can't seem to get down to the 11s (stones, that is). I thought I'd try to get into ketosis with a vey low carb plan, then I thought I'd try low GI, then it was Ian Marber's Food Doctor, but what with working and just the daily routine of life, I found the whole process of organising menu plans too daunting. The whole diet lark was getting too airy-fairy for me to commit to any particular plan I couldn't work out the best route to take. That's whi I liked LighterLife. It's so black and white. There are no decisions to be made. You eat the shakes or soups and you drink the water. That's it! Nothing more to it. And when you get firmly into abstinence and ketosis the hunger pangs are kept at bay. It's so much harder when you have to plan and organise; and with my mindset I didn't really know whether I was coming or going.

This is where Slimming World comes into the equation. I first did it 9 years ago, and it worked! I went from 12st 4lbs to 10st 12lbs and Dad told me off for getting too skinny! Can you imagine it! I've been up to 14st 11lbs now, I know what it feels like, physically, emotionally, and aesthetically to be so overweight. I don't want to go there again. I've tried to diet on my own, but I need to be accountable. I need to have 'consequences' if I don't do too well one week. I don't like all the 'happy clappy' of Slimming World, but I'm willing to put up with it to reach my goal. So, off I trotted to the Methodist Hall last Tuesday and weighed in at 12st 9lbs (less 2lbs when I weighed at home), that's a few pounds gain on my lowest over the last couple of months, so it needs doing! Straight onto the plan on Wednesday. I know how it works, I just need the support to make it work.

Wish me luck....please. I will get there. Good so far, other than an ice cream out at lunch today. But it will not deter me. I'm back to drinking the water again as a help.I'm on course again!!!!!

Catching up...

2007-07-18T15:10:00.001Z

I had a lovely time at the 'do' Saturday evening. Had a wine for everyone as promised, but stuck to white (not so many drinking that - so there was more in the bottle!!!). Slightly hungover Sunday but still managed to get to 9.00am Mass, so not too bad.

I finished my overtime work on Monday as the school holidays are looming and I don't go to work during the holidays, it's too much trouble sorting out childcare and I can't expect Mum to help out all the time. I'll still be working Saturday's and if the weekday branch gets really desperate and I can sort Elizabeth then I may go in for a day or two. I really hope they don't ring though as I could do with the break.

I went to a meeting at the secondary school I'm a governor at on Tuesday morning. This was to discuss a new government initiative known as BSF (Building Schools for the Future). There was a small contingent from the governing body, the Head and a number of Local Authority Education personnel. Luckily I was able to follow along quite well and I did make a few comments and ask a questions. The thing is, when I'm in this sort of situation, the non-school staff don't know me from Adam and only recognise me as a member of the governors' and as far as they're concerned I'm knowledgable about what they're talking about - and the jargon: they speak 'to' me as though I understand everything. A lot of the time I don't. I'm just a Mum at home who does an occasional part-time job in a building society.

The same thing's happened in other circumstances - each year I invigilate for a FE College (although I haven't this Summer because I've been at Nationwide) and I was promoted at a point where I thought, 'are they sure about this?'. Someone thought I knew more than I actually did.

I was at a Community Forum one evening, sitting quietly at the back, amid about 150 other people, looking at the paperwork, when I get a tap on my shoulder asking me if I'm Professor so-and-so from the University of East London, there to give a speech. Blimey! Well, I did used to work at UEL (I left when I was pregnant) but I was only an administrator in the Registry at the time. Maybe having worked at a University you get a certain 'look'? Mysterious?

I often think, I'm going to get found out one day. Someone will realise that it's all bluff.........that I don't fit in.....

Why am I writing all this? I don't know.... Although, in a way, I do know. I'm at a point in my life where I want to 'do' something. I was talking about it with the Chair of Governors on Saturday evening. I used to have a career (Branch Manager at Nationwide) but that all finished in 1989 when I took redundancy. There was a rationalisation programme because they needed to reduce the management levels. I'd had quite a bit of illness and been in and out of hospital, all related to gynae problems. Knowing I would need IVF to get pregnant, the redundancy money would come in handy; I knew I didn't want to work once I had the baby (if I should be blessed), so I left. I then worked at UEL for 5 years and left there to have Elizabeth (3rd attempt at IVF). I still knew people at Nationwide and they contacted me when Lizzie was 18 months old and asked if I wanted to help out Saturdays (great, I thought!) and the rest is history. Elizabeth's of an age where I'm not required so much - I don't need to do school runs any longer, so I could do something else now. I don't want to work full-time with the Society (oh, no!) but I don't know what else to do. I was looking around the room at the 'do' and felt really envious of the staff at School. They have 'vocations', and professional status. They are doing something worthwhile, although it helps to be in such a high-performing school. I had applications in for Teacher's Training College when I was in the 6th Form but...I didn't have the courage to go away from home. I'd also met John (I was 17, he was 22). So I didn't go. I've not had too many regrets, and I often wonder if I would have stuck to teaching, but at least I would have given it a chance. It's so true about youth being wasted on the young. I wish I knew and felt then what I do now!

I need to take stock I think. I need to find something for me; something that is going to fill a void that's beginning to open up somewhere within me. John and I need to talk (dinner somewhere I think, as it's impossible to have a proper conversation with Madam around).

We're going to have to get our heads together Mrs Lard......

LATER: -

I've already started doing something for me. I've just got back from the Adult Education Centre having enrolled for a Pilates course and an entry level French course. I wanted to do Italian but it's on a Thursday morning and because the Pilates is on a Tuesday afternoon that would mean that I wouldn't be able to work 2 days a week. So, French at 9.30am and then Pilates at 12.30pm. I also wanted to enrol for the Salsa class on Tuesday evening but the course has been closed due to staffing problems. But, oh well, I tried!

Importantly, this means that I won't be available for work on a Tuesday, which will make it so much easier to say, 'No!'.

Oh, he's such a charmer!

2007-07-14T13:19:00.001Z

Saturday today, so it was off to work this morning. I really do feel more at home at this Branch. I'm only there for 3 - 4 hours a week but I've been there 11 years (the longest than anyone else) and I had been on the Management team there in the 1980's when i'd worked full-time, so it feels more like 'my branch'.

We were fairly quite this morning, I don't know where the customers were; they're normally queuing out the door! So we had time for a little banter between ourselves. Anyway, I was sitting minding my own business, when Kom, the newer young lad whispers, 'You're looking fit today, Chris!'. Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I laughed, told him he was 'naughty' and that I was old enough to be his mother. That didn't stop him though, he prefers the 'older woman' apparently. Cheered me up though!!

I'm off out to a dinner-dance tonight. It's the staff do for Liz's school, where I'm a Governor. So I'll have a glass of wine for each and everyone of you. Red or white?

Sorry about yesterday...

2007-07-13T12:07:00.000Z

....I had a bad day. I'm not a lone bod, I'm afraid. If I have a project on the go or have lots to do then a little 'my time' is great, but I just don't do alone just for the sake of it. It doesn't help when the weather's unco-operative either. Maybe I had an attack of S.A.D.?

Thank you, Lesley and Mrs for your comments. Yesterday, Lesley, I did find it hard not 'picking' from the cupboard but I was rather choosy and kept to fruit and nuts and a couple of tea biscuits. It still makes me feel bad about myself though. Today has been better - I'm not picking and I'm into the water again. I just needed a little moral support to pull me through I think. So, thanks again to both of you. Although I am wondering what ideas Mrs has in store for me. I wait with bated breath!

Talking about water - there's a really interesting site I've read that gives the low-down on why we should drink the aqua vita. Have a read. It won't be a great revelation to followers of LighterLife and Cambridge as both regimes insist that water be part of the diet but it's worth looking at.

The web address is http://www.inch-aweigh.com/water.html

Hard going

2007-07-12T15:12:00.000Z

At last I've managed to find the time to post. First, I couldn't get on the laptop and then I couldn't get onto Blogger. But, never mind, I didn't really have much to say.

I don't suppose I've really been 'dieting' at all this week. I feel a little down actually. I was at work on Monday but I'm not needed for a few days so I've been at home. No matter how much I'm beginning to dislike being at work I get horribly 'down' when I'm at home on my own. I can see how the depression could set in again. I popped into Town on Tuesday morning to meet 'the girls' for breakfast (only coffee and toast, but the waitress forgot the toast) and then off to Tesco's for the weekly shop, but since then I've been 'home alone'.

I thought of going to Lakeside but I don't have the money of the enthusiasm for that. There's nothing we really need for the home, I haven't done particularly well in buying bits for Lizzie recently(I can't seem to get the sizing right for her) and there isn't anything I'm desperate for for myself. I also find it rather soul-destroying just wandering the shops on my own, unless I'm there for a particular purpose.

I was reading Mrs Lard's post yesterday about her shopping trip with other members of her LighterLife group and I felt quite envious of her. She's had her own issues over acceptance of her changing body shape and that she's now smaller and able to fit into and buy clothes that in the past she thought were completely out of her league, which I'm sure everyone else following LighterLife and Cambridge or similar have had to face. I thought that by now I would be in a similar position. That I would have reached my target weight and the greatest worry I would have would be which pair of tousers/skirt/dress/top (delete as appropriate) I wanted to buy. But although I have lost 2 1/2 stone and now in a size 14 I'm beginning to not feel smaller anymore. My tummy feels bloated. I feel....bigger. I know I'm not; I weighed myself on Tuesday morning and I've lost 1lb since the last time I weighed. Still not down to that 11 something though. One of the things that came out of Mrs's post was that as a bigger woman you/I are/am so happy to find something that fits that you/I buy it just because it does fit and feel grateful (?) that there's actually something in the shops for you/me. Mrs said she was afraid of buying something because she was afraid she wouldn't fit into it next week. Well, maybe she won't, but that will be because she's lost more weight. With me it could be because I've put the weight back on.

I was walking along the road the other day in jeans and a tee-shirt and the husband of a friend was walking towards me. 'You've lost a lot of weight, Christine?' he said. So it is still noticeable. I suppose I've just got complacent. But I want more to come off; and I want it to come off quickly like on LighterLife. I thought I might get in touch with my Cambridge Counsellor again and purchase a few more packs (if she'll let me, because Cambridge also said I had to stop when she spoke to them) and then I thought I could have packs along with food on one of their menu programmes (can't remember the names of them at the mo, I'd have to get the books out). I'm not sure what to do. Yesterday I had a Slimfast bar for breakfast, today my eyes are 'pinker', and itchy. So I suppose I'd have the same problems if I started on Cambridge again.

Oh, s*d it, s*d it, s*d it!!!

Bad day again. Sorry! I'll work it out and be better soon.....

Meal out last night

2007-07-05T14:58:00.000Z

Yesterday was the day out for my temp branch. They had all decided to have lay-ins then meet at 1pm to go bowling, then to the cinema to see Shrek 3 and then to Frankie & Benny's for a meal. I'd decided to only go to the meal in the evening so met everyone at the restaurant at 7pm.

We'd already pre-ordered our meals a few days ago and I thought I'd start with a Mushroom Alfredo (in a thick cheese sauce) which I'd had at another F&B chain before Christmas and it was really delicious and thinking I'd indulge myself again. How wrong could I be; it was revolting, badly presented and very liquidy - Ugh! The main course, lamb shank in a mint gravy with steamed veg and creamed potatoes was yummy though (I want the recipe!). Unfortunately though, I followed the pack, had a glass of red wine and then finished off the evening with an ice-cream sundae.

I haven't eaten so much since I started eating properly again and did I know it! I couldn't move, felt so bloated and uncomfortable. I hadn't gone mad and had seconds or anything like that, it's just that my stomach doesn't seem to like too much in one go any longer. I should listen to it in future as well as one of the hospital guidelines I have to follow is no large meals, and no eating 4 hours before going to bed. I wish I'd followed that last night. By the time I got home I felt awful. Even the wine had gone to my head (and sorry folks, but I was driving - I normally allow myself one glass and that's it).

I still felt uncomfortable when I got up this morning but it's worn off during the day. But note to self: no more 3 course meals, stick to starter and main, or main and dessert. Eyes are definitely bigger than tummy now.

To weigh or not to weigh....?

2007-07-03T12:01:00.001Z

Since I had to give up on LighterLife and Cambridge...oh, and Slimfast, I've set my own personal weigh-in day to first thing Monday morning (you know, after the first wee, before I've drunk anything and before I've dressed - to be as low as possible!!). Well, sometimes it's gone well and sometimes not so well. I still can't get below 12stone. I'm up and down by 2 or 3 lbs and it's getting so annoying. So, this week I've deliberately not weighed myself. People are still commenting on the changes, especially the girls at work in my Saturday Branch, so much so that Karen said, 'You're not going to lose anymore though, are you Chris?' in a very concerned mannner. And that's coming from someone who's about the size of a matchstick!

I feel that by getting on the scales every week I'm not doing myself any favours. It's only a number, and I'd love the scales to say something like 9stone 7lb, but it's never going to happen (especially now I'm not doing a VLCD). Even if it did I'm sure I'd look like a skinny waif which would be great at 18, but not at over 30 years older than that! I was reading 'The Power: 11 Ways Women Gain Unhealthy Weight and How You Can Take Charge Of Them' by Sue Ellin Browder and she actually says it's healthier for a woman to carry a little weight as she gets older than to be too skinny - something to do with bone density if I remember. This is a fantastic book and one you can dip in and out of as not all chapters will be relevant, I'd recommend it, if only from the library. I'm keeping that in mind, what she says about holding a little weight as you get older as I've always thought too skinny women of a certain age always tend to look a lot older than their years. I will still try to get down, as my BMI is still at 28, and although BMI is NOT the be-all and end-all, I am fully aware that my health can only improve by losing another 1/2 to 1 stone. As an aside, I had my blood pressure taken when I was in hospital the other week and it read at 117/72. Absolutely brilliant! It's never been ultra high, even when I was pregnant, but before Christmas it was a lot higher than that and I'm sure the weight was a contributory factor.

I see comments on a number of the other blogs, or on minimins, where girls are trying to get into a size 10 or get down to as low a weight as they can. For a time I thought, Yes, I want to do that, but reality has set in. I don't have the luxury of ketosis any longer. I don't have the luxury of not eating and not needing to worry about food - and it is a luxury. You don't realise that when you're abstaining. You just notice what everybody else can eat, or what you can buy in the supermarket when shopping for the family. Yes, that's when it gets hard, but you know you can't have any of it and, if you're keeping to the diet wholeheartedly then you get over it. But, when you've been there and that option's been taken away from you, as in my case, it's a lot harder to keep to the straight and narrow.

The straight and narrow I will keep on though. I will weigh myself occasionally and if and when I have an 11 to report then you, dear reader, will be the first to know. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. If, on the 1st January, I'd known that 4 months later I would weigh 21/2stone lighter, that I'd be back in my size 14s, which I can't remember when I last wore, and that my uniform skirt, which I've had since April last year and never been able wear, would be back to front by the end of the day, I'd have gone, 'Oh, yeah?'. So I'm going with that and living for the moment.

Freedom from the scales!

Hospital results...

2007-06-29T15:48:00.000Z

I went along to see my consultant on Wednesday and luckily it was good news - well as far as it goes, anyway. I have a hiatus hernia, gallstones, a weak sphincter (a muscle to the bowel) and constipation. All very lovely, I know! Why can't I have some 'romantic' disorder rather than something to do with my poo and digestive tract?....lol. He's keeping my file open in case I need to return but in the meantime h's given me a prescription for medication to ease the symptoms causing the pain (it isn't constant any longer so I'll just use the medication when I need to).

I say as far as it goes as I still haven't found what foodstuffs caused digestive the problems in the first place, and of course the skin problems with Lighterlife, Cambridge and Slimfast. I haven't used any Slimfast packs for about 10 days now but my eyes, although now not as bad, and also not as bad as on LL or CD, are still very dry and pink looking. The patch on my chin has also got bigger rather than smaller as well. I've decided to let things ride for a while now and if in a few months the symptoms return I'll go back to my GP and ask for the referral to a nutritionist, as I wanted in the first place. I've had enough of doctors and hospitals for the time being.

I will admit though that finding I have the hernia and gallstones has definitely motivated me to continue on the weightloss journey. Doctors recommend weightloss for both conditions, especially if weight is held around the abdomen (not really my problem, but it can't hurt to lose a bit more). One thing to make Lesley laugh though: it's suggested that frequent bending forward and any abdominal exercise like sit ups etc. which increase abdominal pressure may exacerbate symptoms, so is that an excuse not to do my Rosemary Connolly DVD or use the Pilates machine?...hee,hee.

Thank you for your comments on my last post, Mrs and Cath, and I admire your abilty to see, Mrs, that I'm being undervalued and have many skills (please tell me what they are - lol, I'd love to do something else other than work in a building society as it's changed so much over the years, and I'm rather 'old school' I'm afraid).

I saw Ted and Pat's daughter on Wednesday. She and the family are of the same opinion as me; that it was the best thing that could have happened, not that they were both gone, but that they were together again. The post-mortem showed that Ted had had a massive heart attack, so much so that he wouldn't have known anything about it and that he'd gone before he hit the floor. That was good to hear.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. We're going to see Charlie tomorrow. We haven't seen him for a few weeks and he'll probably have doubled in size, still I can still have a good old cuddle, that's if I get a look in with Lizzie around! Then on Sunday we're off to Gravesend to visit Stella - she's staying at her parent's house before going off to build that house in Cyprus, so she'll be around for sometime, just not next door...

Let's pray for better weather. I hope none of you lot from 'up north' have had any problems with flooding.

End of an era

2007-06-26T21:39:00.000Z

We've just got in from having a goodbye drink with Stella, our neighbour next-door. She's moving, after having lived here since 3 weeks after Elizabeth was born. Feeling rather sad! But, she's moving to Cyprus soon and we'll be invited there for holidays with her and the dogs (2 border collies). I hope we don't lose contact.

I haven't been to work today as I've been to a funeral. Do you remember Pat who's funeral I went to a few weeks back? Well it was Ted's funeral today - her husband. He lasted 7 weeks from when she went. That's love for you. They'd been married for 56 years and he just didn't want to go on without her, so he didn't. He was a lovely man, a gentleman, in the true sense of the word. Death can sometimes be said to be a good thing, and I honestly think it was in this case. They're together again now.

Ted was found dead at home so there had to be a post-mortem and I only found out at Church on Sunday that the funeral was today. So I phoned the office yesterday and left a message to say I wouldn't be in (remember, I'm only covering - I don't actually work there). The manager phoned me back, gave me the third degree and even moaned about the fact that my mobile was turned off and that she'd had to get me on my home phone!?! Honestly, I've had enough. I don't need to work. I like the company, but I really don't know whether it's worth it. Anyway, I'm in tomorrow but I'm leaving at 2pm as I've got an appointment at the hospital to discuss the results of the procedures I've had recently.

I shall let you know how I get on.

Such a long time since I last posted....

2007-06-21T16:18:00.000Z

It's a week since I last posted, and what a week! I really don't know where these days go. It doesn't help though if you lose days! I haven't been to work today and decided to pop to Romford shopping. I've been walking around all day thinking it's Friday. Yesterday evening, I was as a Governor's meeting at the secondary school I'm a governor at and when I got home was a little peeved I'd missed 'House' - duh! that's tonight!

I must remember tomorrow's Friday as I have an appointment at the hospital for a pelvic unltrasound at 12.30 (a full bladder and a 6 hour fast - marvellous!).

A good week in some respects, not so good in others. I had a little 'disagreement' with a member of the management team at the Branch I've been covering since November. Nothing drastic, just rather annoying and frustrating. John was all for going along to the office to sort it out (My Hero!) but the girl is well-known for not having good people skills (that's in the opinion of everyone she's forever verbally lashing out at, and I've worked with her in 3 different branches) so I said 'forget it'. I shall continue working there whilst it suits me - the money's not bad and I get car expenses, but at least I know that if I want to I can just go. I still have my Saturday Branch where I'm contracted to work and there will always be other branches that need the help. I just don't need the aggro.....

The week has panned out quite well on the diet front though. Not that I've lost anymore weight - the 11's still seem very elusive (but only 2lbs to go as of yesterday, it just keeps going up and down though). What has gone well is the positive comments I keep getting. Apparently, so I'm told, my legs are getting slimmer and slimmer. My chest, apparently, is now smaller than Lisa's, and, according to Maria, I'm 'half the woman I used to be'. And the girls at work (my Saturday office) can't believe I'm still not losing weight. There you go! And that's without a 'proper' diet - just being observant and taking notice of what I'm eating.

Hospital - never again

2007-06-14T14:03:00.000Z

I went into hospital yesterday and had the procedures. So much for not feeling anything!!! Both the consultant and my husband (who famously had a colonoscopy carried out by the same consultant) told me I would have heavy sedation, would probably fall asleep and would neither feel nor remember anything. Heh! I knew everything that was going on. The gastroscopy wasn't too bad but when he came to do the colonscopy, I admit, I cried (not balled, but I did try to stop him doing it and the nurse had to hold my hand away) and they had to give me an extra dose of pethidin.

Anyway, the consultant came round to see me a while later with good news. The colonscopy showed no disease or problems of any kind, but he did find that I had a hiatus hernia. Not knowing exactly what it was I looked it up when I came home and fond that it happens when a piece of the stomach pokes out through the hiatus, an opening in the diaphragm normally occupied by the oesophagus. Often symptonless but sometimes leading to acid reflux. I did suffer from acid reflux some years ago (prior to being really overweight) but haven't had any problems with this for a very long time. Apparently, though, hiatus hernias are more common in obese people - so there you go!! That's cheered me up no end. I have an 'obese' medical condition!

I still have to go back to the hospital next Friday for a pelvic scan and then back to see Dr Ashraf and hopefully I can come away with a further explanation fpr the inflammation and pain. I still think it's down to the scar tissue and adhesions from the endometriosis and surgeries; and also probably a food intolerance.

I had vegetables with a chicken casserole and brown rice last night and got up this morning in pain. Answers?? Today, I've restarted the Slimfast and shall be cooking a chilli and rice for dinner this evening, so I bet I don't have any pain tomorrow.

I got on the scales on Tuesday morning ( I forgot on Monday) and was upset to see that I'd put on again. I'd gone up to 12stone 5 and a quarter, or 3quarters, i'm not sure (can't see that small without my specs!) - but then I thought, well I've been eating nothing but bread and chips and no salad or veg for the last 3 or 4 days, so no wonder. Anyway, I reweighed again this morning and I'm down to 12stone 2 lbs. Oh, happy days! But come on you 11s!

Prep for Wednesday starts here....

2007-06-10T08:06:00.000Z

Well, from today I start the preparation for Wednesday's procedures. That's no veg, salad, fruit, cereals, anything with fibre in, ie. no wholemeal bread, pasta etc, etc. What's left? White bread and non-fruit jam? White toast and marmite, methinks (luv it!! - what's your take on marmite? love it , or hate it?)

Then on Tuesday I'm onto 'the purge' - oh happy days!

Yesterday after work I decided a little retail therapy was in order. We were going to a BBQ for my uncle's 70th birthday in the afternoon and I wanted something new to wear. Not wanting to spend fortunes I looked in Mark One. I haven't been there for ages (other than for Elizabeth), but, and I say this with utter surprise, things fitted me, and looked good. I started trying on, but as they only allow you to take 3 items into the changing-room, the assistant kept most of the things I'd picked up outside and said to call when I needed them. So there was me, standing in the changing-room in my bra and knickers, calling, "Hello, Hello". So much for that; I gave up. Came out into the shop again, walked round, picked up loads more bits and pieces (including a few teenage bits for Lizzie) and just went and paid - £171.00 worth of stuff. As I've said before, I'm the take-back queen. But do you know, after a massive fashion parade when I got home I'm keeping most of mine. And all the tops were size 14! Not so lucky with Liz, though, but we'll just go and change the sizes for her.

So off I went to the BBQ wearing a pair of smart white crop trousers and a very nice jersey low-slung crossover top, with a fitted vest and peplum waist (to cover any visible tummy bulge). I'd also had my hair cut on Friday, so I felt good! I haven't seen a number of the family since before LighterLife and the compliments were flying - on the hair, the clothes and the weight. Oh, it feels good when things come together doesn't it? Don't feel too good this morning, though - just a 'little' fragile (my cousin would keep filling my white wine glass up!)

I hope everyone has a good Sunday - looks as though it's going to be a bright day.

Not the eyes!!

2007-06-07T06:40:00.000Z

Hi, girls. sorry to keep you in suspenders but I couldn't get onto the laptop. John's been hogging it the last couple of evenings. But I shall catch you up on the hospital visit in a mo.

I have a more pressing dilemma though:

Since I came out of ketosis about 6 weeks ago I've found it really difficult to lose anymore weight. I had managed to get down to 12stone but have found the holy grail of the 11s becoming more and more elusive. I thought of trying to get back into ketosis again by going along a high protein route but the thought of going on a severely restricted menu for the forseeable just gives me nightmares. I know when on LighterLife and Cambridge I wasn't eating any food and I managed fine, but the willpower and the 'counting calories' is doing my head in.

So, I thought I'd give Slimfast a go. I tried it quite a few years back with a little success, but this time within a few days of trying it this time..... you've got it!..... my eyes started itching! Out has come the green base foundation again. It's nowhere near as bad as before, but I can't believe it. I checked the ingredients and the vitamin and mineral composition and the are some similarities to LL and CD, but I honestly don't know what's affecting me.

Anyway, this morning I went to the GP to collect a form the GP had completed for the insurance company and Sue, one of the receptionists, said, "How are your eyes, Chris? Oh, I see they're still not cleared up.".....thanks, Sue.I then took the form onto the hospital for completion by the consultant before I go in next week. Yes...I need a 'procedure'.

I went back for the results of the blood tests on Monday evening. Dr Ashraf was pleased to note that there were no real 'horrors' revealed but he did say that there was evidence of inflammation which couldn't be traced without further investigation. This, along with the fact that the pain returned a couple of days after my 'purge', suggests that a colonoscopy and gastroscopy are in order. I'm going in next Wednesday as a daycase and need to do another 'purge' on Tuesday and a low-residue, low fibre diet from Sunday. Do you think I'll lose any weight next week? I hope so.... (LOL - with reservation!).

If nothing shows on the Wednesday (and he has a feeling that that will be the case) then my problems could be down to a hernia - because of the acute pains, and scar tissue and adhesions, due to my history of severe endometriosis and the number of surgeries I've had.

At last! Someone who agrees with me. I've said to two GPs that could this be the reason for my problems but they've just looked at me as though I was an idiot. Some idiot! Even an endocrinologist I was under at the Middlesex Hospital in London asked me, because I was so knowledgable of the condition, when he was writing a book with another consultant, to read and comment on a chapter he had written on endometriosis before publication. Yeah, some idiot!

OK! I'm putting this in writing so I MUST follow through. I will not weigh myself until Monday. Too demotivating when losses don't show.

Day off!!

2007-06-03T20:46:00.000Z

Just remembered. Had to tell you this one.....

We drove back and got home at 8.45 Friday evening so that I could go to work on Saturday because, as you know, I hadn't been given the time off.

I walked into work on Saturday morning and the girls wondered why I was there. Then, Elaine, the Manager came in and said, "What are you doing here? I thought you were on holiday." Honestly, they hadn't bothered to let me know I could have the day off. Bliming typical!!

A lovely couple of days away....

2007-06-03T20:24:00.000Z

Hi everyone. We had a great couple of days in Norfolk. The B&B was very nice. John and I had a room in the loft and the stairs were so steep to get up there that we had a rope to hang onto to help with the climb (that's along with the bannister). The B&B owner didn't ask if we were agile enough to get up there so my voice must have come over as 'youngish' when I made the booking....LOL

I wasn't looking forward to going away as, for one thing, the weather had been so bad at the beginning of last week, but literally as we got in the car on Wednesday afternoon the sun came out and it didn't stop shining all the time we were there. We went to family on Thursday and then on Friday we drove across the county to Great Yarmouth to see a house we own in the town and then on to meet a letting agent we've recently employed. We had trouble finding the house as quite a few of the roads didn't have visible road names and we'd never been there before (yes, we did buy a house we hadn't seen). We employed someone 2 years ago to purchase a house in the area for us to let out. A few people have made comments that we hadn't seen the house, but it wasn't something we were going to live in and I know myself only too well - I wouldn't have been unemotional about what I was choosing. My rather flip answer to people was that the Duke of Westminster (him of immense property) wouldn't have looked at every property he bought. And I trusted the purchaser and we, ofcourse, also had estate agents and surveyors, mortgage companies and solicitors working for us too. Well, we eventually found the house and, yes I was right, it wasn't a house I would like to live in, but we have tenants who want to live there and that's what we want.

All in all a worthwhile trip.

The only problem with the trip - I wasn't as good as I wanted to be with the food. I didn't have lots of 'bad' food or desserts, but I did have more than I 'should' have (sorry, someone put me right about not using the 'should' word). I shall probably be a little put out when I get on the scales tomorrow morning - but I'm prepared.

We're off to the hospital tomorrow eveing for the results of my blood tests. I wonder if I'll have another x-ray. Might not be a bad idea as I've been having quite a bit of stomach pain over the last few days again.

Hope you all have a good week coming up.

Night, night.

Satchets worked!!!

2007-05-29T09:49:00.000Z

Thanks everyone for your wise and kind words of empathy over my visit to the hospital. I wish I didn't feel so overwhelmed over matters like this but I've been to so many different hospitals over the years and they always get to me, I'm afraid.
Anyway, I took my satchets of absolutely vile medecine yesterday morning and I've worn the carpet pile down on the stairs rushing up them every few minutes. And I've lost 3/4lb overnight, so something good, eh. The satchets still appear to be working this morning as well, which means I'm not going anywhere today. Lizzie and I can find a good film to watch this afternoon maybe?

I've not done very well with dieting over the last couple of weeks. It's very hard trying to diet 'normally' after having followed weeks of LighterLife and Cambridge. At least on those diets you KNOW the weight is going to come off if you follow the rules. With what I'm trying to do now it's so easy to fail. I've yo-yoed up and down with a 3lb margin since coming out of ketosis. After I stopped LL and CD I still managed to get down to 12stone but once I came out of ketosis I put on 3lbs more or less straight away. Then I lost a lb, then I put on 1/2, then I lost again. I haven't actually logged the changes on my ticker as the thought of 'seeing' the weight go up again on a chart would do nothing for my motivation. Yesterday morning (Monday) I weighed in at 12st 2lb, but then 12st 11/4lb this morning after the satchets from yesterday.

I had a really grotty day at work on Saturday. I'd asked for Saturday 2nd June off a couple of weeks ago as it's half-term and we'd thought of popping up to Norfolk for a few days. We have family up there and John and I own a property in Great Yarmouth that we thought we would check out. But would you believe it, the 'powers that be' hadn't decided whether I could have the time off!!! That along with a couple of miserable customers really riled me. We made up for it in the evening though. Lizzie stayed at Mum's for the night and we went off to the theatre to see 'A Slice of Saturday Night', a musical based in the Club-A-Go-Go in 1963 - very funny and very good entertainment.

Sunday and Monday were real washouts here, as I'm sure they were wherever everyone else was. Lizzie went to the cemetry with Mum and my sister, Janice, as it was my Dad's birthday and they wanted to put some flowers on his grave (well, on his rose bush). John and I decided to take advantage of the time on our own and went out for Sunday Lunch - nothing grand, just to the cafe around the corner, but nice all the same.

This morning I've been ringing hotels and B&Bs in Norfolk trying to book a couple of rooms for 2 nights. As work couldn't decide whether to give me the time and said they would let me know Tuesday (!?!) I told them they needn't bother and I'd make other arrangements (you'd think you lived to work, not the other way round sometimes). Anyway, I've booked 2 rooms for 2 nights from tomorrow, in a 15th Century Grade II listed timbered cottage in the heart of the Norfolk countryside. Looks very nice online. We'll drive up there once John gets in from work tomorrow (I've asked him to leave work early, but...?) and should get there in time to pop along to the local for a nice dinner. On Thursday we'll drive to Great Yarmouth to see our letting agent and have a look at the house whilst Mum takes Lizzie to the Model Village (haven't seen it for years, wonder whether it's still as good as it was then?).On Friday we'll spend the day with Mum's cousin who lives quite near to where we're staying. Then drive home and back to work on Saturday. All go, eh!

I shall try to be good on the food front whilst away. But then again, I don't really think it'll be ice-cream weather!

I've seen the Consultant....

2007-05-25T13:57:00.000Z

I'm just back from my visit to the Consultant this morning. I've got tears in my eyes as I type this, not for any awful reason, just from the fact that I feel down. I was Ok before I went, other than having been up for 3 hours overnight with horrible, horrible indigestion type pains. The pain woke me at about 1.30 and in the end I decided to come downstairs. An antacid and 2 pints of water later, I went back to bed at 3.45 and then laid awake for ages before dropping off. Felt like death when I had to get up for Lizzie at 7.00.

I got into to see the Consultant and really had trouble explaining my problems, maninly because the condition is chronic (the exp dia)and goes back so many years that I can't say when it started or whether there's any catalyst. The acute symptoms (the pains)that have come since stopping LighterLife and Cambridge are a lot easier to explain, but of course once I mentioned the diets, he jumped on that straight away and definitely showed his anti feelings. I'm afraid I'm rather an emotional person and when something affects me as much as this the tears well up and I find it very hard to suppress them. That's when I begin to feel really stupid and annoyed with myself. I wish I could be detached - at least whilst I'm trying to explain what's been happening to me.

Anyway, I was sent off for an x-ray of my stomach and, would you believe it, I was found to be very constipated - definitely not a diagnosis I would have given! That, apparently, would partly explain the amount of pain I've been in. So, I've come home with a couple of sachets that I have to take with water (sounds familiar!) but, in this case, I need to stay VERY close to a loo. (Acually, he was a lot more sympathetic when he saw the x-ray)

I also had loads of bloodtests and have to go back to see him for the results on the 4th June. To be continued.....

Thought I'd cheer myself up with a bit of retail therapy after I left the hospital but all to no avail. I really don't like shopping for clothes. I only tried on a pair of cropped trousers in Next but even the 16 wouldn't go round my bloated tummy. So, into Starbucks for a skinny cappuchino, and home.

John's just got in and he wants to pop to Lakeside to buy some trousers, so off to the dreaded shops again. Catch up with you all later.

LATER: back from Lakeside. John's got his trousers and I bought a crocheted white cardigan from Wallis (it's lovely), so not a totally wasted shopping trip. Lizzie was hankering after a baby hamster from the pet shop but we didn't cave in. We honestly didn't believe that she'd clean him out!!! Oh, and 3 pairs of lacy knickers. My existing ones look a little too like the ones on 'How To Look Good Naked' (the before shots!).

John and I managed to have a good talk while we were having a cup of tea and Lizzie was deciding what to buy in the petshop. He understands why I feel so upset about today at the hospital - basically, because I've put up with everything for so long. He's going to make sure he comes with me on the 4th as I can never take in what's being said to me when I'm a little 'traumatised'.

Have a good weekend everyone.

It worked!

2007-05-23T12:59:00.000Z

Great. I'm back in the Land of Blog.

Not much has happened over the last few days, so not much to say really. I'm not at work today and I'm really ashamed to admit that I've done nothing other than hang a couple of loads of washing on the line (in my newly pruned garden) and watch TV. There's loads I could be doing, and loads I should be doing, but I just don't have the energy or the motivation at the moment. It's always the same when I'm not at work - I get lonely and down. I never used to be like this. I used to do things, I used to have hobbies. It's almost as though I'm trying to capture the little time I have to myself and 'recuperate' but all I do is feel guilty about being at home. I'm not making sense, am I?

I went to the GP this morning to pick up the letter for the hospital on Friday. I had to have a peek (as you do) and it came as a shock to see her comments on my medical history, namely depression (actually no longer a problem -although you wouldn't think so from this post), hysterctomy (but she got the date wrong by 6 years) and obesity. To see the word obesity written down to describe me came as a blow. No wonder I feel down.

Don't know what happened to the last post..

2007-05-23T12:55:00.000Z

Thanks everyone for your comments on my last post - I found them all on the days before or , from mrs, on Cath's (I think!). I don't know what happened to the 'comments' link. Hopefully everything will be ok this time. So I'm just about to post this to see if it works. Here goes......

Dieting together helps you lose weight......

2007-05-20T12:14:00.000Z

I've just read an article about dieting in Prima magazine. It says that for a diet or exercise plan to be successful you should get a buddy to go along with you. Apparently, researchers at Tufts University in the US have found that regular support helped people stick with a weight-loss plan. See! I knew there was a pretty good reason for this blogging lark!!!!

I hope everyone is doing well. I've had quite a few positive comments this weekend about the change in my body shape. But I've also had another friend say that I look older. She suggested that I keep the weight off my body but put it back on in my face (I'd oblige if I could).

As to the teaser I posted on Lesley's blog: John and I went to one of his colleague's houses on Friday and we've bought a Pilates Performer from her. She didn't have a very large house and the family complained every time she left it up in the living room. I've looked at the machines on QVC over the months and John is due to start Pilates classes along with physio for his back so we decided to take a look. To buy from QVC the machine would have cost about £200, but we managed to get Sarah to take £40 off us and she was happy, so a win-win situation all round. We've yet to put the bed together so I can't say I've had a go yet but we'll get it sorted in the next few days hopefully.

I've also been doing the step machine. I haven't pulled it into the middle of the room though this time as I tend to loose balance, so I keep it in fromt of the french doors and keeping one finger on the door frame to keep me steady I can happily step away while looking over the garden. John doesn't beleive I've been using it as it hasn't been moved and he says it's a bit dusty (well that's just my lack of housekeeping showing up).

Talking of gardens (as I just was); we don't have an enormous garden (85ft x 24ft) but it's full of mature shrubs that have now become a little too overgrown. I'm ashamed to admit that we don't look after the garden as well as we used to - life has changed, daughter has grown up, we've got older, John's back, etc, etc. We used to have a gardener a few years back and decided maybe it was time to get another to prune shrubs correctly, rather than just hack and hope for the best (I have a weigela that John cut back just before it bloomed one year. It's taken about another 4 for it to come back to anywhere near how good it used to look). Anyway, I came home the other week and parked outside my house was a large gardener's van so I stuck a note under his windscreen for him to knock. He did, I booked him, and he came last Friday; and 31/2 hours and £100 later I have a garden with a 'new haircut'. I made the girls at work laugh about it as, when they kept forgetting and then asking me what I was doing with my day off, I reminded them that I was having Desperate Housewives day. (you remember - Gabrille Solis and her gardener,for fans of DH). I hasten to put the record straight - the DH day was all in my head. But the gardener was a bit of a hunk!

I've just been reading everyone's blogs and commented on something Lesley said about exercise and what the individual LighterLife counsellors feelings are on exercise and LighterLifing. We didn't get as far as discussing exercise as I only got to week 3 before I had to stop. I know Heather (my LLC) had been reading this, and if you still are and are willing to comment, then please email me with your views. Exercise seems to be a contentious point with some people. And if you are still reading Heather, sorry I haven't sent you that Lifeline we spoke about last time I saw you. I'm not going to make excuses (you'd just see straight through them!) and I really want to make time to do it. I read a lot on the blogs about the work you are all doing in class and really wish I had been able to continue taking part but another part of me finds it all quite scary. I don't find it easy to analyse myself and come to any worthwhile conclusions (hence probably the reason I haven't sent Heather the Lifeline). I do envy the self-knowledge that mrs, Lesley and Sam have got from the classes.

Hope you're all having a good Sunday and that the weather's fine wherever you all are. It's sunny here but a little windy, so chilly in the shade. Have a good week everyone.

Chris x (((hugs))) to all.

Made the BUPA appointment

2007-05-17T14:43:00.000Z

All set for Friday, 25th May @ 10.45am. Need to pick up a referral letter from the GP

Just a few thoughts about eating....

2007-05-17T07:01:00.000Z

I was responding to one of mrs' posts this morning and felt that I'd copy it here. I had mixed emotions about having to come off LighterLife and Cambridge and was really worried about how I would manage back on food. There must be others out there feeling the same, hence this post:

"Having been both on a VLCD and now trying to 'eat to lose weight' I can expand on your thoughts slightly. I was really nervous about starting to eat again, especially as I couldn't do a Management route where food was introduced gradually. Even though, before dieting, I didn't have a 'see food and had to eat it mentality', I still had a huge problem with my weight and I was petrified that once I started eating I wouldn't be able to stop, and the getting on for 3 stone that I've lost would all come straight back on again. This was especially a worry as one of the benefits of ketosis is a mild suppresion of hunger. I thought that once hunger was an option, that would be it.

This was one of the reasons I wanted to stay in ketosis for as long as I could, along with the fat-burning benefit. I'm more than happy to report though that I'm out of ketosis, I'm eating healthily (even allowing an occasional glass of wine) and the weight is going down - slowly, but now going the right way, after an slight increase (probably the glycogen being replaced).
And I have been too busy to eat - and I have stopped when I feel I've had enough. And I've found that my stomach has found the 'off-switch'.

So, I feel more in control than I have for a really long time."

Seen the doctor

2007-05-15T17:54:00.000Z

I sat in the waiting room for half an hour before I got to see my GP. I was in two minds whether to stay or leave. I've been in pain today, but I wasn't when in the surgery. It's at the times when I have problems that I know I need to see the doctor, but when I'm Ok I feel I'd be wasting her time and I should just get on with life. Anyway, I sat there and eventually got in. She was lovely. She knows the problems I've had in the past. I explained about how my eyes reacted to the foodpacks, the return of the bowel problems, and the amount of pain I've had since starting back on food. To cut a long story short, she agreed to refer me to a dietician, but then she decided to check out my tummy. That changed everything. She noticed that my abdomen was very swollen, and more on one side than the other, so I am being referred firstly to a gastro-enterologist. I need to contact the local BUPA hospital to make an appointment and then she'll do a letter for the consultant. So here we go again! I just hope there's not another colonoscopy on the agenda.

Another goal met

2007-05-15T05:56:00.000Z

I wasn't at work yesterday so I decided to have a relaxing afternoon. What better than a cup of tea, a good book and a hot bath (all together). What's so different about a bath, I hear you say. Well, a lot, if you haven't been able to have one for years. I've showered for about 3 years or so now, having been unable to pull myself up out of the bath and ending uo getting into a panic with the thought of needing help to get out. We changed our bathroom suite a few years back, from a cream suite with a 750cm bath with handles to a white 600cm steel bath, with no grips. At the time I thought a bath was a bath, was a bath. But, how wrong! With my weight gain, and admittedly, a lack of arm strength, I've found it increasingly difficult to use the bath. I thought I'd give it a go yesterday, and viola, Easy!! Sat forward, hands on side of bath, quick push, and I was up!

I was feeling so relaxed in the bath that my book almost ended up in the water - I kept dosing off. A nice feeling. Showers are great for what they're meant for, but you really can't beat a little bit of luxury, can you?

I did my self-imposed weighin yesterday morning and I've lost a pound. I'm noot back to the 12stone yet, but I've lost 1 of the 3lb I put on, so it's going in the right direction.

I'm off to the doctor's this afternoon to ask for a referral. The problems with the eyes have settled now; the redness has gone and the surrounding skin is just a little dry now. But I'm still having the bowel problems and the tummy pain. I don't want to go to see the GP as the symptoms aren't quite as bad this week but John will go mad if I don't keep the appointment, so I had better. I''let you know what happens.

Have a good day!

Flipping Internet Connections!!

2007-05-13T19:44:00.000Z

I haven't posted for a few days, firstly because I've been busy and secondly because we lost the internet connection with Virgin. We've also had problems with the On Demand on the TV freezing up so I had to keep resetting the set-top box. I just wanted to throw the box through the window in the end. I spent time on Friday afternoon trying to sort out the TV and John spent most of yesterday sorting out the Internet connection.

I managed to look at a couple of blogs on Friday before it all crashed, and that was when I wrote the 'tome' to Lesley. Just as I was finishing the phone rang and it was my nephew, Lee (the new Dad to Charlie). He said that he had just left Nanny's and that I should get over there straight away as she was doubled up in pain. Quick phone call to John to divert him off the tube on the way home to meet me at Mum's; jump into the car and struggle through the rush hour traffic worrying all the way (Mum suffers from angina - 3 or 4 miles but seemed longer); should I drop Liz off at Lisa's (just in case)? What do I find when I get there? Mum sitting in the living room watching Countdown (or whatever). I didn't say why I was there; just said I'd popped over with her Avon order. So we started chatting and then the reason for the 'doubled-up in pain' was explained. She'd had a gippy tummy all day and had been running to the loo a lot. I could have killed Lee! I was glad Mum was OK but I could have done without my stress levels going through the roof. I phoned Lee's mobile to tell him that Nanny was fine and that she only had an upset tummy - his response? "I know, I just didn't want her to be on her own". It's a good thing I couldn't get hold of him at that moment. Did he think I had nothing better to do? His own mother only lives 5 minutes away from Mum, as well!

A little bit of background on Lee which I haven't written about, hoping it would all resolve itself. Him and Lisa have split up. Lee has been on secondment to a local Forces Recruitment office as part of his paternity leave whilst awaiting the birth of Charlie. They fell out before the baby was born. I tried to tell him that she was 9 months pregnant and her hormones would be reeling etc. They got back together again when Charlie arrived but it only lasted a couple of weeks. I don't know the full story, and I don't really want to, but Lee moved back into my Mum's house (where he stays when he's home on leave - he's in the Royal Navy). Anyway, we went over to see the baby at Mum's yesterday for the last time for possibly some time as Lee has him for a couple of hours each weekend. He's gone back to Plymouth this afternoon so we're going to have to see what happens in the future. Lee will be home on leave before he goes to sea in July but I'm not sure when or how often. I shall miss Charlie if we don't get to see him- he's such a sweet little thing and is just beginning to make eye-contact and gurgle and smile.

Diet matters! - won't weigh myself, but I'm feeling a little bloated so I've probably gained again.

I decided yesterday that I probably had to invest in a couple of new bras as the two I bought just before Christmas are now doing absolutely nothing for my 'assets'. Tracy, the owner of the lingerie shop I go to was really impressed with the amount I've lost. She measured me and said I'd gone down 2 band sizes and 3 cup sizes!! I came away with 2 bras and I also bought Lizzie her first 'real' bra. That was a true rite of passage, and I ended up in tears (silly cow!).

Had a good morning in my Saturday Branch. I was in the banking hall, rather than on the till, so that made a change. Once again, the young lad in the office was admiring, he said, 'Looking good, Chris!' Oh, was I happy? You bet I was!

Today, we've been back to Lakeside to do my take-back. I don't like going to the shops on a Sunday. All the world and his wife is always there, but I'm not going to be able to get there for a week or two so it had to be done. Then we went over to Mum's to pick her up and bring her back to ours as Lee left this afternoon and at least she wouldn't have to be on her own.

So here I am catching up on the blogs. So I shall say Bye, Bye now and read everyone else's.

Camera's on the blink

2007-05-10T14:39:00.000Z

Sorry, everyone. No age-defying outfit photo, I'm afraid. My camera appears to have given up the ghost. I've no-one to blame but myself. I made the mistake of taking it onto a very sandy beach last summer. It's worked occasionally over the last months. I usually put rechargeable batteries in it and had thought the batteries were coming to the end of their natural life so we bought some more. The camera still didn't seem to work for long and John said maybe the problem was the recharger. So to check I tried the camera with ordinary AA Duracells, still no luck. It looks as though I'll have to invest in a new camera. So until that time, my hippy chick look will have to stay in the imagination!

Shopping in Lakeside....

2007-05-09T19:56:00.000Z

I love all you girls! If one of us is a little down there's always someone out there to help pull you up and make you feel better. So, 'Thank You', Mel and Lesley.

Lesley, the scales I use are electronic and made by Salter. I've just looked in the Argos catalogue but they don't have the actual model I have but item 14 on page 949 (832/6009) or even item 15 (832/1839) both priced £29.99 are very similar. I use my sey on a vinyl floor and as the design is tiled I can always make sure they are placed in the same spot. The scales always agreed with the LighterLife scales and were always 2lbs lighter than the Cambridge ones.

And thank you Lesley for saying I'm not old....and am part of the furniture (hmm?)

As you were writing your post to me, Mel, I was doing just as you suggested. I was out shopping. I decided to take a trip to Lakeside Shopping Centre as BHS had a 20% off day. I managed to pick up quite a few bits for Lizzie in Tammy in BHS and a couple of bits for John and because I thought I just had to get something for myself I bought a pair of trousers, a dressy top and a knitted cardigan jacket. I didn't try any of them on, so they're all going back (my friend Lisa calls me the 'take-back queen'). I didn't actually enjoy being in BHS today. Normally I manage to pick up a few separates but the shop seemed more like a jumble sale today. There were loads and loads of tee-shirts on display, all in very garrish colours and un-coordinated. It was like an exlosion in a paint factory. Must definitely have been the window-dressers week off!

I then went along to H&M, not a shop I normally look for anything for me in, but managed to buy 2 great tops (in medium). I put them on at home and said that I was going all 'hippy chick' and they reminded me of something from the 70s. Lizzie made me laugh - she said I always say that if you wore them the first time round then you should never wear them the second time. From the mouths of babes, eh? Anyway, I tried the tops on with a pair of (cough, cough) size 14 straight leg jeans I found the other day at the back of the wardrobe and in the 250 years or so that they've been hiding there they seem to have stretched to fit! Lizzie decided, though, that I needed some help and dashed off to find a belt and some beads and then stuck my hair up in a high ponytail. If it hadn't been for the eyes I could have been 18 again!...LOL!! One good thing I noticed when I had my hair up was that I could see visible collarbones and my neck looked longer and slimmer - so one of my goals met. Yay!

Whilst I was out I felt a little peckish so I then had the dieter's dilemma of not knowing where or what to eat. I didn't want any obvious 'fast food' or a sandwich as I haven't eaten bread since January, so decided in the end to go up to the food hall for a Burger King flame-grilled chicken salad. I really didn't want this but thought it would be the best of many evils. But when I got upstairs I saw a new food bar - a salad bar!! Wow, something I could actually choose to eat. So I had a Greek Salad - 'expensive' leaves, cherry toms, cucumber, sweetcorn, olives and feta cheese all covered in oil - olive, so loads of Omega 3's going in. Very scrummy ......and a bottle of water. All for the princely sum of £5.46. I know where I'll be eating next time I go back.

I'm going to post this quick now as it's the second time I've written it as the internet connection lost it as I went to post last time. I now need to look quickly at everyone else's. So night, night all.

Appointment made

2007-05-08T15:30:00.000Z

Thanks for your comments, girls. Sorry, I don't mean to keep whining on but I just can't believe I have all these problems. I just wish there was a definitive answer. I've made an appointment to see my own GP for next Tuesday and I shall insist on a referral , but to which type of consultant, I don't know?

I got on the scales on Saturday morning so that I could let the girls at my Saturday Branch know the state of play as they always ask each week and I was pleased to note that even though I wasn't in ketosis any longer I'd still lost weight and had got down to 12st exactly. Yippee! I thought - that's 2st 11lb off! 39lb! Anyway, I jumped on the scales first thing Monday morning and there I was at 12st 11/2lb, the equivalent of more-or-less a 4400 calorie weight gain. Where did that come from? I haven't eaten 4400 calories! I checked this morning- still the same. This afternoon- 12st 23/4lb. And my uniform jacket feels snug. I feel so bloated. My tummy looks swollen and Lynne at work said that she actually thought I looked a little bigger today. What do I do? Shoot myself? I wish I could go back onto the packs again.....................And my chin itchs, and my eyes are a bit sore.

Give up on me, girls. I'm getting boring now.

You'd think by trying to loss weight to get into a healthy state and only putting 'good' things into my body should have me blooming, wouldn't you?

But O NO!

The problems continue

2007-05-07T19:43:00.000Z

We went to Jan and Keith's yesterday evening. Janet commented on my weightloss and of course asked how I'd lost it and then said one of the girls at work had been on LighterLife since Decembe and lost loads. So she wasn't quite as anti the diet as I thought she would be. One thing she did say, however, was that I was looking old, especially around the eyes (thanks a lot, best friend!). A bit of a bummer this as even tjoughI've now reached the riupe old age of 51, NO-ONE would guess I was that age. I've always looked a lot younger than my age.

My chin and eyes hade been itchy again during Sunday. Wondering now if milk could be the problem? Mum gave me a cup of tea with milk on Saturday and then yesterday morning I had Special K with milk and a cup of tea -could that have been enough for a reaction? I was very good with my choice of food at Jan and Keith's and then kept the peace by having a very small slice of cheesecake and scoop of ice-cream. Half hour later I went to the loo and saw red eyes in the mirror!!! God! I'm fed up with all this. Before LighterLife I was eating dairy with no 'obvious' reactions (but could the bowel problems be a reaction - I don't know????)

Well, I'm trying to eat normally.....

2007-05-06T12:37:00.000Z

I'm proud of myself for making the decision to keep out of ketosis for the time being and see how things go but, and it's a big BUT, food seems to be having an adverse effect on me. Over the years (and many of them) I have had trouble with my bowel and had tests done at the hospital, as I said on an earlier post. Nothing physically wrong was ever found so I just accepted that I had a problem and got on with life (as you do!). I hate to give too much info but one of the worst problems I've suffered with over the years was an 'explosive' diarrhoea, so much so that I often found it difficult to leave the house in the morning. One of the side benefits, but a very big one, of LighterLife and Cambridge was that the bowel problem cleared up - COMPLETELY. The very fact that I wasn't eating any food meant that my digestive system didn't have to cope with any 'foreign' invaders and, if it hadn't been for the problem with my eyes, then I would have found the ultimate diet and could have stayed on it FOR EVER!

Now I've started eating the digestive upsets are returning with a vengeance. I've tried to introduce foods gradually but feel I should be popping antacids rather than corn just to keep the pain away. Although I've experienced the occasional indigestion episodes, just like everyone else, now the pain is almost constant, and the exp dia is returning as well. John keeps on to me about going to the doctor about it - this isn't new; he's nagged me to go to the doctor for a couple of years or so now to be referred to a nutrionist, especially as we have private medical insurance. I only went to a relief doctor a week or so ago about my eyes and she poo-pooed (excuse the pun) the food intolerance suggestion so I'm a little loath to return. But I think I'm going to have to. I shall make an appointment to see my own GP and ask for a refferal. I really can't go on like this. You never know, the problems I seem to have with some foods may have been contributory to my weight gain (?)

Maybe, Claire, we have more in common than just a fascination for blogs and VLCDs!!!

Decisions, decisons....

2007-05-04T06:47:00.000Z

One moment I've decided to get back into ketosis because I can't wait to get the remaining stone to stone and a half off; and the next, I'm thinking, now hang on a minute, I've got the chance here to really establish the basis for a lifelong way of eating to keep slim for the future. After all, even though I'm no longer in ketosis, my appetite is still fairly suppressed and I'm leaving food on the plate after nearly every meal - not something I often did before dieting. I was alsways one to clear my plate! I just can't seem to make my mind up and stick to it.

I think you're right Claire, it is harder to eat than to abstain from food. When on Lighterlife and Cambridge I didn't need to think, all the decision-making had been taken out of my hands. But thank you to both Claire and Lesley for your words of wisdom.

Ok, I'm making a decision right here and now. It will be recorded for prosperity (well?) and I shall stand by what I write (for the next week or so anyway). I am not going to attempt to get back into ketosis for the time being. I'm taking a break to see if I can manage without (thank you, Lesley). After all, ketosis isn't a normal state to be in - and as I'm not feeling particularly hungry - just the occasional 'peckish' moments as you often get on LL - if I hadn't had the ketostix I wouldn't have known I wasn't there anyway. I shall eat low GI on a 90/10 basis. I'm saying 90/10 as on Sunday we're going over to friends for the evening and there's NO WAY Janet is going to let me get away with not being fed. She always bases her tea on salad but with absolutely everything else with it. So I can manage with that fairly well, with picking and choosing and she won't notice. The problem comes however with the dessert. Janet's a M&S junkie and will normally have 2 or 3 desserts on the table and woe-betide anyone who refuses one! I know from experience. So the 10% is a little taster to keep her happy if I can't get away with it. I know, I'm a wimp. But she frightens me!

If I don't lose over the next week or so, or, heavens above(!), gain, then it's back onto the ketone blasting regime again and I'll follow the diet in the book I told Claire about the other day. I hope I can manage without - much more like real life.

I'll say bye for now. I need to get ready to go out. It's Pat's funeral at 10.00am. I'm only going to the Mass, not the cemetery. I just want to show my support for Ted - he's in his mid-80s and looked absolutley devastated when I spoke to him at Church last Sunday. Pat and Ted had run the Gift Aid Scheme at the Church for 30 years. I've worked with them for about the last 5 and took over completely at the beginning of last year. Pat was 81and hadn't been very well for some time and I don't think I'll ever forget the look of thanks and relief on her face when I told them that I would take on the complete kit and caboodle from them. It's sad...........

I'm not in ketosis anymore

2007-05-03T06:51:00.000Z

I did a 'wee' test and the stix showed negative this morning. I haven't gained any weight since Monday so that's all to the good but I need to be very careful. I'm trying to decide whether to get back into ketosis or just continue on a purely low GI diet. I like the idea of 'fat-burning' as per ketosis, but it is rather restrictive. I know where things went wrong - on the weekend I drank about 1/2 bottle wine and included a couple of new potatoes with the meal. I tried a tablespoon of wholewheat pasta on Monday and have also had a couple of squares of chocolate (and I mean 2!). I've also included quite a lot of fruit since last Friday. So all in all, regardless of the fact that on a 'normal' weightloss programme, other than the wine, this wouldn't have been too bad, on my regime it's had the effect of knocking me out of ketosis. Luckily, as I said, I haven't gained any weight from the glycogen going back on.

So, decisions decisions. Where's Mel when I need her? At Butlins, that's where!

On a more positive note. One of the girls at work, who is very nice but can sometimes be a little dour, commented on how slim I was looking. I shall remember that while I make up my mind about what to do.

Have a good day everyone.

Getting in early..

2007-04-30T06:35:00.002Z

John's left for work, Lizzie's left for school, so I'm getting in with my blog early before I go off to work otherwise I won't stand a chance when we all get home.

Thanks for the lovely comments and hugs Ameythist, Lesley and Cath. I'll try not to get any further ailments, Lesley, Im fed up of sounding like a hypochondriac. John thought the doctor should have looked at carrying out tests, Cath, but, to be honest, I'mjust happy now if I can keep the eyes cleared up - we'll cross that bridge when and if I have any more problems.

I'm cheered up! The hydrocortisone cream has worked. I'm just back to having brownish shadows on my eyes which, as I said before, looks remarkably like a beige eyeshadow.

Seeing John's brother and wife yesterday was very nice. Although Jim and Jo only live in North London we really don't see much of them. We probably only catch up at Christmas and maybe 2 or 3 times during the year. Jo's also lost a lot of weight since I last saw her. She's been doing a low GI diet and has lost about 21/2stone (down to 9st 7lb or there abouts......grrr) and also doing some sort of dance class - NIA. I've never heard of it. I think it's some kind of free-movement class that isn't very widespread in the UK (came from the States, of course) and it sounds all rather hippy to me - just Jo's cup of tea. But I somehow don't think it would fit into the East End or Essex - hence no classes listed on the internet in this area.

I cooked a very nice low GI meal that fitted well into my new regime and had a fruit salad for dessert. I started incorporating fruit into my diet on Friday, mainly so that I could have breakfast! Everyone enjoyed the mea; and I enjoyed a glass of white wine - hmmm.

I had my weekly weigh-in this morning and checked my ketones. I'm still in ketosis and the pink registered on the 3rd one in (according to Heather - LLC- that was perfect for LighterLife, I just hope that's Ok now and it shouldn't be darker). And for the weight result........drumroll.......I've lost 3lbs - weyhey!

Well off to work now to see what the day brings (more of the same I suppose) and I'll try very hard to get on later to check in with everybody. Have a good week.

I'm a petunia...

2007-04-27T17:23:00.000Z

I am a
Petunia

What Flower
Are You?

Went to the doctors

2007-04-27T16:04:00.000Z

I had an appointment at the doctor' this morning. I asat there explaining how and when the eye problem started but she wasn't interested. She told me I was over-analysing (me?) it and that it was eczema around the eye and we just had to get it cleared up. She wasn't intrested in the fact that I'd never suffered from eczema before and that it coincided with starting the packs. She said she was really proud of the way I had lost the weight and that I was keeping on - some consolation, I suppose.

So, I'm on Dermacort, a hydrocortisone cream, twice a day until it clears up. Great! Why it happened I don't know. It's really itchy and I feel like a pariah - I don't want to go out or see people. It's a good thing the sun was out this afternoon as I could go round to the newsagent with my sunspecs on. I still felt a little silly in the shop with them on though.

We have John's brother and wife coming for Sunday lunch. I'm not looking forward to the comments (not sarky, but just things like I should be doing this or that to lose weight, not the sort I've been doing, you now the thing).

Off to work in the morning. Out comes the war paint again.

Sorry, a little down at the moment. I'm tired and fed up with the eye problems and I also heard this afternoon of a death (hence the trip to the newsagent for a card) . She was an old lady and I think she died in her sleep but she was lovely. Lizzie had a little weep when I told her as she was always so nice to Liz.

Hope everyone has a good weeekend.

Haven't been on for 3 days!!!

2007-04-26T18:34:00.000Z

I haven't been able to get on for 3 days as the other 2 have hogged the computer when I've been around, but I haven't been in much this week. So I haven't caught up on everyone else's yet - to be remedied soon! John had a hospital visit on Monday evening to check up on his MRI scan. Everything was fine. He has a problem with the 5th vertebrae in his back and there's a piece of gristle protruding from the spinal canal. Luckily, his spinal canal is quite wide, according to the consultant, which means that he shouldn't need an operation to remove it. He must just be aware, and he's off to physio and pilates for some help. So all good there in the end. I was at a parish finance meeting on Tuesday evening (yawn!) and then last night I went out with some ex-colleagues and did we laugh! It was so good to catch up. And I was very good - char-grilled salmon and steamed veggies and 1 glass of white wine...low on carbs white wine (if you want to know for the future - much lower than red).

I'm glad you liked the diet explanation, Sam. It's not Atkins, well similar, but without all the butter, double cream and fats. I'm taking fat off meat etc. and only using a little olive or sunflower oil. And I am in ketosis. I went along to my Cambridge counsellor on Monday evening, Mel, and picked up a box of ketostix (I couldn't face being cross-examined in the chemist), so I pre-empted your comment there. I checked yesterday morning and I was still in ketosis - so it looks as though I can get away with the occasional glass of vino - but I will be cautious. I was quite into the purple and Heather my LighterLife counsellor saifd that that shows you are dehydrated. Has anyone else noticed this when testing?.....note to self: Must Drink More Water!

Cath, thanks for the offer of sending some books through. I've actually got quite a few GI diet books and the Food Doctor Plan which is more or less based on GI but I just haven't found the TIME to get into them.....along with everything else these flipping blogs take up too much time!!!!! Only joking. I don't think I'd have got this far if it hadn't been for our mutual support. I have withdrawal symptoms at the moment and will be catching up with all yours once I've published this.

I think I'll contract Mel to be my personal menu planner. She seems to have so many ideas - and they're working! Ok, Mel, a few days menus in advance suit you? - mainly breakfst ideas as I get stuck there on this self-imposed regime....lol

Claire, I read in my comments that you've gone back to food. I'll catch up on your reasons when I read yours but I wish you all the luck in the world and am here to support you if needed - I'll just send you on Mel's menus....heehee. Thanks for your admiration of my stamina but I've made a promise to myself to lose this weight and if I can't keep a promise to myself then who can I keep it for? I shall perservere as long as I can and if I reach a plateau I'll just have to accept it and restart a couple of weeks later.

I went to work today with very swollen and red eyes again. Not as bad as they were at the beginning of the month but they're very itchy. Luckily, as we're into the hayfever season customers probably thought it was just hayfever...and there's no way I could cope without copious amounts of green base and foundation. As I'm not on packs any longer and it was last Saturday that I actually ate that dratted low carb bar, I've made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow....so we shall see.

Right now to catch up on everyone else's.

Finding ways to eat properly

2007-04-23T19:38:00.000Z

I like your idea of breakfast, Lesley, and I have had a fried egg (in a little sunflower oil) and grilled bacon a few times - I'm not very good at poaching. That's great when you've got time in the mornings but normally I'm getting Lizzie out the door and then myself 20 mins later so it's not easy to cook in the morning. The reason, therefore, that I bought the low carb bars. But there you go. I shall try to adjust what I'm doing at the moment - I'm wondering whether I can introduce a little fruit - like the speedy ones on SW, raspberries, strawberries etc and still stay in ketosis??

I'm not sure whether I'm in ketosis now though. I'd actually put on 1lb this week but I shall weigh again in the morning to see what's happened. It's horrible now - at least on LighterLife you know you're going to lose each week if you're keeping to the Plan. I'm now back in that awful place where you have the moments of panic before stepping on the scales and then feel demotivated if there's a gain. Boohoohoo!

Mel, I really fancy that recipe you put on for me yesterday. I had been thinking of having stuffed peppers. Normally, that would be with a savoury mince and rice. But your recipe sounds so scrummy that I think I'll have a go at it. John and Liz could have rice or pasta with it. Thanks a lot.

The eyes have it...again!!!

2007-04-22T18:05:00.000Z

Ahh, Lesley and Sam, such lovely comments. And Sam - we all care about how each one of us is doing and, I'm sure, will always give as much support as we possibly can, considering our limitations.

I'm trying to give a true account of how this revised (once again!) diet is going but am more than aware that nearly everyone who reads this (barring Mel) is abstaining or thinking of abstaining from food. Hence the apologies from mewhen I mention food. But I do want to keep this as a diary of my ups and downs and trials and tribulations and, of course now my diet regime has changed to one where I eat, then food has to be a part of the diary.

Have I actually said how I'm working the diet yet? I'm not sure I if I have so if I repeat myself, please excuse me.......As I was in ketosis when I stopped the Cambridge Diet foodpacks, I decided I didn't want to lose the fat burning benefits of ketosis so I did a little (well a lot, really) of research on the internet and came up with a way of eating that would hopefully keep the fat burning at a similar rate as on LghterLife and Cambridge. I know the Atkins Diet puts you in a ketosis state but I was really unsure about the high saturated fats that were allowed on his plan. So I have adapted ideas from several sources and come up with a plan of my own that appears to be working at the moment. I'm almost certain I'm still in ketosis although I haven't got any ketostix to check, but I'm keeping to foods that will hopefully keep me there, and I'm not feeling any of the hunger pangs that normally go hand-in-hand with dieting. I just get peckish occasionally.

I'm eating lean meats, poultry, fish, shellfish and eggs, supplemented with loads of vegetables (other than potatoes, peas, sweetcorn and any type of beans) and salads. I'm not eating any bread, pasta, rice or cereals. Basically, low-carbing. If you know Slimming World, then I'm doing the free foods on a red day. I shall only keep this up whilst still in ketosis and have a rethink later down the line. Maybe, then I could actually do Slimming World red days......?

Prior to LighterLife I always had breakfast - normally a muesli or porridge or Special K, so I'm missing having a meal at this time. Not through hunger really, but just psychologically. So on Friday I saw Tesco own-brand Carb Control Chocolate Chip breakfast bars which only contained 2.2g net of carbs and 142 cals so I thought I could easily incorporate those into the diet (other than the cost - £3.99 for 5 bars!). Anyway, I bought a box but couldn't wait 'til the morning to try them so had one Friday evening. It was scrummy and rather filling and I thought I'd hit gold. Until I woke for work yesterday morning, that is - there staring back at me from the mirror was a red mark on my left eyelid. I thought, "No! imagination, it's nothing". So I ignored it and hoped it would go away. We went to the theatre in the evening, I had my glass of wine, came home and I was feeling a little peckish (the theatre and wine does that to me, I'm afraid) so I thought I'd try another bar. WRONG!! I woke this morning with itchy red eyes and it's got worse as the day's worn on.

I've a few packs of LL and CDs left so I've sat comparing ingredients with the bars and the only ones all three contain are milk powder and soya. So where does that leave me? What's my problem? Before LighterLife I've eaten these ingredients - in fact you eat them without realising, as you can tell from reading contents labels.

I AM NOT A HYPOCHONDRIAC. I enjoy feeling well and in fact was only saying to Mum on Friday that I haven't felt so well in ages, and was sure that it was due to the way I was eating - along with the weightloss, of course. We were sitting down with a coffee and sandwich (well Mum had the sandwich) before doing the weekly shop and I was rabbiting away 19 to the dozen. I laughed and said it was almost as if I was on speed. Mum said I was looking really well and was definitely a lot more animated than I have been in a long time. I had got to the point that I was so down on myself that I couldn't even be bothered to hold a conversation. (I think the family relish those days now!!)

So no low carb bars for me now. I went to the library yesterday and took a few books out on low carbing and Atkins to get a few more ideas on how to continue and I'll be noting a few things here. You never know, it may help someone who decides to follow a similar route.

Onwards and downwards (weight-wise).........

Good day today

2007-04-21T22:33:00.000Z

The compliments were flying today at work. As I only go into that Branch on a Saturday and not everyone is in every week the change is more obvious to them as it's probably 2 or 3 weeks since some of the have seen me. And one of the customers said, "Hello, Gorgeous" as he came over to me so all was well in the working front.....heeheehee.......pity he wasn't gorgeous though.

I managed to avoid Elizabeth most of yesterday evening. After I'd told her to get out of my sight she'd gone upstairs to her bedroom. About half hour later I went up to her thinking she was probably on her computer playing The Sims and to stop her. But she was undressed and in bed. At 5.0pm! So I left her there until dinner-time. She came down for her dinner and went straight back up again. So I let her. Then I was out for a while when I took Mum home. So that was it. I didn't see her before I went to work this morning as they were both still in their pits. Things got easier this afternoon. She apologised (with a little prompting) and we drove over to Mum's for her to stay the night as John and I were off to the theatre this evening. I haven't seen the offending cut strand properly today as she has stuck it back behind her ear - I think it'll probably be ther until it grows out!.

After the disappointment of my weighin, that I have 'officially' set for Monday mornings now - if you remember, only 3/4lb for the first week of eating- I didn't think I could wait until next week so I weighed on Thursday morning and I've lost another 21/4lb. So that's 3lbs in a week and a half and I don't think that's too bad at all considering I've been on liquids for such a long time and all of a sudden I'm introducing a higher amount of calories. I just hope I can continue in ketosis.

I even allowed myself a glass of white wine at the theatre as there aren't many carbs in it. Sorry, girls..............

Off to bed now. Night night

Oh, the support....

2007-04-20T21:00:00.000Z

Everyone is so supportive. It's fantastic. Thanks for everyone's comments on my brush with indigestion. You all made me laugh. And hello to Amethyist and Kirsty. I'm not really a hypochondriac - but you may be forgiven for thinking I am. Thank you for the advice about the peppermint tea, Amethyist. I didn't know that drinking the tea would aggravate the condition; peppermint has always been a well-known remedy for heartburn and indigestion, hasn't it. I'm happy to report that I took one Pepcid 2 tablet and the pain went completely within about 20 mins - so definitely one for your medecine cabinets. And I haven't had any trouble since. As I thought it was probably just my body getting used to solid food again.

You lot are wicked. Fancy encouraging me to wake John when he was soundly asleep. How could you!

I wasn't at work today and what with everyone talking about the new clothes they'd been buying I thought I'd take a trip to Matalan (not wanting to buy anything expensive as yet) but couldn't find anything I liked - either too casual, and I have plenty of casual for now, or too officey, and I wear a I uniform for work so no use to me. So onto Tesco. I tried on 2 dresses, size 16 - didn't fit. I was disappointed until I told myself that they were only £15 so I should expect them to be skimped. But it didn't help my self-esteem too much. I know! 2 months ago I was looking at 18/20s so I should be happy, but it just seemed to emphasise the problem I have with clothes shopping. I hate it!

I've had problems today with Elizabeth. She's been on at me for weeks about having her hair layered. It was blunt cut to about 3 or 4 inches below her shoulders and was fine as she was able to tie it back for school and karate. I didn't think a 12yr old would be able to cope with layers so I've been trying to hold out but she wore me down. I made the apointment with my hairdresser but asked to cut it so that E could still put it up. So she had it cut and blow-dried yesterday, was really happy with it and came home from school to say that her frinds liked it and even her geography teacher had commented and said how good her hair looked. All fine you would think. NO! She decided to put it in a ponytail and bring forward a thin section which would hang down the side of her face. Any of you with a teenage daughter will probably know what I mean. On doing so she found a few stray strands that were a little longer than the rest of the part brought forward. She got the kitchen scissors and said she wanted to cut them. I told her to leave it and to let me see, but what does Mummy know? She wanted to do it herself and wouldn't let me anywhere near. The next thing I know she came out to the kitchen to show me what she'd done. She'd blunt cut about a 1inch wide strand of hair to the top of her cheek! So there we are with a newly layered style, graduated around the face, with a 'step' up the side. I went mad! Screamed at her, called her 'a stupid child', I'm afraid to say, and told her to get out of my sight. Maybe a little over the top, but if I'm honest, I could have hit her - and that's not something I do. She's grounded now, no youth club this evening and no Disney Channel (until I say so....this could go on for some time). I was shaking with anger and I was upset; her hair looked so good and now I'll have to take her back to have it 'repaired'.

What I was really upset about was that this is the second time she has taken the scissors to her hair. When she was 10 she decided that her fringe was too long and thought she would cut it. She stopped when she was within 1cm of her hairline. It took months and months to grow out. She knew how angry I was and promised never to do anything like it again. Oh, yeah!

The joys of parenthood, Lesley!

Side effects of eating?

2007-04-18T17:40:00.000Z

Thank you Mrs for your comments. Yes, my eyes are clearing up nicely now that I'm off the packs. They just look slightly bruised now, and to be honest, it just looks as though I'm wearing a light brown eye-shadow. The red, dry itchy patches under my chin are taking longer to heal but as each day goes by it gets better. So all to the good.

Wouldn't you believe it, I think I've found a side effect to eating!!!. I woke up about 4.00am with a really awful indigestion type pain at the top of my stomach. I couldn't get back to sleep so got up to hunt for some antacids. Couldn't find them in the bathroom so thought they may have been in my bedside table drawer. So, rather than wake dear hubbie, I went searching with a torch - I'm sure he'd have nudged me awake if it was him looking, but there you go. Anyway, didn't find any so got up and made a peppermint tea and sat down in front of the telly (dozing). Went back to bed about 6.00am when John got up and he gave me a prescription drug the GP had given him for reflux. I didn't want to take it but I was desperate to get rid of the pain. It helped, but not much and I've had a rather uncomfortable day at work.

The pain in the middle of the night felt just like the pain after my hysterectomy when I had an obstructed bowel. But then I was on morphine to help - what I would have done for an intravenous drip last night! At that time I was on a drip for about 10 days, didn't eat a thing in that time and lost a stone. Great, but not the best way to lose weight.

It wasn't something I'd eaten as John and I had the same last night, so I think it's my digestive system reacting to the invasion of solid food after only having to cope with liquids for the last 7 or 8 weeks. So, be warned. Follow the maintenance plan to the letter.

I've been to the pharmacy and stocked up with antacids - so indigestion beware!

I shall get dehydrated.....

2007-04-17T18:21:00.000Z

If I'm not careful I'm going to get dehydrated again. I've been really busy at work and only managed to drink less than 1/2 litre of water all day. I'm at home now trying to sling it down my neck - and feeling rather sick. I'm no good at drinking lots of water - that's why it was so good when I went over to Cambridge as you don't need to drink so much on their diet.

Even though I felt rather down at only losing 3/4lb last week, the girls at work said straight away that the losses were really showing. I hadn't seen Angela for 2 weeks and she said that I looked obviouly slimmer - ooh, I dooo like that girl!

I read an atrticle about being in ketosis on the Internet and the chap was saying that because you lose body fat and not muscle tissue, as in low fat diets, then your body shape actually changes and becomes more toned. On low fat diets or calorie restricted diets you lose muscle tissue and your shape doesn't actually change -if you had a beer belly then you still have a beer belly, albeit a little smaller and if you have a big butt you will have a smaller big butt.

Maybe this is why the weightloss is noticable over the last week or so even though I haven't actualy lost a lot on the scales. As I said before, you don't carry the scales around to show off your losses, it's so much better to see your figure conform to the shape you want. I put a short-sleeved top on last Tuesday and it was a little snug around the arms (so I kept my jacket on). 7 days on, the same top is more roomy around the arms (and it has been washed, so not stretched through wear). So only 3/4lbs loss on the scales, but so much more in the body. This showed at the few weighins I had on the Cambridge Diet. Each week Jackie not only weighed me but measured the wasist - I was averaging 1-11/2ins per week. Definitely something I will keep in mind if the weightloss is slower dieting as I now am.

John's birthday today

2007-04-16T19:45:00.000Z

Elizabeth doesn't go back to school until tomorrow and it's John's birthday today so I decided to take them out for lunch - treat on me! We were going to drive out to the forest, park the car and walk throught the woods to the pub/restaurant but, all best laid plans and all that, we ended up driving direct to the pub. It's been some time since we've been there and it's changed hands. Much posher, with prices to match. You can always tell a place is going to be expensive just from the loos, can't you - you know, fancy sanitary ware and posh soap dipensers. But we had a lovely meal together and I even managed to low carb - didn't even have a taster of E's Chocolate Dirt Pie (mud pie to the rest of us) and drank fizzy water and black coffee. So good on me!

The music in the restaurant was really nice and laid back as well. I said to John it sounded as though they'd got hold of my ipod as most of the tracks they had on were on mine, or soon will be as I took a note of a few to download (sad, or what?)

After lunch we drove to the Hainault Country Park and had a nice wander around the children's farm and down to the lake. It was a beautiful day again and a real change for us to have an outing like this. We should do more of it.

The day didn't start off too well. I stood by my pledge not to weigh myself over the week so it was onto the scales directly I got up this morning (saying a little prayer that I wouldn't have gained as I've been totally off the packs since last Wednesday). Well, I didn't gain, but I've only lost 3/4lb and feel rather miffed that although I've keept to low-carbing, not cheated at all, carried on drinking the water, the loss is so low. I did a wee test which shows that I'm still in ketosis and that I'm doing much better on the dehydration front. The only thing I can think of is that because I haven't eaten anything solid whilst on LighterLife or Cambridge my body is just adjusting to the foods I'm now having. As the test shows that I'm still in ketosis, I'm hoping that next week things will even out and a loss will show. Anyone who has any experience of this, please advise......

It could be Summer...

2007-04-15T17:44:00.000Z

What a lovely day it's been today. I've been out in the garden trying to make some sense of the wilderness out there. Well. I exaggerate with wilderness slightly, but there's quite a bit of work to be done and it's not to easy with John's back problems hence me doing the work. When he went to the hospital last week the consultant said he may need an operation. We'll find out next week when we go back for the results of his MRI scan.

So I've been in the garden most of the afternoon cutting shrubs. I like a nice garden but there's no way I'm a gardener. We've been in this house for 25 years now and early on when we did the garden we filled it with shrubs as they don't require a lot of care and mean that we don't have to weed all the time. This is true, but shrubs grow; and some of them have become a little out of hand. It's the same every Spring. I can see what needs doing but, of course, the shrubs are all coming into spring bloom and you can't cut many of them back at that time. I'm afraid I'm a fair weather gardener and don't get out there when it's cold and wet and probably the best time to do the housekeeping. They are all beginning to bloom now and the smell of the lilac will be absolutley beautiful in a week or so. The clematis is already in bloom and looks lovely winding its way through the other shrubs. The Mexican Orange Blossom will be next follwed by the hypericum. It's just a pity they've all got so big.

We were talking the other day and said we may employ a gardener, especially if John's back problem can't be sorted easily. We used to have someone in a few years back but then decided to go it alone. Maybe I'll phone round a few places during the week.

Onto diet matters: going along OK. We went to Mass yesterday evening instead of this morning so treated ourselves to a cooked breakfast at home - one of the benfits of low-carbing. Lizzie enjoyed helping, laid the table and made us sit down so that she could serve us. She's a lovely girl...at times. I can't believe that I could actually eat what I did and still be in ketosis (I hope I am). My sister came over this afternoon - she wasn't able to get any ketostix from the hospital for me yesterday, but maybe when she's in next time.

It's noticing.....

2007-04-14T14:38:00.001Z

Just had to type a quick entry......

I haven't been into my Saturday Branch for 2 weeks, 'cos of my eyes last week, and of course they haven't seen me in full uniform ('cos it didn't fit until this week!); and was the weightloss noticed! Heehee! Yippee! Even Kom who's only a young lad (I could probably be his grannie at a stretch) said, "Looking good, Chrissie!"

Am I feeling chuffed? You're darn right I am!

Nearly lost my jeans!!!!

2007-04-13T19:05:00.000Z

John's had a few days off this week and as it's half-term he had made overtures about going away for a few days. I wasn't too keen - therefore, no holiday. I didn't really fancy going anywhere when I was still trying to get into a new eating regime: and also I'd rather save the money for a summer break. So Wednesday we pottered about indoors and the yesterday we went to Lakeside, our local shopping centre. I wouldn't even look at clothes yet. I just don't want to buy anything new until I really have nothing else to wear (unless it's for something special, that is). So I treated myself to a new foundation from Virgin Vie and a lovely silver heart charm necklace from M&S - much better than a box of Thorntons!

Today, John and Elizabeth wanted to go down to Southend. It's only about 40 mins away on the train but I hate the place - a poor man's Blackpool, if you can have such a place. I decided to stay home and off they went about midday. I stuck some washing in the machine and had just put the kettle on for a cup of coffee when guilt set in and I thought I should have shown willing and gone with them. I rang John straight away and they had only just bought their train tickets so I said wait for me and I'd join them (when I got to the station John said E's eyes had lit up when he told her I was coming so I supose my guilt was well-placed). As it turned out, I really enjoyed the afternoon. We walked through the high street shops and then down to the front. E was eager to go to the amusements (which I can't stand) but we said we'd go for some lunch first and then for a walk before we went to the arcades. It was a lovely warm day and you could easily forget that we were still not halfway through April. We played a round of crazy golf, which John only just beat us at and then they both had an ice-cream whilst I had a peppermint tea. A half-hour or so in the amusements and then it was a walk back to the station and the slow train home. I even made the comment to J that I was enjoying the train journey as we normally go everywhere by car and I'm the driver - it made a change to be able to sit back and relax.

The only problem with day, but it was funy really, was that I was walking around all afternoon yanking my jeans up every few minutes. I'd found the jeans in the wardrobe this morning, put them on, and even though they were loose, they weren't as loose as my others. Not thinking when I decided to join the family at the station I just slipped on my jacket and left the house. It wasn't until I was running for the bus that I realised my jeans weren't staying up very well. By the time I got on the bus I was in danger of losing them completely and letting everyone on board into the secret of my underwear........

Still in ketosis - hooray!

2007-04-12T21:39:00.000Z

Heather gave me a couple of ketosis sticks last Sunday. I was a little nervous about using them as I was afraid I wouldn't be in ketosis and that would mean I'd have to go along the old tried, but not truly trusted, route to losing this weight. I plucked up courage to 'wee on the stick' though this morning and am happy to report that I'm still in ketosis. I thought I must be as I've not been hungry, but it's the old lack of confidence rearing it's ugly head again that held me back. It's great to be in ketosis, but the reading did show that I'm quite dehydrated so it's back to knocking back 3-4 litres of water again, I suppose. Ugh! I'd got used to not having to drink so much on Cambridge but I must say it's a lot easier to drink in quantity than when I first started LighterLife. I'm sure everyone else feels the same.

The diet I'm following at the moment is based on the initial foods allowed once we start eating food on the Maintenance programmes in both LighterLife and Cambridge - protein (chicken, fish, cottage cheese, tofu, lean meats), salad leaves, green vegetables. I'm keeping the Atkins Diet in mind but avoiding any of the high fats eg. butter or cream.

I'm not eating any processed foods at all. Only drinking water, black decaf coffee and the odd peppermint tea.

Things are going well at the moment and long may it continue. I haven't weighed myself since Monday which is a little funny really as when I was on the CD or LL I was on the scales each morning without fail. I think that's because when I was on the packs I knew I was going to lose weight, I wasn't going to gain, and it was just a bit of a boost to see the scales change every few days. And the days they didn't change, that wasn't a problem as I knew it would happen, probably the following day. It was like a 'game' watching the change. But now, my weightloss is in my own hands - that's a lot more worrying. I don't want to take the chance of jumping on the scales and finding a gain one day or several days where there would be no change. That's the road to DISASTER!

I shall just continue as I have been over the last week. Night all!

Good, and Bad Days

2007-04-11T13:08:00.000Z

Easter came and went with not much happening on this front. Mum stayed for the weekend and Janice, my sister came for Sunday lunch as her husband was working.

There were eggs in abundance but I wasn't tempted; and I even supervised Elizabeth whilst she made her long-awaited chocolate cake. She was a little upset that I didn't want a slice that evening so I had a small nibble just to keep her happy. It's funny, but yesterday evening I would have killed for some of that cake. There was still some left so I had a mouthful and that really put the chocolate demons to bed. It was just a taster but that was all I needed (and when I say 'needed' I mean 'needed' - just like a fix). When I was doing Slimming World the others in the class couldn't believe that I could eat one square of chocolate and that would be sufficient. It wouldn't be if I wasn't on a diet - then I wouldn't stop until the whole bar or box had gone, but if the mindset is there I can do it.

I had a surprise telephone call on Saturday evening from Heather, my LighterLife counsellor to say that she has still be reading my blog each day and had seen the photos of my eyes. She suggested I pop along to her office for a chat. So I went along on Sunday and we had a great chat, but I did realise what I was missing by not being at the sessions. Heather was very kind and said she would like to help me with my management and gave me a copy of the Blue Management Handbook and recipe books and the motivational CDs. This will all come to you in due course, girls, so I won't go into any details as it will be better to come as a surprise, but, very interesting! (NB: although 2 CDCs told me that Cambridge make the LighterLife packs, Heather told me that they no longer do - I just wanted to clarify that).

I was at work yesterday: and were we busy. We opened at 9.30 and had queues to the door all day long until we closed at 5.00. Was I exhausted when I got home! I'm not used to working all day any more. My boss was astounded with the change in me. I hadn't had my uniform on for a week and a half and in that time my body shape seems to have altered. When I ordered my uniform back at the beginning of last year I ordered size 16 as that's what I'd ordered for the new set 2 years before that (which was rather tight on me by then). I was in denial about the amount of weight I was gaining and also thought I would slim into it. -Heh! Grow out of it more's the case! I don't have an extensive uniform as I'm only contracted to work Saturdays but they gave me an allowance for a couple of extra tops because I often work during the week. Well, you've guessed it, I've never been able to wear one of the skirts or the jacket, and in fact I gave the skirt away to a colleague and purchased an elasticated one from BonMarche. Why I didn't just buy exchange the uniform skirt for a larger size, I don't know....that denial thing, eh? I'll admit now that I was an 18 to a small 20 by the time I started LighterLife - no way was a size 16 going to go anywhere near!

Surprise! Surprise! - the jacket fits, the skirt fits, some of the tops are getting too big!!!!!

Never have I been so chuffed to have to go and spend money on work clothes.

One customer (who I admit isn't quite fully 'there') asked if I was new to the Branch, and another said he nearly didn't recognise me and how different I looked in my uniform. Oh, the things we have to put up with on this diet lark......

Sorry, went on a bit didn't I?

I popped over to my friend Lisa's earlier today and sat with her daughter, another Christine, while she's in her first stages of labour. So another bundle of joy to cuddle -very soon.

The title of this post also says 'Bad Days'. Well today is a bad day. I don't exactly know why, but I'm feeling rather down at the moment. Lots of reasons, not all to do with diet, but it's not the best of days. I don't know what I want, but I want 'something', I just don't know what it is, or where to find it. I'm feeling let down, but not by anyone or anything in particular. I want to go and eat a nice meal in a nice restaurant, but I know I'd feel bad about it tomorrow. I'm tired!

.......a couple of hours later........ I'm actually feeling a little more positive. Liz is out swimming with a friend, John is cutting the grass (which I've been onto him about for ages - it's almost got to the point that if one of the cats walks down the garden you can only see the top of their tails. Well not really, but not far off). I've just sat here catching up on everyone's blogs and note that some of you others have had an off day or two - must be that something in the air again.

Oh, and I didn't say how much I lost when I weighed on Monday - another 3lbs (and that's with eating, but don't get rattled, girls. That wasn't eating much)

I've reconfigured my ticker to show a target weight of 10st 7lbs. At my height I'm begining to agree that the original 10st I set may be too low, and I feel much more motivated by a weight that I think will be easier to attain than a possible 'fail' weight. It's not so far to go either!

Thanks, Thanks and Thanks....

2007-04-07T11:23:00.001Z

Lesley, Cath and Melanie, thank you so much for your lovely comments. You don't realise how much you cheered me up with your support. I could have put pictures up earlier to show the state of me (if I got round to learning how to do it) but I wasn't in that safe place where I would be able to leave myself open to possible ridicule (altho' I should have known I would get nothing but sympathy from all my 'friends'). I wil admit as well that it has only got this bad since last Sunday: it definitely wasn't as widespread when I had the problem on LighterLife.

Anyway, I didn't go to work today and I've just told John I probably won't go to Church in the morning. He wasn't too keen on that - he's a bit 'victorian' on attendance, particularly where Lizzie's concerned. He said I could just put some makeup on! Oh, yeah!! I think he just wants a lift there and back - well I can do that, but I'm NOT going in - I couldn't take it.

Today I've carried on drinking the water but I think I'll have to cut back a bit. Yesterday I drank my normal 2 to 3 litres and I lost count of the number of times I got up to go to the loo last night. It doesn't make sense, I hardly got up in the night when on the packs properly - maybe once a night.

It's funny, but I actually feel as though I've got a little more energy today. I really didn't feel the energy boost whilst doing the diet. I couldn't work out where you were all getting your vim from - Lesley with her runs over the hills, Mel on treks with Jacob, Cath at the gym, Claire with the salsa classes, Wendy out with the dogs. I could just about go to work and come home again in the evening. John said I should have a go at my DVDs (and I've got quite a few) which this time last year I was going at everyday (you can see they worked! - not!) but I just didn't have the moivation, let alone the energy. I've even got a step machine with resistance bands sitting in the corner of the living room which I couldn't be bothered to move to the centre of the room. This diet must have really sapped my strength. Well, I'm beginning to feel more able - so you never know, that stepper may get moved to the middle of the room....lol

Got the photos on at last! But they'll frighten you!!

2007-04-06T16:45:00.001Z

At last! I've managed to get the photos on. It's taken a time and when I eventually sat down with John to do them, it was me who sorted it out!!

The first two were taken on 13th February, when I'd lost 7lbs after my first week on LIghterLife. I weighed in at 14st 11lbs whenI started - so that's me at 14st 4lbs...

The bottom two were taken on 2nd April after my weighin at 12st 9lbs. So that's 30lbs off!!!
I have been beginning to not feel the loss. Do you remember the early days when nearly every pound you lost, you could actually 'feel' it gone?
Well, I haven't been feeling that lately, but seeing the photos together, I can see the difference. And it really is worth going on.......

Not the most flattering of tops, though. I think that's one for the charity box!

And you can just see the state of the eyes - they started getting inflamed again on Satuday, 31st March.

Well here are the eyes in all their glory. I've come to the end of the road, I'm afraid. That's the reason I haven't posted since Tuesday, altho' I've looked at everyone else's blogs and commented on them. As you can imagine, I'm in quite a lot of discomfort -not pain exactly, just itchiness and a burning tenderness. They are a lot worse than when I stopped Lighterlife. I really don't know how I managed to do 3 weeks of Cambridge and get away with it so long. Different make up of the packs maybe? (Although Cambridge make the packs for Lighterlife, so?)

As you can see the redness is also starting around my mouth and there's a nasty patch beneath my chin that can just be seen in the photo.

Yesterday I started taking a Zirtek tablet (for allergies and hayfever). It's a one a day. The swelling has gone down slightly but they're sytill so red and dry. I got up the other morning and my eyes would have looked better on an elephant or a rhino!. If they are no better in the morning I might take a walk down to the minor injuries or go to the hospital where my sister works in A&E (at least I'd get seen quicker)

I'm due at work tomorrow , but I'm calling in sick in the morning. If they don't like it they can take it as holiday leave. My dignity doesn't allow me to face the public looking like this. So how come I put it on here then?.......... We're all in this together. We share our highs and our lows. And won't I have a good picture to put up in the future!

I assure you I am NOT as UGLY as these pictures make out. I DO scrub up well for work and going out. But if they decided to make a UK version of Ugly Betty I'll be first in line for the auditions...lol.....they can call it Ugy Chrissie!

So...I'm off the packs. That's the reason I didn't post. I needed to get my head around it. But I've decided to continue. I shall be following a healthy eating plan from now on. I am still in ketosis at the moment, I think ('cos I'm not hungry). I'm still drinking the water and not taking milk in my coffee. I'm gradually introducing protein and certain vegetables, as per the Cambridge booklet. And I think I'll give my LighterLife counsellor a ring to get hold of a copy of the Maintenance Handbook - she said I could have a copy. I know I'll soon be out of ketosis, but hopefully, there won't be a dramtic weightgain from the glygogen levels suddenly going up.

MEL: I'M GOING TO NEED SOME HEALTHY MEAL ADVICE!!!!!

Did anyone see the diet campaign they did on 'Richard and Judy'? A number of families followed Ian Marber's Food Doctor plan and the weightlosses were quite impressive. Well, I've sent off for the books (through Amazon - a lot cheaper than through the tv prog) and that should keep me on track.

I shall keep up this blog, watch what everyone else is doing, and still follow my Foundation book (did you hear that, Lesley - still need your navel gazing!). I WILL GET THERE - SLOWER!!!

I finished a business mentorship programme last month and we had a motto:

"you're closer now than you've ever been"

HOW TRUE!!!

Happy Easter to all..........

Onwards......

2007-04-03T08:55:00.000Z

What would I do without your support, girls?

I went for my weighin yesterday evening and another 4lbs. So that's 30lbs in 8 weeks (less 12 days). I don't need to reiterate why I don't want to give up on this. I was 14st 11lb two months ago and now I'm 12st 9lb.

There's no way I could lose this amount of weight on Slimming World or WeightWatchers. If I was a stone lighter I would probably (?) decide to give up Cambridge and try the more 'accepted' route. But I'm not in that safe place yet - as they say on LighterLife. As I said on my very first post, I know a lot of others have a much longer journey than me to reach their goals but it's all relevant to the individual and we all have our own demons to vanquish. So I will continue on Cambridge for as long as I can (it might mean hiding indoors so I don't frighten the natives though).

All but 2 of my packs are lactose free this week. I've bought 2 bars to try and I'll let you know what they taste like as they're supposed to be nicer than the LighterLife ones (more of a real chocolate taste apparently). I'll see how things go this week.

The redness and swelling is going to take a few days to go down as it did last time and I'm supposed to be at work on Thursday. I'll have to see how things are tomorrow and ring in if I don't think I'll be in a fit state to work in the front office. I wouldn't mind so much if I could hide in the back but the job isn't like that anymore - it's all customer-based.

As I said yesterday, I had to take John for a hospital appointment in the evening. He doesn't drive so I had to go with him. He wouldn't let me wait in the car so in I went with my head down. It didn't feel right because I'm normally a head up type of girl and I didn't feel true to myself (if you can understand that). I sat myself down with a book and let my hair fall forward whereas normally that would have bugged me and I'd be pushing it back out of the way. John went in for his appointment and where I was sitting I had my back to a large part of the waiting-room. When he came out he tapped me on the shoulder to say that he needed to go to x-ray. I got up to follow (head down of course) and suddenly I heard, "Christine!". I could have died! All the years we have been backwards and forwards to this hospital I have never seen anyone I know, why today of all days? I wouldn't mind, I couldn't even remember her name - I haven't seen her for years. I could remember where she lived and her children but not her name (Clare - I remembered when I went to bed), so there I was trying to hold a quick conversation with a complex and a bad memory!!!...lol.

I have another trial today. It's my sister's birthday and we're going to lunch at a local restaurant. So I'm just off upstairs to see what I can do with the war-paint and then I'll go along with a mushroom soup and ask if they can make that up for me. If not, then I'll have a bar which I shall take with 3 lactase enzyme capsules. A bottle of sparkiling water with St Clements and I'll be away. And hopefully the baby will be there so I can have a long cuddle while eveyone else is tucking in.

I'm not sure what to do now

2007-04-02T09:29:00.000Z

Thanks Wendy, Sam, Cath and Sarah for your sympathetic comments. I must say I am feeling a little down this morning. Mum stayed the weekend and she gave me a little cuddle this morning and of course a few tears came. It stung! My left eye was actually almost closed when I woke up (!?). It's a good thing I'm not at work. I would definitely have frightened the customers away.

I wouldn't mind but I'm not an allergic type person. If this was my sister I could almost believe it as she's allergic to elastoplasts and her son suffers from hayfever. But me? Not a jot of an allergy (unless you count amoxycillin and septrin - antibiotics).

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm due to go for my weighin this evening. It's not as though I can get any help from the counsellor after all she's only 'one of us' who's now selling the stuff to other like-minded dieters. If I spoke to Cambridge HO they would probably only recommend that I came off the programme. Shall I go along to my CDC and try to get as many lactose free packs as I can? Shall I stop the diet for another week or so and restart again once the eyes have gone down? It makes no sense - I've had no problems with my bowels and GI tract. I've had no stomach cramps, diarrohea or constipation. I've had a little bloating, but that's something I've put up with for years so that seems the norm to me. Have I been misdiagnosing myself and it's not actually lactose intolerance at all? Could it be a reaction to the inulin? I only latched onto lactose because my doctor thought I had an intolerance to it a few years back (but I love a glass of cold milk and I can eat any foods with milk in it). Of course, I have always had a problem with my bowels. And then the US website I found gave a symptom of "black eyes" - swollen, bruised red eys....well that's me. But I haven't any of the other GI symptoms connected with lactose intolerance any more. In fact, my loo problems have more or less cleared up while on LL and CD ('praise be the lord!').

I'm going on a bit here, aren't I? It's just all the thoughts in my head going round and round and round. Now, if I was taking a recreational drug or those awful slimming tablets that we've probably all tried at some time in maybe the long distant past I could understand having side effects. BUT, NO! I'm using a diet programme that many doctors and dieticians swear by to help people who have a lot of weight to lose. Why is it that my body's letting me down? It lets me down by getting way too overweight and then it lets me down when I try to do something about it. If it wasn't that I had to live in my body......well I don't know what I'd do.

Well, I've got my frustrations out on paper (not exactly on paper, but you know what I mean) and I can't say I feel better, but I feel a little more......less seething. I was about to cancel this as it is rather rambling and, agressive, I suppose, but I've published it anyway as it is how I'm feeling today and that was the whole point in keeping a web diary in the first place - to keep a record of how my journey to lose weight progresses. That was before we all got together and became a group of 'friends' helping and supporting each other. So, if you've got this far, thank you for reading and I will cheer up soon, no matter what decision I make.

Have a good day everyone..........

It's getting worse.....

2007-04-01T15:47:00.000Z

The bad eyes are back with a vengeance. Mum's been really supportive over this diet, but she's begining to make overtures about maybe it's time I kicked it into touch. I don't want to!!! I want to lose weight!! But the skin around my eyes is very sore and horrendously red. It's a good thing I don't need to go out anywhere today as there's no way I could cover them up with make-up. The redness has actually spread further than when I was on LighterLife. Oh well, c'est la vie!

On Cambridge you only have 3 packs a day; I've only had one son far today and have taken 3 capsules with it. I'll continue taking 3 and see if it makes any difference and try to get as many lactose free packs as I can tomorrow evening.

After my weighin tomorrow I've got to run John to the Rodings (our local private hospital) for an appointment. I'd better stay in the car with a good book when we get there or they might keep me in ..lol

NB: I'm not laughing really. It's just that if I don't laugh, I'll cry...........

Oh no, not again!

2007-03-30T19:32:00.000Z

You won't believe it; I woke up this morning with red eyes and dry patches on my cheek and under my chin. Why me? I only want to lose weight. Even my body is trying to find ways to stop me.

I wasn't totally surprised, as yesterday evening the crease at the outer corners of my eyes was a little sore, and an area under my chin was itchy. It's my fault really, I suppose. I know I should be taking the lactose enzyme capsules - and I have, but because I wasn't having any reactions I cut the dose back to 1 before each meal pack. I've learnt my lesson now. I've upped them to 2 and I'll see how I go over the mext few days before I think of increasing the dose to even more. Serves me right for trying to save a little money, dosen't it (the capsules are £8.49 a bottle and contain 60). When I go for my weigh-in on Monday I think I'll buy a lot more lactose free packs, it's just I won't have so much choice - just vanilla, chocolate and mushroom.

On a nicer note. I made up the layette today and went of to my nephew's. They were both really impressed with the pressie, so much so that Lisa doesn't want to open it. She said I should set up a stall in the maternity hospital and sell them. She said I'd make a mint! I must say it did look really good. I managed to get hold of a smaller-sized wicker laundry basket in the 99p store of all places and then I bought some light blue tissue paper which I shredded and filled in the gaps around the products with. I'd also bought some clear cellophane from a florists and the florist made me up a blue bow. When made up, the basket looked really professional and would probably have cost a bomb from a specialist shop. I enjoy arts and crafts but haven't made time to do anything for ages and this pandered to my fancy and I really loved doing it - with the help of Elizabeth of course (she broke up from school yeasterday).

All or nothing....

2007-03-29T21:13:00.000Z

Just a quick one this evening - I want my bed! I'm tired this evening.

I'm a governor at 2 schools and I was out late last night at a full governing body meeting which started a lot later than it should have and went on a lot longer than it should have. And then this evening I've been to the other school to their Easter concert. I was there yesterday afternoon as well doing a staff vacancy interview. Why is it that everything comes at once - it's all or nothing sometimes - like when you're waiting ages for a bus and then 3 come along together.

Note to Mel: I went to Morrisons today on the way to work and stocked up with all the smellies and bits and peices for Charlie's layette. I found a big box which I'll decorate with baby paper. Hopefully it'll make a nice present and I'll just have to go over tomorrow to see the baby again....won't I? Thanks for your tips xx

Night, night all

2007-03-28T07:19:00.000Z

I haven't written for a few days. I really don't know where the time goes - and also I couldn't get onto the computer!!

Monday: very busy day at work and I felt a bit down again. What is it with this diet thing? Saturday was bad, Sunday was a good day, and here we go with a bad day on Monday again. I think it may be that when I'm working I'm not able to drink so much and that tends to make me tired and restless. And then I also tend to get a nasty metallic taste in the mouth (which I suppose also means the diet's working and I'm well into ketosis). Cheered up in the evening though when I went to my Cambridge Diet counsellor - I'd lost another 4lbs! That's 26lbs altogether, and not bad in 6 weeks with a 12 day gap inbetween (which also meant I had to get back into ketosis again when I restarted). My weight was actually 2lbs heavier on the CDC scales, but I have decided to go with my scales as they were in line with the LighterLife scales and I feel 'cheated' of 2lbs - silly, I know, but it helps the motivation and, to me, is a truer indication of the weightloss.

Tuesday: Oh, a much better day! We get so busy at work and get caught up in what we're doing individually that often we don't get time to catch up with each other. But today everyone seemed to notice the change in me - I've not been in this office since last Tuesday and a week is a long time on a VLCD! The compliments were flying - and I was lapping them up. Isn't it great when people notice the difference in you and are positive about what you're doing? It makes all the down days disappear into the ether.

I though I would put my ticker up to show my weightloss. I update it regularly on minimins but, 'cos these blogs take so much time reading, responding and writing, I hardly get time to post on minimins any longer. So I thought I'd use it here:

Yesterday evening we went to meet Charlie, my nephew's new baby (oh, that sounds much better than saying me great-nephew). He's gorgeous and was really cuddly, hmmmm..... I just need to find something to buy them. They said they didn't need any big things and just wanted lots of smellies etc....?????? Any ideas?

I'm writing mine first tonight

2007-03-25T19:41:00.000Z

As the title says, I'm writing my post tonight first before reading anyone else's. I probably won't read anyone else's tonight as I want to sit down and watch Northanger Abbey and it's on in 15 mins. Don't you find, though, that you want to find out how everyone's getting and then run out of time, or energy, to catch everyone else up with what you've been up to yourself? Or is that just me?

Well, I've had a momentous weekend. I became a great-aunt (eeh, ugh!!) yesterday evening (Sat 24th) to a little boy called Charlie - born @ 21.11, weighing 8lb - !'ve lost over 3 times his weight (hee, hee). We haven't seen him yet as we were out at John and my god-daughter's 5th birthday party today, but can't wait 'til Tuesday to go for a cuddle.

On the diet front: yesterday was a b awful day! I would have eaten absolutely anything that was put in front of me yesterday, edible or inedible. I was sooooo hungry. It was a hectic morning at work so I didn't actually have my first pack until 12.30 and had had trouble drinking 'cos I didn't want to keep popping off the counter to go to the loo. It just goes to prove - make sure you drink, drink and drink some more!

Today was a different day entirely. Normal, off to Mass and then to Tesco's. I wouldn't let John have breakfast this morning because Lizzie had stayed with Mum last night when we went to the theatre and I needed to pick her up to get to Louise's party. Wasn't I mean? But it did mean that we shot round Tesco in double-quick time, bought what was on my list and got out before it got busy. There weren't many people there actually - they probably hadn't put their clocks backl. Along with those who turned up to 9.00am Mass at 10.00am - there's some every year (snigger, snigger).

We got to the hall for Louise's party just as it was finishing up (wasn't that clever?) and in time to go back to the house for the family 'do' (she's my cousin Catherine's daughter). Catherine had laid on a buffet lunch for the family. Another gold star for me - I wasn't tempted; well I was, put I held out!! Everyone was really impressed with the diet and the weight I'd lost. Lovely! Felt good......

I can't stop reading all your blogs!!

2007-03-23T07:54:00.000Z

I didn't post yesterday because when I managed to sit down with the laptop I thought would check out everyone else's first. By the time I'd finshed reading and responding (and of course we must make sure we all keep in touch) I was ready for bed and all typed out. So just a quick catch up about yesterday.....

I went to a meeting yesterday. There was no point in taking the car as the meeting was at a hotel in the middle of a local town with no car parking so I decided to take the bus, well it was 2 buses each way, but I thought I would go for another gold star and walk the first and last routes. When I got off the other end it was also about a 10 min walk. So I clocked up 8800 steps yesterday in all. Yippee! Not the 10,000 I know, but more than the 4700 the day before and much more than the 2700 when I take the car to work and sit in an office all day.

Well, I'm not at work today. It's 8.00am and I'm just off out to meet my mates and walk with them on the school run (they still have children at primary) and then we'll go off to the cafe. I'm taking a breakfast shake with me and I shall have a black coffee to go with it. Won't that be virtuous while they're tucking into a fulll English. Hee, Hee, Hee.

Speak later, everyone. have a good day.

Oh, and I weighed myself this morning (on my scales admittedly, but they were only about half lb out to the Lighterlife scales, but 2lb to Cambridge) and I have moved into the next stone. Hoorah! That's, on my reckoning, 26lbs off. With a 12 day break in the middle! (jumping up and down and doing a jig)

What a week this is turning out to be....

2007-03-21T19:26:00.000Z

I went back to work on Monday after 2 and half weeks off (well I went back Saturday to my contracted office but Monday to the overtime office - confused? I'm only contracted to work Saturdays and work in various offices as a supply when and if I'm needed). Now you're totally confused, aren't you?

It's all happening. A chap who's only been with this particular office for about 4 weeks, altho' he's been with the Society for about 2 years, came in yesterday morning, typed a half line letter of resignation and left. We couldn't believe it. He'd decided he'd had enough because Nationwide wouldn't give him a £5000 salary increase (if only!) so he'd gone out, got another job, and was leaving. We were all gobsmacked. It sort of left us up the proverbial creek as we were already short-staffed (hence me being there) and even the manager was out at a meeting. We had to telephone her to break the news and she wasn't mightily pleased, as you can imagine.

Today rather than working at that office I've been at Barking (where I work Saturdays) as I had loads of tests to do. I passed! We-ll, I failed 2 but it looks like I didn't need to do them as they weren't within my remit; no wonder I didn't know all the answers!!

As the Branch is in my town I didn't need to use the car. So rather than catch the bus I plugged my ipod in and walked - well trotted a little as the wind was behind me! I'd put my LighterLife pedometer on and set it as I left the house. Considering my job is very sedentary I still managed to do 4,700 odd steps there and back. Not the 10,000 we should all be doing, but when I did the same test for the other branch a few weeks ago my step count was less than 2800 for the whole day!! That's the problem with needing to use a car for work.

If I'm going to be able to up these steps I'll really have to find ways of upping my chances of getting out walking. Not so easy when there's a family to take into account. And 3 nights a week I take Elizabeth out to karate or youth club. That's more trips in the car there and back - and my evenings monopolised.

One thing about the walk though was that it was a lot easier than it was back in January before I started this journey. I felt a lot lighter and fitter and I didn't get the pain in my chest that I have got on occasions when walking at a pace.

Just walking to work! Lesley makes me feel embarrassed. I wish I had her commitment to getting out for a run every day. And I wish I could swim. I've tried to learn a few times, all to no avail.

Another first when I got home.....I decided that I would cook this evening. I've been leaving it to John really since I started LighterLife but I just fancied cooking this evening. So, spag bol, cooked from scratch. I had to stop myself licking my fingers a couple of times, but that was from force of habit from a cook's point of view. Yes, I did quite fancy sitting down to a plateful but it was no real hardship that I couldn't. So, a gold star for me, I think.

John's Adsensed me!

2007-03-19T16:01:00.000Z

John decided to do a little experiment. He wanted to see what would happen if he put Google Adsense on my blog (why doesn't he start his own and try it there?). But he hasn't started his own so you'll notice there are a few of those little ads running down the side of mine now. We shall see what happens.......

I thought I would do my own experiment and see if I could actually manage to download some photos at last. I say at last, but I haven't really tried properly as I usually sit on the settee with the laptop to write my blog and all the photos are on the main PC. So here I am, on the 'big' computer. Let's see how things go.

If they come up, I hope you're not all too squeamish. I do not like my photo taken as it is NEVER flattering but as I know what some of you look like I thought I had better be brave. If they don't come up then you really won't know what I'm talking about. BUt here goes.......

Half an hour later....... forget all you've just read. I can't do it! How on earth do you manage to get all those lovely pictures on, Lesley? It all seemed gobbledegook to me. I shall ask the maestro when he gets in and we'll try again. But for the time being, I remain the 'mysterious woman'.

Food shopping nightmare!

2007-03-18T20:47:00.000Z

We have a routine on a Sunday; 9.00am Mass and then drive to Tesco's for breakfast and to do the weekly shop. Of course, I haven't been in to normal routine for the last couple of weeks and John has been doing the shopping in dribs and drabs on his way home from work. But, back to Tesco's this morning. I said I'd do the shopping whilst they had their breakfast, which didn't go down too well with John - he wanted me to sit with him and Lizzie for a chat. Huh! with the smell of bacon wafting around my nostrils - he must've been joking!

So off I went with the trolley. It's so weird shopping when you know you're not going to be eating any of it. Normally I don't buy much in the way of convenience foods but, honestly, I can't stand the thought of cooking every evening. I did a little before I was ill, but admittedly John has cooked mainly for him and Liz. He's not one for cooking from scratch, unless it's a bolognese or, his piece d'resistance, apple cake, so I swallowed my pride (well I'm not swallowing much else am I?) and bought a week's worth of ready meals.

I really don't like walking around the supermarket whilst on this diet. I wonder how others manage? Does everyone find it hard? I remember when I first started on Lighterlife it felt like torture, but it feels so much harder this time round. Everything does. I'm sure I'd have given up without this blog and the uplifting and inspirational comments from all my 'virtual friends' - you know who you are!

Day 1 on The Cambridge

2007-03-17T15:04:00.000Z

Well, I'm there. I finished my last LighterLife packs yesterday and it's straight onto the Cambridge today - so here we go again!

As you may remember, I restarted my remaining LL packs on Monday, but swallowed a couple of lactase enzyme capsules prior to each meal. It was great. I've had no reactions, ie. no bruised eyes or eczema patches - and (if you don't mind me being a little lavatorial) regular movements, which I didn't have before using the capsules. So, if any of you are suffering constipation......

I have a few lactose free Cambridge packs, but most of them are normal ones, so I'll carry on taking the capsules and hopefully I won't suffer any adverse effects on this Plan. Fingers-crossed, please.

It's a pity I couldn't continue on LL. I do miss the counselling side, and seeing the other girls in group each week. Never mind this will have to be my self-counselling platform. Listen, Lesley, you will have to continue with your ramblings about the TA/CBT topic each week in LL and I'll follow along in my Foundation book - OK?

I've not been to work since 28th Feb and returned this morning. Was a little put out that no-one mentioned I looked slimmer. I know we were busy, but they could have put themselves out, couldn't they? Afterwards I went toStead & Simpson and tried on a pair of shoes for work (the ones I have at the moment are courts and they're feeling a little loose and I'm afraid of walking out of them). When I looked in the mirror though I realised that I didn't look slim at all. My legs are still chunky around the calves. I hate shopping for clothes!!!!!!! And no wonder no mentioned how svelte I looked!

Hope everyone has a good weekend.............

Still easing off LL

2007-03-15T15:47:00.000Z

I went to meet my new Cambridge Diet Counsellor yesterday evening. It's a lot different to Lighterlife, much less formal I suppose. We met in her front room - I'm not too sure about that as I felt I was in the way of her husband. It's the way she's done things since she qualified as a CDC a year ago but I must say I wasn't quite comfortable. I don't want to be seen by the neighbours as one of the fat girls who walk up her path each week. I'm being stupid, I know. You don't have to tell me.

Considering I wasn't too keen on being in someone's home, we did get on fine and I was there for over an hour - chatty, or not?

I collected 21 sachets of food- on Cambridge, it's only 3 packs per day, not 4 as on LL. Price £32.55 instead of £66.00 as well!! I didn't manage to get all lactose free ones as she didn't have them instock but I shall try the other flavours and see how I get on taking a lactase enzyme capsule before each meal. I have been finishing my remaining LL packs and taking a capsule each time and haven't had any adverse effects, so hopefully I'll do OK on Cambridge.

When I spoke to Heather the other day she said that Lighterlife were going to be bringing out lactose intolerant packs in the summer and they may ask me to be a guinea pig for them, which would mean I wouldn't have to pay. As inticing as the thought of not paying for the packs is I don't want to wait until the summer. You never know, I may be very near target weight by then!

So, 2 more days of Lighterlife and then it's on to Cambridge.

Cheer me up someone, please. I'm getting bored of this now. Jacki, the CDC, weighed me last night and I'd only lost another 3lbs since I was last weighed at LL on 27th Feb. I reweighed myself when I got home and I showed another 2lbs off (my scales are only about 1/2lb out to Heather's LL ones so on LL I would have lost 5lbs) but it doesn't make me feel ecstatic. And I'm still trying to get back into ketosis - that b****y egg salad did it for me on Tuesday evening!!

Last Days on LighterLife

2007-03-13T22:22:00.000Z

Heather telephoned me this morning. She has had a long chat with LL medical department and they have told her that I am no longer allowed to continue on the Programme, even taking the lactose enzyme capsules. Blast! Blast! Blast! (I could think of worse things to say, but I'm a good girl!)

Apparently, Lighterlife will be introducing lactose free packs in the summer months - but that's not going to help me now, is it?

What now? Well my first thought was to finish the packs I still have left and my second was to decide what to do next? Obvious choice - try the Cambridge Diet. They actually have packs that are lactose free - but only 3 packs unfortunately - chocolate and vanilla shakes and only mushroom soup. But I don't suppose we're in this for the fantastic flavours, are we? It's all a means to an end.

So, I contacted a local Cambridge Diet Counsellor, and I have an appointment to meet her tomorrow evening. She won't be able to give me all lactose free packs tomorrow as she'll have to order them in for me so I shall contniue with the capsules until I get sorted.

I hope I'll be in ketosis by tomorrow, but I sabotaged myself this evening by eating a couple of hard-boiled eggs with a mixed salad. I was so hungry and I didn't think I would get to see a CDC until next Monday and I was trying to stretch the remaining LL packs out. Not a wise thing to do, I know, but I was desperate. It was only an hour or so later that the CDC phoned me so I needn't have eaten (I could have had a pack after all).

Oh well, a new path to follow on my journey. But I will get there - one way or another.....

And thanks for yesterday's comments, folks. It's so good to know someones out here taking an interest. Wendy, I forgot about healthydirect. My husband buys his glucosamine and chondroitin through them, I shall check them out. Keep up the good work, Tom

Day 34 - well, less the 8 days or so I was off the diet!!

2007-03-12T13:32:00.000Z

I started the LighterLife programme again this morning. I'm still not feeling too well, but at least I'm up and about now. Still feeling rather shaky so probably not the best time to restart a diet, but it's now, or maybe never.

I emailed Heather this morning to let her know I was restarting and to ask if it was Ok to rejoin the class tomorrow evening. I haven't had my 28 day blood pressure check of course, but I hope she will say 'yes'.

I decided to start with a 2 capsule dose of the lactase enzyme and hope that will be sufficient to keep the intolerance at bay. If I need to I will up it to 3 capsules. If I have to take more this diet is going to work out even more expensive than it already is (other than I don't have to buy any more food, I know). I bought the capsules from Holland and Barrett and they come in bottles of 60 at £8.49 per bottle. If I have to take 3 with each meal then a bottle will only last 5 days......aaagh! If anyone knows of a cheaper source, then please let me know.

I tell you, I'm weeing a lot again! Having previously done the diet for nearly 4 weeks the wee situation had settled down and my loo trips were almost back to normal, but starting from scratch, I'm back at going again every 20 mins or so. And of course, I need to get back into ketosis again - roll on the end of this week.

If you're of that bent, please say a little prayer, or two, for me to be able to continue with the diet this time......

I've been away too long!!!!

2007-03-10T16:43:00.000Z

Well, its, Sat 10th March (Happy Birthday, Carmel) and this is my first post since 28th Feb. I know I've been missed (thanks, Tom).

I've had a pretty nasty bout of flu. I did say, if you remember, that I didn't feel too well on my last post. That was an under-statement to say the least. I woke up the following morning and I could hardly see the eyelashes of my right eye. The eye was so purple-red and swollen and I have to admit that vanity prevented me from going to work that morning - there was no way my normal beauty routine(?) was going to cover that up!! By the afternoon I really began to feel unwell though. And I eventually took to my bed, not to venture downstairs again for about 4 days (and then for only a couple of hours at a time). I have felt really ill and still don't feel up to much even now. I'm coughing and choking for England even as I type.

During my illness I spoke to Heather, my LighterLife counsellor, and we came to the conclusion that I may well have had a reaction to the foodpacks and was suffering from a lactose intolerance and it would probably be better if I gave up on the diet. I was devastated and really upset but agreed that I had made a very good start and had had a considerable weightloss and would carry my journey on from here, but not with LL.

I am not one to give up to easily though, so I got on the internet a couple of days ago (even though I didn't feel well enough) and did some research on lactose intolerance. I think the homemade diagnosis is correct. I remember a previous GP doing a kinesiology test on me about 12 years ago and diagnosing a lactose intolerance, so that was a start. I have had problems with my bowels for about 20 years and even though I have had tests at hospital (including the worst thing I have ever been through in my life - a colonoscopy.....awake!) no conclusions were made. It has crossed my mind about whether I was lactose intolerant and now the problems with the foodpacks seem to make sense. One of the symptoms is "black eye" and another, a drippy nose. Well, I didn't actually tell you about that one, but everyday at work (when my head is down writing) my nose kept running - and this was some time before the flu came on. I didn't really think about, but when I read it as one of the symptoms, things fell into place. There were other symptoms that I have just got used to over the years to do with the intestinal tract that appear to have got better with the packs, but then again, not all symptoms of a condition are always present in every person, are they?

Lactose intolerance, albeit an upsetting condition, is not life threatening and can be easily controlled. Basically, it means that there is not enough of the lactase enzyme in my small intestine to digest the lactose sugar in my food. I did use lactase drops in my milk for a while 12 years ago, but with a young baby to care for and a diagnosed post-natal depression to get through, I just gave up on it and drank and ate milk products as normal. And would have carried on as so if it hadn't been for recent circumstances. I have decided, therefore, to contact Heather again to see if I can restart, for a trial period at any rate, but this time I will take a lactase enzyme capsule dose before consuming any of the foodpacks. I can only try it and see!

I shall keep you informed of what happens, but if I can't continue with LighterLife, I intend keeping this blog up as my weight is going to come off, one way or another.......

Day 22

2007-02-28T17:47:00.000Z

At times it seems ages and ages since I started this Programme and I can hardly remember eating a proper meal. But there we are, starting week 4 already - a fifth of the way through. I only need to do this 4 more times and I'm there!!

We went for our weigh-ins last night and another 3 lbs off. That's 14lbs in 3 weeks. That's one whole stone - yippee!

The TA was interesting. We did an exercise where we given scenario-type questions where we were to decide which ego-state we would be in if this particular event/circumstance was happening. Most of the time I followed, but I must say I do occasionally get confused with whether I'd be in parent or child ego-state. I'm Ok with adult - that's the reasoned and logical approach. And when we get to the sub ego-states, well, I'm well and truly lost. As I said on a previous post, I must do some reading...

I'm going to sign off now. I don't feel to well this evening. Just wanted to log my weightloss and say hello. Speak soon.

Day 19

2007-02-25T18:54:00.000Z

Both eyes are now affected. The outer corners of each eye are very sore and the patch below my chin has got rawer.

I follow the forums on www.minimins.com so I posted a thread asking if any other clients of LL had suffered from the same allergic reaction. Three girls wrote saying that they'd also either known someone with the problem or had suffered it themselves. I've decided to continue with the diet, for as long as I can though. I popped in to see my counsellor this afternoon and she said she'd give HO a ring to have a word with them about it. Anyway, I think I'll give my GP a ring tomorrow and get an appointment (don't know how long I'll have to wait for that though!).

I went a masqurade ball yesterday evening for work. I managed to cover my eyes Ok. I've found that a green powder base under my foundation works really well now that the dryness and swelling has gone down. Well no-one seemed to notice anything anyway. They were more interested in the weightloss that can already be seen (yippee!) and the fact that I sat at the dinner table drinking water and eating a toffee bar. We'd all chosen our meals weeks ago (prior to me joining LighterLife) and I'd actually chosen a healthy option - melon, salmon, and cheesecake (well maybe not the cheesecake). It looked gorgeous when it came out but, surprise surprise, I wasn't even tempted. The others on the table shared mine out between them and they just couldn't believe that I could sit there and not eat or drink the wine that was copiously flowing. Did I feel virtuous? You could say that!

Another good thing about last night - I don't have a hangover today. I don't know how many more can say that.

Day 17

2007-02-23T19:35:00.000Z

I telephoned LL HO this morning and spoke to a woman in the medical department. She hadn't heard of the eye/rash problem before so went off to speak to somebody. To cut a long story short, they thought it would be a good idea to come off the diet for a week to see if the problem clears up. Then when I go back on the diet, if the patches come up again I'll know that I'm allergic to something in the foodpacks.

But I don't want to come off the diet. 11lbs in 2 weeks, who wants to give up on that?

I've been home today so I've spent most of the day looking up 'rash' and 'lighterlife' on the internet. I saw a couple of references but couldn't make any sense out of the links - they all seemed to be in Yahoo answers and I couldn't find the proper pages. So, I went onto the LighterLife forum in www.minimins.com and posted on there, but with no answers or anyone else suffering the same.

I shall still leave off the raspbery shake though and see if that makes any difference. I can't give up now. I'm into the Programme now and I want it to work. I felt really down this morning but, having made the decision to continue, I feel a little more positive this evening. So long as the rash, or whatever it is, doesn't get any worse I will cope for a while longer. At any rate, hold out until I go to the doctor for the 4 week check.

My company have got their annual dinner-dance tomorrow evening. It's a masquerade ball. I shall have to make sure I wear plenty of make-up and a large mask.......heehee

Day 16

2007-02-22T16:51:00.000Z

Since Day 2 the lid of my right eye has had red patches on it (nice!). They look a little like eczema patches; I don't suffer from eczema. At first it was just a small patch and when it cleared I put it down to the body detoxing (although I had only been on the diet 1 day!). On the weekend the patches returned with a vengeance. They are bigger and rawer looking. I have been 'artfully' covering my eye with make-up for work but it still shows (from my perspective, anyway) as the eyelid is quite swollen. I didn't think it was worth making an appointment to see my doctor so yesterday afternoon I popped along to see my local pharmasist for his advice. Having told him that I wasn't using any new creams, soaps, detergents or make-up, I said the only difference in my life was the LighterLife Programme. He asked if I was allergic to any fruits (which I'm not) and said that his wife had been on the Programme and was unable to drink the raspberry shake as she came up in a rash. Aaahhh! I've bought 3 raspberry packs for this week, so I'm not going to use them and see if it clears up and if so, then maybe I'll have one as a test to see if the redness comes back - I tell you, I could do without this. But if it's not the raspberry, what next? Your guess is as good as mine.

I've left a message on Heather's answerphone to give me a ring. Maybe she can check with LL HO to see whether there have been any problems with other clients.

Other than the eye, everything else is going well. My work skirt, which I fully admit was very tight just over 2 weeks ago is now getting on the loose side - another 2 weeks and I'll have to invest in a new one. I'll need a whole new uniform soon. There goes some of my clothes expenses. Oh well, what's money, eh?

Day 14

2007-02-20T22:40:00.000Z

We had our third meeting this evening. I'd kept to my resolution not to weigh myself at home and was really nervous about being weighed. It's the old nerves we all get whenever we do an 'ordinary' diet, "Oh, please, let there be a loss." But of course with LighterLife, if you keep to the Programme, you will lose. It's just getting your mind around this. I lost 4lbs this week. But, my initial comment to Heather was, "Is that all!". After she stopped laughing I agreed that, Yes, I was pleased - that's 11lbs in 2 weeks! If this had been that 'ordinary' diet I would have been astounded and over the moon. It's amazing how easily we get into expecting so much more with LighterLife.

We started the Transactional Analysis side of the Programme this evening and spoke about the Parent, Adult, Child, egos we all have within us. I must try to make time to research the background of TA and CBT. Most of the girls joined in the discussions. I hope those who were a little less able to give input will come round and feel comfortable enough to speak in the coming weeks. I'm sure this will be the case. The group really seemed to have gelled tonight. The chatter and giggling going on whilst Heather was weighing everyone was so much more spontaneous this week. It was good to see.

I'm going to try the homework exercises this week, including the 'letter to myself'. I'm a little anxious about this one but I shall give it a go. If I have trouble with it though, I shall just return to it another time. I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Into week 3......

Day 11

2007-02-17T15:01:00.000Z

I feel really cold this afternoon. It's a mild day out. The temperature in the London area is supposed to go to about 14 degrees but I'm sitting in the living room in a cardigan and with the fire on. It was only yesterday evening that I had written in a forum that I hadn't experienced feeling cold at all. How easily was I deceiving myself!

I was at work this morning and all smiles because of the positive comments I was getting from my colleagues. Not only was the weight loss showing but Karen said I looked really fresh and alive. They haven't seen me for a week as I work in a different office on a Saturday to the ones I work in weekdays. I was asked how much I'd lost but could only say, "Well 7lbs up to last Tuesday, and that's just in one week".

I've forced myself not to get on the scales at home this week. I know if the weight loss has slowed down I will be disheartened so, "just for this week", I have decided to wait until I go for the weigh-in on Tuesday to find out how much I have lost. Even if it has slowed down I don't think I'll be that disappointed, because if people are noticing already, and I'm feeling slimmer, and my clothes are not so tight, it must be working.

John has decided that seeing as I am doing LighterLife he will try a little weightloss plan of his own. Well, I haven't exactly seen him cut down on anything much at home (other than he hasn't eaten the large bar of Galaxy in the fridge) but he told me yesterday evening that he has lost 4lbs. Blast him! He's still eating! I'm still cooking family meals - and they're fairly healthy, so how is he losing it? It can't just be the lack of Galaxy chocolate? The only thing I can think of - he's cut down at work. He works in a solicitors practise in the West End of London; there are plenty of little eateries where I know he picks lunch up every day (although I'm always telling him we'll never get rich by making all those places rich). He must be getting less from them, or making better choices. You never know, our bank balance might go up a little as well!

But I'll beat him in the end......hee,hee

Day 10

2007-02-16T18:38:00.000Z

Can you fall out of ketosis by eating builder's dirt? I certainly hope not. But that's all I was eating yesterday. I went to work Thursday; my office is being refubished and the builders have been in for about 3 weeks. I got home from work in the evening and my teeth felt really gritty. I sure didn't have any trouble drinking all the water though. I'm sure the builders must think I have a bladder problem. If I wasn't almost climbing over them every 20 mins or so to get to the loo, I was asking one of them to wait outside while I went (he was in the ladies fitting the electrics and extractor fan - and we have no gents I could have used in desperation as they have taken that out!!).

I thought I would wear my pedometer to work. I didn't do too well with it though. I only clocked up 1791 steps from the moment I got in the car to go to work to when I came home - and that was with all the loo breaks too! (NB. I'm not being lazy taking the car to work, it's a 19 mile round trip, with no easy public transport links)

So, when we went to Ikea today I thought I would give the pedometer another try, after all I had to beat yesteday's count, didn't I? Well, NO! The flipping pedometer wasn't working properly, was it. It showed I'd only walked 87 steps by 1.00 pm, and that was since I'd got up this morning. There's no way you can walk less than 5 miles around Ikea, just trying to find your way out (hee,hee). I'm wondering ,though, whether the pedometer broke when it flew away from me this morning as I was trying to attach it to my jeans. It landed on a leather sofa. I wouldn't have thought that was enough to break it but I'll take it to the meeting on Tuesday, it could be faulty.

John and Elizabeth wanted to have a lunch of meatballs whilst we were in Ikea (I think that's probably the main reason we went). So we queued for 10 days to get served and then trekked 5 miles to find a table, just for me to sit with a black coffee and the obligatoty bottle of water. But, do you know what, I didn't even mind. I wasn't hungry and even the smell of the food didn't phase me at all. RE-SULT!

I do feel a little peckish this evening though. It's gone off a bit as I've just had a caramel shake as I type this, but I think the hunger pangs are because I'm rather behind on the water today- it's 7.00pm and I've only drank 2 litres. This could also account for why I felt a little queasy and lightheaded in Ikea. I must be sure in future to keep the water coming more regularly.

John and I are off to the Queen's Theatre tomorrow evening. How on earth am I going to be able to sit in the middle of a row for an hour? I'll have to keep my legs well and truly crossed.

We always treat ourselves to a Magnum in the interval. Missing that will be another test of willpower - but I shall hold out. I am sure.........

Day 8

2007-02-14T16:25:00.000Z

How can you feel disappointed with a 7lb weight loss? That's what I'd lost by last night's first official weigh-in. If it had been any other diet than LighterLife I would have been shouting it from the rooftops. Of course I'm delighted, it's just that after losing 6lbs by Sunday, I had hoped for a little more. I don't believe I'm actually thinking that though. 7lbs is absolutely b****y fantastic and well on track for a stone lose within the next 3 weeks - I should be ashamed of myself!!!

But I'm not ashamed, actually, I'm quitely chuffed with myself. At last I'm taking control. I'm committed to this Programme now and we haven't even started the CBT and TA work yet. (CBT = Cognitive Behavoural Therapy and TA = Tansactional Analysis). I'm rather looking forward to the coming sessions. Five years ago I completed a Basic Counselling Skills course at adult education classes. I really enjoyed the course and would like to have taken it further but I was going through a period of, undiagnosed at the time, depression that was made worse by a recent hysterectomy and the death of my Dad. It will be very interesting to see the counselling sessions in action and be part of the process. I can't wait. I shall say more about the counselling as we go along, without giving any pertinent information as anything said in group is completely confidential and for the group only.

As it's half-term I was really worried how I would cope with Elizabeth at home. She has this habit of saying, "Mum, I'm hu-nnnnngryyy" in a long whiney voice and I'm supposed to just magic something up within 2 minutes. I'm not Nigella Lawson, I'm afraid, so don't have a well-stocked cupboard of healthy foods that would appeal to 12-year olds. But so far she's been fine. This morning she went into the kitchen to prepare beans on toast for herself - never been known. So, I'm sorry, Lizzie, I should have had more faith in you. She wasn't too keen on me starting the LighterLife Programme as she thought I would die not eating, but she has become very supportive over the last week and is showing a good maturity towards what I am doing.

This morning we went over to my friend Lisa. Lisa has lived with my ups and downs in both moods and weights over the last 9 years we have known each other. She says my weightloss is noticing already and my skin is looking really good and clear. Oooh, I always knew she was my BESTEST friend! I could eat her! (but I'm off food, aren't I?). She even started looking LighterLife up on the Internet herself.

All-in-all, not a bad day. And a card from John this morning, with a little rhyme - "roses are red, violets are green (?), loves you if you're cuddly, loves you when your'e thin" aah, bless him!

Day 7

2007-02-13T16:05:00.000Z

Nearly a week. It's been a long week but worth it. I'm off to the first weeks weigh-in this evening. I wonder how much more weight I've lost sinceSunday?

Elizabeth's on half-term this week and she wanted to go to Lakeside (our local shopping centre) to get some shoes. So off we went but we only stayed 2 hours and in that time I had to find 2 toilets. We would normally have a lunch out, probably only a sandwich or baggette in a cafe but, of course I couldn't, so Lizzie had a sandwich and Ribena from Boots and we sat outside on a bench, her eating her sandwich and me drinking my obligatory bottle of water. I did miss my cappuccino.

I must ask Heather how others cope with going out. When you have so much water to drink over the course of the day it's very awkward when you're out and about. I took a 50cl bottle with me and then bought another from Boots. I wonder how people manage doing this diet when they're out all the time?

I don't normally like shopping too much - unless it's for shoes. I have small feet (4 - 41/2) so it's easy getting shoes that fit. But clothes are different - I hate shopping for clothes. And looking for something in particular, like a wedding outfit, is horrendous. I did glance at things as I passed them today though, and thought, "not long now". The only thing is, I don't know what suits me anymore. For the last 10 years or so I have worn a lot of clothes by Weekenders, a ladies direct sales company, who up until last summer I was a representative for. The clothes can be quite smart and can all be co-ordinated well, but they all have soft or elasticated waists so are very forgiving of the larger figure. I still wear their clothes now and will continue to when I have lost my weight but I would like to find other clothes to wear as well, and to be honest I don't know where to start. Maybe it will be something we discuss in the meetings. I can't be the only one who doesn't know where to start.

I had a shock whilst I was out. Although it shouldn't really have been a shock. It was on my second toilet visit. I had just washed my hands and turned to look for a drier when I noticed my sideways reflection in a long mirror. Slump! My self-confidence hit the floor. It's always a shock when I see my reflection. And it always upsets me. That's one of the reasons I won't go clothes shopping - the trying on and the mirrors. And the fact that I tell John (when he says why don't I go treat myself) that I will do so when I've lost weight. It doesn't help when he says, "you've been saying that for years". So the boost I got from losing the 6lbs by Sunday needs reinforcing tonight definitely.

I have an extra incentive to lose the weight as well. I've got John to sponsor me. He said he'd do £1 a lb, I said £5, he said £2.50 and I said "Done!". And he has been, 'cos I'll get more out of him for every stone I lose as well, he just doesn't know that yet....hee,hee,hee!

Will speak later....bye

Day 5

2007-02-11T14:38:00.000Z

I've just got home from my first pop-in session. My ketones were in the perfect place and I've also managed to lose 6lbs in weight!!!!!! I can't believe it. I feel really boosted. Really ready for the week ahead.

Not quite how I felt earlier this morning, though. As most, we have a routine for Sundays. We go to Mass at 9.00am and then drive to Tesco, have breakfast and then do the weekly shop. Even though I had become a little tearful Friday evening, this morning was worse. I wasn't really hungry, but to see everyone tucking into breakfast and me not even being able to have a 'proper' cup of tea, was hard. But not as hard as walking around the shop. I have a probem with shopping when there are a lot of people around; I tend to get rather claustrophobic. And this morning I think the whole of Barking had come out to see how I would cope shopping when I knew I couldn't eat any of it. I wasn't interested in any of the 'rubbish' food, but I would almost have killed for an apple or a nice piece of fish. As I said, I wasn't hungry, it was the mental deprivation that was doing for me.

I therefore went to the LighterLife office this afternoon with rather a heavy heart. But once I walked in and saw Heather and the other girls that were there my mood began to change. Once I'd done my little wee (which is absolutley no problem to do at the moment - I could wee for England!) and that had shown that I was in ketosis and then was weighed, I could feel the tears welling up again. But these were tears of happiness, not frustration or fear of failure as they had been on Friday. I'm quite an emotional person and, embarrassingly for me, my emotions always show through my tearducts.

I had absolutley no problems, therefore, when I got home sitting drinking my vegetable soup(my favourite) whilst John, Elizabeth and Mum (who cooked) sat eating roast pork and all the trimmings.

Long may this feeling continue.........

Day 4

2007-02-10T17:18:00.000Z

Before I write anymore I'd like to say sorry for the typos on yesterday's post. I really must brush up on my typing skills...

Also, my spelling....councellor is spelt counsellor!!!

Well, I'm getting through Day 4 Ok, but it is still a trial drinking the water. You see I don't really like water very much - unless it's a hot day. It will be better once get the LL flavourings. I tried both at the first meeting last Tuesday. They are Fruits of the Forest and Citrus and were both quite pleasant - definitely better than plain water. The flavourings also contain fibre, so you at least get some extra goodness from them.

I was working this morning and John phoned my mobile just before I left te office at 12.30 to say that he would meet me in the usual place. Thanks! I thought. Our normal routine of a Saturday is for him and our daughter to meet me in a local cafe for lunch after I finish work and he has picked Elizabeth (our daughter) up from her karate class. Just what I didn't want to do. But I thought if I can cope with this only 4 days in and avoid temptation then it bodes well for the next 95 days. Well, give me a medal! I sat there with a black coffee and my bottle of water while they both ate their lunches and I wasn't too worried either. After lunch we walked around the shops for a while but I began to feel a little queasy. By the time we got home it was gone 3pm, I hadn't had a foodpack since 8.15 and my water had run out about an hour and a half before. Once we got indoors and I had had my soup, I felt much better. I shall need to be careful in future and make sure if I can't have a foodpack, I at least have water available.

One of the girls at work asked if I had lost weight. She didn't know I was doing LL. Hurray!!!

Off to the pop-in to check my ketones tomorrow - I'll let you know...

I shall also be changing the Thai Chili soups that I have left. Not to my liking - at all!

2007-02-09T20:21:00.000Z

Hello to anyone interested in reading this blog. The main reason for writing is to follow my journey to "slimness". My journey with Lighter Life.

I have tried various diet plans with good and bad results, but have always just put the weight back on, and more.

My weight has just crept up and up over the years (I'm 51) and I'm now at the heaviest I've ever been.

Lighter Life, for me, is a final chance to get my life back in line. I don't want to take one or two years to lose weight. I know I would give up. It's all or nothing now.

I went to my first information session on 16th January and felt really motivated about starting. Unfortunately, I had to wait a week and half to see my doctor for the medical and then another week to begin the Foundation. At first I was so excited about starting but as time went on I became really anxious and nervous about it. And I sabotaged myself - I ate anything I could get my hands on.

Anyway, I went to my first meeting last Tuesday, 6th February. There were 9 of us there. One lady, Debbie, had already done the Programme a few months ago, but went to Florida for Christmas and put it all on again. She was very positive about LL and has at least come back, but I found it a bit of a downer as, for me, this is a commitment, the first day of the rest of my life and I don't want to have in the back of my mind that I could fail. I am trying to tell myself that this was her problem, not mine. It is not going to happen to me. I will lose and maintain. after an initial chat by our councellor we were then weighed, measured and our photos taken. I shall stick a photo or two up on this blog if I can find how to do it. I suppose I should put my starting statistics down here, so here goes (and to those of you who may be reading this and have a longer journey to go than I do, I wish you luck and hope you recognise that everyone's journey is relevant to them and is unique). Right, my stats are as follows:
Weight 14st 11lb
Height 5' 5"
Bust 46"
Waist 40"
Hips 491/2"

We then watched a DVD giving us an idea of what the first week would be like for our bodies whilst, Heather, our councellor sorted out the foodpacks.

Day 1 - My first day, Wednesday 7th, wasn't too difficult, although I am having trouble mixing the foodpacks. I don't seem to be able to get rid of all the lumps. I also had trouble drinking all the water but I think this was because I was at work and very busy. I work for a building society and I was working on the tills so was unable to drink in front of customers. I didn't feel hungry at all though.

Day 2 - Thursday was an easier day. I as a home as my daughter was not at school because of the snow. It was much easier drinking the water at home. I did feel though that I was drowning which made me feel quite queasy at times. I hope I can continue drinking this much.

Day 3 - This morning. I woke feeling really energetic and well. My work skirt is not so snug. Good going! The energy didn't last all day though, but that was probably just normal, but doing this makes you notice everything you're feeling. I felt quite hungry when I got home and then the thought of cooking for my husband and daughter made it worse. I shall admit that I became quite tearful but he is very supportive and took over the cooking for me. He said I should give up if I wanted to but I don't want to - and I've also told too many friends and family that I'm doing this. There's no way I'm giving up without a huge fight with my willpower. I shall contnue and take easch day at a time. John, my husband, says I should set goals and rewards (like buying some new skirt when I reach a stone loss). But no way, by the time I get to wear that skirt for probably the second time it would be too big fpr me, wouldn't it? .....So roll on tomorow!